Capturing Destiny

Chapter Eight

Tests

The internal battle raged for hours. The two sides of my conscious fought desperately, unable to reconcile the risk with the lack of other options available. I could not allow myself to be in any public area until I knew it was safe for me to be there, exposure could only lead to trouble but how could I justify risking those innocent lives?

I argued both sides in my mind until it took no effort whatsoever. My memory was impeccable; I could remember every moment of my new life so far, but that didn't stop my mind getting stuck in a constant loop. I searched the future for what would happen, but apparently having not already made the decision I could not see what would happen.

I continued walking, and whenever possible I hunted. I had run into a large forest not long before and hung around to fill myself with blood. I had still not made my decision on how to proceed. Despite the fact I knew the necessity of testing myself I did not want to risk anyone's life.

Unfortunately the decision was made for me.

I had passed by close to here before, I was aware of the small town that was nestled amidst the large forest. Still contemplating my dilemma I had wandered closer than usual this time but still far enough away that I would not bump into anyone, or so I thought.

I had recently become more aware of when I was changing between my visions and reality; more able to see the little differences between reality and possibility, which was incredibly lucky because the shock of seeing that house nestled in the trees brought nearly brought a scream of horror to my throat. It was so close, looking around me I could just see the brook I could hear from my real location. The house was beautiful, white wood with a green trimmed porch. There was a women sitting there, knitting quietly while 2 small children played a board game at her feet.

They looked like a group of angels; 2 fair haired cherubs being watched over by an equally beautiful woman. I stood, simply admiring the simple beauty of the moment: the chubby arms of the children moving at what appeared to be snail's pace compared to the quick movements I was used to making; the woman's deft hands still moving perfectly even as she looked down at the children, her eyes filled with pride.

And then I was back.

I could still hear the brook, the gargle of water several miles from my location but unable to avoid if I was to get back into the depths of the forest before nightfall to hunt. I thought of the faces of those beautiful children, the young mother for them and the father that was no doubt close by, savouring the thought of the end of a long day before he can return to his loving family.

There was no other option, I would have to pass them and there was no way I would be able to live with myself if I did anything to harm them. I took a deep breath, tested the air as fully as possible to ascertain whether their smell was perceptible yet. I shut myself down from all other distractions, focussing my entire being on not reacting to the delicious aroma I knew was out there.

9 miles to the northeast it hit me. And it was even more beautiful than I remembered.

The burn in my throat that I rarely noticed anymore was suddenly agony; I bit on my lip, hanging on to the trees closest to me for support, anchoring myself to it

Time passed slowly in a whirlwind of torment until I gradually regained control over myself. I kept breathing, knowing if I stopped and tried to restart I would not be able to gain control of myself once more. Slowly and painfully I tried to move my hand from the thick redwood that I was clawing on to, the wood splintering under my hand.

I could hear their heartbeats, one steady, it's size and the volume of blood passing through it making my mouth water with venom, I could barely stop it running down my chin. It was that realisation that allowed my mind to focus on something different – I was like an animal, wild and desperate. I tried to straighten myself out, pulling my ruined clothes so they were at least straight. I could still smell them, hear the quick, light heartbeats of the children but something else had taken over my mind, worry about my appearance.

I carefully began walking slowly forward again, keeping my thoughts on the way I had dribbled when I first smelt them, disgusted with the savage way I had reacted, the horrible way my face felt when I let my darker desires come out. I skirted round the house, not getting close enough to see them or for them to see me. Eventually I had got passed them completely and soon I could not see or smell them anymore. It was fantastic, I took deep breaths of the now clean air and felt an odd sense of happiness it my chest, I realised with a shock that it was pride. I had accomplished something huge today, and I might have even found a method of controlling myself, each time I was concerned about humans in the area again I would think about how I had looked, like a harpy, when I had smelt them. I only hoped it would work again.

The days began to get shorter again and soon a cool breeze occasionally rustled the trees which began to change to the most wonderful reds and yellows. I was still avoiding any populated areas; in fact I had managed to avoid humans entirely since the incident with the children. I knew I should probably be trying to test my control but I was just so drawn in by the beauty of the world around me I did not think of it. I spent weeks sitting, watching as the trees began to fall to the colder weather. I watched from a distance as animals began to collect food with more fervour, and finally began to make their own nests for winter. I frequently thought about doing the same myself, finding a cave or digging a hole and simply curling in to it, waiting for sleep to take me.

I knew it would be fruitess.

I also spent a lot of time working on my visions; my movement became slower as I tested myself, trying to see the rest of my day. It started with glimpses, crossing a river, a particularly memorable tree but eventually they began to run together and finally, one morning I saw my entire day and a glimpse of the following one. Occasionally, if I was having a particularly good day I could get a brief glimpse of the blood angel, he was no longer in the middle of bloodshed, he was alone, wandering nameless streets, the same look of desolation in his crimson eyes.

It was mid Autumn by the time I came across humans again. I had plenty of warning, which was lucky, and I was even able to give myself a time estimate based on the weather and my general direction. I spent several days before I got there feeding as often as possible, I was even lucky enough to come across a band a wolves which tasted far preferable to the herbivores I had been stuck with.

I finally approached the house, it was large and white, beautiful with several outbuildings. I waited until later in the night to get any closer – I could smell the people inside and unintentionally I immediately began to map out their locations and what I could discern from their smells. There were several adults on the ground floor, four of which were in good health, the smell of alcohol obvious on them while another five smelt like they were malnourished, indeed the scent of sickness was evident from two of them. Above them I could make out four other people, two were sleeping, young children by the sounds of their hearts, their smell was sweet, it reminded me of honey, unlike the adults who smelt some how more substantial. The two other heartbeats were indescribable, they were vital and fresh in a way that differentiated them from the adults below and yet stronger than the sleeping children.

I realised they were young adults, probably around the age I had been when I was changed and I crept forward, no longer thinking of their blood but instead desperately wanting to look at them, to see if whatever they were doing would bring back memories of my own human life. I moved forward, my feet barely making a sound as they whispered across the grass in front of the house and leapt deftly up to a first floor window. As I got closer I held my breath, purely a precautionary measure, I could not see anything going wrong. In fact just as I peeked in the window I had a quick flash of the following day, me watching as the two children played in the forest, my eyes were golden, it would be fine.

I balanced myself so I could not be seen from either inside the window or from the ground below me and peeked in. The room was dimly lit by a couple of candles and the flicker of a dying fire, there were two girls inside. I nearly fell out my tree at the sight of them so close, I could see every detail about them. A plump, healthy looking blond girl was sitting facing a mirror, her hair was long and thick, a dark blonde that was still showing evidence of being lightened in the sun. She was beautiful, her body just beginning to develop; her hips widening, a roundness in her bosoms. She was wearing a white nightgown, I marvelled at the detail of the stitching, the thin threads that held it together barely visible. Her hair was being brushed by a second girl, she looked around the same age but was far thinner, more frail and I realised with a start, was obviously a servant of some kind. I looked down at myself, although I thought I was older than them by body was more similar to the serving girl, I had hoped to find memories but instead only found more questions. What had existed for me before this?

I jumped down, unable to watch anymore and wandered back to the forest slowly, not truly paying attention. The noises at the house were dying down and one by one I heard their breathing and heartbeat slow until they all slept. Night passed quickly and day broke, it was overcast, perfect weather for me but of course I had already known. It was one of the older servants who woke first, travelling through the home lighting fires and rousing the others whose bodies were not as healthy as the owners yet far stronger. It was an interesting dichotomy, they were malnourished but their bodies were vital, particularly those of the two men who came out to begin working in the large garden.

I stayed there the rest of the day, occasionally moving closer when one or two of the humans separated from the rest of the group but I managed to keep myself under control. When night fell again I decided I had experimented with them enough, I did not want to push my luck.

After everyone had gone to bed again and were deep in sleep I moved forwards again. I had spent much of the day thinking about the beautiful young girl, I had seen her briefly during the day and once again been amazed by the beauty of her clothes, the grace with which she wore them. I knew it was wrong but I had decided to sneak in and try and find a dress that would fit me. I would not wear it now; I would keep it until I was strong enough to go in to town. It would be my prize.

It was no problem whatsoever to open one of the first floor windows and slip along the corridor to the girl's bedroom. It did not take me long once I got there; just before I went to large wardrobe I slipped in to a vision about the large trunk on top of it and quickly pulled it down instead. At the very bottom was a pale green, relatively casual dress. It was too small for the girl in the bed and yet looked practically unworn. As soon as I picked it up I could see myself in it, a summer evening by water, walking along in the company of humans. I did not recognise the place, nor could I tell when it was but it was enough. I wrapped the dress carefully in paper and left the same way I had come, running until I had escaped the scene of the crime.

A/N: Wow, I think this is my longest chapter so far! Let me know what you think of the whole fashion as a coping mechanism thing, I can't remember if I have seen it anywhere before so if I should be creditting anyone let me know! Working on the next chapter now ^_^