Starting From Scratch
Written by: HoshiHikari
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY
Summary: On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.
Parings: Mac and Stella
Warning: A small visual of 9/11 is mentioned in this chapter. It may or may not bring back unpleasant memories.
Chapter 2
"Where's Claire?" Mac demanded again. "Where is she? Where is my wife?"
"Claire?" Stella repeated with shock. "Claire?"
"Yes! Claire! Where is she? Where's my wife?"
"Mac? I am your wife! It's me Stella!" Stella shouted back.
Mac didn't seem to hear what Stella said. He tried to sit up, tearing some of the equipment off of him. Immediately Dr. Gordon was on the other side of Mac's bed. He reached out and tried to force Mac to lay down again. It didn't seem to work as the two of them struggled with the other, Mac trying to sit up and the other trying to get him to lay down again.
"Press the red button." The doctor orders Stella.
"What?" Stella asked back, obviously shocked by Mac's demands and behavior.
"The red button that's on…"
"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO SEE CLAIRE!" Mac roared. "I SWEAR I WILL…"
"The button is on your side of the bed!" Dr. Gordon addressed Stella loudly, though not enough to cover Mac's voice entirely. Stella looked around, finally spotting the red button. Reaching out, she pressed the button, expecting a siren to go off. The siren didn't go off, but within seconds, the doors to Mac's room swung up again and a group of doctors and nurses rushed in. They pushed Stella aside, some of them began helping Dr. Gordon restrain Mac while others hooked Mac up to the machines.
"ARREST EVERYONE FOR DENYING…"
"Sedative's ready, doctor." One of the nurses said. "Shall I begin the process?"
"MY REQUEST FOR…."
"CLAIRE'S DEAD!" Stella roared, covering Mac's screams. For a split second Mac slumped in the group of doctor's arms. His eyes sough Stella's and found the pain etched in them. In an instant he felt the world come crashing down around him as the memories of what might have caused him to end up in the hospital began to sink in.
"NO! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING!" Mac began struggling in the doctor's and nurse's grasp again, this time harder then before.
"Mac…" Stella tried to use her voice to calm the man down.
"WHY DID YOU COME AFTER ME? WHY DID YOU SAVE ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE WITH HER? SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING!" Mac began tugging at the equipment once more, some of them which were vital in keeping him alive. "JUST LET ME DIE!"
"Sedate him." One of the doctors ordered and the nurse in charge of sedation began the process.
"NO MAC! I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE. YOU'RE MY…" Stella began, only to stop when she notice Mac slumped in the arms of the doctors. His eyes were closed and although it was obvious that pain still marred his face, he was at least resting for the time being.
"How much of that sedative did you use?" Stella asked wearily, surprised at its quick effect.
"Hopefully enough to keep him asleep for the rest of the night." Dr. Gordon replied, as he helped attached the equipment back onto Mac. "Don't worry, this won't kill him." He assured her. He made Mac comfortable and then turned to Stella, his eyes locking onto hers.
"Who' s Claire?" Dr. Gordon asked slowly as the others left the room.
"She was his wife. She died on 9/11." Stella replied.
"September 11?" He repeated. "But it has been…"
"I know." Stella grabbed a chair and then sat down next to Mac's bedside. She reached out and gently ran her fingers across his forehead, gently wiping off the beads of sweat that he had worked up while struggling in the doctors' arms. "He must have thought the reason he's in the hospital was because he was pulled out of the towers and not because of the plane crash."
"Was he a first responder?" Dr. Gordon asked, knowing that both Taylors were part of the NYPD.
"No. But his wife worked there. He ran in there after her, I ran in there after him…."
"I'm sorry."
"No need to be. It's been so long. I helped him through this once. I'll help him through this again."
"I'm afraid you'll need to do more then that. I'm afraid he's…"
"Lost his memory? I already came to that conclusion, doctor. We'll be married for 10 years come February and we have been best friends for roughly 20 years. I knew something was wrong the minute he started screaming for Claire."
"I'm sorry." The doctor repeated.
"No need. I helped him through this once, I'll help him through this again. Besides 9/11 happened in 2001 and it's now what? The end of 2018. He's only forgotten, what? Oh I don't know, 17 years more of less. I can do this. It's not that long." Stella said, trying to convince herself, even though she could tell that she was sounding a bit hysterical.
"Mrs. Taylor, perhaps you should get some rest and come back tomorrow."
"No, I'll stay. I'm not leaving Mac. He needs me. I'm not going to abandon him."
"It will do neither of you any good if you breakdown here and now."
"I won't." Stella promised. "For his sake, for our daughter's sake. Oh Gods, what am I suppose to tell Jennifer? How can I tell her that her that daddy's forgotten about her?"
"Mrs. Taylor…"
"I'm staying."
"Mrs. Taylor…"
"I'm staying!"
"I can't convince you otherwise, can I?"
"No."
"Would you at least go out and tell your friends that you're staying and that they can go home?"
"Can you tell them for me doctor?" Stella asked, knowing that she really would break down if she was to face her friends and daughter right now. "Please?"
The doctor studied her and then slowly nodded.
"How much do you want me to tell them?"
"The truth. They deserve to know."
"Five minutes." Don growled as he paced back and forth. "She says five minutes and she's gone for ½ an hour."
"We'll be lucky if we get out of here in the next hour. Knowing them, I'm sure they're either in the process of screaming at each other for Mac's recklessness or in the process of making up like there's no tomorrow." Adam said.
"Well she should have called or text at the very least if she plans to stay longer." Sid commented. "But then again she has all eyes on him now."
"Well she still should have let us known if one us is at least allowed to take the girls home. I imagine sleeping on those chairs is quite uncomfortable." Danny said.
"Perhaps next time I'll show you the lounge." Dr. Gordon interrupted as he walked briskly towards the group.
"Where's Stella?" Hawkes asked.
"She's staying overnight. And I won't suggest waking up the girls just yet." He added with a look of seriousness.
"What is it?" Lindsey asked concerned, stopping herself from waking up the girls.
"I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'll be blunt. Mr. Taylor has been struck with amnesia."
"Amnesia?" The group echoed as one.
"Yes."
"How severe is it?" Hawkes asked.
"I don't know for sure, but from what Mrs. Taylor and I just gathered, I'll say pretty severe."
"Was he able to recognize Stella?" Lindsey asked.
"I believe so. However…"
"Then that's all that matters, he hasn't forgotten everything." Danny said with a smile. "She'll…."
"However what?" Sid asked, interrupting Danny.
"I do not think Mr. Taylor will be able to regain his memory in all of entirety. Not everything that's he's forgotten in the last 17 years will come back."
"17 years?" Adam echoed. "How do you know that he's forgotten the last 17 years of his life, probably the most significant years of his adult life."
"At least the last 17 years." Dr. Gordon corrected. "When Mrs. Taylor entered, Mr. Taylor had been shocked. When he had demanded to see his wife, he hadn't expected to see this Mrs. Taylor. He had expected to see…"
"Claire." Don whispered softly.
"Yes. Did you know her?"
Everyone except for Don shook their heads side ways.
"Not well. Not as well as Stella did. I wasn't that close to Mac back then. But Stella, by the third week she was working as his partner, she was already going over to the Taylor's home for dinner every other night." Don said wistfully. "Mac's never been the same since 9/11. Stella's done a fine job at patching him up but even she knows that's he's never been the same person again. Some wounds never heal."
You're right. I'm afraid this particular wound has just been reopened."
"Well I for one am confident that Mac will be back to normal in no time." Lindsey said optimistically after a moments of silence. "If anyone can help Mac right now, it's Stella."
"I'm sure you're right." Dr. Gordon murmured. "Well I best be going. I still have some other patients to attend to. I just dropped by to give you all and update and to let you know that Mrs. Taylor would like you all to go home and rest."
"Thank you doctor."
They watched Dr. Gordon leave and then began to speak only after he had disappeared around the corner.
"Well I'm going go find Mac's room and camp outside." Hawkes said, stifling a yawn. "I don't have work later today and I'm sure Stella would appreciate knowing she has someone she knows and trusts to offer her advice on any medical decisions that she might have to make."
"I'm still up for the babysitting offer." Sid piped up. "I'll take the girls' home so that all of you can head back to work. I'm sure with both Mr. and Mrs. Taylor on urgent leave, the Chief would appreciate an extra hand or two at work."
"But I thought you're working today, Sid?"
"The world isn't going to fall apart with one less M.E. working on Christmas day. However I can't say the same if there's three less CSI working."
Sinclair was very distracted. Ever since Stella and Don showed up saying that Mac had been on that plane that crashed, he found himself unable to concentrate on anything else.
"Is everything wrapped up?" The chief asked one of the police officers who had been called to the scene.
"Yes Chief. The airport can open up in two hours, though I doubt any more flights will be taking off or arriving here anytime soon."
"Good. Finish up here. I'm heading back to the police department."
"Yes sir."
Sinclair pulled out and dialed a number as he walked briskly toward his car.
"Flack, I thought I told you to give me an update." Sinclair said the moment the line was picked up.
"I was just about to chief." Don said.
"So what's the news on Taylor's condition?"
When Flack didn't reply immediately, Sinclair questioned him again.
"Mac has amnesia." Don said after allowing the silence to last a little bit longer.
"Knowing Stella, she'll help him regain his memory in no time. Knowing the team, I know you'll all help him out. Anything physically wrong with him?"
"Not that I know of."
"Good, then knowing Taylor, I know I'll be seeing him back at work the minute he steps out of that hospital with or without his memory intact."
"You don't understand chief."
"What don't I understand Flack? Taylor lost parts of his memory, he's still able to function. He hasn't regressed to an infantile state of mind. It's just that parts of his memory has been lost…"
"17 years of it." Don interrupted. "At least the last 17 years of it. We still have to pinpoint exactly how much, but we know that he lost at least 17 years of it."
This time it was Don who was greeted by silence.
"You don't understand Chief. Mac wanted to see Claire. He believes she's still alive. I haven't had the chance to actually see Mac or Stella yet, but if Mac's asking for Claire, then that will probably mean that in Mac's mind 9/11 hasn't occurred yet. And from 9/11 till now, it has been 17 years. And we still don't know if anything before 9/11 is still intact and if so, how much of it is still intact."
"Stella helped Mac through this once. She'll help him through this again." Sinclair said softly. "I expect Stella to be by Mac's side through this whole ordeal and since its only you and I that Mac might be familiar with, the rest of his team…"
"Will be visiting them between cases since I'm sure you'll be putting them all on overtime."
"And who will watch the children?"
"Sid volunteered. He said you could afford losing one M.E. for the time being, unless of course you'll allow one of the Messers to do that task."
"You've got this all worked out Flack."
"Of course, chief. As the Taylors friend, I'm doing my part to help out and fortunately for me it is an easy task. You're the one with the difficult task."
"And what task is that."
"Seeing that Stella will be occupied with caring for Mac, as his superior, you are obligated to inform his closes kin of the current situation. You, chief, have the honor of breaking Mac's amnesia to Mac's mom and to Reed."
The sky was black. Dust and debris was flying everywhere. Chaos reigned through the streets as people ran away from the South Tower that had just collapsed upon itself. As people ran away from Wall Street, he ran towards it. He was running towards the North Tower with only one thought in mind—Claire. Claire worked at the World Trade Center and he just had to get to her. Just as he reached the North Tower, he felt a pair of hands reach out and grab him from behind.
"Mac! Mac! Mac!" Stella's voice sounded from the distance. "Mac! Mac!"
"Claire! I have to get to Claire! Claire!"
He struggled in he arms, trying to free himself so that he could rush into the burning building.
"Mac!"
"Let go Stella! I have to get to Claire! I have to save her!" He pulled hard, finally breaking free of Stella's grasp. Without turning around, he rushed into the burning building.
"Mac! No! Mac! Come back! Mac!"
Mac hadn't taken two steps into the building when he heard a large rumbled. The whole tower began to shake and in an instant he felt the floor give way from beneath him. Before he knew it he felt the entire world collapsing around. Suddenly from out of nowhere he felt a pair of hands grab him and…
"Mac! Mac! Wake up! It's just a nightmare. Mac! Wake up! Mac, wake up!"
Mac's eyes flashed opened. He found himself in a darkened room and so it had taken him awhile before his eyes were able to adjust.
"It's alright Mac. I'm here." Stella tried to calm Mac. She reaches out and took one of his sweaty hands and brought it to her chest.
"Claire?" Mac asked, turning his head to look at the women who was seated next to him. From the dim light, all he could make out was a mass of curly hair.
"Stella," Stella corrected. "Stella."
"Stella." Mac repeated.
"Yes, I'm Stella. Do you remember me Mac?"
"Of course I do. You've been my partner for 3 years at the NYPD."
"Only 3 years?" Stella asked weakly. "We've been partners on the force for two decades now Mac." She said quietly. "But of course you wouldn't be able to remember that. You have…"
"Remember what Stell?" Mac asked.
"Do you know where you are Mac?" Stella asked instead. Mac looked around and then looked at Stella.
"The hospital. Why am I in the hospital? Was I in an accident and if so, where's Claire? Claire should be here…"
"Do you remember what I told you earlier today when you first woke up Mac?' Stella asked gently, squeezing Mac's hands.
"That Claire's dead." Mac whispered. "and I had my outburst and…"
"You're pretty calm Mac for a man who just heard that his wife's dead. Are you going to have your outburst now?"
"I've had my outburst already. I'm just in shock now that the message is finally sinking in." Mac replied. "How did she…"
"9/11"
"9/11, what's that?"
"September 11, 2001. It was the day that the World Trade Center collapsed in New York. It's the day that you're being plague by in your nightmares."
Silence fell between the two of them as Stella waited for Mac to ask the next question.
"When you said that we've been partners for two decades on the force, does that mean what I think it means?"
"What do you think it means?"
"That I have amnesia."
"Very perceptive Mac. Yes, that is what I mean."
"What date is it today?"
"Christmas 2018"
"17 years! I've forgotten 17 years of my life! Many things could have happened and…"
"and it did Mac. Many things did happen, and I'm sadden that everything that is the most important in the present has been forgotten, but we'll take this slowly Mac. We'll take this one day at a time. I'll help you through this."
"What if I never remember anything?"
"Then we'll make new memories Mac." Stella brought Mac's left hand up to her lips and gave it a kiss. Mac being the detailed man that he was he didn't fail to spot the matching rings that they both were wearing.
"Stella, please." Mac said softly. He tugged at his hand gently and Stella reluctantly released it.
"Whenever you're ready Mac."
"I'm sorry Stella. It's just that Claire's still so fresh in my memory and …"
"Hush Mac. I understand."
"Stell, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You have nothing to apologize for."
"I just can't bear to see you in pain Stella. It's hard knowing that I've lost my memories, its even harder to know that you have to be in pain because of it, because of me."
"Well it would be painful if you entirely forgot about me but seeing as you haven't I think I have something to work with."
"You're an amazing women Stella. It would be my lost if I ever forgot about you."
"Thank you Mac."
"Anytime Stella. I know you'll do it for me. That's what partners do…"
"We take care of each other."
"So are you going to take care of me now?"
"Only if you'll allow me to Mac. Only if you'll let me in."
"I…I…I'll need to work on that. Maybe in time…."
"I won't rush you into anything you're not ready for Mac."
"Thank you. So where do we start?"
"What do you want to know?"
"Everything. I want to remember everything."
"I don't know where to start."
"With the most important."
"But everything's important."
"From the beginning then. So what happened after 9/11?"
So a big change in attitude for Mac from the beginning of the chapter to end of it. This chapter mainly establishes the grounds for what Mac can and cannot remember. And about the blurb on 9/11, I'm sorry if I offended anyone or inaccurately posted something. I meant no harm if it brought back flashes of what happened that day. As always remember to Review!