Chapter Three: Had Better Days

Jack eyes fluttered open slowly; the first thing he was aware of was the pain, racing through his every fiber followed closely by a cotton-like feeling: pain killers. The second thing he noted was the dim lights. He was in the bedroom, wearing a pair of flannel bottoms that he was pretty sure belonged to Ianto and no shirt. Moving his head he bit back a moan of pain as he was able to move just enough to see Gwen sleeping in the chair beside his bed. He had a flash of memory and felt his cheeks grow warm at the recollection of messing himself.

Another jolt of pain sent all humiliation from his mind as his muscles convulsed slightly, tiny tremors that felt like he was being ripped apart. He couldn't stop the whimper that escaped from his lips. He was vaguely aware of the gentle hand on top of his head, a damp cloth placed on his forehead. "It's okay Jack, deep breaths." Gwen's beautiful Welsh vowels filled his ears.

"Dying?" He whimpered as he tried to move away from the pain, but his body wouldn't have that. That's when Jack noticed his hands were wrapped with gauze, half way up to his elbows. "Yan?"

Gwen continued to run her fingers through his silky hair, "He's sleeping in your quarters, do you want Ianto?"

His lips pursed in pain and his eyes scrunched as he tried to hold back the flood of tears. "Just hold on, I'll go get him." she whispered as she hurried out of the room. Owen was seated at his desk, half asleep; Martha sprawled out on the couch. "He's in pain," she stated as she rushed towards his office. Those words alone jolted Martha and Owen from their light sleeping. Gwen moved over to Jack's normal quarters. "He's asking for you Ianto."

Moments later Ianto was sitting beside Jack's head, caressing his hair as Martha and Owen looked Jack over for further problems. Owen let out a shaky breath as he looked down at Jack. "We can only give you so much pain medication Jack, too much and we'll over dose you."

"Kill me," he whimpered quietly, his eyes still shut against the pain.

Owen glanced around at the room and took another moment before he spoke. "Can I have a minute alone with Jack please?"

All eyes were on Owen. "Owen you can't—" Gwen began, but a stare from Owen silenced her.

Ianto leaned down and pressed a kiss to Jack's head. "I'll be back."

Owen was silent until the door behind him was closed. Moving over to the bed he took a seat next to Jack, being wary of his obvious injuries. "Jack, radiation kills DNA, it manipulates it. As of right now, unless you tell me otherwise, I have no proof that this won't kill you permanently. If the radiation is breaking down your DNA, the very chains of who you are then it's entirely possible that this could be the end."

Jack's blue eyes were hazy as he stared back at Owen, gritting his teeth in pain. "Gonna die anyway."

"Probably, but do you really want us to kill you? Look I was barely with it when I shot you before, and I regret every moment of that decision. I know this hurts, but I also know you don't want any of us living with the possible guilt of killing you and you never coming back."

Jack slowly nodded. "How long?"

"Well you've been out for nearly twenty-four hours already—at the rate this is progressing, a week maybe ten days."

"How bad?"

Owen shook his head. "Bad."

"Say goodbyes?"

"Jack—"

The Captain took a shaky lung full of air. "If this is it—then I want to say goodbye. If it's not—then you all have," he grimaced as pain lanced through his body, "The right to know how I feel."

"Well we're taking shifts, it's Gwen's turn right now. Do you want me to send her in?"

Jack nodded briefly before he closed his eyes to the pain again. Hoping maybe when he opened them the pain would be gone. Owen took the moment to look at his Captain silently; his heart ached watching the man suffer. He hated himself for being such a coward, but he'd taken so many lives, and while Jack may have an endless supply, Owen wasn't willing to risk anything this big. He took one final glance at the man before he slipped out of the room. He was met by Gwen, Ianto, Martha and Tosh.

"Tell me you didn't—" Owen held up his hand, stopping Ianto's sentence.

Shaking his head, Owen took a slow breath of air. "No I didn't. We're going to continue our shifts and monitoring. His sores are beginning to develop already, I've seen a couple. We're going to have to give him sponge baths, try to keep them from getting infected."

"I'll do it." Ianto spoke up.

"I figured as much. Gwen still has another hour with him, and then you can take over for a little while."

o0o

Ianto sat in the tourist office, he had a file he was supposed to be working on open in front of him. However, his mind was lost in time. He was busy thinking about everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Jack was usually such a strong person, a strong character leading them into battle. Ianto felt his eyes burn with unshed tears, as a part of him realized he ached to be with Jack. Not just in a sexual sense, sure he loved being with Jack, he'd been perfectly honest with Martha in telling her he was innovative—bordering on avant-garde. As flirtatious as Jack was, he was twice that in bed and then some. Full of surprises. But Ianto wanted more, he needed more. He'd realized shortly after Jack's return from his disappearance with Martha and the Doctor, that it wasn't just about the sex. At least not for him; he wanted more, he wanted that person who would be there in the morning, willing to just snuggle. Problem was that wasn't what Jack wanted. At least, that's what Ianto thought.

Someone cleared their throat, startling Ianto from his thoughts, glancing up from his stupor—and his file—he met Martha's doe brown eyes. "How is he?" Ianto asked immediately, concerned and knowing that Jack was the reason for her being up there.

Martha shrugged as she moved around behind the counter until she was sitting on a stool beside him, shoulder to shoulder with him. "Sleeping right now, Owen wanted him to rest and knew the only way he could do that was if he was pain free."

"I've watched him die fourteen times," Ianto whispered, he offering a side long glance before continuing. "It doesn't get any easier; in fact it only gets worse."

"There's a lot he hasn't told you Ianto—that time he was gone, it was probably worse for him than any of us. You have the right to know, press him I think you'll be surprised how much he shares with you."

"We've tried to get him talking before—"

"Not the team Ianto, just you. Jack cares about you."

Ianto shook his head. "He cares about all of us."

She laughed softly. "For someone so very smart, you certainly are stupid. Haven't you ever seen the way he looks at you? Like he could get lost in your gaze forever. Sometimes when he looks at you, it looks like the rest of the world disappears to him."

"Doesn't matter, he's not the settling type."

"Everyone says that, until they find someone worth settling with. Ianto, you are worth every ounce of love he can give. Tell me something, has he slept with anyone since he's returned?"

"No."

"You don't find that a bit odd, that a man as obsessed with sex as him hasn't slept with anyone since…well since you?"

"Well he's been busy most nights." Ianto offered, before realizing what he'd just said and what he actually meant. Martha, can the Doctor change people?"

"What do you mean?"

Ianto's mind was already churning. Looking at her he took a slow breath. "If I were to ask him to make me…immortal could he do it?"

"I don't know." She honestly replied. "Though you might want to talk about that with Jack. He hates it Ianto, he hates knowing he's got forever."

"He hates it because he's alone. He doesn't have to be alone forever."

o0o

Gwen sat beside Jack's bed. He was stable for now, but he looked so pale and drawn. He appeared thinner than he had even yesterday and red, bloody, sticky sores were beginning to form all over his body. He'd be running a fever for the past several hours, alternating between shivering with chills and blistering from a fever. All they could do was keep him as comfortable as possible. She noticed, after several minutes, that Jack's eyes were wide open but he seemed to be staring at something far off.

"Jack? Do you want me to get Owen?"

Jack tried not to scoff; he'd spent half of the last day semi-lucid. He was as free of pain as he was going to get right now. "No."

"What's wrong love?" She asked leaning closer to him. She used a wash cloth to gently mop his brow, running her fingers through his silky hair.

"Love you all, so much."

Gwen smiled. "We love you too. Jack you're going to be fine."

He nodded weakly. "I know—I'm sorry I left, I had to go. Please understand." He whimpered his pain was beginning to mount again with each passing moment.

"Shh, it's okay. Jack we've forgiven you. Sure, it frustrates us at times that you swan off without so much as a word, but you came back. That's all that matters." She wasn't about to fight about this. Truth was that in the past several months that he'd been home she found herself happier than ever. She loved Jack; a part of her loved him like a possible lover. But after everything she'd been through with Rhys, the wedding, and him being shot—she was truly in love with Rhys. Jack was her best friend and the closest thing she'd ever had to a brother. While she truly did love him, he added a different dimension to her life. "Jack you're going to survive, you'll be fine an' we're all going to go back to our not-so-normal lives."

"What's normal?" he gave a sharp laugh that turned into a groan. A wave of pain washed over him, as she held him through the mini convulsions. "God this sucks." He whimpered.

She pressed her lips to his forehead. "I know Jack, it'll be over soon." Gwen hummed softly as Jack slipped back into unconsciousness. She sighed, feeling so horrible for him. How many times would Jack have to suffer? And it wasn't even death. Jack suffered for every decision he made, whether it was dying to save the world, or him losing someone he loved. It didn't seem fair, they'd all been through hell but for him it was different. The pain would never end. "I hope the pain is outweighed by the love."

"It is." A deep baritone voice startled her from her thoughts. Turning, she smiled as Ianto appeared in the doorway, he'd removed his suit coat and was standing with his sleeves rolled up above his elbows, tie loosened around his neck. His eyes held a hint of stress, but the rest of his body seemed relaxed. "He told me once, late at night—don't think he was really awake enough to know what he was saying—but he told me that he'd rather enjoy every moment he has like it was the last. He wouldn't trade this in for anything; he's loved people he never would have loved anywhere else." Ianto smiled sadly at the memory of those nights.

"Like you?" she questioned.

Ianto shrugged. "Perhaps, he's enigmatic at best; it's hard to tell what love is and what a fun sex toy is. I'd like to think there's a reason it's me that he always seeks out."

Gwen stood up slowly; walking over to her friend she reached out and gripped his hands in hers. "He may not openly say it, but he loves you. He has a look about him when he's with you, the same look Rhys gets when he watches me, or Tosh had with Tommy and Mary, Owen with Diane." Stepping up on her tiptoes she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Goodnight Ianto."

He smiled as he watched her head towards the door. "Goodnight Gwen, give Rhys our love." He replied softly.

"Yan?" a weak voice called from the bed.

Ianto smiled, he'd arranged the schedule enough so that he was always the one staying with Jack during the late hours. There was no one else around; Martha was likely sleeping in Jack's quarters, prepared if she was needed. But this was time so that Ianto could care for Jack. "It's time for a bath."

Jack smirked weakly. "Just want me naked." He replied half-heartedly.

Ianto chuckled as he stepped into the bathroom to prepare for the sponge bath. Moments later, he stepped to Jack's side. He set the basin on the floor before reaching out and gently removing Jack's shirt. Even with all the care in the world Jack let out several cries of pain. "I'm sorry." Was all Ianto could offer as he completely removed the shirt. "Why don't we talk, maybe it'll distract you from the pain."

Jack nodded weakly as he shivered when Ianto touched his chest, those long nimble fingers. Even near death, Jack could feel the obvious affects from Ianto. He could smell the man, coffee, dust and—"Are you using my watermelon shampoo?" Jack asked incredulously as he grew a little more lucid.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Try to relax, I promise to be gentle." He touched the washcloth to one of the sores, taking extra care to not hurt Jack further.

"What do you wanna know?" Jack asked in between hisses of pain.

"Whatever you wish to tell me." He sponged at some softer spots; his eyes took note of the chest. Jack had lost weight in a matter of hours, his ribs already beginning to poke out, his stomach was black and blue from the early stages of internal bleeding.

Jack gave a cry of pain as Ianto swabbed at another sore. Huffing he tried to bite his lip. "I'm sorry!" he sobbed.

Ianto shook his head, unable to stop his own tears from shining in his eyes. "Talk to me Jack. I'm so sorry."

"Born—I was born in the 51st century…5224!" he cried out again as Ianto continued the bath. "A mom and dad, just like every other kid—baby brother, Grey." He whimpered at the painful memory of his little brother combined with the pain tearing through his body.

"What was your little brother like?"

Jack let out a harsh sob. "Adorable, great kid. But I lost him! Oh God!" he sobbed openly.

Ianto stopped, seeing that Jack needed a moment, he reached out and gently pressed his lips to Jack's. That seemed to distract the Captain slightly as Jack instantly tried to deepen the kiss. Ianto felt his heart ache, Jack tasted of salt and iron. "I'm here Jack. Right here. How did you get to the twenty-first century then?" He asked pulling away slightly.

"I was a Time Agent, don't ask it's a long story—" He squeezed his eyes in pain and took a deep breath as Ianto continued. "I went rogue when they stole two years from me. Two years of my memory. Became a conman, just like John."

"What changed you?"

"The Doctor and his companion at the time, Rose. Took me in—but things went a little wrong. She didn't mean to, but Rose was in control of a lot of power, brought me back from the dead."

"Permanently." Ianto finished in a whisper as he met Jack's hazy, pain filled blue eyes.

"She did it out of love." Jack whimpered softly as he watched Ianto.

Ianto nodded as he pulled down Jack's pants and continued the bath, his legs weren't as bad yet. Ianto hopped this wouldn't hurt Jack as much. "That's why you went with him? Did you love him?" Ianto didn't need to hear answer he could see the pain and tears on Jack's face.

"Yes, but he wasn't the same man I loved. He's changed—maybe for the better—He called me wrong. Said I was impossible. We went to the end of the fucking universe and all I did was cause him more pain."

"What happened?"

Jack let out a pitiful sob. "Lots of stuff, which led to me being chained and killed on a daily basis by a madman."

Ianto stopped at Jack's words. He felt his heart pounding. "You—"

"I've died three hundred times Ianto, and at least two hundred and fifty of those were more creative and painful than this will ever be."

"How—" Ianto hated himself for asking this question. "What kept you going?"

Jack let out half a sob and half a laugh. "Aside from being a freak!"

Ianto snapped at those words, reaching out as quickly as he could he gripped Jack's jaw, being mindful of hurting him. "You listen to me Jack Harkness, you are not a freak! You may be immortal and you may not be normal but you aren't wrong and you are not a freak! Whoever that bastard who said that, was he was wrong. You are wonderful."

"You." Jack whispered, his eyes shining with a fresh bath of tears.

Ianto was surprised. "What?"

"You kept me going. I had to believe there was a reason I would continue to live. It was you. I held onto the idea that if I got out of this I'd be coming home to you."

"Jack—"

The Captain shook his head suddenly. "I've spent over a hundred and sixty years jumping from bed to bed, with only a handful of partners and lovers. None like you Ianto Jones—" he bit his lip at another flare of pain before he took a shuddering breath and continued. "I don't know what you want from this. But anything you want and I'll give it to you. I'll spend the rest of your life being domestic if it means I get to keep you at my side. I learned in that year you're the one thing I don't want to live without."

Ianto felt his cheeks grow damp as he moved carefully behind Jack, curling his body protectively around the other man, being wary of the sores. "I'm here Jack, for as long as I can be." Which would be forever if Ianto had his way, closing his eyes and as he listened to Jack's whimpers and slow breathing he made up his mind; tomorrow he'd tell Martha to call the Doctor.

TBC