Author's Chapter Notes:

Again, thank you all for the great reviews. Glad you are liking this story! It's got a little life all of its own!

Okay, little Lisa and then Sam and Dean!

This didn't actually end up going the way I thought it would but I hope you like it anyway! :)

Dean spent the day keeping busy.

Lisa had been teased awake in the most delightful of ways. The sex had been slow and easy, Dean's touch loving and achingly intimate. It lasted until he'd worn them both out and Lisa was curled against him happy and sated. Rising, he'd made her breakfast before letting her drift off to sleep again and then he hit the street for his morning run. His muscles protested as his feet pounded the pavement as hard as Zeppelin pounded his ears and he pushed himself more than he normally would.

Two hours later he was washed and out under the car, Lisa avoiding him until it was time to go get Ben. She let him work through whatever he was feeling his way, knowing that he needed a little space after last night and the closeness of this morning.

The afternoon was spent ferrying Ben round, swimming then soccer. They were sitting off to the side of the soccer field, Lisa worrying a little as Dean slipped off into his own headspace again as they did.

"Hey, dime for them?" She nudged his arm and smiled as he turned towards her.

"Ain't worth that much. Sorry, I'm lousy company today." He reached an arm out and hugged her into his side. "I'll make it up to you tomorrow, we can go somewhere, anywhere you want."

Lisa dropped her hand to rest on his thigh, not looking up. "Wouldn't have to go far to be where I want to be. Kinda happy right here, lousy company or not."

That got a laugh. "Woman you are way too easily pleased."

"So," she broached the subject carefully, "What are you going to do about Sam?"

He tensed beside her and then slowly relaxed, shrugged and then sighed as he did. "Nothing. He's out, that's all that matters."

Lisa knew that there was shock on her face. Sam going to Hell had almost crushed Dean and yet here he was shrugging off the guy's return like it was no big deal. She put her thoughts into words. "Your not going to go see him? Thought you'd want to check that he was all right yourself, not leave him as sight unseen," she pushed gently even as she wondered why she was. Much as she wanted Dean to be happy, she really wanted that happy to be with her.

"Sam's a big boy and Bobby's got his back. He doesn't need me." She was glad that she couldn't see his face as he said the last part, his tone pained enough without the need of the visual back up. She thought he was probably glad she couldn't either.

Lisa let the conversation lapse after that except for the discussion of Ben's game and ideas for the next day, Dean answered a little distractedly and focused a little too intently on the game for her to relax completely. He was hurting and she didn't have a clue how to help or if he'd let her.

She did the only thing that she could, let her arms circle round him and show him that she was there for him. The gentle kiss to her neck signalled that he got the message.

Ben's game broke up late and dinner ended up rushed, Lisa insisting that Dean eat something before he headed for work causing him to be late getting there. Brian and Gregg had called in sick when he did and he spent the whole night either behind the bar or waiting tables as Jane and Tracey tried to keep up with the demand in the kitchen and clear tables. All thoughts of everything were pushed away as he just concentrated on making it through the night's work. Exhaustion was rolling over him in waves by the time he turned down the two women's offer of help clearing up, chased them off home and turned the lock in the door.

Dean walked outside, stopping to lock up the bar and then fishing his own keys out of his pocket as he turned. He only looked up as he started to walk to the Impala realising then that Sam was sitting against the wing on the passenger side.

His insides clenched at the sight but his face stayed poker straight as he walked by him and unlocked the driver's door. Only then did he acknowledge his brother, resting his hands on the roof of the car and staring over at him. "What do you want?," he asked, voice strained and clipped. Still he couldn't stop his eyes roaming over his brother to check for damages.

Sam frowned a little at the tone, dropped his hands and his eyes to his lap. "I'm sorry," he answered quietly.

"I didn't ask if you were sorry, I asked you what you wanted?," Dean offered back. Sam shifted on the car, turning so that he could look at his brother.

"What I want," Sam said pointedly, "is to tell you I'm sorry."

"Fine. You've done that. Now get the hell off my car. I'm tired and I just want to go home." He reached for the door handle but Sam moving stopped him.

"Dean, please," Sam pleaded. "We need to talk." He moved round to the front of the car, unconsciously blocking Dean's escape.

"You missed your time to talk. Talk was four months ago. I don't want to listen to anything you have to say."

"I want to explain, let you know why I didn't come and tell you."

"Explain?" Dean fought to keep a lid on it. "Explain what? Why you thought it was okay to leave me thinking that you were in Hell, knowing what I know? Why I was left out of the loop while all the time you were up here hunting and with Bobby? Why you left me dreaming of what they were doing to you down there, letting it haunt me until it damn near drove me mad with grief?" The guilt in Sam's eyes as he looked up almost made him stop. Almost. "I'm all ears Sam, go on, explain away how the hell you could do that to me. Tell me what justifies that kind of cruelty in your eyes?"

Sam stood, stepped towards him and then hesitated. "I saw you with Lisa. That first night. Knew that you were going to at least try. I didn't want it to be me that stopped you."

Dean snorted, his face darkening as he spoke. "Seeing what you want to see again Sam? Of course I went to Lisa! I promised you didn't I? Maybe you should have stuck around Sammy, saw how easy it was for me to settle into normal knowing that I'd stood by and just watched as you jumped into the pit! Maybe you should have watched me get so drunk that I could barely function, watch me take my frustration out on Lisa's kind heart and good grace! You could have been the one holding my head as I puked my guts up in the toilet or the one that had to clean up when I puked all over myself and her because I was too wasted to help it! She was the one that talked me down from the ledge Sam….without her…." He tailed off, anger spent.

"That's why I sent you to her Dean. I know what it's like to be the one left behind on your own."

Dean's temper rose again. "So what? Was this a get back at me for leaving you on your own when I sold my soul for you?"

"NO!" Sam's face wore a horrified look. "How can you think that?"

"First thing I did when I got out was call you, did you know that? Your cell account was cancelled though so I had to go through Bobby to find you but it was the first thing that I did Sam! You were the last person that I thought of going down and the first getting out! I didn't leave you thinking that I was still down there for four freakin' months!" He breathed deeply, stepped back from the car, his hands falling to his knees as he fought to get a grip on his emotions. "Four months Sam," his voice was broken as he spoke. "I asked Bobby but maybe you can tell me, 'cos he couldn't. What did I do to deserve that, to be left hanging that way?"

Sam ducked his head but didn't answer.

"What is it Sammy, cat got your tongue? It's a simple question, don't I deserve a proper answer?"

Sam sighed, looked up, tears in his own eyes now. "I didn't want you hunting anymore. It was killing you. I wanted to let you have your shot at normal. Dean, I knew it would be hard for you, it was hard for me, but I knew that you'd get through it because you always do."

"Christ," Dean slammed his fist down on the car's hood. "You're just like him do you know that? Just like dad, always trying to make my decisions for me!"

Sam pleaded his innocence. "I wasn't! I swear. I was try to give you a choice."

"What choice? The only choice you gave me was to live thinking that my brother was rotting in Hell! Where was my choice in that?" Dean turned and slid down the side of the car, unable to keep himself upright any longer, the pain in his chest too intense.

Sam rounded the car and knelt beside him, hand hovering near but not touching. "I'm sorry Dean. I just wanted you to be safe!"

Dean's head rolled to look at him, pain etched in every line of his face. "Safe," he repeated, voice so low that Sam had to bend nearer. "I was almost ready to jump in the hole Sammy, use the rings and be damned with the rest of it. I promised you though that I wouldn't, it was the last thing that you asked of me and I couldn't break that." His tone changed, sarcasm leaking into it. "Lucky ain't it that unlike you, I keep my promises. I mean it was you going back on your word to me that caused all this shit in the first place."

Sam reeled back from the look and the words, Dean's words cutting into him more than his brother's knife could have. "What does that mean?"

"One word. Ruby." Dean spat out the name like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Oh God, we are not going there again Dean, I swear." Sam stood, started to back off. Dean bit his lip, went for the jugular, all the pain and anger leeching out into bitter, angry words.

"Oh look, Sam's running away again," he snarked. "You bailing on me again Sammy? Oh that's right, that's what you do ain't it? Bail on your family. What you been doing since you got back Sam that you were too busy to spare me five minutes to tell me that you were okay? You find another demon bitch to bang?"

Sam's anger crackled in thie air around him. "You know what Dean, to hell with you! I came here to apologise for not coming and telling you and I've done that." He was half way to his own car when Dean's voice stopped him.

"So what now, you leaving me behind again?"

"You don't want to come with me again," Sam offered back watching as Dean stood and approached him, still wary of the hurt and anger warring on his brother's face.

"I can't. I got a life here." Dean repeated the words that he said to his brother too many years ago now to count.

"And I don't," came Sam's same reply.

TBC

Chapter End Notes:

Okay then...more soon (ish). Mary xx