ok this took a while. sorry. but you know, the chapter's here, so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any charcters, Twilight, Scooby Doo, CSI Miami or the Houston SPCA. trust me, you'll know why when you read (enticement!)

JASPER'S POV

Emmett suddenly stopped at the end of the corridor and I ran into him, sending both of us flying into the wall and showering me in dust. I coughed loudly and climbed off my brother, who was lying motionless on the floor. I wasn't too worried; I'd seen an entire stage with massive light fittings collapse on top of him at a Jonas Brothers concert when he freaked out because he got within five metres of Kevin.

"What the hell did you do that for?" I growled, kicking him in the leg for good measure. It brightened my world a little bit.

"I'M SORRY!" he screamed, jumping up and knocking me backwards into Rosalie, who then threw me into the other wall. "I forgot my motive and I just panicked! Stop living in the past man, let's live in the NOW!" Emmett pointed at the ground to emphasise his point and was panting at the end of his speech. I couldn't help bursting into applause. I felt like a changed man. I felt like I could change the world.

"Excuse me, I have to open a shelter for orphaned chipmunks," I announced and turned to go. Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"What did I tell you about that?" she hissed.

I sighed. "That my lifelong dream has to wait until the alpine shrew is no longer endangered."

Alice nodded with her hands on her hips. "That's right. And that's why next week, we are going on an important walkathon to raise awareness!" She slammed her fist into her palm, her eyes burning with the ferocity of possessed coral. It was beautiful.

"Uh, guys?" Emmett interrupted. I glared at him for stopping me from basking in Alice's power. He ignored me. Or just didn't notice, I wasn't sure, I didn't make a noise or anything. Damn, I should've done that. "So what do we do now?"

"We must hide!" Alice cried, throwing her arms in the air. Wow, she was energetic today. It was amazing.

"I saw once on Wizards of Waverly Place that hiding things in plain sight often works," Edward suggested. I shrieked in surprise.

"When did he get here?" I whispered to Rosalie, doing a great job of pretending it had just been a manly exhalation. She didn't even notice that I was shaking or my voice kept breaking. I am the master of coolness. She shrugged anyway, looking genuinely startled.

"Sooo..." Alice said thoughtfully. "We should go to Mr Amos' house!"

"To the library!" Rosalie cried, and marched off down the hall, pointing the way.

"Rose, the library's the other way..."

She swung around and carried on marching. "It was an easy mistake," she muttered. I decided against pointing out the large poster next to her that said LIKE BOOKS? VISIT THE LIBRARY, 10 METRES THIS WAY! with a big arrow underneath.

We all sprinted after her, shoving several people out of the way. I felt majestic as I glided over a crushed cheerleader and stepped on a geeky guy's head. "Gah what the hell?" I shouted as something clamped onto my leg. I glanced down and saw a mass of orange hair glued to me and singing joyously. I tried to shake it off, but only heard "This is the happiest day of my life!"

We sprinted around the corner and burst through the doors into the library. "ALRIGHT!" I announced majestically. "Emmett, Edward, barricade the doors! Alice, stand with me and look scared. Rosalie, search for clues." I put on my Aviator sunglasses. "I'll glance suspiciously in different directions. Now let's do this thing!"

"Jasper for god's sake!" Alice moaned. "For the last time, you're not Freddie off Scooby Doo, you're not Max Mixon from Animal Cops Houston and you're not that ginger guy in CSI Miami!"

"You mean Horatio? He is just incredible."

We all turned to stare at Rosalie. She realised that she'd just released her deepest secret and stuck her middle finger up at us.

I sighed loudly, but still sounding awesomely cool. "Look, that's not the point – HEY! NOBOBY MOVE, I'VE GOT A PENCIL SHARPENER!" I brandished my blue sparkly weapon (it was supposed to be my Christmas present for Carlisle but I'd thought it was just too precious) at the short geography teacher trying to check out a book on unicorns. The fat librarian adjusted her fat glasses and shushed me fatly. I had the immediate thought that her lime green jump was dashing, and wondered if it would glow in the dark.

"Oh my fruity goodness! I know her! I saw her in the muffin store buying low sodium free range bran. She must be a kobold." Emmett exclaimed, pointing at her exuberantly.

"Emmett, what the hell is a kobold?"

"Well my dear Rosalie, a kobold is a mischievous dwarf that lives underground, though I believe they now inhabit libraries during the day, or a sprite from Germanic mythology and folklore, usually invisible."

"Brilliant."

"Hold your metaphorical horses people!"

I sprinted over to the now blocked door. "Whoa! What's the situation Ed?"

He glared at me. "Never say that again. Ever. But I think Mr Amos is leaving."

I shoved him out of the way and peered through the glass. There was a crash and the sound of a winded librarian squawking, but I ignored it. Sure enough, a blindingly pink shirt shot past, blurring my vision and leaving a trail of smushed watermelon behind it as it sobbed "HOMEWARD BOUND!" I loved that movie.

"Ok team, we're clear and good to go, let's move out!"

The orange thing slid off my leg and gazed up into my eyes. Well, they are pretty nice eyes. She wobbled about a bit as if she was ready to explode.

"Uh, hi?"

"MARRY ME!" It shrieked, flinging itself toward me. I calmly stepped out of the way.

"Ok we are definitely leaving," I announced. I like announcing. It looked heartbroken, so I gave it my Aviators before we all broke through the wall into the parking lot. I glanced over my shoulder for a dramatic farewell, but she'd fainted.