i would like to thank our english teacher mr amos for being such a legend and doing some crazy dance move while describing mountains of despair! woo! dont forget to review! or i will hunt you down...

JASPER'S POV

I already missed Alice as I walked into my English class. I went straight to an empty seat at the back of the room. I sat down and sighed. I didn't have to be here, I could've skipped this time. But for some bizarre unknown reason, Alice actually liked coming to school. Something to do with "watching world development". Weird. That was before the teacher came in.

"Hello classss!" The guy shouted in an English accent (ironic) as he strode into the room rubbing his hands together. One of the girls in the front screamed and jumped like she'd been electrified. I was almost blinded by his pink tie and fluorescent pink shirt.

He looked down at her and chuckled. "Oh yessss, I do that, even to my wife! I alwayssss make her jump, when it couldn't be anyone elsssse, probably becausssse I move so quietly!" Most likely because he shouted everything he said. His squeaky voice went insanely sharp when he said the letter S and I immediately had a headache. The girl was practically shaking with fear.

There was no way I could live with this. "Asss I'm sure you know, I'm Mr Amosss. Ssso, what is English? What doess it mean to you?" While he ranted on with furious hand gestures, I reckoned I could get away with listening to my iPod Touch that I'd "borrowed" from a guy while Emmett explained to him the benefits of insuring one's glasses, but the guy had a son called Wan who didn't wear glasses, so things got a little confusing . I reached into my jacket pocket where I'd left it this morning. It wasn't there.

"Emmett," I growled, clenching my fists angrily.

Mr Amos stopped his rant about how after we crossed the doorway we had entered his domain. "Do you have sssomething to sssay, um Jassssper isss it?" I winced as he said my name. He had to be gay, he just had to. Stuff his wife, she was probably imaginary. Then I remembered I had to reply.

"Uh, yeah, I was wondering if I could be excused to murder a relative?"

"Oh, I don't think that'ss quite appropriate," Mr Amosss (damn now I was doing it) said, giving me a strange look like I should be in a mental home. I better not say that to Alice. I folded my arms and decided to have some fun.

I sent a wave of extreme love and devotion toward the girls sitting at the front. They all gasped, screamed and leapt up to hug the teacher. He squeaked with shock. Everyone else stared, not knowing what was happening. I might've given myself away from my loud laughter, considering all the others were completely silent. Oops.

Mr Amos was absolutely sssssssseething.

I was last out of the classroom after the bell went. I was pretty sure Carlisle wouldn't be too thrilled about me being yelled at in the first lesson. Mr Amos had looked like he was about to burst into tears while he shouted at me.

I felt a hint of extreme joy seep into my system, and only just managed not to career into Emmett who was standing directly in front of the door. His smile scared me.

"Jazzy!" he cried, crushing me in a hug. If I was human, my ribs would have shattered.

"Emmett, get off!" I growled. "You're such a spastic."

He put his hand over my mouth. "Wait, I'm having an epiglottis!"

"It's called an epiphany. Oh crap," I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Emmett, don't strain yourself!"

"SHHHHH!!!" he cried, shoving me off. "It's coming to me! Spastic, spaz, spazzy..." He gasped dramatically and pointed at me. "SPAZZY JAZZY!! It's perfect!"

"Oh dear god," I moaned, then added, " oh, your shoes untied."

It wasn't, but the idiot bent down anyway. I hadn't meant for it to happen, but that was the moment Mr Amos chose to walk out of the classroom with a large pile of books. Naturally, he went straight into Emmett and flew headlong down the corridor. A book landed on Emmett's head. He looked up as if it had started raining.

Mr Amos stood up and glared at me. "After ssschool you will go immediately to the headmaster's office!" he hissed.

"Who's that?" Emmett asked, scratching his head. Mr Amos yelped in surprise.

I sighed. "The Principal you oaf."

"Hehe. Oaf. That's like the French thing for eggs which is like Uff or something. Hehe. Uff," he chuckled cluelessly, as only he could. Mr Amos looked nervous and very confuddled. Then he turned back to me.

"That goessss for both of you!" Then he strode away with his head in the air. Unfortunately, he caught his foot on a locker and tripped over again. I smirked as he brushed himself down and hurried off like nothing had happened. Emmett still had the book on his head as we went to Spanish.