Thursday – 14 days before the murder

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

- The Reason Hoobastank

Act 1. KENNY

Sometimes I wished I had the courage enough to tell him to shut the hell up. But I don't, so I just stand there, hidden behind my hoodie, like I used to do in my younger days. It was not cold at all outside; Cartman was even standing in just a T-shirt and jeans. I was not feeling warm, nor was I freezing. More like shivering. Though I didn't knew what, I felt like something was wrong.

This whole picture with me and Cartman standing by the bus stop was just wrong. The artist must have forgotten to keep painting the last parts. Stan and Kyle were still not here, so I was the only one to listen to Cartman's ideas.

"C'mon, Kenny! We haven't brought him down yet! We need to go back!" Cartman kept saying, trying to make me go back to Mr. Jones house like we did last week. I couldn't do that, I thought to myself. I had felt something really weird inside of that house, and I knew that both Stan and Kyle would say no to the idea too, and I didn't want to go in there without them.

On the other hand, I had something more important to do today. I needed, no matter what, talk to Pip.

After days of thinking, I knew it was the very best, for me at least. I needed to explain, if I could, and try to make sure everything was "alright" between us. Of course it will never be the same, I had freakin' raped him!

I felt sick under my hoodie. My face got hot and my legs felt limb. I would have collapsed if Cartman didn't wake me up from my thoughts. His words reached my ears, but my brain didn't scan them, so I had no idea what he said to me. I just looked at him while he talked, he seemed irritated.

The bus came and picked us up, and the travel was long and boring. Cartman tried to convenes me about going back, but I kept saying no and no over and over. Luckily he gave up when we arrived at school. What made me a little sad was that he left me without a word there. He sighed and made my way to my locker.

Afterwards I had about fifteen to find Pip, if he even was in school. I didn't want to ask anyone about him, it would be suspicious, I had never paid any attention to him before and I didn't want to do it either. And to my luck, I found him by his locker.

"Hey, Pip." I said when I came close enough.

He turned to me. First confused, but then… He smiled.

"Oh, good morning, Kenneth! Say, what can I do for you?" He said with an energetic voice.

I just stared at him in shock. Where did that smile come from? Where did all the energy come from? Why is it even here? Isn't he supposed to be depressed and unhappy? All I had in my head was questions.

"Um… I-I think we really need to talk, y'know, just me and you." I managed to say, looking around to make sure nobody was listening.

"Well, of course." He still smiled. "Let me just…" He pushed his bag inside his locker and then locked it, putting the key in his pocket.

"You want to talk here?"

"No…" I said.

We walked away from the overfilled hallway to find an empty one. It took a few minutes before we found one, but that was more than enough for me. The faster I got to talk to him, the faster I could get rid of the feeling I felt in my tummy.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" Pip leaned against the wall. For a minute his smiled looked sneaky, but the moment I checked again, it had turned to the normal smile.

"About what happened last Friday… I…"

"Technically it was Saturday." Pip said.

"Well… yeah, about that… it wasn't supposed to happen, but it did, and it was my fault. If it was possible I would change it, but I can't. There is something wrong with me, I know that. Every time someone gets near me in some kind of way, I get, y'know, horny. I can't do anything about it!" I was talking too fast, but if I didn't get it out fast I would collapse. My legs felt numb as I stood there. "I need you to understand that I didn't want to do what I did. I don't know if I should apologize or just kill myself, because nothing is going to be alright and-and…"

Fuck I lost the words.

I tried to say something, but the words didn't come out. I felt like crying. I was so fucked.

"Kenneth, I don't care." Pip said.

"What?" I looked at him.

"I have put that night behind me." He said, all calm. "I do not want to live my life in misery just because of that one night. I…"

"Are you stupid?" All of sudden I was angry. Here I was trying to make things right, and now he is saying that he doesn't care. I have regretted what I had done in days; I had collected all my courage to say things. And now it meant nothing? I grabbed his arms and forced him harder against the wall.

"I fucking raped you. And it doesn't bother you?"

His eyes got wider. He was nervous.

"P-please let me go."

"No! You must listen!" I almost yelled at him.

The bell rang. We heard a few running steps in the other hallway. We stood quite a short while without moving.

"Kenneth, why don't we just drop it?" Pip said, but I didn't answer. He kept going. "If you and I doesn't speak or talk to each other, then why won't we just forget about it? If we…"

"Butters knows!" I said, without looking at him, letting my grip around his shoulders loosen.

Pip stayed silent with a confused look in his face. After a while, when he must have finally realized what I had said a red color spread in his face. If it was embarrassment or anger, I didn't know. But his eyes got wider and he opened his mouth, trying to say something. All that came out was small, creaking noises.

"He what?" He managed to say before rushing away through the hallway, leaving me with nothing.

Did this just end up good or bad?

I decided to not think more about it, so I hurried away to my class. I wasn't afraid of showing myself all of sudden. I pulled down my hoodie before I opened the door, excused my late arrival and took my seat. My heart was still beating pretty hard, but half through the class it had calmed down a little. I was even about to relax until the class ended and I saw Butters making his way towards me. I hurried away, trying to find Stan or Kyle, but I didn't see them through the crowd. Where could they have gone? It was not like them to disappear.

I grabbed my books and made my way to the class room, all alone.

Act 2. STAN

I had cried.

Mr. Jones eyes had pierced us like arrows. They were unreadable, but they had been nothing but happy. He had looked like he was thinking about what to do with us.

There had been a long, unpleasant silent in the whole copy room.

Kyle had grabbed my shoulders to comfort, but I had been in too much of a shock. All of sudden the room was hot, and it had been hard to breathe.

After a good couple of minutes a smile had spread across Mr. Jones face. That's where I got really scared. It was an scornful and evil smile. He had stepped forward, making me to take a step back, but Kyle was in the way. His hands were shaking as they held my shoulders.

"I think I can take benefit this." Was the first thing Mr. Jones had said.

"Y-you can't do that!" Kyle exclaimed. "You are a teacher!"

"I am indeed, Mr. Broflovski. Nice observation." Mr. Jones smiled did not disappear."But I personally need you for some…"

"We refuse!" Kyle raised his voice. Where had he got that courage from? How was he able to scream to that man? Or had the fear taking over like in horror movies?

"You can't." Mr. Jones pointed a finger to the upper corner of the room. We looked that way and saw a small camera. This school was overprotective with their copy machines.

"If you refuse I might use that film in the next class meeting. Wouldn't that be nice?" Mr. Jones played with edge of his pocket with his fingers.

"We will report you." Kyle said.

"Who's going to believe you?" Mr. Jones said and this time Kyle stayed quite.

"If you report me you'll have to tell them about this; about you being gay for each other. The police will know, your parents, the other teachers, and maybe even your classmates. And I get the feeling that you don't want that to happen."

Tears had been burning in my eyes. I understood now how Kyle must have felt that time when Mr. Jones read that poem. It was fucking humiliating. But I had nowhere to run like Kyle had had. The door was blocked and there were no windows in the room. My body had started to shake. Kyle's grip around my shoulders tighten. I looked at him in the corner of my eyes.

Why hadn't he cried?

Wasn't he ashamed of himself? Didn't he feel the sting in his heart and the fear banging in the head?

"It's your choice." Mr. Jones said.

I had forgotten to listen to him, so I had no idea what he and Kyle had said to each other. But I didn't care. I wanted to go home, stay there and never come back. Hide! I needed to hide!

"I'll leave it to you." Mr. Jones left the room, with the copied papers in his hand, leaving me and Kyle in absolute silence.

Kyle turned me so we stood face to face. I couldn't see his eyes through the tears.

"Stan, we gotta do as he tells us." He said, grabbing my arms.

"N-no." I choked out through the sobs. I didn't want to be in this situation. This was not supposed to happen. Nothing of it. Not the party, not the kiss, not the secret relationship, not anything. I didn't want anything of it anymore. It wasn't right, it wasn't as it was supposed to be.

"Stan, listen. If we don't he'll…"

I didn't let him finish. For the first time in a long time I yelled at him.

"I don't want to be the teacher's toy like you!"

In shock, his hands let go of my arms. I really didn't want to scream at him, but I couldn't control myself. When my tears had rolled down my cheeks, I saw his confused face. He stared at me without saying anything for a while.

This whole thing just felt like a dream. We didn't want it to be real. We didn't want this to happen.

"Please, Stan." Kyle said. He lifted his hand, but stopped in the middle of the move and let it fall to his side again. I think he did that right; I would just slap away his hand if he touched me. "Please, we need to talk about this."

"I don't want to." I said, drying my tear with my sleeve. "I don't want there to be anything between us anymore."

Kyle stared at me.

"You're joking…" He said.

"No." I shook my head. I couldn't believe my own words. Why did I say those words to him? I wanted us to be together, but I didn't want anyone to know. "The class should end soon, we should go back…"

I turned around to walk away, but Kyle grabbed me.

"Wait, you can't just…"

"Let me go!" I yelled at him, fighting against his grip. And once again he let go in shock, but this time to watch me leave the room.

Act 3. KYLE

I usually like lunch break, but this time it just felt lonesome. It was pretty much my own fault, but I couldn't stand talking to either Kenny or Cartman. Without Stan, there was no 'us' for me anymore. It was just me left, and I needed something new to not think about what had happened yesterday. Stan had pushed me away, leaving me like a drying dog on a street. I was not welcome around him. It was not his words or his body language that told me he didn't want anything to do with me, I knew he didn't mean it quite the way he said it. It was his eyes that told me that he had had enough of me. Stan doesn't cry like that if he isn't really tired of something, so all I could do to make him feel better was to leave him be.

I myself had to take care of whatever Mr. Jones wanted.

Yesterday I had felt strong to say against him, because I had promised myself to stand up for myself to make my and Stan's relationship work. Now when it was over, I knew that I still had to keep fighting against those tears and fear that is banging in my head. Mr. Jones still scares me, he really does, but I'm trying to see through that fear, even if my body tells a whole different thing.

I barley touch my lunch and I barely noticed that the day passed. All I could think about was what I was going to do. Stan avoided me, like I was some kind of sickness and I couldn't bear to explain to Kenny and Cartman what had happened between us. I kept my distance between everyone.

There was no place I could relax. Not even in my own home. My mother made me and Ike spend the most of the afternoon by the kitchen table, doing our homework until dinner was ready. And after dinner dad wanted the whole family to do something together. And without having any good ideas we watched a police movie. The only thing that kept me wake was the loud gun shots that came over and over again.

Act 4. CARTMAN

Kenny said no.

Kyle said nothing.

Stan said no.

I ended up walking to Mr. Jones house alone this time. I wasn't so motivated as I had been last week, because this time when I saw doing it alone it was not so much fun. The window could be closed this time, and if it was open, I might not be able to get inside because of my body. The only thing that made me go all the way was the fact that I thought I had figured out his password to his computer. I thought; if he is a teacher then maybe he uses the same password as for all the school computers? It was worth a try, well at least in my eyes.

As I arrived at Mr. Jones house I decided to try the door, just in case. And to no surprise it was locked. So I hurried around the house to check the window again, and against all odds, it was open this time too.

A smile spread across my face, but disappeared soon. How was I going to get up there? The only way I could think of was jumping, so that's what I did. I jumped from where I stood, but didn't reach up far enough. I took a few steps back, ran forward and jump. My hands got a grip and I pulled myself up, half lying inside the room. I crawled over the edge and fell on my feet. Not spilling any time, I rushed to the computer. After I had started it I clicked in the school's computer password and I was logged in.

"Bingo." I said to myself and smiled.

I checked all the icons to see if something was worth a look. But it was just those regular things that every computer has. Just to find something I opened his Spotify, which he already seemed to be logged in to. He didn't have any playlist of music. I closed the window and checked his internet, if he had favorite any websites or something. But no; nothing.

I turned off the computer and grunted in disappointment.

I looked down at the desk drawers. Of what I could remember from the last visit the third one was locked. I reached down my hand and tried to open it, but it was still locked. By that time I felt like I was wasting my time. And I was starting to get hungry. But something kept me sitting there, looking around in the bedroom. Nothing was different, not much had been moved. When I decided that I was just imagining things I made up my mind to leave. I stood up just as I heard how the front door locked open.

My whole body froze. And I just listened.

Someone, probably Mr. Jones, went inside and moved quietly over the floor. I rushed for the open window to throw myself out in the safe, but I knocked right into a person I never believed I would see there.

"Clyde?"

Woah! Finally an update!

I haven't been able to read through this chapter, so I could have missspelled or missed the grammer somewhere, but I hope it's fine.

The best part of this writing is that I know exactly where all of this is going. There is some chapters that I'm longing for to write and upload!

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and please review if you got the time!