mr Amos makes a second appearance after making us write about how we would "rebrand Christmas" today. ???. anyway, enjoy the next chapter, and please please please with sparkly Edward on top review!

JASPER'S POV

When we walked into the cafeteria, Rosalie was already sat at a table, looking decidedly shifty. Edward noticed that Emmett and I had come up behind him without trying to saw each other in half. We tried that once, it was really fun. Although it did cost a lot to get everything repaired afterwards.

"So how did you two resolve your differences?" Edward asked as we went to the table where Rose was.

I hung my head in shame and jerked my thumb at Emmett. "He beat me at Rock Paper Scissors."

Edward chuckled and gave Emmett a high five. I ignored them and sat down next to Alice. She was giving Rosalie a confused look, and Rosalie was just avoiding eye contact with everyone. Even Edward didn't seem to know what was going on.

I followed her line of vision and realised she was staring at a salt shaker on a table across the room. I then noticed that the really fat guy from Spanish wearing a t shirt that said 'Team Edward' was walking toward said table. I thought I saw Rosalie's eyes light up.

I watched carefully as he plopped down onto a chair, which wobbled dangerously, with a tray that was covered in food. It piled up almost to his head. You could barely see the tray. Yeesh. I felt obese just looking at it. I might have to read Edward's leaflets on cholesterol. Anyway, once his invisible tray was on the table, he reached for the salt. Rosalie leaned forward in anticipation. Emmett looked at her as if she was about to take off like one of those flying squirrels.

Fatty picked up the salt. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. He tipped it up. Things started to be fast again. The lid fell off and all the salt poured onto his pile of food. It was now a white pile of food. Rosalie erupted into an evil laugh. Several people started to look at what the hell was going on with the freaky cackling.

"That was genius! Haha it went everywhere! This is the most fun since I pushed Jasper into that bog!"

"I'll that asss a confessssssion."

Rosalie stopped her scary laughing (thankfully) and turned around to see Mr Amos standing behind her with his hands on his hips. What a loser. He glared at me as if he'd read my mind.

"You can go to the principal'sssssss offissse immediately after ssschool!"

Edward shook his head at her. She gave him a scowl that would've instantly killed even the toughest of shrews. Mr Amos stalked off, almost walking into the door. Sadly, he missed.

"You pushed me?" I asked quietly, feeling quite hurt. Emmett nodded enthusiastically. I sighed. I should've known it wasn't a freak mini tornado.

"This is ridiculous!" Alice stated. "We've been here for three hours, and everyone but me is in serious trouble."

"You can come with us later," Emmett suggested. Rosalie rolled her eyes. Alice scraped back her chair, but as she turned to go she walked straight into the fat guy who was off to dump his inedible food. Alice gasped as it went all over her. His eyes widened when he saw there had been somebody in front of him. Seriously, he had that much food. We all watched as Alice's expression went from shock, to horror, to fury.

"Wow, he didn't see her, she's just that small," Emmett whispered in wonder.

Alice whirled around. "I'm not small! I'm just... vertically challenged!" She grabbed a fistful of spaghetti and threw it in fatty's face. He stumbled backwards and slipped. His tray flew up in the air. I don't think there was a single person who wasn't spattered with food when it came back down. Everyone went into hysterics and food was soon flying everywhere. Rosalie held onto Emmett so that he couldn't join in, but soon gave up and lobbed a banana across the cafeteria.

Emmett jumped onto the table, grabbed a pile of apples and hurled them all. Several students were instantly knocked out cold. As I was shaking my head at their immaturity, something smacked into the back of my skull.

I slowly rotated round, narrowing my eyes. The kid who'd just hit me with a potato screamed and ran for the door. I reached out with my hand and Emmett shoved some ammo into it. I pulled back my arm, holding onto the kiwi (there was a lot of fruit around), then flung it in slow motion, Matrix-style. I grinned with satisfaction when it hit him in the back of the head and he sprawled across the floor that was now slick with food.

Emmett did a scary evil laugh and launched yet more fruit. After getting revenge on the fat guy, Alice had taken shelter under the table. Rosalie started to pull her back out. "NO!" Alice screamed. "Please! Don't make me go back out there!"

"For Christ's sake Alice, get a grip!" Rose snapped, heaving Alice to her feet. The poor girl was shaking. I suddenly just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, take her away from this place and sit alone with only her. I wanted to never let go and breathe in her sweet scent, stroking her soft hair...

"Ugh, Jasper's daydreaming again!" Emmett cried and I felt something squidgy splat into the side of my face.

"Emmett, you've really blown it now," Edward murmured, and I saw him edge carefully backwards. I wiped off the orange, growled, and launched myself at him.

We crashed backwards, shattering the table until we hit the wall. Emmett gripped onto my shoulders, pushing hard to keep me off him. "Umm, Jasper? Can you sort of get off now?" he whined.

I grabbed hold off his t-shirt, pulled him up and threw him across the room. It was a miracle I didn't put out my back he was so heavy. Edward's mouth fell open. Emmett skidded along the floor, throwing up a cloud of something disgusting. I panted, the anger slowly draining out of me.

"That boy has some serious issues," Rosalie muttered.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF SHAKESPEARE IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

Everybody froze as Mr Amos appeared in the doorway.