Starting From Scratch

Written by: HoshiHikari

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY

Summary: On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

Parings: Mac and Stella

Chapter 3

"Why don't we start with what 9/11 is first." Stella corrected.

"You said the World Trade Center fell and Claire died. That's all that matters. Claire died. She was taken and…"

"I wish it was that simple Mac." Stella lightly cut in. "There's more to it."

"I don't care. She's dead. Nothing's going to change that. We can just move on and…" He stopped speaking when Stella let out an uncontrollable laugh. "What?"

"Not care Mac? Just move on Mac? Gods Mac, if you had that attitude 17 years ago, it would have made patching you up so much simpler."

"Circumstances have changed. Like you said 17 years have passed since Claire died. That's a very long time. I've obviously moved on." He nodded his head toward the ring on his left finger that now matched the women who was sitting beside him. "I might not be able to remember it, or have any emotions attached to it, but it's obvious that I did and so I've just got to accept this and move on. I've got 17 years to remember and as much pain Claire's death gave me, is giving me now, I have to integrate back into the present. I'm not going to let one event define the rest of my life. I'll always remember Claire. I'll always love her, but…."

"Four planes were hijacked that morning. Two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, one per building." Stella cut him off. "The Pentagon was hit by the third plane. The fourth plane crashed in the middle of a field."

"WHAT?" Mac was obviously shocked, suddenly not minding that he had been cut off. He had thought it was some fluke that had caused that. Perhaps an enormous earthquake followed by a fire, something similar to what had happened in San Francisco in 1906.

"September 11 affected everyone. It changed everyone, either directly or indirectly. It changed you Mac. The old Mac died and a new Mac was born. Don't tell me it didn't matter because my best friend and the man that I love came from those very ashes of the collapsed building."

"You love me?" Mac asked softly.

"I know you don't want to hear it right now Mac, not while Claire's still fresh in your mind, but yes Mac I love you. If it makes you feel any better Mac, these feelings were developed later on, not when the two of you were still together. I admit that I was attracted to you the first time we met, but that was it and nothing more came out of it. Everybody thought we would have been married long ago, perhaps even after I patched you up, but in reality we've danced around each other for another 8 years after 9/11 before we finally tied the knot. If I couldn't let you be consumed by the terrorist attacks back then, what makes you think I'll sit back and watch you struggle with this all over again?"

"Stella…"

"Trust me Mac. Brushing off 9/11 and Claire's death isn't going to work."

"Stella…"

"Listen Mac. I'm not going to let history repeat itself. I'm not going to let you turn into that lifeless shell ever again. I know the warning signs and you're already displaying them."

"Lifeless shell?"

"That's what you ultimately became Mac. You collapsed into yourself, built up walls and buried yourself into your work. You became an insomniac. You went from a five-day, 8 hour work schedule to working 7 days a week, nearly 24 hours a day. You were dying Mac and there was nothing anyone could do to save you."

Mac's heart couldn't help but mirror the pain that was reflected in Sella's eyes as she spoke of a time in Mac's life when he belonged with the living dead.

"You did save me Stella. I'm here now." Mac said quietly. He reached out and gently touched Stella's check. "You saved me Stella."

"I suppose so. But what I'm saying is that…"

"I know Stell. I promise I won't become that this time. I know that I won't because I have you here to help me. I'm allowing you to help me through this Stella. I want you to help me. I need you to help me."

"Mac…"

"I promise you Stella that after you've helped me through this obstacle, I'll take care of you for the rest of our lives. Stay strong for me this one last time I swear I will learn to love you. I swear I'll…"

"Mac stop." Stella pulled her face back so that Mac's hand that had been on her cheek fell onto the bed. "I don't want you to love me out of obligation or duty."

"Stella…" Mac protested.

"Mac you don't learn to love someone. You love them because you do. Just because two people who hate each other live together it doesn't mean that time will make them love each other. 17 years of memory loss is a very long time. Realistically speaking, the chance of remembering everything is slim. It will take time for memories and emotions to resurface that is if they do resurface. Until then, you can't force anything. I don't want you to force yourself into doing something you can't or aren't ready to do. I don't want you to force yourself to love someone you aren't in love with."

"Yet I get the feeling you won't let me walk away so easily."

"Definitely not going to give up on us until death finally claims me."

"Good, because I don't want you to give up. Give me some time Stell."

Comfortable silence fell between the two of them, Stella once again leaned closer to Mac.

"So what happened after 9/11?" Mac asked, eager to learn as much of the past as possible in hopes of quickly regaining his memories.

"Bush declared his War on Terrorism. He led the troops against Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda who are believed to be responsible for the attacks. The Iraq war began in 2003 and soon after the US had pretty much invaded a few counties of the Middle East. Despite his unpopularity, Bush was reelected for a second term. By the time he left the office, we were still at war. Obama, his successor, was the first Black president of the US. In 2009, the US was officially in a recession A few companies…"

"Stella," Mac interrupted.

"What?"

"As important as all this information is, this won't help me remember."

"Oh sorry, I…"

"International Affairs are important and though it does answer my question, and war always fascinates the Marine side of me, it's not what I'm looking for. Once I get out of the hospital, I can just hop onto Google, if that's what you still use, and find all this information over the net." He frowned at the expression of surprise etched on Stella's face. "What?"

"So you don't live under a rock. Google, I'm absolutely astounded that you know that site, Mac."

"We use it at work Stella. Of course I know it. I thought by now, you'll know everything about me."

"Well in the last 20 years, what you don't know, anything that falls out of work related issues, still never ceases to surprise me. It's always better to assume that you don't know then you do."

"Well that's going to change. Mac 3.0 is going to make it his mission to know everything about everything."

"Mac 3.0?"

"Yes, Mac 3.0 is the upgraded version of…"

"Is Mac Taylor actually making jokes about his own name on his own accord?" Stella asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing." Stella shook her head from side to side in wonder. "Definitely a new Mac. Mac 2.0 rarely allowed jokes made about his name."

"That's why it is called an upgrade. The new Mac is custom made to suit Stella's needs."

"Stella needs Mac to remember. What will help him remember what he forgot?"

"Us." Mac immediately replied. "Talk about us."

"Now?"

"Why not?"

"There's a lot to tell. It wasn't a one night stand at Vegas or anything like that. Like I said, we were dancing around each other for 8 years before we finally tied the knot. I can't even begin to describe those 8 years, let alone the 9, almost 10 years that came after. I can't even put into words the amazing bond we have as best friends let alone as husband and wife. I think I'll need to think about the best way to…"

"Don't. I want to know everything. The good and the bad. You don't need to filter anything. I can decide for myself." Mac paused. "I suppose you can start with friendship first and then move on from there. At least it will be in some kind of order and it'll make more sense."

"The story begins with the death of Claire. After her death, you withdrew into yourself and I…" Stella carefully chose her words as she began to tell the story of how she and Mac became best friends and eventually a married couple.

Sinclair paced back and forth in his office. Once in awhile he would stop by his des, pick up the phone, press a few numbers and then slam the phone down again. He repeated his actions a few times before he was finally able to complete the call. The phone rang and rang until someone finally picked up on the other end.

"Hello?" A sleep filled male voice answered the phone.

"Reed Garrett?" Sinclair asked.

"That's me. Who's calling?"

"Chief Sinclair of the NYPD"

"Dad and mom's boss?"

"Yes."

"Everything okay?" Reed asked, the sleepiness in his voice suddenly gone.

"Where are you?"

"Spending Christmas in Los Angeles at my girlfriend's place."

"Oh."

"What's wrong Chief?" Reed asked. "You never call me, let alone at this hour unless it was important. Now spill it."

"Mac was flying back from a conference in Vegas. His plane…"

"Don't tell me, chief. Don't tell me that it…"

"It crash landed."

"NO! You're lying. He's not…He can't be…"

"It did, but…"

"Where's mom? Why didn't Stella call me herself? She's not…"

"She's in the hospital."

"No! No! It's Christmas! Mac can't be....Stella can't be…NO!" Reed screamed. "What about Jennifer? How is she?"

"Reed listen to me before jumping to conclusions. Stella and Jennifer weren't on the plane. Stella's s in the hospital right now spending the night with Mac who survived the crash. Hammerback is babysitting Jennifer."

Reed let out a deep sigh of relief.

"I'll be in New York on the next flight back. Thanks for telling me Chief."

"There's more Reed."

"More?"

"Mac has amnesia."

"He lost his memory?"

"Initial reports have confirmed that he's forgotten the last 17 years."

"17 years? But that would mean…"

"It means a lot of things Reed. Just get here soon. Fly back in safe weather."

"Of course."

"Good. Can you do me a favor Reed?"

"What?"

"Tell Mac's mother for me? I haven't gotten the chance and I was thinking that it would be easier if it was you who broke the news to her."

"Chief, I don't think…"

"Please Reed? Maybe you can stop by Chicago, tell her face to face and then head over here together. I think this will work out better as you can help her in aspects that I cannot."

"Alright, I'll tell grandma. Expect us in New York by the beginning of next week at the latest."

"Thank you."

"How long exactly did I stay in this lifeless shell?" Mac asked. "You make it seem like I was in there forever."

"It did feel like forever Mac, but to answer your question, you didn't really start venturing out until at least 4 years later."

"That long? Did we start dating then?"

"Wish we did, but sadly no. We were both dating separate people but in reality we were best friends by then and at least for my part you were still the first person I'll turn to you for the silliest things."

"What about your boyfriend?"

"After everything that happened, I don't even consider Frankie or Drew as ever being my boyfriend."

"Ouch." Mac winced as a pain shot through his head.

"Are you okay Mac?"

"Yeah. Think the names might have triggered something."

"What did it trigger?"

"I don't know. Can't remember. My head just hurts."

"Perhaps we should give this a rest. We have been talking for a few hours and morning will be here soon."

"I don't need to rest."

"Of course you do. Didn't you just promise me that you'll never turn into an insomniac again?"

"But…"

"Mac."

"I'm afraid to close my eyes. I see the Towers falling and then I think of Claire and thinking of Claire just forces me to remember that I stormed out that morning because of a fight we had and…"

"You'll still have to sleep eventually."

"Not now. Maybe later?"

"Mac…"

"Stella…"

"Fine. We'll talk for another hour and then I'm getting some rest. You can stay up if you like, but I'm going to sleep."

"Fine. Tell me about Frankie and Drew please. They're the first things that seemed to have triggered anything and I really want to remember, even if its about you're Ex."

"Drew came after Frankie, but I suppose I can start with him first. He's easier to talk about."

"How so?"

"Well, Drew is your childhood friend from Chicago."

"Andrew?"

"Yes and he's also your 333 stalker."

"My what?"

"When you came back from London, you were stalked and it turned out to be Drew. He got close to me to get to you. He kidnapped you and would have killed you if we didn't find you in time."

"Why was I in London?"

"Peyton. She was your girlfriend and when she asked you to go to London with her, you did. When you had left, I had really thought I lost you to her and…" Stella trailed off. "I still hate her for sending that Dear John letter. She comes from nowhere, steals you away and then when she's through, just discards you like…"

"I came back to New York for you Stella."

"What?"

"I came back to New York for you Stella." Mac repeated. "By the time I left, we both knew it was over. She wanted me to marry her and stay in London, but I couldn't. I never verbalized it, but we both knew that my heart belonged else where. The letter just finalized…"

"Mac?"

"Hmm…"

"Do you realize what you're saying?"

"I…"

"You remember Peyton." Stella stated flatly.

"A little. I guess I didn't even realize I remember her. The words just came out of my mouth…"

"What else did you realize Mac?"

"That she's blond, English and use to be a M.E. at the lab. She…"

"Why did you come home Mac? Why did you leave London, leave Peyton?"

"Because of you." Mac whispered, as he just realized what he had said a little earlier. "I came back to New York because of you Stella. I…"

"That's all I needed to here Mac, at least for now. I just needed to know it was me."

He felt a poke on the left side of his stomach and then another poke on his right side.

"Silly Uncle Hawkes! What are you doing sleeping on the floor?" A little girl's voice said a little too loudly next to his ear.

"Uncle Hawkes, wake up!" He felt two pairs of hands shake him. Slowly he opened his eyes to find Jennifer and Lucy staring down at him, their two faces hogging up his entire vision.

"I'm up. I'm up." Hawkes said. Jennifer and Lucy took a step back. Hawkes brushed the wrinkles off his clothes and stood up.

"What are you two doing here?" Hawkes asked.

"To visit Daddy of course!" Jennifer piped up.

"In the middle of the night?" Hawkes questioned.

"It's 9AM Hawkes." Sid spoke up from behind the girls. "I'm surprised no doctors or nurses have kicked you out yet for sleeping in the hallway."

"They're probably too busy to do so." Hawkes replied.

"Come on Uncle Hawkes. Join us inside." Lucy pulled at Hawkes's shirt. "Come inside."

"Okay, okay. I'm coming." Hawkes said. He knocked on the door to Mac's ward and then opened the door. He had barely stepped inside when the two girls barreled passed him. Sid stepped inside and stood next to Hawkes, closing the door behind him.

"Daddy!" Jennifer screamed as she ran towards the bed, not recognizing the look of shock etched on her father's face at seeing a little girl who was a mixture of both himself and Stella run towards him at full speed.

Hope you all liked the chapter. Mac's full reaction to Jennifer's appearance in the next chapter. Also Mrs. Taylor's reaction to her son having amnesia. Until then, do remember to Review!