SEVENTH SONG: VETO - from A to B

Bye Bye Baby

Outside the window it was summer. Here in the room on third floor it was winter. Rim frost covered the mirrors and empty coffee mugs and pillows that were once soft and warm, now cold and hard. My breath was white, my hands were cold, and I tried not to cry, because the teardrops would freeze and stick to my cheeks forever if I did. I tried not to scream because the room would be filled with sounds and there wouldn't be any space left for you and me if I did.

"Lavi, shit, you know this can't go on."

Go away, leave, disappear, don't touch me.

The cold intensified, your gaze shot ice crystals, I couldn't move, my feet frozen in place. I looked at someplace behind your shoulder, trying to not really look. You shuffled a bit on your feet. Stood by the door, trying not to stand by the door. You leaned forward, but stepped backward.

"I'll just go now."

Don't go, don't leave me, touch me, feel me, talk to me.

Somebody might have to call for an ambulance, because I would surely die at this rate. I wondered why you couldn't feel the frost. Maybe you were used to it?

You turned to the door. The snowflakes whirled at your movement. Your back shot more ice daggers than your eyes, and I winced when they hit me in the gut, hurting like nothing I had felt before. I cursed my frozen lips. I had been good with words before, why did they leave me now? I would give up all the words in the world if I could speak now.

You took one step forward, getting further away from me.

Turn around turn around turn around.

I wanted to talk so badly. I wanted to tell you that if you would just stay, I could make the cold go away. I could stop the people staring and glaring and talking. I could make them all good again.

But I couldn't. Did you know? You knew, and the snow flew and you took another step and you were one thousand more miles away from me. If you went outside, would you have summer? And if so, should I let you go? Was I selfish for wanting you for myself? I didn't want to be alone in the winter. It was so much colder without you.

You took another step. I wondered if I could make you stop if I just looked at you long enough. I stared. I narrowed my eyes and looked the best I had learned. But you didn't stop. And the frost was tearing in the skin around my eyes, making them red, swollen, salty wet.

"They don't understand."

My words were strangled and ice bitten and as wet as my now salty cheeks, but they made you halt. You turned your head halfway, not looking at me, instead looking at the cigarette package on the table. You hated it when I smoked. I would give up all the cigarettes in the world if you didn't leave me now. Silence once again took over.

Why did you have to leave me?

Because we were frozen.

"I know."

Was it my imagination, or were your words as strangled as mine? The cold was gripping at your throat, and if it wasn't for my frozen feet, I would've run over and hugged you and breathed into you because you looked like you couldn't breathe for yourself right now.

You know, you know, so what if you know? Give me a better reasoning, this won't give me summer. The only warmth I ever had was you.

But now it was cold. Even with you here. The warmth had left beforehand, expecting you to follow soon after. Leaving me and cold all alone. All alone in the world. Alone in the universe.

You turned you head away. You left. You slammed the door.

The frost now roamed free, leaving me to fall on my knees, breathing ice, clutching my stomach. Someone should really call an ambulance.

You had to turn, but you should have turned the other way around.

This isn't about love that died, this is about being in love in a society that doesn't tolerate homosexuals.

Lavi Bookman, Yu Kanda (or whoever you want it to be) and D. Gray-Man (C) Hoshino Katsura

Critique is always appreciated.

15th dec 09 00.03