Chapter Sixteen: Bella is Old

Disclaimer: Twilight will never be owned by me.

~ O ~

BPOV

Today was my girlfriends twenty seventh birthday; Bella's twenty seventh birthday. I smiled to myself. Rose and Alice had planned a surprise birthday party at Bella's house. She was due home in around half an hour.

Rose had one of Bella's waitresses, Jessica, keep Bella busy at the restaurant. So far she was doing a good job.

We also had Jacob watch the back door of Smeraldo so he could notify us when Bella and Jessica left. He loved it because he got to play the role of a 'stalker lurking in the shadows'.

Thank god he had Renesmee or I would be worried about him trying to steal my Bella.

Emmett came bursting through the front door of Bella's house. We could hear him from the kitchen.

"Never fear. The cake is here."

Rose and Alice squealed and ran up to Emmett. Did you know that Emmett can bake a mean cake? Complete with intricate icing patterns and decorations?

There's more to him and his knives.

Alice lifted up the lid of the box in which the cake was in. She gasped loudly.

Oh no! Why did you write that on there?"

Oh crap. What did Emmett do to my girlfriend's cake?

"What? I thought she'd like it." Emmett shrugged calmly and placed the cake box on the kitchen bench.

"Would you like 'You're getting old Bells' written on your birthday cake?" Rose asked her boyfriend.

Why would you ask him if he would like it himself? Of course he would if he chose it.

"Sure would! Except for the fact that I'm not Bells... I'm Emms."

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and I all groaned in unison.

We heard the front door open again. We turned our heads to see Nessie peer in the door. Nessie had yet to be introduced to everyone, but because Jacob was helping out, Alice had invited her by ordering Jacob to bring his lovely, and better, half.

"Never fear, streamers are here," she said quietly. We all laughed.

She continued to speak. "I heard the bigger one over there," she pointed to Emmett, "say that when he walked in so I thought I'd say it too."

Alice cried gleefully and proceeded to do a running jump and squeeze the living daylights out of Nessie. Nessie knew better than to pull away and hugged her back with almost the same amount of strength.

But no one has more strength than the Pixie.

Not even Emmett most days. I swear Alice must do weights with her free hand when she goes shopping. It could work. Pick out clothes with one hand, lift up a dumb bell or something with your other, free hand.

Plus, you have yet to see Alice wrestle for shoes.

I shook my head in attempt to clear it. Today was about Bella... and not about Alice's wrestling achievements.

Rose had told me a couple of days ago that Bella didn't necessarily hate surprises per say. She just... didn't technically like them.

I walked into the backyard, which was decorated with various balloons and streamers lining the trees. There was a table in the middle of the yard, already set with cutlery, drinking glasses, some glitter and some other things.

I wish I was better at describing everything, but I shall leave that up to the girls. The table cloth, to me, was like a purple colour. But to Alice it was some hectic striking vibrant violet colour.

If I said purple I would have most likely been castrated.

Alice was going through a mental list in her head, repeating herself out loud and Rosalie answered her.

"Table set" "Check".

"Cake in fridge" "Check".

"Barbeque set up." "Check."

"Emmett with barbeque preparing to cook." "Check."

"Fire extinguisher by the barbeque." "Check". I laughed. You'll need a barbeque with Emmett cooking.

"Snack food set out." "Check."

"Salads made. Potato, Garden, Caesar and Greek." "Check."

"Drinks. Both alcoholic and not." "Check."

"Edward's mobile phone turned on and ready." "Check." How did Rose know that?

Which reminds me that I needed to check the time. I pulled out my phone from my back pocket; 12:46pm. Jessica was due to bring Bella here in about twenty minutes.

Just as I was about to put my phone away, it began to ring. I looked at the caller ID 'Jake the Rake'. Did he go around and change his contact name in my contacts list? That child!

It still made me laugh though.

"Hello Jacob," I said as I slid the phone up.

"The Swan has left the building with Stanley Knife. Over."

"What? Who's 'Stanley Knife?" I asked.

"Dude, Jessica. You know... Jessica STANLEY! Don't mock my code names," he sounded offended.

"Okay sorry Jake. By the way 'Jake the Rake'? Really?"

All I heard was Jacob's loud laugh and then the line went dead.

I turned to Jasper who was chilling on one of the couches in the lounge room. "Bella's on her way now," I told him.

Alice must have heard because I heard this high pitched shriek.

"I haven't laid out the presents at the end of the table yet."

I heard Nessie giggle. "I'm on it!" she yelled out to Alice, who sighed loudly in contentment.

BPOV

Today was my twenty seventh birthday and I've spent the last two hours seated at one of the tables with Jessica, explaining to her and informing her of cultural awareness and diversity within a restaurant.

"So do you understand that it is important in the hospitality industry not to stereotype cultures and to use effect, appropriate body language?" I asked Jessica.

Jessica nodded, "Thank you so much Bella. I just needed to clarify that so that I don't offend any customers."

I understood.

At least I'm doing something productive on my birthday. Last birthday I sat around in sweats, a tank top and my hair in a messy ponytail as I ate a 2L tub of cookies and cream ice cream, celebrating another year in which I aged alone.

But pfft. This year I had Edward. I closed the book 'Culture in the Hospitality Industry' and turned towards Jessica. I considered her one of the best waitresses, unlike Lauren.

"So, is there anything else Jess?"

"Actually yeah. I was wondering if you would come out to coffee with me. My shout... you know? For your birthday present."

I shrugged. Why not? I know that I was to have an early dinner with Rose and Alice, and then spend the evening with Edward.

Jessica looked at her watch. She had been doing that a lot in the past half an hour. Suddenly a random thought came to my head. Is there a name for a fear of time? Because there was totally a name for the fear of ducks. I must google that.

"Sure. But do you mind if we head back to mine for a minute so I can get rid of these books and change my shoes?" I asked.

Jessica smiled like she had some kind of plan that was unfolding. Should I do a background security check on her?

Jess waited for me as I packed up and we walked out of the back of the building. I locked up and we both got into our respective cars. Jessica was going to follow me back to mine and we would walk to a quaint cafe that was a short walk from my house.

I pulled into my driveway just as Jessica parked her car against my curb. She was sitting in the driver's seat, vigorously texting on her phone.

I dug into my hand bag and located my keys. I jingled the keys with my free hand until I had the right one.

I pushed that key into the hole it was designed for. Surprisingly i totally did not think suss but instead thought of an enzyme only fitting a specific active site.

For some reason the curtains were closed and the room was completely dark. I hope that spider wasn't back.

I shuddered as I reached for the light switch.

"SURPRISE!" I saw all of my friends jump out from behind various items of furniture.

Although, I'm quite sure Emmett yelled something different but I couldn't exactly hear him.

Man! Every year Alice and Rose surprise me somehow. Sometimes Emmett and Jasper are in on it too.

And every year I seem to forget that I will be surprised somehow.

I swear, I have a memory of a goldfish with Alzheimer's. And that's saying something!

Alice walked towards me with a massive 'Alice-grin' covering her entire face. "You forgot again didn't you?"

I just nodded.

Fifteen minutes later I had greeted everyone, but Edward. Emmett had already began to cook on the barbeque, with Jacob and Jasper watching him closely. I was surrounded by Alice, Rosalie, Jessica and Nessie as they discussed what we shall do now that I was one year older. I don't get it. It's not like I was turning 21 and could finally drink.

Suddenly I saw a flash of bronze out of the corner of my left eye. I turned my head and saw Edward standing in the doorway of the backdoor, smiling at me.

I quickly got up, not even boring to excuse myself, and began to run – as possible as Bella Swan could run – to Edward.

But I was stopped in my tracks about a couple of metres from him due to something obstructing my path.

That evil remote was back on the ground.

Who let it live?

Edward saw what I was glaring at so he picked it up and threw it behind his head. Which coincidently, hit Emmett right on the head. Thank god he did not pass out over the barbeque.

I squealed and jumped into Edward's arms. Edward whispered into my ear 'Happy birthday love," just before he kissed me deeply and sensually.

Emmett interrupted us. "How does everyone want their steaks?"

Most of us yelled 'medium rare'. We heard Emmett mutter to himself. "Well, you're getting well done."

Oh my, what did he do to the steaks?

Alice came forward to distract me from Edward.

How dare she after she shoved a serviette in his face with all of my contact details and a photo.

"Presents!" she shouted.

Hang on. Will I get to spend the evening with Edward?

"Yes," Alice replied. Oh crap did I say that out loud? And also, will it be alone?

"Yes and yes," Alice repeated.

Oh man. I need to duct tape my mouth.

I hope my twenty seventh year was better than my twenty sixth.

Wow I'm getting old.

~ O ~

AN: As of the previous chapter we were half way through the story. Only 14 more chapters to go as I've decided it will be 30 chapters. This story does have a plotline; it's just smothered in layers and layers of fluffy humour. Review your favourite line/part (: Also, for the older readers, I recommend 'Legal Briefs' by mistresselektra. It's complete and needs recognition. It's amazing, which is why I'm pimping it here. Please take a look (:

Chapter Seventeen Teaser: "On the wall or over the chair?"