My take on the infamous romance scene. Fear the angst! Yikes! I hope it's good – I really wanted it to be realistic and good! If I altered the canon dialogue a bit, do forgive me – I accidentally deleted a few of my NWN2 saves a few days ago, so I haven't had a chance to listen to the transcript of that particular scene and wanted this chapter out.

Love it? Hate it? Please review!

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Midnight Sun

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If someone would have asked Casavir exactly why he loved the Knight-Captain of Crossroad Keep, the answer would have been very difficult.

There were many things to admire about Neliel Imladris, but from the point of view of an outsider, she was certainly a difficult person to love in the romantic sense of the word. She was a wizard who strove for being the best she could at arcane magic and who sacrificed many an hour for that goal. Unwillingly, she had been diverted from that goal and had risen from peasant to the highest order of knights within the realm within such a short time that it was almost alarming.

When he had first met her, it had hardly been a love-at-first-sight experience. That had been back in the Sword Mountains, when he and his troops were about to destroy an orc raiding party. The odds were heavily in their favor, as it was an ambush. Only when sparks of lightning and fireballs had begun to fly around them did he realize that someone else was to have been ambushed by those orcs, someone who stood just out of reach of their enemies, behind a small group of a wide selection of races and personalities.

Neliel had been hooded and cloaked back then and only when she first spoke and raised her face did the pale moonlight reveal her true countenance. Back then, he hadn't thought of her as beautiful, due to the nature of the circumstances and what lay ahead for them. But even then, she had been impressive in calmly announcing that they had had things under control, despite thanking him for the assistance. She had held the command of her small group without perhaps even realizing it and even he, who had directed dozens of men against battalions of orcs, allowed himself to be led by the petite sun elf.

It had proven a most fortunate decision on his part. While she wasn't at all well-versed in the details of warfare and strategy, Neliel had the presence to drive their group onwards, even some measure of power over the fire sorceress, who scoffed at Neliel and her powers, but obeyed nonetheless. It had been when they had slain Logram and rescued the emissary that he had begun to respect the sun elf, especially because she had almost openly cringed at the sight of possible practices of necromancy.

In the archives of Neverwinter, he had the chance to see her extensive knowledge, which even impressed the gnome bard, Grobnar, despite having learned that she was a farmer from the Mere originally. That news had almost stunned the paladin. Up till then, he had readily assumed that the Watch had enlisted the aid of one of the Many-Starred Cloaks' mages for this endeavor. It was nearly impossible to imagine anything else – equally impossible was that it had all been just an act. Neliel carried herself like one who was aware of her own power, yet at the same time, she was content to fade into the background with nothing but a stack of books as her companion.

And Casavir was beginning to realize just how alone Neliel likely felt. He had been filled in on the story behind her arrival to Neverwinter and approved of the decisions she had made, especially given the circumstances. And again, he found himself admiring her strength of will, her ability to make the right choice. She didn't always act selflessly, true; it was probably selfish to expect her to ignore her own needs. Gods only knew that she wouldn't have likely been able to even afford food in the city with the meager funds she had brought with her initially.

It was how she had rescued Shandra Jerro from the clutches of the githyanki that had truly stunned him. The moment it had been announced that their newest addition to the group was gone, something in the normally cordial sun elf changed. Actually, from the moment Bishop had joined them, something was different. It was the coldest any of the group had ever seen Neliel act; she hadn't spared the dead of Ember a thought. Instead, ignoring Alaine and her gratitude, she had stalked ahead, only to call the ranger to her side to help her decipher some tracks she seemed to be having problems with.

To this day, the paladin wasn't quite certain what Bishop's exact intentions were when Neliel was concerned. He lusted after the she-elf, yes, but there was a strange look in his usually contemptuous eyes whenever she spoke or whenever his gaze rested on her. And though at times he used the word "wench" when referring to her, the ranger never used the offensive expression when Neliel was within earshot. As for Neliel, she was being far too gracious in indulging him with a conversation once in a while, even though it mostly involved her parrying Bishop's sneering or suggestive words.

They had a strange relationship and as the weeks passed, Casavir became increasingly aware that it bothered him. He worried for Neliel's safety when around the man, despite knowing that nowadays, she could likely melt him down before he even laid one hand on her. And there was a measure of concern that even chivalrous intentions and camaraderie alone couldn't achieve. Perhaps it was then that he realized that he cared for the sun elf beyond simple concerns for her safety; through jealousy, one's eyes could be opened.

He had striven to avoid such sentiments, partly because he still remembered how well jealousy had served him the last time he succumbed to its pull. Manslaughter and the breach of an oath that he had considered sacred; all for the sake of a woman he had loved. Nowadays, it seemed shallow and distant, the emotion he had once held for Ophala, in a sense, reflecting the woman it had been intended for. And what he felt for Neliel was… it was difficult to describe it, to encase the meaning in a single word or two.

Besides, there were unlikely to be two more different women in the world. Whereas Ophala was a human woman nearing her "best years", with practiced gestures and a regal elegance gained by years of expertise, always assessing the value of something before offering compensation, Neliel, not even an adult by the standards of the elves, cared very little for the finer aesthetics of her appearance, as long as she was modestly dressed and her clothing practical. She possessed no court lady-like bearing, but her natural elven litheness and the way she almost seemed to float when in a casual stride outmatched the greatest of learned charms.

Her profession made it difficult for them to speak. Casavir knew very little about arcane magic and didn't have a sufficient mastery of words to allow him to overcome that fact through mere diplomacy. Of course Neliel had tried to speak with him as with all the others and befriend him, or at least make him feel more welcome, but later on lost interest in attempting to do so over and over again when Casavir barely said anything about himself, let alone the reasons why he had been at Old Owl Well in the first place.

Instead of speaking to her, he preferred to watch her. But in all such cases, there came a moment when observation from afar was not enough. That moment had come at Crossroad Keep, months after their first meeting, when Neliel, Khelgar, Elanee and Zhjaeve returned from their attempt to sink the bridges leading to the keep, exhausted and dirty, but otherwise unharmed.

Covered in magical soot, her hair almost loose from its binding clasps and her clothing sprayed with blood, Neliel had never appeared so beautiful. She was alive, living, breathing, and her expression was one of determination, not despair as she exchanged brief words with her foster father and her second-in-command. Casavir couldn't help but feel a sudden rush of joy, of warmth, of love.

She had left so suddenly and he had still not managed to express his feelings to her. The thought of her dying was unimaginable, but he had decided to waste no more time. His own demise could come before the day was over and Neliel deserved to know – or rather, to hear it from him, not to come to the conclusion herself.

The sun elf raised her eyebrows in slight surprise when he asked to speak with her alone. She agreed, only asked for a few minutes to wipe her sword and armor. When she met him atop the battlements, the armies of the undead were nowhere to be seen in the darkness. Neliel was once more dressed in her Eldritch Knight armor, the same she had worn before becoming one of the Neverwinter Nine. Her hair was brushed back into her usual braid.

It took this sight to remind him that while many would frown upon a betrayer of Neverwinter proclaiming his love to the champion of the very same city – should they both survive, a grim thought reminded him – behind the insignia of the Nine was still the very same woman he had encountered at Old Owl Well.

She didn't speak first and Casavir was grateful for that. In any case, her expression was neutral, if slightly curious. You asked, so I came, it seemed to say.

It was a warm night, signifying the end of spring and the arrival of summer. But it was late and the moon had risen in its full glory, a thousand stars shining down on the lonely Crossroad Keep. Still, there was a chill in the air, a terrible silence stretching across the land. A shadow.

"There is death in the air tonight." the paladin said, glancing beyond the horizon, as if searching for the army they all knew lurked out there, somewhere.

"That's hardly surprising, considering the amount of undead in the army of the enemy." Casavir blinked slightly. That had been a joke of some sort, clearly, but he couldn't claim to understand Neliel's sense of humor. She didn't baffle him with this as much as Sand did, perhaps, but it was still strange to see the momentary disappointment in her face when she realized he hadn't understood. "I'm sorry, that was an unsuitable jest. But you have to laugh to keep from crying, I suppose. Death follows me at every turn."

She seemed to sigh without making a sound. At one time, her face had been full of dread at the thought of dying, but today, when she spoke of it, there was the hint of weary acceptance in her. Neliel was ready to face death now, if her sacrifice would make a difference.

But Casavir wondered if there was anything that would be worth such a sacrifice. The sun elf wouldn't throw her life away for the sake of a few bard songs in her favor, but nowadays, even the possibility that saving Neverwinter was more important than her life was less and less likely in Casavir's eyes. Cities like Neverwinter would rise and fall and be forgotten over the course of the ages. But heroes, true heroes, would remain in the minds of the people for times eternal, because they were a rare treasure.

Neliel was one such hero.

"I am here with you and know that such things hold no sway in your presence." The wizard gave a weary smile, but her gaze remained directed towards the forests beyond the keep. "I… wanted to thank you. Through your influence, I have managed to regain a measure of peace that I believed lost to me." Casavir continued, taking note of how easily the elf's smile transformed into a mild frown.

"Peace? That word has been foreign to me since all this has started." She spoke of it with such ease, it was almost frightening. In a way, she had accepted a soldier's life, even though it was completely foreign to her, more so than the word she had claimed to find alien. During times of peace, she would have been able to lead a life among the finest mages Neverwinter had to offer, but then, her existence and powers would never make such an impact. "I suppose you're welcome, but I assure you that any newfound calm likely has little to do with me."

"No, Neliel." How wrong she was. Their group, though generally friendly, was held together by a single binding – her. Without her, they would fall apart within an instant. Without her, none of the people she led would have ever even met. "It has everything to do with you. The people here have found their leader. You've given them hope. But you've given me hope for something more than simple survival. When you are with me, I feel nothing can stand against us."

"Casavir…" Finally, she looked at him, still frowning, her tone careful, a slight warning. She seemed to understand now.

But she still had to hear it. It was important. "Please allow me to say it." Casavir said softly and for once, silenced the otherwise verbose Knight-Captain. "My sword has always been yours, Neliel Imladris… but you now hold my heart as well." It was a pledge, a vow, an oath. That he would protect her and love her with unwavering conviction.

He was only human, not an elf; he couldn't understand that even if you force a child to destroy and learn and kill – and, by elven standards, Neliel was a child still – you cannot force a child to bind themselves to something.

Neliel had grown up in the past months as if they had been a century, relinquished many of her naïve ideals and understood the world better than those who claimed to have the wisdom of age might. She was, by all means, a grown, even somewhat jaded woman now, not a naïve farm girl who thought that the world was waiting just to welcome her with open arms. And she felt love, yes, a flame comparable to that of Qara's wild surges of magic. But while the farm girl would have embraced it hungrily, the woman knew that fire could burn just as easily as it could warm.

And there was so much more of the world to see… and she wanted to live! To live her own life, not bound to what she didn't choose, not bearing the title of a widow for the centuries that would come. What she felt for the paladin was sympathy, pity… and guilt over not being able to return a feeling. Nothing more. Not enough to give her reason to bind herself to a human she could learn to love, only to see him wilt and die within a century.

She had a greater concept of time now, after all the war she had seen. And after all the death she had been forced to go through, perhaps even her extremely long lifespan wouldn't be enough for her to live as much as she wanted – needed – to.

He had said he loved her.

Neliel blinked, and then froze, resembling more the painting of her in the green dress that the gnome artist from Blacklake had sent to the keep as his own way of thanking her weeks ago than her true self. There were few things that could render the jaded wizard speechless nowadays; not even an ancient undead talking dragon spirit had succeeded in doing so – it had been her wordplay back then that had gotten them out of that predicament. This time, however, Neliel was stunned for several long seconds, before turning away to observe the landscape beyond the stone railings.

"I… I'm not certain how to answer you." the sun elf said after a moment of thinking. Anxiety was radiating from her and her voice was almost mellow. It hurt somewhat, but then again, Casavir realized that he hadn't exactly been expecting her to say that she loved him outright. He could have hoped for such words, but it was an improbable outcome with Neliel. But this was indeed the first time ever since he had met her that the sun elf seemed to be truly unable to find the correct words.

"Milady," The elf blinked once more at such a new form of address. "I cannot ask more of you than honesty." Somehow, Neliel looked even less reassured at that.

Then… "I don't love you." she said with simplicity. As even Casavir had been able to foresee this reaction, it didn't hurt as much as it could have. "I'm very sorry." Neliel added, finally looking back at the paladin anxiously.

But how could she apologize for honesty? A lie might have been more comforting in these moments of battle, when it was almost certain that they would perish within hours, but Casavir himself had always been against the small lies Neliel – or anyone in their group – utilized to solve a situation.

"It doesn't matter." he began to say. He intended – wanted – to tell her that she was a vessel of strength for him and everyone else nonetheless. She wouldn't likely appreciate being told once again that he loved her, as she had clearly fidgeted at not being able to answer in the way he would wish. Truths were better omitted entirely than altered.

"No, it matters." Neliel interjected, some of her customary firmness back in place. She took a deep breath, calmer now, more like the woman he loved. "It matters to me that I tell you why." Her having an actual reason – or a list of reasons – prepared hurt a bit more. "You're a good man, Casavir; given enough time, I suppose I could love you. But there is no time. The likeliest outcome of this war is my death."

"There is no one among those who follow you who would believe such a thing." the paladin interjected, as Neliel seemed to take a slight pause. "They follow you because you are a leader; but also because they know that your power is enough to challenge the King of Shadows. You mustn't doubt yourself."

"Enough to challenge, yes. Enough to defeat? Perhaps." Neliel's voice was a bit dry. "My point is, I have never had less time for romance than I do today. But the fault also lies with you, Casavir." That puzzled him somewhat, but fortunately, Neliel proceeded to explain. "I hardly know anything about you."

"I have always been at your full disposal, milady." Casavir said softly, his voice deep. Her words hurt in the way only the truth could and her conviction in her own truth was striking.

She could have been a great servant of the gods, if she had not chosen to worship one of the elven deities.

"That is not what I meant." Again, Nell seemed to fidget a bit at being addressed as a noble rightly should be. "We hardly ever speak. I have tried my best to treat you as cordially as the others, but it is impossible if you only deign to speak with me to warn me about Bishop."

"Milady… Neliel… I mean no disrespect, but I still believe that you are too trusting around that man." Not once did it cross his mind that Neliel might have any kind of feelings for the ranger, or vice versa. The captain was a good person to the core of her being, despite occasional evidence to the contrary and Bishop hardly struck one as the kind of man that might be interested in anything else besides a physical relationship.

The wizard frowned, her eyes a bit sharper. But for a split-second, she seemed to be on the verge of wincing, even though she hadn't moved a muscle. "I am not naïve enough to put my trust in Bishop. Nor am I foolish enough to disregard the fact that he has been an asset to me for a while now."

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to…" He didn't even know how to finish his own sentence. But he was sorry for a great many things, not least of all bringing her discomfort.

It was almost fortunate that she had cut him off. "I know all about your opinions regarding him and vice versa. But I am captain of this keep before all else. And as captain, I have need of both of you, whatever personal disputes you might have."

"It isn't my place to question your leadership." The words Bishop had spoken some time ago came back to him – a paladin wasn't supposed to question their lord. How ironic that he would repeat them, in such a manner, a weak echo of the mocking remark they had been. "I understand your decision, even if I don't approve."

"I know." Neliel said, and for a moment, she looked sad. "Which is another reason why I cannot love you." Strange how quickly "don't" had changed into "cannot".

Casavir's expression hardened somewhat, though it wasn't from anger or resentment. He should appreciate her taking the time to tell him of her thoughts and feelings instead of giving a flat refusal. But reprimanding himself didn't lessen the dull pain. "I'm afraid I don't understand your meaning."

"You always defer to me. You obey without question. As an officer, I can appreciate that. But submission is not the basis for a relationship of any other kind." Neliel explained patiently, but a trace of a sigh escaped her lips.

He didn't quite understand that. What good did fights serve? The outcome would be clear before an argument between them could begin; Neliel always had the words he himself lacked. But she calmly listened to his somber advice whenever he gave it, even if she then disregarded it. But she always explained herself to him afterwards. And her reasoning was always flawless.

"I trust you to make the right judgment. Unless I feel you are mistaken, why should I undermine your conviction?"

"That isn't what I…" Drawing a deep breath, Neliel sighed, resigning herself to look at the night sky once more. "Casavir," she began again, her gaze hard as she looked back at the waiting paladin. Apparently, she had found the correct words at long last. "If you do not question me, how can you get to know me? And if you do not know me, how can you claim to love me?"

"I know you." Casavir said, without even thinking on his words for a single moment.

A golden eyebrow rose in delicate doubt. "Do you?"

"You are the hope of an entire city. A powerful wizard, a responsible captain and an increasingly better fencer." The truth. Only the truth. "There is much good in you, milady; it is very easy to love you." Countless others loved her, looked up to her, depended on her, even if she might not realize it. How could he not love the only source of goodness in these troubling times? The first person to show him kindness after he had deserted his city, his duty, the woman he thought he had loved?

If there was anything he wanted to protect Neliel from, it was her own uncertainty, the weigh of the souls that clung to her for leadership. Even her strength wasn't immeasurable. And the sun elf had no one close enough to her to trust not to judge her if she laid down the mask of the leader. Her father was distant and her friends not nearly close enough.

She needed a shield against the world, for she was the sword.

Neliel gave another weary smile, as if he had just proven her point. "You don't see it, do you? You are repeating the now-stuck epithets of the hero of Neverwinter. What do you know about me?" she asked," What do I enjoy doing? What were the names of my childhood friends, my mother? What are my plans for the future?" The bombardment of questions was met with silence. Casavir knew some of the answers, but mostly only the facts that anyone else could say. "You don't even know what my favorite color is."

He didn't.

"Such things tell little about your true nature." But it was a lie; a weak lie, a defensive lie. He was beginning to see that there was truth in what she was saying, but he didn't want to see it.

"But they define who I am. I will say it for you, Casavir. You know about as much about me as I do of you. Which is to say, very little." Neliel said calmly, but hardly mercifully. Her renowned mercy was gone. She was now as trained a killer as there likely was, in debate as well as on the battlefield. "Certainly not enough for love, not for me. In fact, I think you don't really love me."

That blow had struck harder than all of them.

"Neliel…" But a thought that came with a stab of fear made him amend his response. "You needn't answer me, but if… if you love another, you need only tell me, milady." It would destroy him, this answer, he knew, but he needed it greatly.

A pause, a memory passing through her face. Her features seemed to soften, but only momentarily; then, there was much bitterness to her words. "There was someone, years ago. I believed I loved him because he was a means of escaping my uneventful existence. It didn't work out. Perhaps it was for the best. Likewise, Casavir, I believe you love the ideal of goodness that I now represent in your eyes. The hero, not the person."

But it was a lie, or simply a point of view. Perhaps she was a stranger, a perfect stranger, strangely perfect, perfectly strange, but she still was Neliel, the one with kind words, a good heart, a belief in what was right. It was the woman he loved and Casavir refused to believe that he had merely invented that person, not when she stood before him. "Neliel, I do not expect you to return my feelings, but I cannot deny their presence. Please do not doubt their authenticity."

"That I don't. But would you still love me if I was only a regular member of the City Watch, without all the deeds to my name?" Neliel speculated, silence her only answer. But her eyes were kind now; she had made her point. And Casavir realized that she was saying these things not only because she believed them to be true, but because she wished to spare him any more pain. "I don't expect an answer. I only ask that you answer the question to yourself."

And when she was gone, the sun vanishing out of the night, the stars seemed to shine the brighter, a thousand words unsaid, a thousand tears unshed, before the darkness would divide them forever.