SIXTH SONG: Kings of Leon - Cold Desert

Warning: Gay stuff... pass this chapter if ya don't like, thank you

"No, Yuu! Wait, I didn't mean to... I...!"

Kanda had, in a fit of rage, stood abruptly up from his lunch, and was dashing for the doors leading out of the canteen and to the corridors. Lavi had risen too, but he was standing stone still, not daring to move, knowing that the eyes of the surrounding students were on him.

Damn Yuu for being so sensitive about Lavi being near him, lately. And DAMN the guy for looking so awfully cute when he ate noodles... Could he really blame Lavi for telling him? But somehow, Yuu didn't seem to react very well to the word "cute". Or to Lavi in general it seemed, as of late.

After a while, Lavi decided to go after him. He exuced himself to Lenalee and Allen, who both looked very perplexed, and took Yuu's and his half-empty trays, dumped them at the wagon in the corner, and ran after his friend.

:x:

As Lavi ran through the corridors and halls, he got more and more worried. Why was Kanda being such a jerk? Had Lavi done something wrong? Was it because he braided his hair when he fell asleep in history class last week? Because if it was, Lavi had totally said sorry already. That didn't mean he regretted it, though. Kanda looked really handsome with braided hair. Well, more handsome than he did already, anyway. But that probably wasn't it, since Kanda had been acting like this for more than just a week.

Lavi slowed down for a second. It couldn't possibly be since... oh no, he stopped dead in his tracks, halfway from physics lab to the toilets.

"Urghhhhh," Lavi groaned in frustration, rubbing his hands in his hair. There had been that party at Lee's approximately one month ago. He had been pretty drunk. And Kanda had only been a little drunk. And Lavi had said some... uh, revealing... things. About how he viewed Kanda. And yeah, judging by the way Kanda had completely denied to talk about it the day after, Lavi must have been pretty explicit. God, he'd had a crush on the japanese man for, like, forever. But said man REALLY wasn't supposed to find out, because, well, if he couldn't even take Lavi leaning in a bit and saying "Yuu, ya look really cute when ya eat, y'know, " then HOW was he going to take Lavi's heavy load of feelings? Bookman Jr considered himself as a usually pretty carefree guy, but if there was one thing he truly worried about, it was Kanda finding out. If he did, he'd be disgusted. He would reject him, no doubt. And what if their friends found out Lavi was gay? The private school his gramps had sent him to was very christian, and most of his friends here were believers. And it really didn't seem the bible was too keen on homosexuality. Not only that, but it was important to his guardian - gramps Bookman - that Lavi didn't bond too much, since they'd be moving right after his graduation. As gramps voiced it: "friends and alchohol will take away your concentration, so spare me the teenage rampage." He had also said: "and don't you even dare getting started on drugs! I will disinherit you if I as much as smell marihuana," but that's not relevant at all...

Point is, it was just very important that Lavi didn't disclose himself.

Lavi had long since accepted that those feelings - the stuttering heartbeat, the silly selfconciousness, the unreasonible but strong joy that turned up everytime Yuu was around - could never be returned, he'd just have to sit and wait for them to disappear. It was sad at first, but he had come to terms with it, as long as he and Yuu could be friends. Sure, he had acted silly and tactless - intimate, even - but he had always been careful to put it all behind a mask, make it a part of his personality. He made sure his friends understood that that was just the way he was. And even though Kanda had often been (extremely) annoyed with him, he had never seemed truly bothered. Not until one month ago, anyway. And now all he had could be taken away from him.

Lavi felt the fear creep through his veins. Starting from his spine, running like freezing water down his back all the way to his fingertips and toes.

"I have to make this good again"

Lavi took up his pace again. Kanda can't find out, Kanda mustn't find out.

He began mumbling inaudibly to himself, "I have to make this up. I have to tell him I was just joking. I'll say something funny and apoligize. I'll tell him how sexy Lenalee looks in her miniskirt. I have to tell him that... I have to make him understand that-"

"Make who understand what?" Lavi almost stumbled into someone when turning around the corner.

"YIKES!" He jumped back in surprise, his heart flew into his throat, and it must have been stuck there, because he suddenly found it excruciatingly hard to speak and breathe.

Kanda stared up at him, and clearly thought he was a complete idiot, judging by the look of utter annoyance gracing his beautiful face. And Lavi was so baffled he couldn't even blink, much less say anything. Somewhere in his mind he felt relieved that Kanda was his normal self again (see: angry, but not so much that he'd like to kill you). That, and maybe also a little sadness. But that aside.

"Yuu-chan, I'm sorry pal, I was just joking! Gee, with the way you ran you had me and the guys think you were choking on your soba or something. If you're gonna stay this rude forever, you'll never get a sexy girlfriend, you know!" Lavi tried to laugh, and even though it came out a little strangled, he figured it would do.

Kanda seemed put off for some reason, and also a bit... sour? Dissapointed? He took in an irritated a breath and repeated

"I said: make who understand what?"

Lavi lowered his arms from where he had flailed them in the air. His shoulders sank a little, and his fake smile dropped. For a moment he just looked at somewhere behind Kanda, pretending that he was thinking, but not really thinking at all. He must have looked defeated somehow. Kanda got the smallest of worried creases on his forehead, but Lavi was looking at anything but him.

"Well," his voice was feigned frivolous, and he never finished what he started to say. He just stood there.

And since Kanda is Kanda, we can all count on him to burst out: oh what-ever, it's not like I care. We'll go back to the others. So that's what he did, and he all but dragged Lavi after him the first 20 meters, since the redhead was pretty much stunned into another silence.

:x:

After a good two minutes of walking, Kanda finally said something. He really hated to break a perfectly comfortable silence, but Lavi's slumped shoulders called for it.

"You're being weird." Oh well, he could have said something more heartening, but this is Yuu Kanda we're talking about. Give him a little credit.

"I know," and Lavi smiled, but it was bitter.

"Why?" Might as well take the long and redemptioning problem-talk when they were at it. Better sooner than later, he said to himself. Because he was in complete self denial about not being curious.

"Because... you're being weird too."

Yuu got a sour look on his face, "I'm not," he declared, rather defensively.

"You are. I can't even... Even if I just lean over on your desk, you lean back. If I just throw my arm around your shoulders, you fucking reel back like I was stabbing you, and- well it's kinda silly... it's small things, I know, but... it makes me feel... sort of sad. Y'know. Or something. Oh forget it." Lavi looked up and ahead, he shook his shoulders, like he was shrugging off some coat of dullness. Pocketing his hands in his jeans he took longer strides, wanting to get to the canteen as fast as possible. This was not a talk he wanted.

But Kanda is a stubborn one. Too stubborn for his own good, really. But in this case it's probably good, because otherwise we might not get to see any lovin' anytime soon. Which would suck.

He grabbed Lavi's collar by the neck, and gave it a crude tuck, making Lavi yelp and slower his pace.

"Have you thought about being less annoying, then?" he asked.

"No, Kanda, actually I haven't! I can't just chance, y'know. You might be really cool and all, but I'm me, and me being annoying is my damn way of showing that I care for my friends. You're- You're just a meanie!" He couldn't help it. Too many build up frustrations and hormones. He was sick and tired of this masquerade. He could allow himself this little breather.

It was Kanda's turn to be silent. And Lavi's turn to enjoy the silence.

Alas, not for long.

"Well you started."

And had something so childish escaped Yuu Kanda's lips at any other time, Lavi would have lauged his ass off. But not now. He kept walking, kept looking straight ahead. The black-haired continued

"You have no fucking clue how wasted you were at Lenalee's party, do you?" Lavi cringed "Well you were really wasted. Started blabbering a lot, like always. You were a real pain."

Lavi didn't look at his face, so he had no idea with what expression he said those words. He wanted this talk to stop right now. The door's to the canteen weren't far away. He could hear the noisy laughter and teenage-chat now. Kanda just continued undaunted.

"You started to blow off sentimental piss and insulted me," I called you a princess, Yuu, that's not considered an insult, "talking all kinds of weird shit about you and me." And that's where Kanda stopped talking. He was now waiting for Lavi's reaction.

They entered the dining hall, and Lavi tried to force a grin and some bad jokes, heading for their friends' table. He had sweaty palms as he steered through the crowds, Kanda right behind him.

"But I see now you didn't mean a fuck of it. None at all."

Lavi stopped.

Kanda came to a halt as well. Right behind him. Lavi could feel the other mans chest against his back everytime he breathed in. They didn't say a word. Lavi's brain was thinking hard. But no matter how hard he thought, it seemed he was at a standstill. He couldn't salvage himself out of this situation. And... he actually didn't want to.

Maybe it was a bout of rebelliousness against the rules and his gramps. Maybe because there were so many people surrounding them, they seemed to be in their own little bubble. Or because he was tired of carrying it all by himself, and he now had the chance to give it a shot, neck or nothing. Maybe it was because Lavi could feel Kanda's breath on the skin of his neck, and the warmth of his body, and Kanda wasn't repulsing and pushing him away.

Lavi vaguely remembered reading that it was scientifically proven that teenagers in love were psychotic and mentally unstable. It must be right, he decided, as he turned to face Yuu and said: "I meant everything."

And while he said it, as well as afterwards, he carefully used each second of the painfully slow time to analyze Kanda's face, looking for any hint of emotion. His eyebrows, his mouth, his forehead, his jaw, his eyelids, his cheeks. Kanda looked right back at his one searching eye, and didn't show any immediate feeling like the redhead would have expected him to. Disgust. Surprise. Outrage. Disappointment... Anger. But there was nothing. And it graveled his nerves even more so. Say something, Yuu, say something, anything, man.

And here comes then the seconds of the most epic and surprising moment in this fic. Yuu Kanda grabbed Lavi's hand, oh my god Yuu is totally holding my hand, turned around and started walking out of the canteen saying: "Let's go home and play playstation."

Deadpan.

Lavi's face was stone.

A lot of people were staring, because Yuu Kanda is holding someones hand, and Lavi would totally have fallen on his tight ass if it wasn't for the firm grip.

"Daysia bought this fucking crazy shit car game Grand Theft Auto, you probably know it. Actually, let's stop by at the tank while we're at it. That idiot Froi is in France, so let's buy chips and cola. I'm sure Daysia ate whatever leftovers we had from last-"

"Cocio"

"-weekend... hm?"

"You can have your bloody cola, I'ma buy cocio, fer real," Lavi was smiling so hard his cheeks should've fallen off, but a man in love is a man of steel. Lavi wouldn't be falling apart anytime soon.

"Whatever, nerd. Just prepare to be fucking floored when I win the race game." Kanda was smirking, too.

"In your dreams. RACE YOU TO THE BUSSTOP!!"

Perhaps, if it wasn't for Lavi cheating and starting too early, Yuu might have won that race.

Authors Rant:

Love knows naught of age or gender!

I can't take boybands... they're so gay (ahahacough). Writing two of same sex in 3rd person is so difficult and irritating. I know i missed the drabble yesterday, but i used that day to instead lay down a plot FOR A FULL 5-6,000 WORD RK STORY!! *pats herself on shoulder* that's why this won't be a daily updated drabble series anymore. I need to concentrate. This sixth drabble was used to practice romance. (seventh will be moar cuddle-cuddle, i promise) Tell me how i did and what i could do better. Hoshino's original characters being in-character is very important to me. (well, as much as they can be when they pair up)

So, who's seme? I vote for Lavi. I'm angry with myself for making him a little (a lot?) uke-ish in this one-shot. Ugh, what is this persistent urge to write fluff? Which I BTW totally failed to put in this chapter. sob.

Please read this: www. fanfiction. net/s/5500851/1/Mine_Yours [without spaces], and tell Harmony283 how awesome it is, and how crucial it is that it will be continued!

Qritique - as well as mindless babble - reviews always appreciated.

D. Gray-man (C) Hoshino Katsura

November 24 - 2009