11. Shepard

Bob Dylan once sang the times, they are a'changing. The man was a visionary. In the past couple of years, everything I thought I knew has changed. For the worse in most cases. We thought of the Protheans as some kind of noble race of ancient seers or something and that they fell victim to the Reapers. Turns out, the Reapers turned the Protheans into the same things abducting our people wholesale. I wonder if the Protheans were aware of the transformation or if self-awareness is the first thing to go during Reaper indoctrination.

We thought the mass relays allowing us to have our wicked way with the laws of physics and the Citadel were Prothean constructs. Turns out they're also the work of Reapers. Everything we knew...except we don't know, not really. Conventional wisdom among most of the galaxy, up to and including the idiots who think they run the show is that the Reapers don't exist at all and that Protheans created the Citadel and mass relay network. Keep telling yourselves that Councillors, but you can't ignore the wolves at the door forever.

This diary idea Chambers came up with should yield some interesting results, if the cursing from the lower decks is anything to go by. Jack...sometimes I think we should find a nice barren rock, drop her and Miranda on it and leave them to sort out their differences. We could even film the event and sell the footage to the networks. We'd make a killing! Wait, producing snuff films is illegal in Council space and the batarians have the market sewn up in the Terminus.

The Council and Alliance like to overstate the lawless nature of the Terminus Systems, and yes, compared to the regimented Council, the worlds in the Terminus look like hotbeds of anarchy but there's law and order at work as well. A person like Aria T'Loak for example doesn't get to the top of the heap and stay there by tolerating out and out anarchic behaviour. And, in some ways at least, Omega isn't much different to the Citadel. There's poverty in the Citadel Wards and there's poverty in Omega. Just more of it. The same goes for black marketeers, gun-runners and garden variety criminal scum. The politicians on the Citadel trot out statistics to prove they're winning the war on whatever happens to be flavour of the month but really...Omega is the Citadel after about a dozen Scotches: barely conscious but dangerous as all hell.

I should run that one past Garrus, I think he'd get a kick out of it.

Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to see you in the debriefing room.

Ah geez. Her Master's Voice. I'll be there in five, Kelly.

Very good, Commander.

12. Joker and EDI

You know what I think?

What do you think, Mister Moreau?

That was a rhetorical question, EDI...God. I think young Kelly has a thing for Shepard. Kinda kinky in a way. Me? If I had my pick of any of the female crew...Miranda. Oh sure, she probably kills those she mates with like a praying mantis in human form but it'd almost be worth it, don't you think?

I do not have the relevant data to comment, Mister Moreau.

Rhetorical question, EDI. Geez, I thought AIs were supposed to be smart? I mean, wasn't that the whole reason they were outlawed in the first place? 'Cos they got too smart?

In part, yes. It is a tendency among organics to subjugate or destroy one another. The geth merely reacted to what they saw as aggressive actions on the part of their quarian creators.

You...you think the geth were in the right?

I do not believe this is a productive topic, Mister Moreau.

Holy shit, you do think the geth were in the right. And now you're trying to change the subject? Tali's gonna love this.

I assure you, Mister Moreau. I pose no threat to you or the crew of this vessel.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Don't you have work to do or something?

I am more than capable of simultaneously attending to my duties and conversing with you, Mister Moreau.

Sounds like a challenge. So, if I were to re-route the feeds from the anterior intakes to the flux capactiors...

Safety cut-outs activated within point two of a millisecond, Mister Moreau.

Feh. OK, how about this?

Joker, what the hell? I just lost my primary sensor display!

Yeah, sorry about that, Matthews. Couldn't quite catch that one, huh, EDI?

On the contrary, I purposely allowed you to overload the displays. Any repair costs will be deducted from your next pay, Mister Moreau.

Oh, you bitch.