Hyuuga stood beside the chief's chair in their ship. The Raggs castle in the far off distance. The past few days had been difficult and interesting. Ayanami's grieving and ten year younger mind took on the work load that the normal Ayanami had done.
As far as the rest of the military knew Ayanami was just fine, just a little out of it from his attack. Katsuagi insisted that no one knew of the man's condition. He could lose his position as Chief of Staff if he was suffering memory loss. And as the attack was from inside the military they would be looking for any reason to be read of the silver haired man.
The first few days the younger Blackhawks had tired their best to help Ayanami remember them. As not a single Blackhawk, aside from Hyuuga, resided within his shattered memory.
"Please try these jellies.." Kuroyuri had slid the jars onto the man's desk. Her one visible eye sad. "Maybe your working taste buds will bring back memories of my jellies, and it'll help you remember.."
And Konatsu tried recounting stories of their trip to the seventh district hot springs. "And Hyuuga-sama kept saying your hat was attached to your head…"
But nothing seemed to register, or trigger anything that would help the man remember his subordinates.
With Katsuragi's careful negotiating they were able to get some leave, and were allowed to use the airship to fly out.
"Why can't Haruse come with? You said all the Blackhawk had to come! Haruse is a Blackhawk! He's my Beigleiter," the pink haired Colonel cried earlier that day.
Hyuuga and Katsuagi exchanged looks. "It's best if he stays behind. He can't move or talk," explained Katsuragi. "He's no good to us on the ship,"
Kuroyuri ground her teeth together, stomping her foot. "But! Haurse is part of the team! He should come with!"
"This is what is best for Ayanami-sama. Haruse can't help us on the ship. He needs to stay here,"
Her pink eye welled up with tears again. Furious and disappointed. But deep down she knew… she wanted to help Ayanami get better too. "I just…I just want Haruse to get some fresh air.."
Sadly, Haruse could not come. And the Blackhawks, short one, left for the fallen kingdom of Raggs.
The major draped his arm over the Chief's chair, Ayanami insisted that Hyuuga stayed close. Not that Hyuuga hand any intention of doing else but that, but he found that Aya-tan would often follow should he stray for a moment. And of course, Hyuuga would follow Ayanami should he choose to wander. Or Ayanami would insist that Hyuuga follow, without actually ever needing him to do anything. They were constantly at each others side. It reminded him of how Ayanami and Yukikaze were…
Always at each others side, one always following the other. Hyuuga kind of liked it…. But…. It wasn't right…
Ayanami was trying to think as how his older self would. And because of this he couldn't believe that he'd still be grieving over someone after ten years. Even though the death of Yukikaze was knew to him… he felt that even without his memory he shouldn't be grieving. So, the Chief of Staff was trying to fill the void… Hyuuga, happened to be what he was trying to fill the void with. It made the Major happy, and unbelievably sad at the same time…
The ship landed gently on the frozen plains of the long abandoned castle of Raggs.
The Blackhawks stepped out onto the fields, their boots crunching on the white snow beneath them. Their breath coming out in soft white puffs.
"Go on, Aya-tan.." Hyuuga encouraged, giving the chief a tiny push, forcing the man to step forward.
Violet eyes scanned the frost covered building. Taking slow steps towards the ruined castle, Hyuuga's footsteps just behind him. They walked in silence. Ayanami looking over everything he could, nothing seemed familiar or rang any bells.
Hyuuga hesitated as they approached a painfully familiar room. Old blood still stained the floor. The major adjusted his glasses as Ayanami stepped into the center of the room. His eyes narrowed, as he analyzed everything carefully. It seemed as if memories were lingering just outside his grasp. Like faded pictures… lingering fragments of shattered memories… he almost knew…but couldn't quite grasp it.
Hyuuga stayed silent just watching the chief. Not wanting to interrupt the man as he tried to grasp the threads of his memories.
Ayanami circled the room once…. The steps of his boots on the ivory blood stained floor echoed against the walls of the palace. The chief of staff passed through a door, Hyuuga close on his heels. Here more dried blood covered the marble. The silver haired man took a few more steps into the room placing a hand to his chest.
"I died in here.."
Hyuuga tilted his head to the side. After Yukikaze had died Ayanami had gone off…Through this room obviously… he never knew what happened within this room… but obviously this is where Verloren had awoken.. But he never knew how… "Died Aya-tan..?"
"A bishop," he placed his hand to his head… the memories hazy… hardly there really. He did remember the pain in his chest…. And then… Ayanami gasped stepping back as a vivid skeleton like face appeared in his memories. A bony skeletal hand reached out to him. "Find our fragments,"
Hyuuga, caught his stumbling boss, holding him up.
"Remember something, Aya-tan?"
Violet eyes slowly calmed and looked down at his gloved hands. "Not really.."
Hyuuga frowned sadly, looking about this room. What had happened in here? Aya-tan died? No… Aya-tan didn't die. The major would never would have let that happen.
Yukikaze fell. Ayanami was stoic as he watched.. But to Hyuuga's trained sapphires, the man had been in pain. A ripple across his back. The slight shake of the man's shoulders. The way his fingers twitched. Hyuuga could only imagine the pain that passed through violet eyes as he and Yukikaze looked at each other one last time.
Then what happened…. A bishop… yes a bishop with that emerald eyed brat… they ran past.
The simple order for Hyuuga to stay, and Ayanami was gone, chasing down the bishop…
When Ayanami returned from that room. He had been different. The dark blood that resided in his veins was stronger. Ayanami had indeed become something else. Something God like. It only took one look at the man as he reappeared. The darkness encircling him…
Hyuuga's blood had heated up. And the darkness inside himself rejoiced. Verloren had awaken. And it lived inside his silver haired boss. All the more reason to protect the man beside him.
But..as far as he knew… Ayanami had not died…He was colder… like ice. When Hyuuga dared to make contact he had noticed the man carried no warmth, always assuming that, that was just the downfall of having a fallen shinigami residing within you..
However… now the silver haired man was even more incomplete. With Verloren, came the burdensome past and obligations, goals and desires that did not align with Ayanami's own desires and ambitions. Eve and the fragments. Guilty burdens that were not Aya-tan's to shoulder. But shoulder them he must. Losing Yukikaze, his missing fragments, and the mystery of what happened to Eve, the girl from Ayanami's past. The feeling of incompleteness tore apart his Chief.
Hyuuga watched the man slowly fall into ruin. Unable to grieve for his lost Beigleiter. Unable to feel whole… For where could those fragments be? Unable to live the simple life he wished, of just serving his country. Protecting it was all he desired.
Day by day he watched a broken man break a little more. Standing by his side was all Hyuuga could do for this man. This damn prideful man, that would not accept the helping hand of anyone. Who refused to be seen as anything but strong in front of all obstacles. Hyuuga could only be ready to catch him when he fell. And fall, he eventually would if he continued to do things the way he did them.
The work load and this life of solitude. Keeping everything locked away inside him… it was far from healthy and everyday more cracks in the fake mask of cold indifference could be seen.
Slowly, his chief was dying… and there was nothing that the Major could do, but watch it happen..
Ayanami turned to look at Hyuuga. "I can't remember anything more…just fragments.."
"It'll come back eventually Aya-tan…I'm sure it will."
The silver haired man nodded. He glanced around the room once more frowning.. Before violets locked onto sapphires once more. "Will you reconsider my offer of being my Beigleiter?"
Hyuuga hated the way his heart pounded at this question. The way everything inside him screamed yes. And yet his head told him firmly no. And that was the correct response… no…
"Aya-tan… you don't want a Beigleiter..you'll see when you get your memories back…"
Ayanami's brows furrowed together, his eyes gaining a distant far off look, trying to remember. Wanting to know why Hyuuga was refusing his offer. Eventually the silver haired man sighed.. "Very well."
Hyuuga nodded, knowing that it would be asked again at a later date..
"Is there anything left to be seen here? It's all hazy… fragments… but nothing more.."
They both walked out of the room back into the blood stained throne room. Hyuuga taking the lead. The major yawned as he walked in front of Ayanami, he stretched his arms over his head, lowering them slowly to his sides, enjoying the cracking in his joints, as his thoughts to strayed to this castle, and if there was anything that needed to be seen.
He stopped his arms still out a bit, realizing only his footsteps could be heard, he glanced back to Ayanami frozen in place. His hand out slightly and violet eyes wide.
Hyuuga frowned, but stayed silent… glancing around… realizing where he was standing. On a dried ten year old blood stained…but not just anyone's blood.… he dropped his arms to his side realizing his position and his movements triggered something inside Ayanami's memories…
The Major knew what too…
Being in front of Ayanami, his arms held out as if blocking the Chief from something. And his jet black hair, similar in color to the fallen Beigleiter…
Broken violet eyes slowly refocused, as the man slowly stumbled forward, right into Hyuuga,'s waiting arms. Gloved hands clutched at Hyuuga's heavy jacket..
"I just stood there.."
"Aya-tan…"
The Chief of Staff pushed himself away from the major violets dulled. Broken. Shattered. But hardened. "Now I understand… why you keep refusing my offer…"
"Aya-tan.." Hyuuga repeated the name, worry clear in his voice, his words laced with concern.
"You don't wish to meet a fate like Yukikaze… knowing you did it all for a man who couldn't show the slightest concern…"
Hyuuga stepped forward shaking his head. He gripped the shoulders of the silver haired man tightly. "No. You have it all wrong…"
"Yukikaze must regret the day he met me.. I don't wish for you to feel that same regret…" the silver haired man stepped back, away from Hyuuga's touch.
Hyuuga shook his head. No. No. Not back to this mind set… Under the full moon, one night, he had hid behind a sakura tree and listened to the man in front of him speak his heart. How his time was stopped… how… his life was distained to be in solitude… and how he asked all the time to himself, and the wind…knowing an answer would never come… he asked if Yukikaze regretted meeting him. Whispering painful questions with the even more painful answer of silence to ghosts long gone.
What could he do? What should he do. He watched the Chief walk away back towards the ship… again… he was going to watch Ayanami fall apart again…
Ayanami couldn't go through that again.. Hyuuga couldn't watch it all unfold again… it would kill them both…
He had to be more forceful this time around… even if Ayanami hated him at the end of it all. He couldn't sit back and let things go the way they had ten years ago. Watching from the distance… he needed to be upfront.
His gloved fingers curled into fists as he steeled himself for the task ahead…even if Ayanami hated him at the end of the day… at least he could try and save him… protect him, as he always promised he would…
Hyuuga adjusted his glasses, following the Chief. The hard part was over after all. The memories of Yukikaze's death… slowly time would return to the chief… names and faces, dates and places. They'd come back…
Until they did, he needed to take advantage of the ten year younger mindset of Ayanami, while he had the advantage of being ten years older. He wouldn't make the same mistakes… not this time.