Friday – 13 days before the murder

I'm just a dreamer

I dream my life away

I'm just a dreamer

Who dreams of better times

- Dreamer Ozzy Osbourne

Act 1. KYLE

Suddenly I wasn't good enough anymore. When I arrived at school that morning I saw Stan hanging out with Craig and Clyde. He never hung out with them before, even though he didn't have anything against them. Anger bubbled up inside of me. Millions of reasons why I should be mad at Stan covered my mind.

Kenny came up beside me.

"Why is Stan over there with Craig and Clyde?" He asked after pulling down his hood.

"Because he's a dick…" I mumbled and talked away.

Kenny followed me.

"Have you guys been in a fight?" He said.

"Kind of." I answered. I stopped by my locker and tried to open it again. This time the locker door was stuck again. I twisted and pulled, and the key got stuck too. I let my bag fall to the floor and I pulled with both my hands, but to no success.

"I'm so tired of this shit!" I yelled to the locker. Kenny stared at me like I had lost my mind. Which I most likely had, because I couldn't control anything all of sudden; I couldn't keep myself calm, I couldn't concentrate on anything properly, and I even lost my balance. I took a step back, but fell on my own feet and landed with my back against the floor. It was a hard fall, and it hurt like hell.

Kenny helped me on my feet again.

"Are you ok, Kyle?" He asked, brushing off dust from my back.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried to open my locker again.

"Let me." Kenny pushed away my hand from the key, but I pushed it back again.

"I can open it myself!" I yelled at him.

This time Kenny was shocked. And I understand him. I don't yell at people like this, just Cartman. I've never yelled at Kenny before, there has never been any need to. And I didn't need to yell at him this time either, but even so, I did. I yelled at Kenny when he was just trying to be nice. This wasn't like me. And I realized that as I noticed that people around us was staring.

"D-dude…" I said, afraid that Kenny was about to walk away. Thankfully he didn't. "I'm sorry, Kenny. I really didn't mean to do that. Gosh, there's just so much going on right now and…"

"It's ok." Kenny said, reaching out his hands. He put one on the locker door, and the other on the key, he turned it, and the locker opened.

"Thanks." I said, I took up my bag from the floor and pressed it inside of the locker.

"It must have been one hell of a fight." He said while leaning against the locket next to mine, while I took out my books.

"What do you mean?" I said, without looking at him.

"You know what I mean. You and Stan can't just ignore each other if something hasn't happened. You can tell me about it." He gave me a smile, a smile that said trust-me-I-am-your-friend-and-friends-are-there-for-each-other.

"After school." I said. "If you got the time."

"Well, my mother wants me home after school. Okay if I come after dinner?" He said.

"Of course." I close the locker door, but the key was still stuck. "Do you think you can...?"

Kenny pressed his hand against the locker and pulled out the key carefully with the other one.

"Of course." He said, and we went to get his books too.

The day went on and I couldn't help myself sometimes but look at Stan. To tell the truth, he was a good actor. He was smiling and talking like nothing had happened between us. The others didn't seem to mind his company and didn't even question it either. I shook my head a lot that day, and maybe that's why my neck hurt when I went to bed.

When I was walking home alone later that day I saw that Stan was walking in front of me. Not close by, I had to run if I wanted him to hear me talking. And that's what I decided to do. I was not going to let him walk away from me without having everything cleared out. He had said that he didn't want to have something between me anymore. I thought that he didn't mean it. It was just the panic at that moment that made him say so.

I took a deep breath and then ran up to him, grabbing his shoulder to turn him towards me. He was surprised to see me, but tried to hide it. He didn't look me in the eyes for a second.

"Stan, we need to talk." I said.

"I know." He still didn't look at me. It made me so angry, but I bit my lip to keep myself under control, which my voice failed to.

"We can't just ignore what happened!"

"Yes we can, Kyle." Stan looked up at me, but his eyes focused on something else in my face than my eyes. "And that's what I want to do. You heard me yesterday. I don't want there to be anything between us."

"Are you scared of what people might think if they find out that you're gay? Is that it?" It felt like I needed to force the answers out from him.

"No, Kyle that's not it!" Stan's voice was louder this time.

I stared at him for a long moment. He avoided my eyes completely now and that's when I saw it. And felt it. My heart stung.

"You are not scared of showing that you're gay… you are scared of showing that you are gay for me." Had I really been so blind and missed that?

"Kyle, I…" He raised his head, but still didn't look me in the eyes. I knew that I was right. So I lifted my hand to silent him. I could have flipped him off, I could have punch or push him, but I didn't. I gave him a glare and just left him with my eyes down in the ground. All the way home I fought against the tears.

Act 3. STAN

Though I've known Kyle my whole life, I've never seen him look so sad as he did when he left me there on the sidewalk. And to know that I was the whole reason didn't make things better either. As much as I wanted to hug him and tell him that it wasn't meant like that, I felt like the whole thing between us was gone. I didn't want it to be, but what could I do to make it better? If it just was as easy as it was in those movies on TV. But real life is never that easy.

With Kyle it was always a different thing.

Kyle had been right. I was scared of showing that it was him I was gay for. I've always thought that if I turned out to be gay, then I wanted it to be with someone that I hadn't known my whole life. Like Kyle. But now, when I truly am in love with him, I didn't want to change the picture that everyone already has of us two.

Super best friends.

I'm such a pussy.

Act 3. CARTMAN

"Clyde?"

He stared at me in fear and shock.

"What are you doing here?"I felt panic climb up my body.

"I-I should ask the same." He pressed his books against his chest as he took a step back. "Does Mr. Jones know that you are here?"

"Does he know you are here?" I asked back.

"Of course he does! He gave me his key!" He held it in front of me. When I looked at it, his face got pale. "Shouldn't have told you that…"

Clyde put the key in his pocket again, his pale face faded to bright red. "Please!" He said, falling to his knees and it was my turn to take a step back. I gave him a confused glare when he looked up at me.

"Please, don't tell anyone I'm here!"

All I could do was stand there, looking down at him, unable to think of an answer. Millions of alternatives played in my mind. But I decided for either of two alternatives; him, telling him that tomorrow the whole school would know about it. 2. Making him agree to not tell anyone about me if I didn't tell anyone about him.

I picked the last one. I think he was too nervous to say something else then yes. He was hiding something that he absolutely didn't want anyone to know. At that moment I couldn't pay much attention to it, I needed to get out of there fast.

Before I left him I said; "Not a word." I put my finger over my lips. Clyde just nodded, and I ran all the way home, without speeding down at all.

I didn't waste the day with thoughts about yesterday. Other things happened that I couldn't quite understand. First of all, Stan totally ditched us. He ditched us to hang out with Craig. Fucking Craig of all people. Stan didn't even look at me as I passed him in the corridor. And as Stan changed friends, Kyle changed mood from time to time. Well, it wasn't something unusual, but today he got mad at stuff that didn't include me. I could hear him yell at his locker, and whenever someone said something that he didn't know anything about, he yelled at them. Luckily Kenny was there to calm him down; I would just make things worse.

By the end of the day I decided to take the bus to the mall. It was Friday, and I needed to look for new shoes. I had had my shoes for at least two years, and I've repaired them plenty of times, and they were not that conformable anymore.

I didn't like to shop shoes. I never found something that I liked. To me, they all looked the same as I passed all the different models. So I just took a pair and tested them.

"You are not going to buy those are you?" A voice said as I was tying the shoes. I looked up and found no other than Wendy. I grunted something in replay and pulled of the shoes and put my old ones back on.

"I didn't mean in that way." Wendy said, and followed me as I put the shoes back from where I took them. "All I meant was that they didn't fit in who you are."

I turned to her.

"So shoes tell people who they are?" I asked.

She walked passed me, but answered at the same time she was looking at the shoe models. "Well, not really. I just think that black shoes didn't fit you. What size do you have?" She pulled took a pair for white shoes and held them in front of me. "Try these."

"You're kidding? White? They'll just get dirty." I said, but took them anyway, checking the size. Strangely enough she had picked exactly the right size. I went back to the chair to try them on. She followed me.

"I personally think it looks better when they are dirty."

I didn't respond, but instead tied the shoes and stood, testing to use them a little.

"Are you here alone?" I asked.

"Yes. My parents are picking me up after work." She said, watching me as I walked around a little in the shoes. "Thought I would check some skirts before fall season starts."

"I like these." I said, without caring about what she just had said.

And so I ended up buying them.

Act 4. KENNY

It wasn't much for dinner at home. I ate the little I got and headed to Kyle's. Through the whole day he had been off all day, and he refused to tell me what had happened. He had promised that he would tell me when I got to his house.

Mrs. Broflovski greeted me happily, saying that nice stuff that older women do. Oh how nice to see you. It has been a long time. How have you been? How's your parents? All that shit-chat that I just couldn't pass through so easily, I liked to talk to people. After a few minutes with her, I climbed the stairs to get to Kyle's room. I met Ike in the hallway, he smiled and said hi too, but didn't stop to talk more.

I didn't bother to knock on Kyle's door, so I just stepped in, closing the door behind me. I found Kyle on the bed, he was sitting with his back against the wall, looking at his phone in his right hand, and lifting that alcohol bottle from last week to his lips with the left one.

"Kyle, alcohol won't stop your sorrows." I said, walking towards him.

"It never stopped you before." He looked at me. His nose was red, and eyes watery, cheeks wet from tears and lips trembling. I gave him a sad smile and climbed up in the bed with him, sitting next to him. He sniffed and took a sip from the bottle.

"Tell me now, what happened?" I said, gently taking the bottle away from his hand.

"I don't know if I can, Kenny." Kyle said. "I don't think Stan would be happy if I told you about it." He sniffed again, trying to hold back more tears.

"You promised you would tell me when I got here." I said. "And I can keep secrets. I won't tell Stan or anyone that I know."

Kyle put away his phone on the nightstand before leaning back against the wall again, pulling his knees up to his chin. I wanted him to trust me. I trusted him, more then I trusted myself, and watching him fall apart like this was hurting me.

"Well…" He began.

Act 5. STAN

I was looking at the phone number. I was one click away from calling, but my hands were shaking, and my heart beating like a hammer. I was so nervous about just those smallest things. How can it be so hard just to make a stupid phone call? But however, I've never called this person before. Not even spend a whole afternoon together with him. Just some nights at parties, but we were both drunk most of the time. Still, we get along pretty well, I think.

As soon as I had collected some courage I pressed the 'call' button and lifted the phone to my ear, waiting for the person on the other side to answer.

It took a few signals before I heard his voice saying; "Thought you'd call sooner or later." A smile in his voice.

I didn't smile.

"Can I come over?" I asked, trying to sound as neutral and calm as possible. My worst fear at that moment was that he would say no. That he didn't want me to be there.

"Sure." Craig said. He said it like it was a fact. "Clyde is coming over later, he said. He even said before he hung up that we could invite you too."

"Really?"

I regretted that I sounded so stupid and shocked.

"Yeah." I heard how he somehow moved. "You know where I live, right?"

"Not really." I said. He told me the address and have me a small instruction how to go. He didn't live that far away. The only bad thing was that I had to pass Kyle's house before I got there. My stomach hurt every time a tiny little thought focused on him. It was hard to think of anything that didn't have something to do with him. He was everywhere around me. I needed to get away somewhere new. Somewhere were I'm sure he can't follow me.

I put my phone in my pocket and left the house, even lying to them, saying that I was on my way to Kyle's. My parents would just get worried if I said that Kyle was not coming too. As soon as I was outside I walked with quick steps to not waste any time. The sooner I passed Kyle's house and got to Craig's the sooner I could think of something else.

The air was warm, but still cooling my skin. It was getting dark around South Park, and stars decorated the sky. It made me think about that kid song all children sings. Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder where you are.

I smiled and shook my head. What was I thinking? I wasn't a kid anymore, not that sort of kid who walks around singing stupid songs about stars. But still I couldn't help myself but singing the whole song in my head, all the way until I reached down to where Kyle lives. My steps automatically slowed down, they wanted me to turn to the yard and walk to the door, like I should do, if everything had been normal. But it wasn't normal. I've been such a dick to Kyle today, so he properly didn't want me there.

It was not until the Broflovski front door opened that I realized that I had stopped just outside the house on the sidewalk. Out from the door came Kenny, whose body froze at the time he saw me standing there.

Act 6. CARTMAN

Wendy and I changed numbers before we had left the mall. And now I'm sitting in front of the TV, with the phone in my hand. The screen was dark, but I somehow waited for it to lit up and show me that I got a text message or something. For me the ultimate question was; who was the one to make the first contact? Me or her?

I threw the phone to the other side of the sofa. Stupid song contests were the only thing to watch on the TV, except for those movie channels where they showed those films that you already seen a thousand times.

It was Friday night, and I was alone in the whole fucking house. Mom had properly wouldn't come home until Sunday, so it was up to me to fix everything. She had left me a small list of things I could do before she got back. It was those small tasks that mother's gives their kids when they're out. Put of the garbage, put all the plates and glasses in the dishwasher, and let the cat out. Those small stuff.

As the song contest program was over I turned off the TV and decided to go to bed. There was another day tomorrow to go through, and maybe, just maybe, I could try to do some sport. Or maybe I could get some company to do something. I checked my phone before I walked upstairs.

Act 7. KENNY

Stan looked at me like I had scared the shit out of him. At first I didn't know what to do or say. But I knew that I couldn't yell at him, I couldn't blame him for what he had said to Kyle, because I had promised to not let him know that I knew about their secret relationship. I had to act like everything was normal.

I walked down to the sidewalk to meet him.
"Hi, Stan. You're on your way to Kyle?" I said, and tried to smile naturally, but failed. I pulled my hood up to hide my face as much as possible.

"Actually, no I…" Stan said, but seemed to have regretted his answer, but couldn't fix his mistake. He bit his lip, avoiding eye contact. It just made me angrier. I pressed my teeth together, but tried to be calm again.

"Really? Then where are you going?"

"To, um… Cartman's." He answered.

"But his house is in the other direction." I said, trying to push him into the corner.

"Yeah, but… you know, he wanted me to buy stuff from the store before I got there." He's such a terrible liar. I couldn't even believe that he even put energy on lying like this.

"But the store is also in the other direction, Stan." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Please, Kenny. I'm in a hurry." He said.

"Yes, but to where, I'm asking."

"Is this some kind of integration?" Stan finally met my eyes. He looked like he was irritated and angry, but he surly couldn't be as angry as I was. I pulled down my hood so he could that I wasn't pleased with this situation too.

"Your freakin' best friend his drinking his head off in the house behind me, for fucks sake!" I almost yelled at him.

I didn't want to be mad at him. But when he lied like this I couldn't control it.

"Why is that my problem?" He shouted back.

"Weren't you the one that made him sad to begin with?" I grabbed the collar of his shirt, shaking him a little. As much as I needed to get rid of my irritation and anger, I needed to keep it a secret that I knew why this all was happening. I needed to keep is quite about what Kyle had said tonight.

"What do you know?" Stan grabbed my wrist, trying to make me loosen the grip of his shirt. "You don't know anything! You're just trying to make me feel guilty for something that I have not done!"

I couldn't stand his lies any longer. I pulled him close and then pushed him as hard as I could. He fell backwards onto the ground, like Kyle had done in the school hallway this morning. But Stan fell with much more power. Luckily he didn't hit his head or get hurt in a serious way. He crawled up on his feet again, staring at me. Then he turned away and kept walking the direction he had been heading to from the beginning.

I bit my lip and looked after him. He didn't even turn around once as he disappeared down the street. A big part of me felt like I had become a part of something that I really didn't belong. Another part said that I should hurry up and apologize and explain what had happen. But there was no turn back now. Stan wouldn't believe me.

Things are not going well for me at the time, but I think it is alright. I feels good to finally update a chapter that is a little longer this time.

Thank you so much for reading.