Edward
So we're all jamming in the car to music when suddenly BAM. We hit a random pole and die. Except not really. I can't die since I'm narrating this part, but everyone else dies. Back to business. When we die, I jump out of the car completely unscathed, and so does Jasper, because he's also a sexy sparkling indestructible vampire. I walk away when Jasper pulls a Gilgamesh and cries over the death of Amber. Boo-hoo. Bitch.
So I'm all walking away because, seriously, this story doesn't even matter any more and the author's too busy to write a proper chapter so her friend was all, 'How about I write an ending chapter where they all die?' and the author was like, 'Okay', so you get the idea. I die in the end, too. But not right now, since I'm busy narrating. So, like, I'm stealthy like a ninja and I'm leaving the scene of the car crash and then my nose is all like THERE'S A WEREWOLF SOMEWHERE. And then I see Jacob and then we make out because we're in love. Secretly. In a past life. Whatever.
Bella
OHMYGAWD JACOB, EDWARD, NOOOO…!
Edward
Darn I think Bella just died from fright. And a nosebleed. Because, really, Jacob and I are hot. And I guess I'm not supposed to die like I thought, because this is almost the end.
"By the way," Jacob says. "Everyone reading this just lost the game."