I apologize for the wait concerning chapter seven. A long with busy day-to-day crap I have been suffering from a bit of writers block. Actually not so much writers block as writers constipation, I know it's there, I can feel it. But it just won't come out. How's that for mental imagery, eh? Hehe. Anyway, I've re-written this chapter several times and much to my chagrin my beta has forced me to allow you the readers to decide if it is pure crap.

And now, chapter seven.

Chapter Seven

Eight Months Later

The first three weeks of Logan's absence from my life became, in a way, my own personal brand of torture. I couldn't help feeling like I was alone, like he had abandoned me somehow even though he never made any promises to me and I knew that he normally never stayed in one place very long, I just felt like I had lost the one person who seemed to really understand me.

I kept going over in my mind all the conversations that we'd had together and if there was something that I said that drove him away, all of this was very egotistical of me, to think that I had that much effect on Logan was all ego talking, and I often reminded myself of this. Somehow though, I just couldn't shake the feeling that I did have something to do with Logan's leaving the mansion, it was a puzzle with pieces missing all over the place and I just wasn't smart enough to find them and put them into their proper places.

I coasted through the days in an endless haze of circulating thoughts that began and ended with Logan. What was he doing now? Where was he? Was he taking care of himself, because if there was one thing that I had become more and more highly aware of was that Logan had a great sense of self loathing. He didn't believe in anything that was done out of pure innocence. That there were out there people who were good and good because it was simply in their nature to be good. There were only bad people in this world and the most heart breaking part of it was, he counted himself as one of the worst ones. More than anything he blamed his nightmares and his memory loss on himself. It was his only explanation to the events of his mysterious past was that he deserved what he'd gotten, that he must have led one terrible existence and that he didn't deserve any better.

Everyone has their moment's of self loathing, even I am guilty of having a pity party once and a while, but with Logan it was never ending. He truly did believe that he deserved to be hurt because in whatever way it was God's way of punishing him for his sins of the past.

Eventually, I think it was by about the third month, the stitch in my chest that ached for Logan started to reside. It didn't go away but I was able to concentrate on things that didn't involve Logan, my brain must have decided that it couldn't go on like this anymore, but at night when I laid down and tried to go to sleep he would creep back into my mind. I wondered if maybe I wasn't just going crazy because I could carry on conversations with the Logan in my head for hours on end. If it were possible I think maybe my fondness for Logan grew in his absence and sometimes it was hard to believe I was only imagining things when I thought I could feel his presence lingering near me and I would wait to hear that oh so familiar greeting.

Hey, kid.

Since the day I learned that Logan was gone, and it seemed with a great degree of permanence, I went to Professor Xavier for help with my mutation, so far I've been able to gain control for a few seconds at a time much to my delight and dismay. Ororo was nice enough to allow the Professor and I to use her serenity garden to practice in and sadly the first couple of times I killed quite a few of her precious plants but Ororo didn't seem to mind all that much, she has a natural green thumb. It's taken a lot of time and practice but in every session with the Professor I feel like I am a little stronger.

"The mind is a very delicate and complex thing my dear, one can not simply attain mental peace in one day."

I'm just happy with the progress I've already made. It feels good knowing that I am capable of gaining control and I know it will take a lot of time and patience but it'll be worth it in the end. I'm also very grateful to you Professor for everything that you have done."

"It is all due to you, Rogue. You should be very proud of yourself, I really didn't do that much I merely pointed you in the right direction."

Pride, that was something that I hadn't felt in a long time. It was like being lost for a year and finally finding yourself back on the right path again. In eight months everything was coming back together again. I graduated top of my class and pretty soon I would be taking starting the fall semester at the state college with a few other students, Jubilee being one of them.

Jubilee was ecstatic that we were going to be roomies in college together. She at times, spent hours spinning off wild tails about what two crazy college room mates would do out in the big world together. It felt nice to feel normal again.

Life goes on, and it really was to my great surprise, every day got a little easier, Scott finally gotten over the loss of his motorcycle, partly because Jean bought him a new one for Christmas. Well, OK, not a brand new motorcycle but some piece of scrap metal she found at a junk yard. Scott seems extremely excited to fix it up, he keeps mumbling about fan belts and lots of other mechanical nonsense that is all Greek to me and every other person at the mansion who doesn't know anything about motorcycle mechanics.

Men and their toys, ya gotta love'em.

"I'll have a beer."

Another night, another run down fight bar on the very fringes of being declared uninhabitable, I took a seat at the bar ordering a beer.

Along with the beer, the bartender slapped an envelope of my nights earnings down on the bar top. Tucking the bills into the pocket of my jacket, I don't bother counting it, I doubt they would try to cheat me, not after watching me in the cage.

It's been eight months and I still haven't worked her out of my system.

The last night I was outside her room seems to be on a continuous loop in my brain and no matter how many fights I get into, or how much beer I drink, somehow she still finds a way to slip back into my consciousness and surprise me with that smile.

Like that mystical, mysterious being that supposedly is always watching us, she is omnipresent. Around every corner she's standing in the dark waiting for me to come back, but that's just a figment of my imagination. The scent of her tears made it more the obvious that I was no longer needed in her life and that my lingering presence was only making it harder for her to move on.

She could never love me.

Love. I laugh bringing my beer to my lips, what do I know about love? Taking out a few bills I toss them down on the bar top and walk out of the bar to my truck. Summer's gone although you might never have noticed it's presence in the first place. Mostly two thirds of the time you'd freeze your balls off if you weren't prepared for the Great White North's rage.

Climbing into the cab of my truck, Scoots motorcycle took a nasty little spill on the road about four months ago, what's left of it is laying in a trailer, I did have intentions of bringing it back when I took it and it never fails to bring me a chuckle when I think about the look on his face the day I come back with his precious bike.

It was a nice bike.

Pulling my jacket off I throw it over into the passenger seat before starting the truck, rolling the sleeves of my flannel shirt up, my hand catching my attention, there's blood smeared on the knuckles and I know that it can't possibly be mine. Somehow I hadn't noticed it before. Licking my thumb I scrub the blood away, something she said coming back to me as clear as the moment that's she'd spoken the words.

"When they come out...does it hurt?"

Getting away from her was the best thing I could have done for her, so why is it I can't kick the feeling that she needs me right now?

I'm just fooling myself again of course, my imagination playing tricks on me, there isn't anything she needs least of all from me. Chuck will take care of her, I made sure of that before leaving, and if Chuck kept his word then everyone else thinks that I just disappeared in the middle of the night without a word to anyone.

It was pretty weird being in Chucks room in the middle of the night, but as soon as I started packing my bags he was inside my head, I could feel him there even before he spoke. Never really gave much thought to how difficult life must be like when you can't use your legs but Chuck does it every day which makes my bullshit seem less than important.

Before leaving I made sure that Marie would be well taken care of, whatever she needed, Chuck would come to me for it. It was the least that I could do for the kid. So now, every month I get a call from the Professor telling me that she's OK. I never want to know more than that, I tell myself that I am no longer a part of her life and that there is no reason to look forward to the monthly call from Chuck telling me that Rogue is doing well in her classes, that she is starting to master her abilities and feel a leap in my heart that says she can touch or that she has graduated top of her class and she will be taking college classes soon.

I tell myself it's just because I still feel guilty for stabbing Marie through the chest, but the truth is, I'm in love with her and no matter how far I run I can't outrun the feeling that she is the one. The one that could make all the difference, but I'm just thinking crazy.

Her whole life is ahead of her and there is no way that she would want me to be a permanent part of that life, it's a nice fantasy, one that I spend to much time indulging myself in, and it's killing me.

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Rogue, and she defeated a mighty beast known only as The Wolverine.

"Oh c'mon Roguey! You've got to come home for the weekend!" Jubilee exalted.

"Jubes, I'll be home plenty of weekends. I just really need to study for this test, maybe I'll come by for a little while tomorrow afternoon and we can go to the movies or something."

As always clad in yellow Jubilee's shoulders slumped slightly sitting on her bed, in the dorm room that she and I shared during the school week.

"Alright," she said a devious smile creeping onto her lips and lighting up her eyes, "but, when you do come home tomorrow you have to promise that you will give Bobby a chance. I've been dying to set you two up since like...forever and you do would make such a cute couple. Deal?"

I wasn't exactly too pleased about the idea of having to go on a date with Bobby, or even the idea of giving him a chance, but Jubilee was right, it was time to start dating. It wasn't right that I spent almost all of my time studying and when I wasn't I was hanging out with Jubilee or pining for Logan to come back. It just wasn't healthy but as it was, I had already found the one man that I would measure all others up to and none of them seemed to come close at all. Logan wasn't here now, which was a sure sign that I wasn't as significant a part of his life as I had previously fantasized that I was. We were just friends and not even good friends at that considering that he didn't even tell me he was leaving or why, I really need to get over that and after a long sigh I finally relented.

"Fine, but I am not making any promises Jubes."

Jubilee bounced up and down on her bed for a second before calming down and making sure that her spiky hair hadn't been tussled to badly. She spent hours making it look like she had just rolled out of bed.

"You totally wont regret it Rogue, and yes I would like to be maid of honor at your wedding." she teased grabbing up her bag and giving me a quick squeeze of a hug before leaving and closing the door on her way out.

Turning back to the mountain of books that covered the entire surface of my desk I looked out the window, the almost blinding light that came through even on a sunny December afternoon, it had started snowing sometime around mid October, so we were all able to have an epic snow ball battle on Thanksgiving. Back home it rarely snowed, maybe once every two or three winters and even then it never seemed to last very long. Normally by the next day it was already melting, and New York snow was nothing like I had always fantasized. It wasn't light or fluffy but came down in great sheets so that when you went to bed at night you might wake up to find eight or nine inches on the ground, not counting the snow fall from the day before. It was great. Heaving a sigh I got up, walking around the little floor space in the dorm room, my leggings felt warm and toasty coupled with the wool knitted socks that Ororo had knitted me for my birthday, she even knitted me a sweater to match, which I wear almost all of the time now.

Grabbing a soda from the mini fridge I looked out of the window admiring all of the snow, the way it hung on tree branches weighing them down, the snow reminded me of Canada and that made me think about Logan. It was a foolish hope that he might come back for Christmas, I'd even bought him a present a new leather jacket, I didn't really know if he might need it but the old one looked so worn out that it was pitiful to look at. I imagined what he might say when he opened it, but it was getting harder to remember what his voice sounded like, even the Logan in my head had started to fade into a blur.

"Oh Logan...where are you?"

I missed her birthday, Chuck couldn't help sticking his nose in where it didn't belong. I was just beginning to feel like myself again and he has to go and bring up the fact that she's eighteen now. That if I came back now, well it might be different because she's of age.

I never cared about that before, OK I did care about it but not because I thought they'd throw my ass in prison if I touched her.

Gah it's not the fucking point! I left that place to get away from her not to be reminded of her every fucking waking minuet of the goddamned day!

It's freezing outside but after talking to Chuck I had to get out of that cabin for a little while, now I'm out here stomping around in the snow like a two year old throwing a temper tantrum. Since winter started I decided to come up farther north, fifteen years ago when I woke up almost in this exact location I built a cabin here and since then it has been the only place that I can come to where I don't feel like the walls are closing in on me. I guess those days are over.

Anger is better than pity I guess and by releasing the claws and taking down a few small trees seems to help relieve some of the tension but even that doesn't make the knot in my stomach disappear. I could go back now, I could be there before Christmas and I could be with her, with my Marie but it's useless.

She's so young and I – well I'm just not the type of man who settles down with pretty young girls and actually lives a normal life. Maybe by now Jubilee has convinced her to date that Popsicle kid, what was his name? Something like Billy or Benny something like that. He'd be a good match for Marie and she's a tough girl too, she'd never let some guy force her into doing something that she didn't want to do.

Growling, but even the thought of some other dirty little fucker touching her makes my skin crawl, I can't even stand the idea of her dating that pimple faced little ice pick and he's not even the worst of them. I know before I left Remy was making eyes at her, but Marie would never have anything to do with him. Would she? Gumbo was one smooth talking cajun-ass.

Fuming I went berserk swiping at trees, narrowly escaping being crushed by more than one tree before turning my claws on myself. Holding them up in front of my eyes, the blood of a thousand ghosts from years of battling seemed to mirror my reflection.

"Your the one who left her there, unguarded, unprotected."

"I had too."

"Did you? Really?

"Yes goddamn it!"

"No, you were afraid...your not even worthy of the name Wolverine. You found your mate and you abandoned her."

He was right, I didn't deserve to be called the Wolverine and I didn't deserve her either. Feeling my shoulders tense I lifted my hands up the claws fulling extended towards my chest before plunging them through the cavity, a raw mournful scream ripping through my throat like the lonely howl of the wolf.

Strangling a yawn I pealed my eyes up slowly from my notes to look at the clock, my eyes widening slowly when I realized that it was past two in the morning. Stiffly rising from my chair I shuffled slowly towards my bed shivering as I pulled the covers up over my shoulders. Blinking slowly, I knew that I needed to go brush my teeth but I was just to tired to get up and go down to the communal bathroom. Reaching up I flicked the lamp off snuggling down into my covers.

My eyes closing before I could comfortably wrap my arm around the faithful teddy bear that had been with me through childhood into my teens and the manifestation of my powers. I was long gone.

Several hours later I woke up, the freezing cold making my bones stiff and hard to move, not to mention the inches of snow that had fallen upon my unconscious body. With a painful growl I slide the claws out of my chest, the cold slowing the blood but still droplets of crimson stained the snow as I managed to roll onto my side and slowly crawl up.

Growling, I only had myself to blame for this as I stomped up the steps to the cabin, the fire in the fire place having long since gone out so I had to throw more logs onto the fire and stoke it to a roaring blaze again. I don't know how long I was out there, but it was long enough for the cold to seep into my bones and adamantium skeleton or not I felt like an ice cold turd. Slouching out of my boots, even my socks were wet, stiff and soggy I trudged off to the shower, knowing that the hot water would help loosen the hold of the winter on my body.

Starting the shower, I took off my clothes, dropping the wet, bloody garments into the floor as I examined my reflection in the mirror. I knew it wouldn't kill me the places where the claws had been had already disappeared from my chest and all that remained was perfect, blood stained skin. In the months that I'd been here, I hadn't taken much care to my appearance and the odd points on my hair had flattened as my hair grew longer, hanging down around my chin and shoulders and a thick beard decorated my face.

While Marie slept, her brain exhausted from hours of studying and Logan showered, both of them completely unaware of the trouble that would soon change both of their lives forever.

Charles Xavier had always known that eventually they would pass the mutant registration law, and that night amongst a supreme court the law had been passed, but they weren't as interested in forcing mutants to register themselves for all the world but more correctly wiping out the entire race altogether and the institute, known to the general public as simply a school for the gifted was the first place the authorities went.