Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

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Parker didn't hear most of what Hardison told the crowd because she was too busy fuming and trying to approach him, except Nate stopped her every time. She did catch one thing, though.

"What the hell's a psychic relationship coach?" She demanded.

"Something that doesn't actually exist," Nate murmured, as Hardison announced he needed volunteers from the crowd to demonstrate his 'highly-advanced' methods. He was on a slightly elevated stage at the front of the room. Which unfortunately meant that from his vantage point, he could easily see her through the crowd; it made hiding nearly impossible.

When Eliot and Sophie stepped forward, Parker wasn't the least surprised, though she hadn't seen them at the party before now. If she had, she would have found the nearest exit.

"Thank you for your bravery," Hardison told them as they waved at the crowd. "But I need one more couple." He ignored at least two dozen raised hands to pretend to read from a note card.

Parker scanned the room for an escape route that avoided both Hardison and Foster. "They're doing this to mess with us," she lamented.

"How about Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Ford. They sound like a solid couple. Are they in the crowd tonight?" Hardison waved the card around.

"What tipped you off?" Nate asked her, as Foster eagerly pointed them out to Hardison, having no idea that he already knew them.

"Alright don't be shy," Hardison motioned them forward to join him on stage. Sophie and Eliot sat in chairs to his left, and she and Nate were directed to chairs on his right. "Now my method involves the psychic connection between two minds. Impossible, you say? You'd be wrong. Couples that are truly in love can connect with each other on a higher plane. You can read about this in depth in my upcoming book, Psychic Love, due out December 14th – right in time for the holiday season. Mark your calendars, people. It makes a great gift for your significant other."

"Nothing says 'I love you' like a relationship advice book," Sophie chimed in happily.

Parker leaned toward Nate. "If you buy that for me, I'm divorcing you."

He seemed confused. "You're already divorcing me."

"Oh, right," Parker muttered. Damn Nate and how he always made sense.

Hardison continued talking about the people he'd helped 'over the years.' "I have counseled thousands of happy couples who will personally attest to the fact that my methods are not only unique, but highly effective."

"How can you have counseled thousands of couples?" Parker accused loudly, "That's logistically impossible!"

"Oh, we have a math major here!" Hardison said, addressing the audience. "I'll have you know that…I'm speaking of those who have written to me to say that the studies and articles I've published have helped their relationships."

Parker would have gladly continued arguing, except Nate, who sat between her and Hardison, shook his head slightly, in an obvious plea. She'd give in for now, but only on the hope that it would make whatever Hardison had planned finish more quickly.

Nate was thankful for small favors, but knew he'd gotten lucky. Any peace between her and Hardison – even one he tried to enforce – probably wouldn't last long.

"Please, ignore those who doubt you and go on," Eliot said smoothly, as if he were dying to hear what Hardison had to say.

"I've set up a simple demonstration," Hardison said, handing Eliot and Nate some blank sheets of paper.

When Hardison was within striking distance, Parker took the opportunity to pull on his tie and drag the 'relationship expert' closer. "What are you doing?" She hissed, her question directed at all three of them.

"This is silk," Hardison gasped, trying to disentangle his clothing from her.

"I would appreciate if you didn't interrupt the demonstration," Eliot told her, as Hardison managed to yank his tie out of her grasp. He made a great show of brushing off his clothing while watching her disapprovingly.

"Hardison," Nate said, part warning, part question, and to Parker's increasing anger, Hardison immediately looked contrite. Why did Nate command that kind of respect and she got ignored? Was violence not always the best way to go?

"Relax, Nate," Hardison whispered, turning partially so the crowd couldn't hear what he was saying. "Don't ruin this for me! And believe me, I'm doing this for your own good. Ya'll are gonna thank me later."

"If by 'thank you' what you really mean is 'throw you off a' –" Parker began, before Hardison interrupted her by addressing the others.

"Now, Eliot and Sophie, was it? Let's begin with you. Eliot, think of a color, and Sophie, I want you to close your eyes and focus on connecting to your husband's mind – feel his energy, if you will. And to prove this isn't a trick, I'll ask you to jot it down on this paper. Ready?"

They did as he asked, with Sophie thinking for a minute before she said, "Teal."

Eliot showed his paper to the crowd, on which he had in fact written 'teal.' "Teal! It was teal, that's amazing. Isn't my wife amazing?" Eliot gushed, as he wrapped his arm around Sophie who waved obligingly at the crowd.

"They're so lying!" Parker cried as everyone turned to her.

"Alright, let's try with the Ford's. It may be a bit harder because unlike this loving couple to my left, I sense a lot of negativity surrounding you two…we can see why you're in counseling!" Hardison joked, as Nate fixed him with a glare. "Okay moving on, that's why I'm here, to help you. Jot down a color, Nate – and make sure it's not your favorite color or your wife's favorite – I don't want there to be any questions about this test."

Nate rolled his eyes but did as he was asked, solely to avoid a further scene (although with the five of them demonstrating a fake relationship exercise, he didn't know what could possibly make things worse).

"What color do you think your husband chose?" Hardison asked Parker.

She was sitting in mute rebellion, arms crossed and glare fixed right on Hardison. She thought of all the ways she could murder him without leaving any evidence. But none of them really worked when you factored in a crowd of over a hundred people watching. Not unless she could slip him an untraceable drug that would cause cardiac arrhythmia or –

"Parker!" Hardison said, drawing her back to the present. "I'm doing this for you. Both of you." He stressed.

She still regarded him warily but was there a hint of…sincerity in his voice? He couldn't possibly believe he was helping them in any way, could he? She was sure she must be imagining it, because it made no sense, and yet, for some reason, it made her decide to simply play along and put off her revenge for a later date (maybe that was too optimistic – a later hour, then).

"Fine," she sighed reluctantly, turning to Nate. What might he have possibly written? "Black."

"Let's see," Hardison said, with too much joy, as Nate flipped the paper. "Oh, ouch! Your husband put saffron, which could actually be two colors. Either golden yellow, or dark red, but no matter the color, it's also a delightful seasoning to many a dish. Sorry, Parker."

"Saffron? You seriously put saffron?" She couldn't believe it. "Who would guess that!"

"Not you," Sophie tsked, sounding saddened that the other couple didn't share in the same 'psychic bond' she and Eliot had.

"He said not to put something obvious," Nate said, in self-defense.

"And you listened?" She accused, "To Raymond Carrell? Why didn't you put, I don't know, blue?"

"If I'd put blue, you wouldn't have gotten it," he pointed out, "seeing as you guessed black."

"I hate it when you have a point," she complained.

"Let's try it in reverse," Hardison urged. The crowd watched with fascination as Eliot correctly guessed that Sophie had put 'cerulean' as her color. "You two are on fire!" Hardison said, thrilled, as the two of them high-fived.

Parker furiously scribbled on her own sheet of paper.

"Writing a novel, there?" Hardison asked. "Better leave that to the experts – like me!" The crowd shared in his laughter, further grating on Parker's nerves.

Nate had no idea what she might have put. "Red? No, black. No, red. Black!"

Hardison ran his hands over his face in exasperation. "Redblack is not a color. Nor is blackred. Parker?"

She flipped her paper over to reveal what she'd written.

"Nate will never guess this right," Nate read to the crowd. "Sounds like you have a lot of faith in me."

"I was right, wasn't I?" She argued.

"Since you didn't technically guess a color, there was no way he'd have gotten it," Eliot pointed out.

"Who asked you?" She snapped.

"Let's move on to another question to see if this was a fluke," Hardison urged. "Eliot, put down the first television show that comes into your head – not your favorite or Sophie's favorite, but simply the first thing you think of."

"I can do that, Dr. Carrell," Eliot said confidently.

Sophie thought for a moment. "Gunsmoke. It has to be Gunsmoke."

"Gunsmoke!" Eliot said flipping over his paper in triumph as the crowd started whistling and clapping in encouragement.

"Man, you two are like, right there!" Hardison said, holding up his hand to his own head, presumably in demonstration of how connected Eliot and Sophie were.

"Which leads me to the Ford's…Nate, you have the floor. First TV show, write it now."

Parker tried to surreptitiously watch what Nate was writing down, but Hardison stepped between them.

"Um…" she sighed. She truly had no idea what he would put, and furthermore, since she knew that Eliot and Sophie had arranged this beforehand with Hardison, she was finding it extraordinarily unfair. "The Office?" She guessed.

Nate shook his head and flipped over his paper.

"Meet the Press?" Parker nearly shrieked. "What are you, 85? And does that even qualify as a TV show? And if so, I have never once seen you watch it!"

"He said the first one that came to mind," Nate protested, "not one that I watch. Besides, I saw Bob Schieffer give an interview on CNN the other day. It came to me!"

"Bob Schieffer hosts Face the Nation," Sophie reminded him.

"How would I know?" Nate defended himself. "I don't watch it!"

Hardison surveyed them with pity, before turning once more to the crowd. "Obviously these two have not read any of my studies or been counseled by me, but they can read my book, Psychic Love – due out December 14th. Now, to those in the crowd who do not believe in psychic phenomena, fret not, that's actually a very small part of my book. In fact, most of what many would attribute to being 'psychic' is actually a very deep, subconscious awareness of your spouse. I urge you all to place orders today."

Foster nodded along in agreement as Hardison kept talking and Parker glared at Nate once more in silent chastisement that he'd played along with this obvious ploy. He shrugged, as if he were completely helpless in the entire situation.

She was sure that Hardison had other increasingly ridiculous questions lined up, but she took the opportunity to get off-stage and go get something to eat – if she had to be here, at least she could get free food for it. Nate wasn't far behind her.

"I'm beginning to seriously doubt the credentials of Dr. Katherine Foster," Parker whispered, as they watched her fawn all over Hardison.

"Yeah in hindsight, we might have been better served to keep looking," Nate agreed.

Hardison took his time mingling with the crowd, though Parker figured that no matter how much he enjoyed the attention, he was equally enjoying that it gave him an excuse to avoid her and Nate as long as possible.

When he finally found himself next to them, he turned to try and slip away again, but Eliot and Sophie appeared, blocking his way. He reluctantly turned back. "Nate and Parker, was it? I think y'all need my card. If you're ever in New York –" Parker took the card he offered and ripped it up. "This repressed rage is something I think I can help you with."

"What was that?" Nate demanded, gesturing in the general direction of the stage.

Hardison sighed and motioned for them to lower their voices. "Look, one of my other identities happens to be a relationship counselor. I actually was one, for a time, a couple years ago. Then I had to go into hiding from, well, the federal government."

"For what?" Parker asked suspiciously. "Taking advantage of gullible people in their time of need?"

"The less said, the better," Hardison insisted, glancing around to see if anyone was listening to their conversation. "In any event, I learned a lot about being a therapist. I enjoyed it. When you told me about this fundraiser sponsored by Dr. Katherine Foster and how she was requiring you to attend as part of your counseling…I couldn't resist. I called her and told her I'd read her recent book and would love to come. She ate it up."

"So you're deluding all these people just to what, aggravate us?" Nate asked.

"Pretty much," Eliot said, answering for him. "Isn't it hilarious?"

"Hey, not just that," Hardison insisted. "It's also for the free publicity."

Sophie frowned in obvious disagreement, "Don't sell yourself short, Hardison!" She turned to Nate. "Hardison actually knows what he's talking about…sort of. I read his website. Very tastefully done, by the way. I especially liked the testimonials – are those real people?"

"Uh, sure," Hardison told her, then turned back to Nate. "I'm not deluding anyone! I told you, I liked being a psychiatrist and I did just complete my first book on relationships. It really is called Psychic Love. I wasn't lying about that." Nate and Parker stared at him blankly. "I do have other hobbies aside from sitting in front of computers all day," he added defensively.

"And if I'm to believe you…it's about the subconscious connection between couples that is so uncanny, some might label it psychic," Parker managed to get out, her tone strangled, whether from trying not to laugh or simply from mere horror at the concept, she couldn't say.

"Exactly!" Hardison said enthusiastically. "Finally someone gets it!"

"You actually wrote a book," Nate paused to gather himself, "about psychic bonds in couples?"

Hardison nodded, looking extremely proud of himself. "I mean, it's not all about psychic connections, as I mentioned in my speech, it's about the bond that can form between loving couples."

"Like us," Sophie said, smiling, as she patted Eliot on the arm.

"And not you," Eliot added, looking from Nate to Parker and back again (as if it needed to be clarified).

"I can be loving," Parker argued, though her angry tone and demeanor suggested quite the opposite.

"Really?" Hardison asked skeptically.

"If I want to!" She insisted. "Nate?"

When he didn't say anything she turned to him, none too happy. At her look he shrugged. "Was I supposed to back you up on that or something?"

Hardison held up his book. "Advance copy right here. I'm giving it to you two free of charge. You need it." Sophie and Eliot nodded in agreement.

Nate took it and flipped to the back cover where he was greeted by a smiling picture of Hardison in a white coat with framed degrees behind him. "Suddenly Parker and I getting married isn't the strangest thing to have happened this year," he muttered. "Who'd have thought anything could top it?"

Parker was still watching Hardison with disapproval. "You do realize that is the worst concept for a book I have ever heard? Who's going to believe that? It's not real!"

"You can't completely disprove psychic connections," Hardison defended himself. "Besides I needed a twist to sell my book. Do you know how many relationship books are out there? Thousands!"

"You're making money off of people's suffering," Parker told him.

"No, I'm helping people save the most important things in their lives – their relationships. I haven't had any complaints from anyone and I swear, for some couples, their connections are so close that even if they can't technically be described as psychic, they come as close to psychic as we might ever get. Despite how you think my coming here tonight was just to annoy you, I do actually care about people who need help with their relationships."

Parker stared at him for a long moment. "You're telling the truth. I don't believe it."

"I earned a doctorate in psychiatry –" he paused at Nate and Parker's skeptical looks, "Okay, forged a doctorate in psychiatry to help people. It's what I do. You two could probably benefit from –"

"Finish that sentence if you want to get knocked unconscious by your own book," Parker told him, wrenching it from Nate's hands.

Hardison took a few steps back. "Try to help people and this is what I get?"

"Just…" Nate held his hands out, pleading. "Let it go."

"Let it go?" Hardison argued, "Nate the woman threatened me with severe bodily harm! All because I saw a genuine need in your relationship and offered my expert advice – free of charge, by the way. I don't offer that to everyone."

Parker started to leave, deciding she'd had enough for one night.

"Fine, be that way," Hardison called to her back. "I'll see you on Wednesday."

His words froze her in her tracks. "What did you say?" She asked, without turning around.

"I said I'll see you on Wednesday."

Parker turned back to them. "That's a joke, right? Right?"

"Actually, Dr. Foster has kindly invited me to a group session this week…" Hardison said, his words trailing off when he saw how badly Parker reacted.

"As if this night weren't bad enough, now you'll be there for our weekly session, too?" She hissed, not missing his amusement. He thought this was funny.

"Okay, Parker," Nate said, stepping between her and Hardison. "We're going to go to the other side of the room and Hardison is going to stay away from you for the rest of the night. In fact, he's going to be leaving. Right, Hardison?"

"Actually, Nate, there's still a lot more people left to talk to so if you wouldn't mind –" He broke off, seeing the look on Nate's face and hastily agreed he'd make himself scarce. "See you at the roundtable discussion!"

"Roundtable –" Parker snapped, before gathering herself. "He thinks it's a joke. This whole thing is nothing more than amusement for him and Sophie and Eliot. Don't they realize that…" She had no idea where she was going with that statement, because she really didn't know how to express what she felt. Maybe because she didn't know what she felt. The only thing she was sure of was how angry she was at them.

"It'll be fine," Nate assured her, sensing she needed some time to wind down. He linked his arm with hers and pulled her closer until she had to either lean against him or lose her balance. "We're almost done with the sessions anyways. I'll talk to them before this week's session. Don't worry about it."

As she was about to reply, Foster appeared. "Hi you two!" She greeted them cheerfully. "That was a fun demonstration, wasn't it? Dr. Carrell is a gifted psychiatrist. Did he tell you that he'll be with us for the next session? I think we can all benefit from his years of experience."

She sounded absurdly happy, and when Parker tensed, Nate said quickly, "I think we're going to…go somewhere else." He led Parker to a corner far away from their psychiatrist, grateful when he saw no sign of their other three team members nearby, either.

"A nightmare," Parker moaned, to no one in particular. "I thought it was bad before, but now, I realize how great we had it. Foster's clearly inept since she had someone who specializes in something that doesn't exist come in to guest lecture us, and now we have to deal with Hardison at our regular session?"

"It could be worse," Nate said, trying to be helpful.

"How?" She challenged.

"Well…" he desperately thought, taking back the book she still held and holding it up to emphasize his point. "You could have married Hardison! A few months ago you thought that would have been a better alternative, and now? See what you would have been stuck with? Raymond Carrell, psychic love expert."

"God," she sighed. "You have a valid point! That's how I know things have really spiraled out of control."

"Wait until Wednesday," he said cheerfully, then winced as she slammed the nearest exit door open without any regard to the fact that she'd set off the emergency alarm.

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TBC – I swear I'm near the end – one more chapter, two at the most. Love to all readers and reviewers.