Hyuuga led the Chief of Staff to a grassy courtyard… plain white graves only barring the names of fallen soldiers lined up neatly in the grass. Hyuuga swallowed the lump in his throat…
"Is this a joke, Hyuuga?" Ayanami basically hissed, clearly not liking where he was being led.
"No." Hyuuga said seriously. He took a deep shuddering breath, gesturing to the a larger headstone. It larger and decorated. A golden cross was at the top. This grave… Ayanami had only seen it once..at the funeral of his Beigleiter… Never again had the Chief of Staff set foot here… to do so..would show emotion. And as far as everyone knew, the man had not shed a tear for his devoted partner.
But anyone who knew Ayanami suffered everyday and still suffered because of Yukikaze's death…
Here they were…Ayanami seeing this grave for the second time…but in his current state..he had no idea…
Ayanami stepped forward, violet eyes like ice. Cold and hard. His gloved hands carefully ran along the white marble… along the name. Yukikaze. Along the dates. And then along the words, "Beloved Beigleiter to Ayanami-sama, you will be my only king, forever and always,"
Hyuuga watched carefully, unable to see the man's face. Just his actions. But he saw the man's head turn to look at the other head stones. Similar dates… checking to make sure this wasn't some sick joke… That Yukikaze had really been dead..for ten years…
"I don't understand," Ayanami's voice was soft. Cracking in some places. So unlike Ayanami to show any kind of emotion..but this situation was unlike any other. Not even Hyuuga expected the man to be his normally icy self..
The major stepped forward carefully. "It's been ten years…since the Ragg's war… Yukikaze died in that war.…"
"How?" The chief of Staff had sunk to his knees, his gloved fingers had gone back to the carved out name… tracing the letters carefully. This man. The man Ayanami had loved with every part of his soul. The man….had been everything to Ayanami.
Hyuuga hesitated… He couldn't…how could he tell Ayanami…?
"Tell me," It was an order… but it sounded like more of a plea…begging to know how his most important person had been taken from him…
Hyuuga took a breath.. "The war… was going smoothly… we moved into the castle… to kill the King of Raggs… after we did that… we overlooked a soldier… he was running at you… you would have been killed. But, Yukikaze threw himself in front of the blade… he… he died, protecting you, Aya-tan…"
He watched the Chief's shoulders shake.. His fingers against the marble curl. Emotions from the chief, something that would never be seen in any other situation… "It..was my fault?"
Hyuuga's heart ached… "No.. not your fault Aya-tan.." his voice was cracking too. Ayanami never grieved for Yukikaze…not in front of anyone. He punished and punished himself after the man's death. Not allowing himself to feel.. A cold and distant star.. Determined to live a life of solitude.
Now… having lost the last ten years… and this sudden painful realization… It must feel like Yukikaze was beside him just yesterday… and now… Ayanami's light had gone out in an instant… with no memory of how it happened.
Hyuuga stepped forward, carefully. And placed his hand on the Chief's shoulder. Watching the man rest his head on the cold marble… his whole body shaking under Hyuuga's hand.
"It is…he died protecting me,"
Hyuuga shook his head, gripping the man's shoulder tightly. "Aya-tan…you need more rest. This place is sad… please, let's go.."
The gloved fingers clawed at the marble headstone.. "Yukikaze.."
With a gentle tug, he pulled the Chief of Staff away. "Please.."
The silver haired man slowly stood. Violet eyes trying to harden…trying to lock up the emotions that were unwanted…but the pain of this was so sudden… not like the death he watched happen, where he had to stay hardened because that had been war… this time… it was not so easy.. A man he loved and cared about was suddenly gone. And he could not grasp a single memory of it..
Ayanami stepped forward. Holding himself up proudly.. He took a step… and slowly began to crumble..
The Chief wrapped his hands around himself, gloved fingers digging into the fabric of his uniform, his shoulders shaking once more… his knees sinking to the ground once more. Hyuuga caught the man, pulling him into a tight embrace, holding him up.
He rubbed Ayanami's back as the man fell apart in his arms.
"I don't understand… I can't remember it… Yukikaze…why..why is he gone?" Ayanami's voice was soft, cracking… broken and lost..
Hyuuga shook his head, he had no answers… "He died protecting someone he loved…"
He felt Aya-tan's fingers grip his jacket roughly. Aya-tan with a ten year younger mindset… not yet completely hardened…. Still vulnerable… Hyuuga could only hold onto the defeated Chief tightly…
This world… he hated it to the point that he wanted to cut up everything he could in rage alone… Why? Ayanami served his country loyally. One of the best of the best. But because his family was a fallen noble house, he was despised. His own countrymen had attempted to assassinate him… he suffered the death of his dearest person twice now.. And he had the fate of Verloren and his memories and desires pushed onto him. Eve and the missing fragments… more burdens for Ayanami…
So the man pushed himself to the edge. Slowly breaking his own body… perhaps hoping one day it would fall apart, and it would all be over.
Hyuuga rested his cheek on the Ayanami's silver head… He'd give the other half of his soul to take away all of Aya-tan's pain… Truly he would..
"Come on Aya-tan.." He gently pulled away from the Chief of Staff, leading them out of this sad place… He kept a tight hold on the Chief as they walked through the halls, Hyuuga's hand hovering over his blade, just in case…
"How did I forget….that?"
Hyuuga sighed sadly… "You were attacked in the hallways… you took quite a hit to the head…seems you forgot some things.."
"Hyuuga… you're all I have left…"
The major chuckled sadly. "That's not true…you have a whole staff that would do anything for you. You'll remember them soon enough"
"No… I should have never strayed from your side… I should have made you my Beigleiter like I wanted to… things might have ended differently… then you'd both be alive"
Sapphire eyes were wide as he glanced down at his chief. "You..you wanted to-" he couldn't even finish the sentence.
"As we went through the academy together, I thought you might be offended, so I picked someone else..it worked out well… Yukikaze and I…." Pain flashed through violet eyes.. "it doesn't matter now, though,"
"Aya-tan..I-"
The Chief of Staff stopped walking, making the major stop as well. "Do I have a Beigleiter now?"
Hyuuga shook his head. "No."
"Then be my Beigleiter."
Hyuuga released the Chief of Staff, shocked sapphires looking into serious violet eyes. The major again shook his head. "Aya-tan.. You don't want a Beigleiter… when your memories come back…you'll hate yourself… and I can't…. you're upset over Yukikaze..you're not-"
"Yukikaze has been dead…for ten years.."
"You just found out today…"
"If it's been ten…years, I should be over it.." Violets again cracking, becoming vulnerable.. confused lost and pained.. If the Chief of Staff he had before was broken, he was looking at something completely shattered… and he didn't have any idea how to fix it…
"Hyuuga…" Ayanami placed a hand to his head. "Nothing feels right… the world I knew… it's gone… the last day I remember…and today. Inside out nothing is right… something clawing at my chest.. Crying out a name I can't quite hear… shards of memories… I can't be sure all of them are mine… the field of flowers…the girl… and then pains of snow… and blood stained hands.." He held out his gloved hands in front of him, looking at them with a pained expression.
Hyuuga stepped back to the chief, taking hold of the man's hands. "I'll help you remember… after you rest some more…"
Violet eyes looked back at him. "Not alone.."
Hyuuga shook his head, pulling the silver haired man along. "I wont let you be alone tonight.."
Ayanami nodded. "Thank you.."
Hyuuga smiled sadly, pulling the Chief close once more. So broken… shattered… more so then ever before.
But. He'd fix his boss somehow. He had sworn to protect Aya-tan… and because of his failure Ayanami was suffering again. This was as much his fault as those damned traitors…
He would fix Ayanami somehow… perhaps…. As much as he hated the idea… to help jog Ayanami's memories… a trip to Raggs was in order… They'd all go… Every one of the Blackhawks loved their superior. All would be needed to help pic up the shards of memories that lay crushed and broken on the ground right now. But first… the death of Yukikaze….
Yukikaze… the start of everything… From that man's death the rest would slowly unfold…