Chapter 2: Time's Up
Author: Snooglez
Disclaimer: I don own anything.
Rating: R
Pairing: A/M
An: What's in the little "( )" are the lyrics of the song.
"I don't want you bringing that filth you call love into MY house! I want you to get rid of this disgusting thing you and that girl have formed or you'll never see the insides of this house again!"
This was the voice of Julie, just a couple of hours ago. Marissa felt like she wanted to die. She hated her mother more than any individual on the planet, but there was apart of her beneath all the boasting hatred that still loved her no matter how much she denied it.
(Baby says I can't come with him)
She'd seen a new part of Julie, and it was something that literally scared the shit out of her. Out of all the things she'd done, nothing had ever stirred up so much anger and revulsion than now. The worse part of it, she wasn't trying to piss her off. She wanted her mother to be apart of what had made her so happy.
Alex shut the door behind them with Marissa still firmly attached her, never once allowing her grip of Alex's shirt to lessen.
(And I had read all of this in his eyes)
Her mind calculated different reasons of why Marissa was crying so much, and couldn't get past any other reason than of Marissa's mother reigning hell on her as always. Her hand came over to intertwine their fingers, and she laid the bawling brunette down, bring a couch pillow back for her head to rest on.
Alex leaned down to her flushed face, her lips planting light kisses on her eyes, cheeks, and occasionally her mouth, and chin, brazing away the salty tears.
With each kiss Marissa drowned a foot deeper more into her pool of misery. Alex was so innocent in all of this, and here she had the nerve to allow her to still feel affection for her, a love so deep it coursed through her veins, enriching her spirit.
(Long before he even said so)
Marissa knew it was now of never… her time was up.
She brought up both hands to Alex's shoulders, and in one fluid motion, she pushed her away. It wasn't a hard shove, but it definitely caught Alex's attention. Startled from the action that had just taken place, it left Alex feeling down right cold for the first time they'd been together. She grimaced, and stood up from off the couch.
(Why go, I asked)
"Marissa what's wrong with you?" Alex asked her eyes darting from Marissa's tear streaked face to the fingers that clutched the heart around her neck so strongly.
The dreaded question hit the inner depths of her mind like a stone being thrown into a cave, creating an echoing effect. It played like a skipping record over and over again in her mind, so loudly that it tuned out any other thoughts at the moment.
(You know and I know why)
Her mouth went dry, and she swallowed repeatedly in effort to down the thickness that formed in the back of her throat. She sat up from the couch never passing a glance at Alex, but in return could feel her eyes bore holes into her skin. Alex impatiently waited for an answer.
(And it'll be just as quiet when I leave)
Biting down on her bottom lip, she lifted her head to gaze into Alex's intensely blue eyes. Her vision blurred from the tears that glazed them, and she opened her mouth to speak.
"I can't." She rasped and so shaky it was inaudible even though Alex stood only a foot away.
Alex bent down slightly. "What?"
(As it was when I first got here)
Marissa shook her head, partially damp cold strands of hair sticking to her cheek. She didn't want to say it again. It was hard enough getting it out the first time.
"I… can't." She repeated more forcefully, her tone sounding utterly defeated. She hung her head low again.
Alex's mind was reeling now. She couldn't put a finger on what Marissa just "couldn't".
(I don't expect anything)
(I don't expect anything)
"You can't… what can't you do Marissa?" Alex asked stepping closer to her. She crouched down to her knees, scooting herself in between her legs. A finger slid under her chin lifting her head to meet those delicious blue eyes. Marissa's heart sank, stirring a wave of nausea over her. She swallowed hard to keep down anything any thing that was bound to come up.
"Us." She stated turning away from Alex, ashamed of what she'd just said.
It was now Alex's turn to swallow. She felt a twinge of pain rift her heart when realization dawned upon her what exactly she'd thought Marissa had meant by it. Assuming the worse, still she continued to question.
(Take care)
(I've been hurt before)
"Um…" She laughed abruptly and nervously shifted on each foot. "…what do you mean by…?" She shook her head as if to clear it of confusion. "… what are you talking about Marissa?"
Marissa watched Alex at the corner of her eye. She paced back and forth a couple seconds before flopping herself down in a chair across from where Marissa was seated.
Her leg anxiously jumped up and down, while she stared at the brunette before her, preciously waiting for her to answer.
"Marissa please."
(Too much time spend on closing doors)
More tears were burning in her tired eyes but she wasn't allowing them to fall. Wiping her eyes angrily, frustrated as to why things were never going to be the same again. After a couple of seconds of mental preparation, she sucked up it as she turned to face Alex again whose teeth snagged her bottom lip, biting on it to placate a sudden case of rattled nerves.
A grim smile adorned her lips as two arms reached up behind her neck, fingers skillfully twisting to unclasp the silver chain.
(You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you)
Alex trained her eyes on every move she made, feeling faint as Marissa dropped the necklace into the palm of her hand, running a finger over the red jewel in its center.
At this point she had no idea what the hell to think, anything was evitable.
A sharp clank of the glass table accompanied the fall of the jewelry, chain wisping afterwards. Alex's breath caught in her throat, as she stared blankly at the red jeweled heart in front of her.
(Goodbye)
(Don't cry)
"Alex I can't be…" Marissa squeezed her eyes shut, and forced herself to say the words. "… with you anymore." She struggled through clenched teeth. Then she gasped quickly sealing her mouth shut, shocked at how foreign these words were to her. How cold they were. She'd never though in a thousand years she'd say this to her.
Alex flinched visibly, words hitting her harder than anything ever could. She let out the trapped oxygen from her lungs after holding it in for what felt like years.
(You know why)
Eyes glazed over; shining with tears, she didn't think any amount of mental training could prepare her for what Marissa said next.
Marissa looked her straight in the eyes, her gaze as fierce and demanding as she could summon it to be, even with all the tears.
"I don't love you anymore, I love Ryan."
(And it'll be just as quiet when I leave)
The lie needed to be as believable as possible. She had to hurt this woman as much as she could, so in return Alex would think she was a monster, make her stay away from her, make her not love her anymore, make Alex hate her. Too bad she was a horrible liar.
"It needs to be this way." She repeated in her mind.
One tear fell from Alex's eye; the law of gravity sending the droplet plummeting to the floor. A thousand others would soon follow.
The hurt wrapped around her torso like a thick snake, choking her, robbing her of air while its tail drove a dagger deep inside her chest twisting it over and over again. The room felt like it dropped in temperature, its tint grew just a little darker, and the world seem that much closer to ending to Alex.
(As it was when I first got here)
Marissa was breaking up with her.
Sniffling and literally swallowing her sobs Alex stared at her, once piercing blue eyes now taking on a dull shady grey.
"No, really. What's the real reason you're breaking up with me? It's just not you, and you know it." She said nonchalantly while wiping tears.
Marissa tensed. She knew Alex saw right through her facade. She did it every time. Marissa shook her head.
(I don't expect anything)
(I don't expect anything)
"No. I'm not l- "
"Yes." Alex cut her off. "Yes you are. Don't lie to me Marissa."
Marissa felt ashamed. She didn't even have dignity enough to tell Alex the real reason.
"Just tell me why you're doing this, because honestly I don't think I can take it anymore." Her voice was so weak.
Marissa pushed herself up from the couch, and headed towards the door. She wanted to run as fast as she could, away from everything, everyone.
(All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery)
Alex saw this and stopped her throwing herself in Marissa's path.
"NO! You are NOT FUCKING running out on me with this one!" Alex was completely hysterical, tears streaming down her paled complexion, her words and demeanor almost threatening.
"GODMMIT ALEX!" Marissa barked, her emotions getting the best of her, she grabbed both of Alex's shoulders and shoved her backwards into the door that she was longing to run through a couple of seconds ago.
(As they steal your best memories away)
Alex could have sworn what was going to happen next was going to include Marissa's hand against her face in a slap or something of that nature. However Marissa withered into more of the ever flooding emotions, holding Alex close to her body crying into her shoulder; back to where she started ironically enough.
"I'm sorry Alex." She whispered burying her face in Alex's neck.
(What if I was someone different in your only history?)
"Don't leave me." Alex whimpered gripping her closer. "I know you still love me."
Marissa wrapped her arms around her neck and brought their lips together, their tears merging as well. It was meant to be a goodbye kiss, but Alex kept elongating it, sending it soaring into something much more. Marissa could very well feel the heat that was eagerly branching throughout her body, spreading like a wild
fire.
(Would you feel the same)
"Tell me you don't want this. Tell me you love me, Marissa." Alex breathed in the midst of a kiss.
She knew she needed to pull away, but it was too late because the damage had already been done. She was whisked away by Alex's daunting need and her own. They both stood there clinging to each other lips locked within bruising kisses.
(As I walk out the door)
Never breaking their kiss, Alex carefully lifted Marissa's leg placing it on top of her hip. Marissa took notice and allowed Alex to pick her up, her weight resting on her hips. Marissa may have been taller, but weighed about the same as the blonde. Alex carefully led them to her bedroom placing Marissa on her bed and crawling in between her legs.
Alex's hands traveled down to push up Marissa's top, her cool lips pressing against the hot skin. Marissa gasped at the contact, hands and fingertips sifting through golden strands as she arched her body to meet willing lips.
(Never to see your face again)
(Never to see your face again)
Alex's own fingers found the bottom hem of Marissa's skirt, shifting the material upward, lips busy kissing the skin just above her panties. Marissa, already torn into sexual frenzy, strived to feel as much of Alex as she could, rolling her body in every touch.
Tugging the silken garment down Marissa's knees and off her legs, Alex repositioned herself between her legs this time her fingers dragging up the limb resting on the apex of her thigh. Marissa shuddered under her fully clothed body, teeth clenched together in anticipation.
(And it'll be just as quiet when I leave)
"Alex…please." Marissa whispered.
Connecting their lips once again, Alex preceded forth, two fingers slipping into heated moisture. Marissa felt her limbs turn to jelly as the wonderful sensation burned throughout her core. She wanted to scream at how good it felt, however instead she whimpered, holding Alex as close as she could humanly get to her.
(As it was when I first got here)
Just in by curling her fingers, Alex had taken Marissa to a whole new level of pleasure, however just as she felt herself tip the summit, she withdrew her hand leaving a very frustrated Marissa panting. Before she could even question Alex, lips and tongue replaced fingers.
(It'll be just as quiet when I leave)
Marissa felt tears breach her eyes as she shattered into a million pieces at once, the world in her view now in liquefied form. The only thing she could hear was the distant beat of blood thrumming in her ears.
(As it was when I first got here)
Alex slid back up her body, and Marissa opened her eyes to face her. A warm palm stroked the sides of her face while nimble fingers teased away stray strands of golden brown.
They both stared into each other's eyes acknowledging the love that still burned so fervently. Alex knew all in all, she could never really hate Marissa for whatever reason, even if she was breaking up with her. She's didn't even think she could ever fully get over her after all this.
(I don't expect anything)
(I don't expect anything)
The reality of Marissa leaving swept Alex off her feet, rocking her back to aching realization. Spiritual pain ebbed over, and Marissa watched as her tears trickled down her pretty face, and dripped onto her shirt. She brought Alex closer to her, cradling her sobbing form to her chest, stroking her back ever so soothingly.
(I don't expect anything)
(I don't expect anything)
"Please don't leave me." She pleaded once again.
(I don't expect anything)
Marissa remained silent. It was hurting her to know that she was hurting Alex.
Soon all that could be heard were the blonde's subtle hiccupping, the aftermath of her cries, as they fell asleep.
(I don't expect anything to change when I leave)
Morning dawned over the horizon, a new day had escaped time, and Alex gained consciousness from the depths of sleep. Her bed was vacant of the other individual she'd intended would stay with her.
It was really over.
In the kitchen on the table, was what was left of Marissa in the house. It was a note, more like a letter… a confession.
Alex,
Babe, you know you were so dear to me, and I'll never forget it. I'll never forget your touch, the feel of your skin, and beat of your heart against mine when we lay together. You're the first person to ever make me feel free. It was like you let me out of my cage, freed me from all that burdened me. You've been nothing but good to me, and I feel like a complete monster for breaking you off like this. My mother, that evil bitch… she just can't do this right now, and she threatened to kick me out, and take away everything she ever got me if she ever caught me with you again. I just can't do that. Please understand. It's nothing you did, because you did nothing wrong. So don't take it out on yourself. I just can't do this right now. I'll love you forever, and know that no one could ever compare to you, ever.
Love with all heart & soul,
Your lover
Marissa
Alex understood clearly, but it just hurt so bad to know Marissa would never be hers again.. This girl had taken over so much of her heart, and in one drop of a dime, she'd torn it apart rendering her a victim of a broken heart. A hopeless victim.
This was a new beginning for everything.
From that night, Alex hadn't seen Marissa around since.
It was a cool fall night about two years later, and the county fair had arrived bringing in an abundance of people sweeping onto its grounds.
Meanwhile Marissa laughed as Ryan plucked some of his fluffy pink cotton from his paper stick and stuck it to the tip of her nose. She playfully swatted his hand away crossing her eyes comical way to watch the fuzz hang on her nose.
Seth was over at the dart and balloons booth, being heavy scrutinized on his throwing ability by an annoyed Summer.
It was only when Marissa reached up to pick the cotton candy from off her face when she saw a familiar blonde walk across the field to a concession stand. Marissa felt her breath catch in her throat.
As Ryan leaned in to kiss her, shrugged him off. He eyed her suspiciously, then cleared his throat.
"Something wrong?"
Marissa swallowed hard. "What? No. I just need to use to bathroom real quick. I'll be back." She replied hastily as she turned to leave.
"Why don't you keep Seth company? It looks like he needs a little encouragement." She laughed nervously.
Ryan nodded, and smiled at her as he headed over to Seth, telling Summer to lay off him a bit, even though he was a wimpy loser.
She stood about 15 feet away. Staring at her, watching amorously as renewed emotions stirred inside her. Alex ran her fingers through her hair in hopes to straighten out its disheveledness that the winds had caused it to be.
She reached for her hotdog and drink and took it to the picnic tables not too far away from the stands. Marissa gathered her bearings and headed over.
"Hey." She stated coolly.
Alex looked up from her mustard coated hotdog at Marissa. Her eyes widened as her lips twisted into a smirk Marissa knew so damned well. She crossed her arms and leaned back on her heels to complete the smug look she was giving her.
"Well, well stranger. Long time no see, and I do mean looong time. Two whole years to be exact." She laughed.
Marissa blushed being coated in her warm presence.
She slid off the picnic bench, and wrapped her arms around Marissa in a tight loving hug. Marissa hugged back just as tight feeling so completely dizzy in her happiness, she didn't want to let go. She inhaled the familiar scent of Alex as she pulled back finally.
"I missed you so much Alex you don't even know."
Alex nodded. "Yeah well. You had to do what was best right?" She grinned stroking her arms up and down her comfort.
Marissa shook her head. She felt bad, for what she did such a long time ago, but that was the past. This was the new.
"Hey look, don't feel bad babe. It's alrig- woah…" Alex cut off her sentence from sheer surprise of being someone grabbing her from behind.
Marissa fixed her eyes to watch some cute brunette girl wrapped her arms around Alex's waist leaning up against her, giving quick pecks to her neck.
"Hey sexy. Sorry I took so long, the line was fucking huge." She explained while kissing on the blonde's ear.
"It's okay, I just picked up a hotdog."
The girl's attention turned to Marissa who stood there shifting from foot to foot, a few seconds shy of inching away from the two.
"Who's this?"
"This is Marissa, an…old friend of mine. I haven't seen her in a long time. Marissa, this is Eva my girlfriend…"
"Mmm, that you love so very much…" Eva smiled into the soft skin of her cheek.
"That I love so very much with all my heart, Marizalde." Alex said reaching down, and bringing her hands up to her lips kiss them.
Marissa felt her heart sink down to her stomach. She was crushed. She wasn't expecting this. She didn't expect Alex to move on; it just wasn't in her mind. But how could she not expect her to? Alex was a breathing human being. She had needs and feelings just like she did. Alex had moved on.
So did Marissa, but Marissa wasn't in love.
Ryan was someone she was just with. There for comfort, there to lay with with no worries to whether her mom would disown her or not.
But it wasn't what she wanted.
Out of no where Ryan came up beside her.
"There you are. Hey, is that you Alex?" He pointed out.
"In all my glory." Alex admitted. "And this is my girlfriend Eva. Eva meet Ryan, Marissa's…um…"
"Boyfriend." He corrected.
"Yeah."
"Hi." Eva let go of her grip on Alex to shake Ryan's hand. "Nice to meet you."
"You too. Marissa we're about to ride the Ferris wheel, I kinda need you along to complete the ride."
"Okay." She turned back over to Alex, and let out the breath she didn't realize she's held. "I guess I'll see you around?"
"Yeah. We'll be around." Alex beamed. "Nice seeing you again though."
"Alright bye."
"Bye."
Ryan walked next to Marissa and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him. She felt so empty inside, but she had to keep reminding herself that it was for the better.
Alex watched them leave, feeling a little unsatisfied that she didn't get to talk to Marissa the way she wanted to. Eva made her happy, but it wasn't Marissa and she could never compare to her.
"Ready to go?" Eva asked taking Alex's hand in her own.
"Yeah." Alex said trying to keep her mind from opening any more old wounds.
Night had fallen, and the Ferris wheel was up and running. Ryan huddled next to Marissa, his muscular arm draped around her shoulders.
Marissa back tracked on her memories with Alex. How great it was until the world came crashing down on everything.
"I guess it wasn't meant to be." Marissa thought to herself.
Alex sat in the cart right under them, mind thinking about the what ifs of her relationship with Marissa. Eva caught her staring off into space, void of any emotion in her features, and it scared her.
"Sweetie, are you okay?" She asked lifting her finger to tilt Alex's face towards hers.
"Hmm? Oh yeah. I'm cool. Just thinking about random stuff."
Eva wasn't buying it. "Like what babe. You looked pretty out of it. I've never seen you like that before. Are you sure you don't want to talk?"
Alex's eyes traveled over the girl's pretty features, admiring her concern.
"Yeah babe, I'm fine."
Eva smiled a smile filled with dimples, and leaned over to engage Alex in an enduring kiss, and in this kiss, she felt safe.
"I guess it just wasn't meant to be." Alex thought to herself.
End? Maybe… maybe not.
Author's End notes:
Woooh! Hey guys sorry bout the heavily delayed post. I've been going through some stuff, and I needed me time. Plus school was riding my ass, so I didn't have time to craft any stories together. Um… I think this is good, but it's not my best. However bare with me please, I'm kinda struggling here! lol
Oh yeah, don't forget to R&R. I love feedback.
PS: Sorry for any spelling errors. I tried. Oh and thanks to anyone who reviewed previously. I love you guys! Mwahz!