Starting From Scratch
Written by: HoshiHikari
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY
Summary: On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.
Parings: Mac and Stella
Chapter 4
"And then I proposed that night." Mac said softly. "Declared my love to you on top of Mt. Olympus and…"
"As magical as that would have been, you did not propose to me in Greece." Stella corrected.
"But it's so obvious that I was madly in love for you by then. Heck, I flew half way around the world to bring you home. I didn't…"
"Obvious? Madly in love?" Stella asked with an arched eyebrow.
"Yes! The way you've described us, it's obvious that I've been in love for years. I mean if those peck on the cheeks, shy smiles, small touches aren't signs of love, then I don't know what is. You did say that I said that I flew over to Greece not only because of the work but because I care about you Stella."
"Mac…"
"If I didn't propose, then at least tell me we made love that night and that I promised you things that…"
"Professor P. just died. Do you think I would have been in the mood?"
"Not even comfort sex?"
"Not even comfort sex." Stella confirmed.
"What about the flight back? Did I propose then?" Mac continued to asked. "Or did we have sex in one of those cramped bathrooms?"
"Mac!" Stella scolded, her face flushed red. "What's with you and proposing and having sex during or slightly after our trip to Greece?"
"Can you blame me Stella?" Mac countered. "I'm like a bystander right now, listening, seeing and experiencing everything that supposedly happened to me and from the way you tell my life story in chronological order. Proposing or having sex just seems like the obvious next step in furthering our relationship from best friends into a romantic couple. The timing just seems right."
"And what happened to dating?" Stella asks with a slight tease. "I believe that would have been the proper step."
Mac rolled his eyes and gave a sideways shrug.
"Are you kidding me? We've practically been dating since Peyton, well even before then, but the end of Peyton is a good place to start. Just tell me we got together within a few weeks after we returned from Greece."
"Sorry to disappoint you but there is still some time between Greece and when we finally tie the knot Mac."
Mac threw up his hands in frustration.
"This dancing around each other business is driving me insane. The attraction between us is so obvious that denying it's assistance is painful. God's Stella, when are we going to get there?"
"Perhaps if Jessica didn't die, then maybe we would have been together sooner." Stella said quietly, remembering her friend.
"What?" Mac asked, shocked.
"After Greece, happiness didn't get a chance to settle before Jessica was shot and killed in the line of duty. Her death hit Don hard. It hit everyone hard. That night while we went out to a bar to remember Jessica, a car drove up and started to shoot. We, like the rest of the people in the bar found ourselves on the ground, trying to keep ourselves safe from being shot. Danny was shot but luckily he survived the attack and only ended up in a wheelchair for months. I swear Lindsay suffered a heart attack that night."
"Were you hurt?" Mac automatically asked.
"No. The rest of the team made it out unscathed. I believe only the bartender ended up dead that night."
Silence fell between the two of them.
"Was it after Angell's death that I finally proposed to you?"
"Mac, what is with you and…"
"Even now as you tell me situation, I get chills running down my back. Even though I know you're okay since you're sitting next to me right now, I still can't help but shudder at the what if. What if you had died that night? If Jessica's death did any good, it would have been to make me realize how short life is and how precious it is to not let you slip away from my life."
"Oh Mac."
"Tell me that is what happened, Stella."
Slowly Stella shook her head, giving him the negative reply. Mac swore at that.
"What's wrong with me? What was I thinking? I was being…"
"You. You were just being you Mac." Stella said. "You withdrew into yourself. That was the only way you knew how to. That's always been your way of dealing with things that you have no control over., Mac. You withdraw into yourself."
"Damn it. Back to square one again. So how long did it take you to break down my walls again?"
"Well this time around your walls weren't fully built to perfection. There was no time for that. On one hand you were trying to help Don and on the other hand you were biting off everyone's head after you discovered I had a one night stand with another man."
"You did what?" Mac cried out, louder then he had intended. Instantly he could feel anger and jealously erupt from within.
"That's exactly what I mean." Stella said, feeling the atmosphere change in seconds.
"Who? Why didn't you come to me?" Mac demanded.
"I knew you were going to react badly Mac. I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"Who?"
"It doesn't matter. It didn't mean anything. Besides we weren't together back that, not even boyfriend girlfriend yet. Why are you reacting so bad anyways? You don't even have your memories, let alone any emotions that are attached to them. Your mind may rationally tell you that you love me but in your heart you feel nothing of that sort toward me. I'm still a stranger."
"Who?" Mac demanded again, so focused on finding out who it was that he didn't hear what Stella had said.
"Adam." Stella grounded out.
"Adam? Adam?" Mac repeated. "Why him? If it had been Don I would have understood, or even a faceless man, but Ross? Why Ross? You call him kiddo, Stella!"
"Why does any of this matter? Years have passed since then. I was drunk that night and he happened to be available. You've overlooked this once before Mac, why can't you do that now?"
"Because…" Mac didn't get to finish the sentence. The two of them heard a knock on the door and their heads automatically turned towards that direction. A moment later the door swung open and Mac watched as a strange man entered the room. The man had barely stepped all the way through when a little girl zipped passed the man's legs and headed straight for his bed.
"DADDY!" the girl who looked identical to Stella but with blue eyes screamed as she rushed toward him. Mac felt his body freeze as he tried to process the new discovery, knowing fully well that in his frozen state, the obvious signs of shock at the situation would be displayed clearly on his face.
"Jennifer!" Stella scolded. She stood up from her seat and tried to step in between her daughter and Mac in hopes of lessening the shock, but her daughter evaded her. Jennifer launched herself at her father and within seconds, her hand were wrapped tightly around Mac's neck in the form of a hug.
"Jennifer!" Stella repeated, turning to look at Mac's reaction, knowing he'll probably react badly because she hadn't had the chance to tell him about their daughter yet. To her surprise, Mac's hands were wrapped tightly around the girl's body.
"Jennifer," Mac slowly tested out the name. He frowned hard trying to remember the girl in his arms, but couldn't remember his daughter at all.
"Daddy!" Jennifer cried out again, hugging Mac fiercely. "Daddy!"
"Daddy can't breath." Mac whispered softly, pulling away from his daughter while doing his best to hide the pain that had shot through his entire body from the hug.
"Oh sorry." Jennifer blushed, stepping back and sat herself down on her mother's lap. Mac took this opportunity to study the girl before him, taking his time to commit her into his memory.
"I was so scared. Uncle Danny told us about the plane crash and…" Jennifer was speaking in a rush, her words running into each other as she spoke.
"Come here sweetie." Mac said, opening his arms in a gesture of a hug. Jennifer left his mother's lap and he carefully pulled her into a fierce hug, making sure that the hug did not disturb his physical wounds.
"Daddy's fine now." Mac tried his best to console the little girl in his arms. "Daddy will be fine now. The doctors here are going to make sure daddy gets better. In no time we'll be…" He trailed off, not knowing what activities he and his daughter did to pass time.
"playing Clue again." Jennifer said, referring to the board game.
"and I'll even let you win because I made you worry about me." Mac replied, not surprised at all that a child of two seasoned detectives would be interested in playing a mystery game.
"You always let me win." Jennifer corrected with a laugh. "Or did you forget about that?"
"Why would I forget about that?" Mac asked carefully.
"Uncle Sid explained that the plane crash might have caused daddy to forget some things and that if daddy forgot something…"
"I could never forget about you Jennifer, or anything that we've done before." Mac downright lied. "Yes, I don't remember everything right now, but you don't have to worry about that because I remember you. I love you so much sweetie that nothing will ever cause me to forget you."
"I'm glad." Jennifer said happily. She paused and then pointed her finger at the other little girl standing by the doorway with two other men. "How about Lucy? Do you remember Lucy?"
"Of course. She's my goddaughter and your best friend." Mac replied, using one hand to beckon Lucy to him. He couldn't remember Lucy at all, but at least Stella had been able to mention Lucy to him. Lucy didn't need to be told twice. She rushed up to Mac and he offered her a tight hug.
"I've so relieved that you're alright, Uncle Mac." Lucy said, returning the hug with open arms.
"I'll be like new once I get out of the hospital. Like I told Jennifer, the doctor's are going to make sure I get better before they let me leave."
"I know." Lucy said with a soft sigh.
A brief silence fell between the group until Jennifer spoke up again.
"How about them daddy? Do you remember Uncle Sheldon and Uncle Sid?" Jennifer asked, nodding towards the two men who were still standing by the doorway. Before Mac could give his reply, a knock was heard from the door. A second letter, the door opened and Dr. Gordon stepped in with a folder by his side.
"Good morning Mr. Taylor." Dr. Gordon greeted. "I see you have some early visitors today. I'm sorry to intrude, but I'll like to run some tests this morning to see if we missed any internal wounds last night. I'll also like to see if we can pinpoint exactly the last thing that you can recall freely on your own. From there we can find ways to help you regain your lost memories."
"Sounds good." Mac said. "I'll like to begin now if possible."
"Yeah sure." Sid spoke up. "We'll come back and visit some other time Mac. The girls just wanted to you as soon as visitors were allowed."
"Thanks for bringing them uh…" Mac trailed off, unable to remember the senior M.E.
"Sideny Hammerback." Sid provided. "But you can call me Sid. I'm the senior M.E. at the lab."
"Right Sid." Mac murmured. He then turned to look at Hawkes. "and you sir…"
"Sheldon Hawkes." Hawkes provided. "I'm awfully hurt that you forgot about me Mac. We were roommates for sometime."
"Roommates?" Mac echoed.
"I'm also a CSI on your team. I used to be an M.E. but I got tired of this guy…" Hawkes jerked his head towards Sid. "talking with dead bodies and decided to transfer. I find it quite unhealthy to speak with the dead on a day to day basis."
"Hawkes, I heard that." Sid said with a smile on his face.
"Well it's true. I'm still young. I don't want to end up knowing more about the dead then I do the living." Hawkes defended himself. "Anyway, we'll take our leave. We'll come and visit soon Mac."
"Thanks." Mac offered a smile at the two men.
"Say goodbye to daddy and Uncle Mac girls." Sid said "and then say goodbye to mommy and Aunt Stella."
"Actually Stella, why don't you take the girls?" Mac interrupted, suddenly sounding quite cold when he addressed Stella. "I'm sure they need a break from taking care of…"
"Nah, we'll be fine. We'll take care of the girls." Hawkes said. "Stella should stay. It's important that she's here for you throughout the whole thing."
"You've both done enough. Stella should spend some time with them." Mac corrected. "Besides with both Stella and I out, the Chief could really use some extra help from everyone else at the lab. Since I don't think I can convince Stella to work, she might as well make herself useful and watch over the girls."
"Mac, let them take care of the girls. I'm remaining by your side throughout this whole…"
"I don't want you at my side." Mac ground out, his heads snapped towards Stella in such a quick movement that he thought he might have strained something. "Right now. It's just test. No big deal."
"Mac…"
Instead of replying to Stella, Mac spoke to the group at large.
"Would you all please excuse us for a second?"
"Sure." Sid replied, sensing the sudden change of tone in Mac's voice when he talked to Stella. He and Hawkes led the girls outside after the girls had bid farewell to him.
"It'll just be a few more minutes Doctor." Mac said. Dr. Gordon gave a nod and then left the room.
"Mac…" Stella said the moment the doctor left.
"What else are you keeping from me?" Mac demanded.
"What?" Stella asked.
What else are you keeping from me?" He repeated.
"I don't under…"
"Damn it Stella! First it was Ross and now Jennifer. What else are you keeping from me?"
"Mac, I didn't mean to not tell you about Jen…."
"She was suppose to have been the second most important thing that you should have mentioned to me, aside from us being married. Damn it Bonasera! How can you not mention that I have a daughter? How can you spend hours and hours talking and not even bring up the fact that I…"
"Mac, I didn't want…."
"Just tell me what else you're keeping from me right now!" he demanded. "What other secret is going to waltz in through my door without my prior knowledge?"
"Nothing! I'll never keep anything from you, you know that."
"You just did!" Mac shouted. "Do you know how difficult it is to conceal my shock of finding out that I have a daughter, let alone pretend that I remember her when in reality I don't remember a single thing about her?"
"Believe me Mac, I would have…."
"Just leave Bonasera. I don't need you here."
"Mac…"
"Just go and don't come back. I don't need you. I can deal with this amnesia myself. You're just wasting both our time feeding me information that's quite useless compared to the other things that you're concealing from me."
"Mac, you don't mean that."
"Yes I do." Mac said without hesitation. "Just leave and let me deal with this mess myself. We'll all be better off that way."
"I'm sorry if I…"
"No, sorry is not going to work. Why? Simply because I know that ten minutes later I'm going to find out from someone else that something horrible happened to my mother and that you didn't even bother to tell me. Or I discover some other thing that will just allow me to blow up in front of you when that happens. Just go before you further damage what relationship we might be force to endure in the future."
"You're not asking for a divorce are you?" Stella asked hesitantly.
"For Jennifer's sake, no. Whatever is happening between us remains between us. I'm not going to pull her into this mess that we have now."
"Thank you." Stella said, letting out her breath. "I'll let you know that your mother's doing quite well in Chicago right now. And Reed is doing more then well. The last I heard from him, he said that he's spending Christmas at his girlfriend's place. Depending on how it goes, he plans to propose to her."
"What else do I need to know?" Mac asked, fixing his gaze onto Stella's.
"That's it. I swear to you Mac, that's all the surprises. I swear Mac, I was going to tell you about Jennifer soon. I just didn't want to overwhelm you first with the fact that we're married and then with that fact that we have a daughter. I didn't want to scare you or put on unnecessary pressure."
"And I have no pressure now? Damn it Stella, Jennifer's appearance really caught me off guard. Never in the world could I have imagined…"
"I'm sorry Mac. I truly am. I just thought it was for the best that I waited."
"I really want to believe you Stella, but like I said this caught me off guard and like you said all this information is a bit overwhelming. I think it's best if you go and just let me digest this alone."
"Mac…"
"Please Stella."
"I'm sorry Mac. Hope you'll forgive me someday." Stella said quietly, standing up from her chair and walked out of the room, knowing that she wouldn't be able to convince Mac to let her stay with him for the doctor's tests. She just hoped that Mac was not angry enough with her actions to push her out of his life completely.
"Sorry about all of this." Reed murmured to his girlfriend as they sat in the back of a cab heading from the Chicago airport to his grandmother's house. Once Reed had hung up his call from Sinclair, he had waken his girlfriend and told her the news. The next thing he knew, he was on the computer booking two tickets for the next flight to Chicago. After that Reed had explained the situation to his girlfriend's family and then the two of them had rushed to the airport. Now hours later, Reed and his girlfriend were in a taxi heading toward his grandmother's house.
"Whatever for?" Reed's girlfriend Blair asked.
"This. I know you've been looking forward all year to skiing in Tahoe during New Years. Now the plan's been cut out and I'm just sorry for this."
"That's silly Reed." Blair said, trying to laugh. "You know I'm not going to hold this against you. Yes, I've been looking forward to skiing, but we could always go next year. Your dad's just been in a terrible accident resulting in massive memory loss. I'll be very upset if you chose to go skiing instead. He needs you right now, your whole family does."
"I just guess I needed to hear it from you."
"Well I just told you so. You know I'm very family orientated. If something like that happened to my family, I'll expect you to understand my reason for spending less time with you and more time with my family. I'm honored that you let me come along for such a personal matter."
"You are part of my family Blair." Reed said softly.
"Again I'm very honored by that."
"Well you should be.
"There's always next year." Blair said firmly.
"Yeah next year." Reed ran his hand through his hair. "It's just that I guess I had this trip all planned. I invested so much into it. I was going to ask you to marry me and…"
"Reed?" Blair cut in, her breath suddenly caught in her throat. "What did you just say?"
"That I had invested so much into this trip and that I was going to…" Reed trailed off, his face suddenly going beat red as he realized what he had just slipped out. Slowly he turned and looked at his girlfriend. "ask you to marry me." He whispered the last part. "Blair Fonda will you marry me?"
Reed tried to gauge the expression on Blair's face, but found that he was unable to read pass the shock etched so clearly on her face.
"Blair?" Reed asked. He wanted to reach out to touch her, but didn't dare move. "Sorry, just uh..ignore what I said. I didn't mean to ask right here anyway. It's neither the place or time…"
"Yes!" Blair interrupted. She leaned forward and kissed Reed's lips, her hands wrapped around his neck to ensure that he didn't pull away.
"Yes!" she said again with tears rolling down her eyes. "Yes Reed Garret. Of course I'll marry you. I love you. I never thought you'll ask."
"You have no idea how happy you've made me." Reed let out the breath he was holding. "When you didn't reply right away, I just thought that you'll say no."
"I was shocked. Like I said I never thought you'll ask, let alone ask when we're sitting in the back of a taxi cab going from point A to point B."
"I never meant to ask right here, right now but it had already slipped out and…"
"Don't beat yourself over it Reed. I like it. It's special and definitely one in a million. You don't get many proposals happening in the back on a taxi cab." Blair said, trying to reassure Reed just as the cab pulled to a stop.
"And here I was stressing out about finding the best place and time to make my proposal. I wanted to make it special."
"This is special." Blair reassured him, stepping out of the taxi. She hesitated and turned back to the cab driver. "Don't you agree Sir?"
"You're absolutely right. This is very special. No one else has ever proposed and accepted while riding in the back of my cab." The driver replied. "By the way, congratulations. I know the two of you will be having a very Merry Christmas as a wonderful New Year."
"Thank you Sir." Blair said, paying for the ride as Reed pulled out their luggage from the back of the cab's trunk. When he was done, Blair waved goodbye to the taxi driver and then watch him drive away. When she turned to face Reed, she noticed the serious face that had replaced the look of happiness.
"I'm ready when you are." Blair said, referring to Reed's task of telling his grandmother about what happened to her son. "I'll be right here supporting you."
"Thank you Blair. I don't know if I can do this without you. I'm so afraid of something terrible happening to grandmother after receiving the news. She can't sustain a shock like that. It'll kill her."
"And that's why we decided to tell her face to face. In case anything does happen, we'll be there to make sure everything turns out well. Besides nothing will go wrong."
Reed took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. He didn't reply to Blair. Instead he turned and began trudging up the stairs towards Mrs. Taylor's house. He reached the front door in no time. Blair gave another reassuring smile and then Reed rung the bell.
Once. Twice. When he was about to ring the third time, the door flew open. Mrs. Taylor was standing on the other side wearing an apron and a pair of greasy gloves.
"Look what Santa dropped off for me this Christmas!" Mrs. Taylor said happily. "Reed! Blair! What a pleasant surprise. Please come in." As each of them stepped inside, Mrs. Taylor gave them each a hug which they both returned in warmth.
"I'm so delighted to see the both of you." Mrs. Taylor said, ushering them onto the loveseat in the living room. "Sorry about the mess in the house. I wasn't expecting guests. The two of you should have called and I would have made some cookies for you."
"There's no need for that Mrs. Taylor. Don't hassle yourself over us." Blair said politely.
"Oh, it wouldn't have been a hassle. I was baking cookies anyway. Every Christmas when I'm not traveling or if no one's visiting me then I'll bake cookies and bring them to the youth center that is just two blocks away from here." Mrs. Taylor said with a smile. "I was just cleaning up when the two of you showed up."
"We can help clean." Reed volunteered.
"Oh no Mr. Garret. It would be rude for the host to ask the guests to help…"
"We're family grandma." Reed interrupted.
"Still, it's just not right. As grateful as I am with the wonderful presents that Santa dropped at my doorstep this year, I'm sure the two of you didn't come to help me clean up the house."
"We don't mind." Blair spoke up.
"But that's not why you're here."
"No." Reed confirmed, again turning seriously. "We have some news that we thought would be best to tell you face to face grandma."
"What is it Reed?" Mrs. Taylor asked, sensing the seriousness in the younger man.
"Perhaps you should sit down first. We don't have pleasant news."
"Reed?"
"Please grandma just sit down and then I'll get started."
Slowly Mrs. Taylor sat down on the couch that was facing her guests.
"Dad was at a conference in Vegas." Reed began slowly. "He flew back to New York Christmas Eve and was suppose to arrive right before Christmas." Reed took in a deep breath and then continued to speak. "The plane crashed landed and dad's…."
"McCanna!" Mrs. Taylor cried out. "No! He can't be…" Her body shook and swayed unsteadily. Even though she was already sitting, she looked like she was about to fall. And then her body began seizing, contracting upon itself. Just as she was about to topple forward and land face forward, Reed caught her in his arms. He watched horrified as Mrs. Taylor tried to talk but no sounds came out.
"Call 911!" Reed shouted in panic. He had expected Mrs. Taylor to take the news terribly. He had even expected it to trigger a heart attack. However knowing that a heart attack could happen and watching it happen were two different things.
"Call 911!" Reed shouted again. He heard scrambling from behind him and then Blair speaking rapidly though he was unable to hear her exact words. All he could do was cling helplessly to Mrs. Taylor, afraid that if he let go, she'll just slip right though his fingers.
Hopefully this chapter wasn't too depressing for the holidays. Hope the youngsters and Reed and Blair's interactions help lighten the chapter a bit. So Mac and Stella just hit their first road block just as Mrs. Taylor's life hangs in the unknown. If you all want to know what happens next, then do remember to Review!