7. SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT GRASP THE CONCEPT OF 'UNWELCOME'

I was right on the verge of feeling alive again.

Being around Raeleigh was effortless, as easy as breathing for me. I thought it was the same way with her, but I'd been wrong. The moment I heard Bella call out Raeleigh's name, and that sickening sweet smell filled my nostrils, the trembling of pure pain and heartbreak returned. I went outside as quickly as I could to cool off, but cooling down wasn't an option for me. Not anymore. Not when it came to her. Of course he was with her, following her as closely as he could like a shadow. She moves, he moves.

The door opened suddenly and I turned around, expecting it to be Bella, but it was Nina instead. I peered into the house, Paul and Embry looking at me worriedly. I assumed they sent her out to talk to me after seeing my sudden escape. I crossed my arms, remaining silent, and kicked at the dirt. Nina pulled her jacket closer to her body before crossing her arms and leaned against the side of the small house. She hadn't spoken a word and I knew she only waited for me to be the one to talk first. I knew she didn't want to push any uncomfortable buttons.

Tears made themselves known, stinging my dry eyes. I tried to fight them back, and for the most part it worked…until my heightened senses took hold and I was able to hear her chatting happily in the house with the guys. I growled as the shaking rolled through my whole body, my hands clenched into tight fists. I punched the door that led to the laundry room-a small building that connected to the back of that house-and rested my forehead on the door for a moment before hitting it again. I cracked a knuckle but didn't feel the pain at first…my heart was taking care of that for me.

"You'll always have that spare option if you want it."

Bella made an effort to smile. "Until my heart stops beating."

I grinned back. "You know, I think I'd still take you-maybe. I guess that depends on how much you stink."

"I wonder when it will happen," Bella told me, "When the right girl is going to catch your eye."

"Don't get your hopes up, Bella," I told her, my voice abruptly sour, "Though I'm sure it will be a relief for you."

"Maybe, maybe not. I probably won't think she's good enough for you. I wonder how jealous I'll be."

"That part might be kind of fun," I admitted. With a sigh, I turned my cheek toward her.

She leaned in and kissed my face softly. "Love you, Jacob."

I laughed lightly. "Love you more."

Still resting my forehead on the door, I reared back and hit the door repetitively, cracking a hole in the wood after each blow.

Jacob,

I'm breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn't want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice.

I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you - for her - for everything.

Edward.

I continued punching until there wasn't anything hardly left to punch. Nina took hold of my blood-drenched fist and looked up at me. Tears streamed down my face as I stared in her eyes, unable to think; my mind was so crowded of pain filled memories. I wanted to run as far and as fast as my legs would take me, but I knew it'd do no good. She'd still be here when I'd return. "Jake…"

I turned my back on her and sat down on the edge. "I'll be fine," I grunted, my throat tightening up a little more than before.

"Jake…"

"I'll be fine," I insisted a little louder. "In case my right hooks to the door was too subtle for you, let me translate: I don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe not you, but Raeleigh will." She was right. The moment Raeleigh would see the alteration in my hand, she'll burst with questions. I looked down at my shaking hand and wiped the blood onto my jean pants. "She'll notice your hand, your mood. She notices everything about you, Jacob, because she cares so much about you."

My face felt hot-hotter than usual. Raeleigh did care about me, and sometimes I wondered if she was stupid to. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Someone whose brain is so distorted, their heart mangled to bits. I stayed quiet as my throat tightened up, the pain welled up inside me, and buried my head in my trembling hands. After a long while, Nina touched my shoulder gently before disappearing into the house. I gave it a little while before I did the same; making sure my hand was set straight, and my face dry. I sighed and let myself in.

Emily's flat-screen was on, low volume, showing some comedy that only Seth seemed to be watching. Emily and Sam were in the kitchen laughing about something hysterical. Embry, Jared, Paul and Quil played a game of cards while Alice and Jasper watched about a foot or two away. Nina, Charlie, and Billy reminisced at the dinner table. Esme and Carlisle were out of sight, but I heard them murmuring in the back room, despite the intense volume throughout the entire house. Bella was on the larger of the two couches with a thin blanket wrapped around her. Edward sat closely beside Bella with her sock-covered feet in his lap. They seemed to be talking about something serious at some point at she stared unhappily in space, that little crease between her eyes that she got when she was stressed out. I didn't like the sight of it. Rosalie sat cross-legged on the ground near the center of the couch with Emmett behind her, massaging her shoulders gingerly.

Edward looked over at me when I came in and smiled at me-just a little twitch of his mouth-like something I did pleased him. Bella didn't hear me come in, as her mind was somewhere else. She only glanced up when he shifted in the cushion, and then she smiled, too.

Normally, I'd've smiled back and do a little something sweet to make her cheeks turn pink. Normally, I'd've done it to piss him off, but I wasn't in the mood, and even if I was, I wouldn't act upon it. At any rate, I didn't want her to think that I still loved her. For crying out loud, she was married! Happily married, too-there was no question that she was in love with her bloodsucker past the boundaries of normalcy.

So why the hell did she have to be so damn thrilled to see me? Like I'd made her whole freakin' day by walking through the door. If she would just not care…Or more than that-really not want me around. It would be so much easier to stay with Raeleigh…

Edward grinned, just a small change in the set of his mouth. Nothing that would catch the others' attention, mind you. It was obvious he was reading my mind, listening in on everything I thought. I scowled at him. I knew he was more than happy to hear how I cared for Raeleigh-probably just as much as she cared for me-and not Bella. Bastard.

He was frowning now as he took notice of her beaming smile while she stared at me. It was obvious in her expression that she'd still cared for me. After all the options I threw at her, the forced kisses, everything I'd done to make her see that she loved me…and now I didn't want it at all. A little hypocritical, if you ask me. Edward nodded once, seeming to be in agreement to my thoughts. I scoffed and trudged up the stairs, my only goal to drag myself far enough into the house that the air would be stink free again.

Then I heard footsteps while I slogged across the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"It will only take a moment, dear."

I turned slowly with my head titled to the side and my arms crossed. Clearly, I wasn't in the mood to 'have a moment' with anyone, especially Bella, but she apparently insisted as she continued up the stairs. When she reached the top, she stopped and hugged her stomach. She opened her mouth to speak but then hesitated, like she didn't know how to phrase was she was thinking. She had an apology in her expression.

"I've missed you," she whispered softly.

I clenched my teeth together hard as my hands flexed into tight, trembling fists. "Don't," I demanded in a growl. I tried to keep my guard up, keep the façade from vanishing from my face, but the glistening up in my eyes gave it all away. I stared down at my feet the moment I realized she looked right through the bull. "You're married," I reminded her.

"You didn't even come to the wedding," she'd said, her tone firmer now.

I shook my head and continued to shuffle my fee against the beige carpet and looked back up at her. "No. No, I came," I clarified. "You just didn't see me." I stared into her perfectly chocolate brown eyes and watched as the pinkness in her cheeks brightened. "You're married," I reminded firmly. "You don't get to miss me."

"C'mon Jake," she pleaded, "You know that's not fair."

"Do I?"

"You should," she whispered. "I mean, whatever happened to fighting for me until my heart stops beating?" She asked, full of hurt.

"Yeah," I grunted and crossed my arms. "Well, you know what they say…people change," I told her. "And you will too. You won't be Bella anymore. So what's the point? You decided, Bella. You could'a had me the way I am-bad behavior included- or not at all. You chose no."

She stared at me, frustrated. "You are so…" she started but hesitated, like she was scared to hurt my feelings. God forbid she do something that tiny! Like I couldn't handle it. Hurting my feelings was nothing compared to the fire that'd burned me internally. "…impossible."

"Yeah," I sighed. "But at least I'm still me." I moved passed her in a hurry, making sure not to touch her skin, as my knees might buckle from under me and I'd beg for her to take me, to make me hers.

"Jake," she whispered, grasping my arm. I closed my eyes tightly as if I'd expected to feel pain with her touch. But I felt nothing, nothing at all. "I…please…"

I turned to her slowly and stared into her eyes. "I've missed you too, Bells." She seemed almost relieved at my words. "I'm sorry. But this doesn't change anything between us."

I still loved her. The dry, scorching ache in my throat gave proof to that. And I knew what loving her entailed. Loving her would only make me feel more lonely than I already was with my hatred, and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Pain so bad you'd take death with a smile just to get away from it. To me, she made it feel like I was staring out across an ocean that I'd have to swim from shore to shore before I could rest again. Like being dragged sluggishly across a bed of freshly sharpened razor blades.

But then I heard something, felt something that pulled me away from that bed of blades, that ocean of pain, the scorching ache in my throat. Raeleigh's voice. It was her voice that pulled me away from the fiery pit of hatred, loneliness, and pain. It was her voice that made my heart flutter, mend back into its correct shape.

Bella saw it and felt it too. She saw and felt the physical and emotional changed that Raeleigh'd done to my heart, my soul. Slowly, she removed her hand from my arm as she watched the dire need in my eyes to tend to Rae. She sighed heavily and slumped her body like she'd given up. She nodded as if she understood it all. "Are you two…"

"No," I answered quickly.

"So you didn't…"

"No." Truth be told, I wanted to tell her that I had, just so she'd know that she couldn't matter to me anymore. But I couldn't lie. She knew me too well. "Now…if you'll excuse me. I'm very much needed downstairs."

The air seemed different after I'd left the stairs. No doubt it still stank from the wretched odor from the leeches as they made themselves at home, but still different. I scanned the room and found Raeleigh sitting on a stool with her feet dangling off the floor. She yawned tiredly and rested her head on the counter. I more than happily approached her and wrapped my arms around her slender waist before gently kissing her cheek.

"You okay?" She asked after unfortunately noticing the stiffness in my stance.

I looked down at her and smiled. Instantly her face went from worrisome to pure happiness. "I'm more than okay."