Starting From Scratch
Written by:HoshiHikari
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY
Summary:On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything at was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.
Parings: Mac and Stella
Chapter 5
"And the lacerations on the victim's forearm suggest that..."
"What are you doing here Taylor?" Sinclair's voice interrupted Stella as she and Danny looked through the set of photos that were spread across her desk.
"Looking through the crime photos." Stella replied without looking up. "What do you think of this particular laceration, Danny?" She was holding a photo in one hand and using her index finger on the other hand to point at a particular spot on the photo.
"What are you doing here Taylor?" Sinclair asked again, this time yanking the photo out of Stella's hands as he addressed her.
"Working on solving the damn case." Stella said, reaching out to grab the photo. However Sinclair stepped back so Stella was only able to grab air.
"I have plenty of other officers for that."
"They're not as efficient at their job as either Mac or I. Since he's unable to work right now, it's my responsibility to work twice as hard, otherwise the city will..."
"The city will manage without either of you here." Sinclair said.
"Thank you Chief." Danny said. "That's what I've been telling her, but she won't listen. The only reason I can think of that would tear her away from Mac's bedside is..."
"a fight between you and Mac." Sinclair concluded, searching in Stella's eyes for answers. When Stella looked away, Sinclair spoke to Danny.
"How long has she been here Messer?"
"A day and a half. She stormed in here after lunch yesterday. According to the night crew, she spent the night here."
"I'm still here." Stella spoke up.
"Well good stay here." Sinclair said, turning to leave. "While you're here, why don't you take up my job too, Taylor?"
"Chief?" Stella asked with confusion.
"You heard me Taylor." Sinclair said, halfway out of Stella's office.
"What? That's it. Aren't you going to lecture me about..."
"about what?" The chief asked, pausing in his step. "Your personal business isn't my business. If you want to chase down scum bags while your husband struggles to battle the demons of amnesia then be my guest. You just make sure you're here while I'm away."
"And where are you going Chief?" Stella asked.
"Reminding my buddy that ending our daily spars is not an option."
"Can I come with you Chief? I haven't had the opportunity to visit." Danny said. "And since Stella has such confidence that she can hold down the fort by herself...."
"When you're off the clock Messer." Sinclair said firmly. He left the office, leaving a confused Stella behind.
The first thing she noticed when she woke up was a mass of curly hair in her face. She closed her eyes and then opened them again, only to notice the curly mass of hair still blocking her vision from everything else.
"Hey grandma. I'm so relieved that you're awake. I was so scared when you..."
"Reed?" she asked in a dry raspy voice.
"Yeah grandma?" Reed asked.
"Where are you?"
"Right here, right in front of you." Reed sounded panicked. "Can, can you see me?"
"I.." she answered.
"I'm right in front of you grandma." Reed said again. "Do you see me?"
"I..." she answered again. "I see hair, lots of curly hair."
"Hair?" Reed sounded confused and then he laughed. He pulled back so that his face, mainly his hair wasn't right in front of his grandmother's eyes. "Is that better?"
"Much." Mrs. Taylor said. She looked around the room and noticed the white walls surrounding her. She also noticed Blair sitting in a chair next to Reed.
"Why am I in the hospital?" Mrs. Taylor asked, recognizing her surroundings.
"What's the last thing that you remember grandma?" Reed asked hesitantly.
"What does that have to do with anything, Reed?"
"Everything." Reed let out a deep breath, obviously relieved that Mrs. Taylor remembered him.
"Meaning?" Mrs. Taylor pressed. "What is it Reed? What happened to me?"
"Blair and I came to visit you at your house." Reed began.
"Reed, I don't think this is a good time to..." Blair tried to interrupt.
"It was a surprise visit. We had important news and needed to tell you immediately and personally." Reed continued. "Does any of this ring a bell grandma?"
Slowly Mrs .Taylor shook her head from side to side.
"What did you want to tell me Reed? What did you tell me that could have possibly landed me in the hospital?" Mrs. Taylor asked, sensing the seriousness in her grandson's voice.
"Reed and I are engaged." Blair cut in.
Slowly Mrs. Taylor turned to look at Blair.
"That's it? I'm in the hospital because of that?" Mrs. Taylor asked slowly. "But that's good news! I'm so happy for the two of you."
"Thank you." Blair said.
"Does McCanna and Stella know yet?"
In an instant the atmosphere was once again serious.
"That was only part of the news." Reed spoke up again. "The real reason that we're in Chicago is because of..."
"What? What is it Reed?"
"Reed, maybe this isn't a good idea." Blair cut in.
"Dadhasamnesia." Reed spoke quickly.
"Say that again." Mrs. Taylor said. "Slowly this time."
"Dad has amnesia." Reed said again. "Chief Sinclair called on Christmas day. He said that Mac was on a plane home when it crash landed at the airport. He's alright. He's perfectly fine. He just can't remember the last 17 years of his life."
"17?" Mrs. Taylor repeated. "17? Oh my poor McCanna."
"Yes. But don't worry. Once you're well enough, we're all going to fly to New York to help dad recover. He will recover. I just know it."
When Sinclair stepped into Mac's hospital room, he found the man sitting up with a laptop on his lap.
"You know Taylor, the department doesn't pay you for working while on medical leave." Sinclair said offhandedly as he approached Mac's bedside. He placed down a vase of freshly brought flowers next to Mac's bedside table.
"The department doesn't pay me for half of what it should be paying me to do and you know it." Mac murmured, though his eyes were still focused on the screen before him.
"Indeed." Sinclair acknowledged, peering over Mac's shoulder to see that he was reading an article in the New York Times. "Still haven't caught up to the present Taylor?"
"A bit difficult to cram everything that's happened in the last 17 years back into my brain, chief. Not to mention that I'm doing this on my own."
At this Sinclair reached out and gently closed the lid on the laptop. Mac turned and glared at him.
"Stella will be more then happy to assist you with your recovery." He paused. "Even I will be more then happy to do anything that I can to have my daily sparing detective back."
Mac couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle.
"I appreciate your honesty Chief."
"I'm serious Taylor, if there is anything, anything at all that will aid in your recovery, just ask and I'll find a way to make it happen."
"As wonderful as that sounds, there really isn't anything anyone can do right now. The doctor says I'm progressing slowly though I don't think so. I absorbing anything and everything that I can but I don't remember any of this. Say if anyone mentioned a natural disaster, say the quake in Hati, I'll know when it happened, what happened but I won't remember it happening. Does that make sense?"
"You're not expected to know everything that's happened in the world Taylor."
"Fine. But what about Jennifer? I've seen my daughter a few times now and I still remember nothing about her. I know she's here, I know she's mine but..."
"Everything takes time Taylor. I'm sure eventually something in your conversation will trigger a memory."
"I hope so. She's a lovely person. I want her in my life."
"Perhaps if Stella..."
"No. I don't want her around. I don't need her."
"She's your wife and the mother of your child."
"The more reason that I hate her. How could she spend hours talking about what she believes is the most important aspects that happened to me in the last 17 years and not mention that I have a daughter?"
"She wanted to protect you Taylor."
"Protect me from what?" Mac countered, raising his voice.
"You were just in a horrible accident and had lost your memory."
"So? She told me we were married! She could have just..."
"Tell me it wasn't already too devastating to discover that Claire's dead let alone that you are married to a women that you've barely know. Stella had her reasons for not immediately telling you that you and her have a daughter together."
"And you don't think it was devastating to find out that I have a daughter through the unannounced appearance of my daughter?"
"I'm sure on some level she regrets not telling you sooner."
"Right, whatever. I just don't like the fact that she's keeping such important information from me. How can I trust the women who claims to love me if I keep finding out that she's been keeping secrets from me, major secrets at that."
"Stella has nothing to hide."
"She lost my trust Chief and if you know me the way you should by now, then you should know that gaining my trust is difficult let alone regaining it."
"It was only one incident. For your sake, for her sake, for Jennifer's sake even, overlook this one incident. I've known Stella as long as I've known you, I can vouch for her if that means anything at all."
"At the moment it means everything."
"Good. Deep down inside you know I'm right. You need Stella and in more ways then just her being the key to recovery. Now swallow that damn pride of yours and apologize to her when she comes and visits again."
"She won't be coming back. I said some terrible things to her."
"All couples fight Mac. It's natural to do so. Leave the part about getting her to come here to me and just worry about apologizing."
"There's no way around this is there?"
"No. I'll tell her to drop by tonight."
"Fine."
"Good. Get some rest now. You'll be needing it."
"Right." Mac said as he watch Sinclair head towards the door. "Thanks Chief."
"For what. I didn't do anything."
"For just being you."
"If I was myself, I would have screamed at you at the very least for your stupidity."
"You already did. Thank you for being blunt an honest with me. I needed to hear it from someone else, someone who had nothing to lose either way."
"I did have something to lose." Sinclair corrected.
"Like what?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out. You're still my best detective aren't you Taylor?"
Two days after Sinclair had promised to make Stella visit Mac, she still hadn't visited him yet. In fact everyone on Mac's immediate team had managed to find time to visit their boss, yet despite the pleas from friends, Jennifer and Lucy, Stella refused to visit Mac.
"Just leave Bonasera."
"I don't need you here."
"Just go and don't come back."
"I don't need you."
"I can deal with this amnesia myself."
Mac's words rang in her ears. He had hurt her terribly and despite knowing that he had said them in the heat of the moment, the words still had cut her deeply. She knew that nothing good would come out of her visit if she remained in pain and so had decided not to visit at all.
"Sometimes I wonder if you and McCanna are long lost twins. The two of you respond astoundingly similar to each other when it comes to certain situations."
The voice that had interrupted her silence caused her to drop the pen she was holding. Hastily she looked up and a smile broke across her face.
"Mom!" Stella exclaimed in surprised, finding Mrs. Taylor, leaning on her office doorway.
"What a surprise! Come in, come in! It's so good to see you."
The two women exchanged warm hugs before Stella ushered Mrs. Taylor into a nearby armchair.
"Likewise. It's wonderful to see you again Stella." Mrs. Taylor stated in kind. The two sat in silence for a minute longer before Stella decided to break the silence.
"I suppose you've heard the news about Mac." Stella said quietly. Mrs. Taylor gave a brief nod.
"I would have phoned you myself, but..."
"It's okay Stella. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind."
"No, that's not an excuse. I should have..."
"Stella"
"I meant to tell you but..."
"Stella, it's okay. I'm here now."
"Still, I should have..."
"Reed, Blair and I just visited McCanna." Mrs. Taylor interrupted. "Just got off our flight and visited my son right away. The last few days have been hectic for everyone. The two of them went to retire early. I wanted to see how my daughter is holding up before I do the same."
"I...I'm fine." Stella said. "How is Mac?"
"Why don't you find out yourself Stella? I've heard you haven't seen him for at least 3 or 4 days now."
"I can't." Stella said softly, turning away with a guilty face. "I just can't."
"And here is how the two of you are identical. You're both so stubborn and set in your ways. For once be the grown up and apologize for whatever it is that is keeping you away."
Stella's head snapped back towards Mrs. Taylor and stared at her with wide eyes. She was more then surprised to be spoken to like that.
"I am first and foremost a mother and it is my instinct to protect my boy, especially now under these special circumstances. Because of these circumstances he might have said and done things to hurt you and perhaps you might have done the same to him. I'm asking you to forgive him and to be the first to budge on your stubbornness. He needs you Stella. There's only so much that I can help him with. I know that in his mind, you've only known each other for 3 years or so and he's still getting over Claire. But that doesn't matter. That's in the past. You are his present and his future. You, you're the rock in his life and has been for a very long time. If needed I can be the bridge that hold the two of you together until you can once again stand together. He needs you Stella, just like you need him."
Stella suddenly felt awful for being so selfish. Yes Mac had hurt her, and yes she knew he hadn't meant it, yet she still had let it get to her.
"I'm so sorry for letting this happen. I was so selfish. In sickness and in health right? Gods, I can't believe I let myself lose sight of the most important things."
"It's better late then never."
"I'll visit him first thing tomorrow."
"That's my girl. I love you Stella. I hate for something terrible to happen to my family as a direct result of McCanna's severe memory loss."
As promised, Stella found herself standing in front of Mac's hospital room the following morning. She took a deep breath, gave a knock and then entered. The first thing she noticed was that Mac's bed was empty. She panicked. Immediately she looked around the room and found a nurse cleaning the attached bathroom.
"Where's Mr. Taylor, the man who resides in this room?" Stella demanded.
"He was discharged 10 minutes ago."
"Discharged?" Stella asked widely. "What do you mean discharged? He has severe memory loss."
"Dr. Gordon deemed him fit enough to leave the hospital."
"How can a man who doesn't know where he lives or who the people who care about him are be fit enough to leave the hospital? How can he be discharged without his wife being notified of the circumstances?"
"Are you his wife?"
Stella nodded. Before she could say anything more, the nurse spoke up again.
"Apparently he didn't want you to know."
"But I'm..." Stella was at lost for words. Again Mac's terrible words filtered through her head. She had to do everything in her power to squash them.
"Did he say where he was going?"
"No."
"Damn it." Stella cursed. "You said he left 10 minutes ago?"
"Yeah."
Without saying another word, Stella rushed out of the room. She ran down the corridor and then out of the hospital, craning her neck everywhere in hopes of spotting Mac.
Mac where are you? If only I hadn't been stupid enough to not visit him. He could be anywhere by now.
Picking up her cell phone, she began dialing numbers. No one seemed to know that he was being discharged today, not even his mother, least of all know where he could possibly be.
"Damn it." Stella cursed again. She saw a nearby coffee shop and decide to duck in for her morning caffeine boost before continuing on her way. After all caffeine had a funny way of making he focus and she needed to focus in order to find Mac. So focused on finding Mac, she didn't realize that she had walked right into a person carrying a cup of hot coffee until she felt the hot liquid spill onto her. Immediately she let out a shriek, stumbling backwards to avoid being further spilled on.
"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" A male voice said. Stella who had been inspecting the damage caused by the coffee, immediately looked up.
"Oh, uh...it's you." Mac, holding a half empty cup of hot coffee said. "Stella, are you okay?"
"Am I okay?" Stella asked incredulously. "First my husband decides to get discharged from the hospital without telling me or anyone else for that matter and that said husband spills hot coffee onto one of my favorite blouses and then he even has he guts to ask me if I'm okay as if nothing's happened. God Mac, you're absolutely unbelievable."
"Look Stella, I didn't mean to spill the coffee on you so that's not my fault." Mac tried to defend himself. "But if you insist, I can buy you a new shirt. I do kind of like it."
"Kind of? You love this shirt Mac. One of the reasons this is one of my favorites is because your face lights up whenever I wear it. Now it's ruined, just like everything else is ruined!"
"I've already apologized and have even offered to buy a new shirt. What else do you want from me?"
"YOU! You and everything that comes with owning Mac Taylor!" Stella blurted out before she could even stop herself. When she realized what she just said so loudly in public, her face was blushing red but she continued to speak. "Why are you pushing me away? Why didn't you tell me you were being discharged?"
"Why should I tell you? You don't care. You didn't even visit..."
"I didn't visit because you pushed me away. And I do care, more then you will ever know. I've been searching everywhere for you, asking anyone who might know. I was one call away from sending out the entire force to find you." Stella hissed back.
Mac's face soften. Slowly he reached out and awkwardly wraps his arms around her, bringing her close to him.
"I'm sorry Stella. I'm so sorry."
"You have no idea how scared I was. You have no memory, place to go or someone with you. This is New York and being in the profession that we're in, I couldn't help be think the worst and if the worst did happen, the last memory I would have had of us would be an argument and..."
"I truly am sorry Stella. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you."
"Give me a chance Mac. I know with Claire still in your mind, it'll be hard. But please Mac, let me in. Let me help you overcome this."
I..." Mac took in a deep breath and then slowly let it out. He let go of Stella and then took a step back. "I...I should buy you a new shirt."
"Mac..."
"Come on Stella, you're blocking the entrance and exit to Starbucks."
Sorry for that delay. I hope you're all still enjoying this fic. So at least we know Stella and Mac are back on track or at least hopefully will be. Remember to Review ！