-1Author's Note: I really debated on whether or not I wanted to go down the path I am going down. I knew that once I took that path there would be no going back. So, deep breath here, I am throwing caution to the wind. I am going to go down the path, praying that everyone loves it. I am also praying that everyone forgives the fact that this update isn't as good as it could have been. I have no excuse except I have been really busy at work. Keep the reviews coming. They're what keep me inspired.
Loneliness was a state of mind Cristina knew a bit too well. Most nights she was able to brush the emotion aside. Tonight was different. Tonight she couldn't force the loneliness away. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to either.
Shifting from her back onto her left side, Cristina hugs her spare pillow to her chest. The soft linen, a deep burgundy in color, felt cool against the strip of skin exposed by a fitted t shirt that didn't quite meet the black jogging pants she wore. She buries her face in the plump pillow, hating herself for being so weak. It had been six years since her mother's death. She should be over it by now. Most days she was able to forget, to block out the sweet faced woman who braided her hair and called her angel-mine. Tonight, though, tonight she couldn't forget.
Her body tenses, jumping slightly, at the sharp rapping on the thin door that separated her room from the hallway. The rapping was followed by scratching and giggling. Frowning, she tossed the pillow aside, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "What the fu…" her voice trails off when she opens the door to find Meredith smiling back at her.
"Hi!" A wide grin splits across the smaller girl's face, her Peridot colored eyes twinkling. A giggle trickles past lips swollen to a rosy pink. "Guess what I've been doing."
Resisting the urge to slam the door in her friend's face, Cristina shrugs, her fingers wrapping around the edge of the edge of the door. Guessing games were not her forte. In fact, they annoyed her. "I don't know, Mere. Making out?" It wasn't the guess Meredith wanted. No doubt the little blonde wanted a guess at who it was that had left the flush in her cheeks.
"Duh. Wanna guess who with?" Biting her lower lip while she grinned from ear to ear Meredith wedged herself through the small opening between Cristina's body and the door frame. "Come on. Take a guess. You'll never guess who."
Slamming the door, Cristina lets out a sigh, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. "If I'm not going to be able to guess then why ask me to at all?" Her arms cross as she waits for Meredith to respond.
"Cause." Meredith teases. "Guessing is fun."
"Right. Fun for who?" She moves towards her bed, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the warm cocoon she had made for herself. "Not me." She sinks onto the edge of her bed, wiggling her body across the surface until her back comes into contact with the wall. Drawing her legs up to her chest she grabs a pillow, wrapping her arms around it.
"Oh, cheer up. Smile. Life is good." Hearing those words cross the lips of a girl who cut herself to feel better was a bit disturbing. Even more disturbing was the dreamy look clouding normally brooding green eyes. "So? Do you want to know?"
"No matter how I answer that you're going to tell me. So, go on. Get it over with." Her chin drops onto the side of the pillow. Her dark curls fall forward, tickling her cheeks.
"Derek."
Cristina bolts upright. She hadn't heard right. She couldn't have. There was no way Meredith had just confessed to making out with Derek. Their Derek. Their buddy Derek. She opens her mouth, then snaps it shut. Her face wrinkles up, her mouth opening again. "You and Derek?" Meredith nods. "Derek Shepherd?" Another nod. "Are you mad?"
Meredith blinks. "No." Hurt seeped through the ecstatic shine in her eyes. Cristina didn't let it effect her. Meredith wasn't thinking clearly; not if she was mouth mating with Derek. Derek! The girl had to be mad. She had to be. "He makes me feel important Cristina. Like I matter."
The mommy and daddy issues. Of course. It all came together now. She should have realized. She had those issues herself. "You are important. You do matter. You don't need to make out with Derek to…" She stops as Meredith starts shaking her head.
"It's not just the kissing. I don't know how to describe it okay? He just makes me feel…important." Meredith stares at her, the seriousness of her words sinking in.
"He's Derek! Cristina frowned.
"I know who he is, Cristina." Meredith snapped. Her irritation was starting to show. Cristina didn't care. The girl didn't know what she was getting into. It wouldn't work, it would end in disaster. "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. You're so very, very wrong."
Cristina stares after her. She hoped like hell that she was wrong. She seldom was though, and something niggled at her telling her that Meredith and Derek…they were a bad idea.