For those of you who aren't familiar with the DD pantheons, the gods mentioned are those of love and marriage, among other things.

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Reminiscence

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There were very few things that didn't possess the capacity to annoy Qara at some point during their existence. At that point, their existence would likely end in a fiery blaze of flames, though that was beside the point. What mattered was that while many things annoyed her, very few things actually made her wish for the power to blow up entire buildings. The situation at Crossroad Keep certainly made her wish that she could blow up the entire stupid fortress.

Or, better yet, blow up the whole stupid King of Shadows and be done with this.

Unlike the other idiots in their pathetic little band, the young sorceress hadn't joined this very important and oh-whatever quest because she wanted world peace or hero-worshipped and/or lusted after their perfect leader. In fact, if anyone asked for her opinion – which no one did – she wouldn't really understand what everyone found so fascinating about Nell.

Fine, so she could cast a few simple spells. Who couldn't? Moving on…through all their troubles, she had bumbled by chance and survived mostly because of the same thing – or due to aid from unexpected sources. The elf was neither almighty, nor some god-sent savior from the higher planes.

Which was why Crossroad Keep qualified as annoying. Everyone that inhabited its walls didn't seem to believe that Nell was just as mortal as the rest of them. Such behavior was tolerable – barely – in the soldiers. They were a simple-minded lot, likely never having seen a spellcaster of any decency before. In Kana, it was to be expected, though Qara disliked the officer nonetheless. But things were moving past the acceptable point even with the other members of their little entourage.

Every day, those at the Keep in possession of even the slightest hearing had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to listen to the latest episode of the family show "Bishop and Casavir". Not for children under thirteen. Expect unbelievable boredom and repeated conversation topics. In fact, Qara was almost on the verge of considering destroying her own hearing, because she knew that Nell would freak out and likely reanimate their corpses in case she killed them by accident. Then again, she could always just scorch them to ashes and frame Sand… but it was unlikely that their Captain would fall for that.

Not that the Captain seemed to be about to fall for anything… or anyone, for that matter. Either she had infinite patience and tact to keep looking the other way whenever a particularly worshipping or lustful look was sent her way… or she was simply too ignorant. But she didn't think that, really. Nell, while many things in her opinion, wasn't stupid. And there were many things occupying her attention at almost every waking moment now.

Ever since that whole "save the Keep from Garius and his cronies" incident, there was always something to build, to research, to search for… and, to top it all, Sand had decided that there was need for Neliel to become stronger – namely, that she had to finally master her melee weapon, the sword. It had been amusing to watch Nell's expressions during the discussion. Qara knew well – even if the others didn't – that Nell's swordsmanship was severely lacking. Certainly, she could take the head of a paralyzed foe, even a monster, perhaps, but to fight toe-to-toe against something that could block and fight back in a similar fashion… that was where the problems began.

Eldritch Knight, the moon elf had decided for the Captain. No objections.

And so, every day, once the work was done – the newest building approved, loot and peasant problems sorted out – a daily ritual began, which involved Sand, Neliel and Kana, whom the wizard had chosen as a suitable sparring partner for the increase of Nell's swordsmanship, sealing themselves in one of the larger storage rooms of the keep for at least two hours. Each time, Nell walked out looking utterly exhausted and beaten, Kana with only mildly ragged breaths and Sand still clutching a half-read book on some nonsense.

This time, the sorceress had a chance to see the inner workings of the ritual.

It was the show again – and this time, a rather loud episode was playing. Thus Qara decided to salvage what was left of her hearing and take the complaint to Nell. Of course, she could have just incinerated them, but missing a chance to annoy the she-elf was hardly something she would allow to come to pass.

The sorceress had never actually liked Neliel. Not that she hated her, per se, but there was a sufficient amount of dislike between them. Mostly from the human sorceress's part, for several reasons. The most important of those being that Nell had clearly once been like her – conscious of her power and unafraid to use it to its full force, slight as that might have been back then. Now, Qara could only quietly sneer at the way the she-elf spent whatever minute she had to spare with her nose stuck in a book on monster anatomy or something of the sort.

The second most important reason was that for this very habit of hers, Nell got along with Sand very well; possibly better than anyone else around. Qara spoke some Elvish, but never bothered to keep track of their conversations. Being consciously aware of them was annoying enough. And, thirdly, it was getting harder and harder to mock Nell because of the inferiority of her raw magicka in comparison to hers.

Qara had come to the conclusion that Nell wasn't particularly powerful or strong or skilled to start with. Her advantage lay in the fact that she had an amazing potential for growth… which seemed to expand and quicken the more she tried. The sorceress wasn't entirely certain how to feel about this. She herself still had some trouble with the more difficult spells the group's mages were now required to perform. With this single advantage on her side, Nell would likely eventually surpass her in terms of magical power, which irked the human a bit.

Not that Nell would hear about that. Ever.

In the storage room, she was faced with a both impressive and humorous sight. Blades clashing, yelps and leaps and all that swordplay involved at a great speed. Neliel, dressed in full leather armor, was dueling Kana, and it was obvious who had more skill. It gave the sorceress just the slightest bit of satisfaction to see the she-elf struggle greatly, both physically to fend off the flurry of blows and mentally to keep focused on the battle and not resort to a spell, which had obviously been forbidden in this duel.

Nell leapt forward, attacking in a way that Kana avoided easily and delivered a blow to her shoulder with the flat of the sword instead of the blade. Still, the strike was of sufficient force to send the elf tumbling forward before she regained her balance and struck a defensive position just in time to have the sword almost knocked out of her hands. True to its name, it almost seemed to be singing, or humming, at least, as it crashed against the other weapon.

After a few attacks and rather well-executed parries, during which Kana ignored several possibilities to swipe her Captain's head off cleanly, the officer managed to push Neliel into a sword lock that resulted with the she-elf ducking a swipe only to have her body pressed against the wall, a razor-sharp blade against her throat.

It was then that Qara noticed that Sand was also in the room, near the distant window, sitting in a chair that had obviously been placed there for his convenience, as it was way too comfortable to belong in what could only be seen as a storage room. Next to his chair was a modest pile of the books, clearly from the library, some parchment and a bottle of fresh ink, still sealed. Another book was in his hands, halfway read-through already, but he closed it as soon as he spotted the sorceress, carefully marking his page. He had appeared pleased when watching Neliel and Kana fight, but upon seeing Qara, his expression morphed into one of contempt under a thick mask of cynical humor.

"Ah, look who has come to bestow the honor of her presence upon us. Qara." The human hated the way he pronounced her name. Two syllables only and they already involved enough mockery to grant any other unfortunate person a fireball. Unfortunately, Sand was off-limits for incineration, for now. The moon elf didn't even bother to rise to his not really impressive height, placed the book carefully on the pile and "To what do we owe this dubious pleasure? Do tell, that we may avoid making such a mistake in the future."

Qara's eyes narrowed. That one had a fireball heading his way and one day, it would reach him. One day… "Find it in your books before they fall apart on you, Sand." she snapped, a rather curt insult when coming from her. By then, Nell had picked herself up from the ground and had her sword returned to her by the ever-zealot-like Kana, who was helping her rearrange her armor after that spectacular crash. "I'm here because they're at it again." the sorceress said. Her words were self-explanatory, she thought.

And she was right; immediately, Nell seemed to realize what was happening. "They…? Oh, no. Not again." she moaned despairingly. "I thought today's show was over!" So, she was not ignorant of what was going on. Well, good. That meant she might be able to put a stop to it.

In all honesty, Qara didn't really get what the two men – and men in general, it seemed, judging by the various encounters throughout their travels – found so enticing about Nell. She was as tall as a human woman – which meant tall for an elf – with a generally unremarkable physique; slender, if perhaps a bit too thin, the result of a life in poor conditions. She had filled up a bit in the past months, though, so perhaps it was the increase of her bust that had led to this. Also, her formerly waist-length hair had been reduced to about three-quarters its length before her duel with Lorne, which meant that it barely reached half of her back now.

If one was familiar with sun elves, then there was little of significance to comment on Neliel's appearance. Of course, the fact that sun elves were quite uncommon on the Sword Coast these days meant that people tended to stare at Nell at times as if one of the rulers of Baator had materialized before their eyes. Even Neeshka got less stares at times. Of course, it could also be because of Nell's rising fame. Everyone knew about the mock-trial. Everyone had heard about how she had spared Lorne after winning their duel.

Neliel the Merciful. Neliel the Foolish was more like it. Fortunately, it seemed that Lorne had met his end at the hands of his master upon another failure. Naturally, that only added to Neliel's "legend" and the terrible songs Grobnar had taken to composing about their adventures. Thank Mystra that the whole group usually met only during meals these days; everyone was scattered in a different part of the Keep, be it the library, the basement or the in that had so recently been taken over by Duncan's former bartender, Sal.

If it wasn't for that stupid stupid inn, she wouldn't even be here.

Sand raised his eyebrows at Nell's look of disdain. "I do believe humans consider playing hard to get attractive."

Nell didn't seem to find that very helpful, because she sent him a frown and shook her head again. "If they think that turning a blind eye to this all is playing hard to get, then it's a lost cause." she noted tonelessly.

In fact, Qara could easily summarize that the best word to describe Nell would be unusual not unusually attractive or attractive in general. Her general charm stemmed from her ability to dazzle, trick or intimidate anyone and everyone that got in her way. Which was a useful thing, the sorceress mused privately, watching the exchange.

Kana, who had finished her reparations of Nell's armor, seemed to be a bit uncomfortable with this discussion, though her face was as impassive and dedicated as ever. It was the way she interjected without waiting to be addressed that betrayed that sentiment. "Captain Imladris, if we are done for today, perhaps I should leave…"

"It's quite alright, Kana." Nell said quickly, understanding. Again, Kana was one of those people with which Nell got along with surprisingly well, assuming Kana wasn't piling reports on her desk, which she tended to dislike. "I'm sorry, my aim is getting sloppy. I shall have to be more careful next time."

The officer seemed to be slightly unnerved to have her superior apologize to her, but decided to tactfully ignore it and accept it gratefully at the same time. "Tomorrow, then." she said, nodding briskly.

Unlike Neliel, whose hair was loose all over her face, Kana's appearance remained more or less immaculate. "Yes. At ease, Kana. Thank you."

Kana almost marched out of the room with military precision, with a curt nod of farewell to Sand and a brief glance at Qara. Once the door closed behind her, Nell combed a hand through her hair, flattening it somewhat.

"Sand, I'm waiting for your stroke of genius to get me out of this mess." she said, in all seriousness, though there was a hint of concealed desperation about her words. "Please tell me what to do."

The moon elf seemed to be in a distinctly unhelpful mood, but Qara could swear that he looked the slightest bit uncomfortable when it came to answering the question. Certainly there was sweat tickling down his temple, even if it didn't show in his tone or expression. "Dear girl, I can hardly claim to be an expert on driving off overeager suitors that cannot seem to be able to even establish their intentions in their own minds, I fear."

"You'd better think up something fast, or else I won't guarantee that they won't have a rendezvous with a fireball soon." the sorceress interjected before Nell could descend into despair.

And, though it hadn't been a plan, but a promise, Nell's eyes immediately flared up with an angry fire, rather like a magically enchanted green-blue torch a necromancer might prefer to the usual red-and-gold flames. "Don't you dare! Do you have the faintest idea how much the tapestries cost? Use poison, if you must! But I cannot do anything about the situation unless one kills the other!"

"You could just yell at them that you don't want either of them, you know." Qara suggested snappishly. Oh, so now the great Captain of Crossroad Keep was unable to do anything herself! Wonderful! Servants! Come, fetch! "Maybe emphasize that with a little shock spell, you should be able to pull that off." she added, emphasizing the should, because it was bound to annoy the hell out of Neliel, whose newfound specialization were electrical elemental spells and formulae that were meant to destroy the body by knowledge of its anatomy – such as the Disintegration she had used on Lorne.

To Qara's surprise and annoyance, Nell didn't react that predictably. She sighed instead. "I tried. It doesn't work."

"Did you use the shock spell?" the sorceress demanded, her tone steely.

"Well, no, but…" She didn't think so.

And thus… "Do it."

Finally, golden brows knitting together in a neat frown, Nell's eyes narrowed. "Look, I know this is annoying… and rather embarrassing…" she added in a mutter, but both others heard.

"Indeed." Sand confirmed from his books, earning a glare.

"Yup." Qara mumbled under her breath.

"…but I need both of them alive and functional, as they are good at what they do." Nell finished before she could be forced to employ magic.

"They have an actual use?" Sand asked with astonishment that seemed so real, even Qara could almost believe it. Almost. "I certainly didn't notice that…"

"Casavir raises the general morale of the soldiers." Nell explained. She had obviously thought up Reasons Not to Kill the Idiots Now. "And Bishop-"

"Makes them feel better about not being so holy themselves?" Sand finished, surveying her skeptically. "I fully understand and approve of the concept of having a hammer-wielding human shield in front of you when in battle, but I keep wondering why exactly you let our dear ranger stay. Or why he chooses to stay. Certainly he can find someone else to kill at his leisure without the risk of being labeled as one of the heroes."

"Because I get the feeling that we will be trekking through many a wilderness yet." Nell said, not so patiently now. Obviously, she was still trying to justify her current lack of carnage. A shame. "And that what I know about exploration isn't enough to classify me as a pathstalker. Besides, it keeps the balance."

"Oh, isn't that ever-so-sweet?" Qara sneered mockingly, reveling in the situation. She rarely had the chance to humiliate Nell so perfectly nowadays, so she certainly wasn't about to miss it. "Nell's afraid that the statue of a paladin might proclaim his undying love for her if the show is cancelled. I guess we'll have to wait until you learn how to blast a fireball, then, Nell."

But with the passing months, Neliel had lost her initial fire; she was now becoming the Captain of Crossroad Keep, the Hero of Neverwinter, etcetera. She was more somber, more mature, less inclined towards making good on her death threats. "Qara, which part of: I can do nothing did you not understand?" the she-elf asked, her voice dark, her eyes narrowed. "Perhaps I am using words too big for you. If I, in any way, punish, threaten or kill one of them, the other will see this as his chance. The world isn't black and white – but it seems that for them, rejecting one means accepting the other! It's a hopeless, lost cause."

"Then convince one of your toy soldiers to pretend you're in love. I don't care." That could work, actually.

"I'd say the moment I do something like that, Bishop decides that the particular soldier is expendable and thus replaceable. I tried convincing Sand to leak information that in the aftermath of my post-duel-to-the-death celebration, I drank a bit too much and ended up dragging him off to a temple of Evening Glory or Hanali Celanil, but without success. I'm considering an actual proposal." Nell explained, tossing the moon elf a sour look.

Qara was actually speechless for a second. Though whether it was because of shock or disgust or barely suppressed rage that it didn't seem the problem wasn't going to get solved too soon, no one could guess.

Sand, meanwhile, had stood up from his books, taking a few steps towards the she-elf with her arms crossed, but carefully, as if approaching a hissing and scratching cat, while Neliel seemed the image of serenity. "While I highly appreciate you choosing me as the first option when selecting a candidate for marriage, I feel I must respectfully decline your offer, dear girl. I am unfortunately not too inclined towards finding an arrow or two attached to my vital organs one day."

"See? This is the thanks I get for sticking out my neck for Neverwinter." Nell fumed momentarily "No one's helpful around here."

Fortunately, the world was not about to find out what either the elven wizard or the human sorceress had to say about that, as there was an almost inaudible knock on the door and the smallest and frailest-looking resident of Crossroad Keep – including Grobnar – entered, carrying what, in comparison to him, seemed an immense pair of boots. The little kobold kept shifting underneath their weigh, but managed to hold his own with almost acrobatic agility.

"Deekin!" Nell was on her feet at once and relieved the tiny dragon-like creature of his load. "You didn't have to carry them down here, I told you I'd come for them."

"It least Deekin can do for you, Boss Captain!" the kobold chirped happily, showing no sign of relief that he was free of the burden, only happiness. Qara remembered finding this little monster in the Merchant Quarter back in Neverwinter and Nell, damn her foolish pseudo-kindness, had convinced the kobold to set up shop at the Keep. After all, he had provided her with the armor she was now wearing and several other useful trinkets her companions had.

Qara had little to no sympathy for the creature, though how he had survived up till now remained a mystery. It was said that this scrawny kobold had accompanied a series of daring adventurers on several tasks, but the sorceress hardly believed such tales. Still, the stash Deekin had was surprising.

Neliel, sitting down, removed her current boots and pulled on this brand-new pair. It seemed tailor-fit for her shoe size and clearly, the kobold was happy with that. The she-elf then walked a few paces, concluding that the famous Dragon Slippers suited her well.

"Thank you, Deekin."

"Little Deekin always glad to help hero on dangerous quest." Deekin said with a toothy smile. "Deekin writes story about great battle at Keep, maybe, if Deekin gets enough money for ink and parchment!"

And then, just as the kobold was about to be dismissed, an idea popped into Nell's head. "Deekin… maybe you could help me with something."

The dragon-like creature smiled eagerly, ready to please. "Sure thing, Boss Captain!"

And so, to the utter astonishment of both Sand and Qara, Nell explained the entire situation regarding the not-so-three-angled love triangle going on at the Keep in detail. Then, pausing and drawing a breath, she posed her question. "Give me some advice on how to deal with the matter, please."

"Deekin knows little about big people problems." The kobold said after a moment of thinking, his huge eyes honest. Nell seemed a bit disappointed before he continued. "But Boss have problems with males too." the kobold said almost cheerfully, proceeding to explain in brief that he had traveled through the Underdark and even the Wastes of Cania, one of the Hells of Baator, with several heroes in search of True Names. Even Qara couldn't help being slightly intrigued. "White knowing lady told Boss her true love was Goat-man who loved Boss, but Boss was true love of winged green man."

Sand's left eyebrow twitched. "Goat man?"

"Winged green man?" Qara repeated, thinking it far-fetched.

But Nell had an answer ready. "A tiefling, I'm assuming. Remember how fed up Neeshka gets if anyone calls her "goat girl". And winged green man… a celestial, certainly, and I'd wager a guess at a planetar. Those are said to have green skin."

"That is so messed up." The sorceress noted superiorly.

"Hush, Qara. Go on, Deekin."

The kobold seemed very happy to be of help and liked telling the story, though he seemed a bit frightened of his own memories at places. "Boss was sad but white knowing lady said it was truth." he continued, recalling the words of the Knower of Names, the face of his Boss and the sorrow of the moment that even he had felt. "Green winged man sleep in Cania many years waiting for true love. Deekin write entire chapter about that in his book! Boss was very nice lady and liked that very much, Deekin thinks. But Boss likes Goat-man more and wanted to tell winged green man. But winged green man didn't listen and kissed Boss in front of goat man. Deekin was very scared then, because goat man had very big flail, very scary."

"And what did she do then, your Boss that is?" Nell asked, obviously believing that the answer she was waiting for was about to come to her.

To her clear disdain, the kobold shrugged. "Deekin not sure, Boss Captain. Deekin needed to go to toilet then and when little Deekin returns, Boss and goat man and drow lady and ghost lady already ready to go."

Even Qara almost grinned (in contrast to her usual sneer) when she saw Nell groan and bury her face in her hands. To think that of all the problems she handled effortlessly, a kobold and a pair of idiots could bring her down so easily.