Chapter 1: This is the Beginning
I jerked awake and felt clammy experiencing the hard clench of arousal in my lower belly. I looked over at Bill as he lay next to me and worriedly wondered why I was dreaming such graphic dreams about Eric. It had been so real. I could still feel the pull of his hands through my hair, his tongue as it pushed my lips apart, the press of his arousal against my thigh and the weight of his body as it bore down against the length of mine, and finally the feel of his knee as it separated my thighs. I could still hear the sound of his voice saying, "This is the beginning" as our bodies slid against each other in the tangle of silk sheets.
I was feeling unnervingly guilty for my reactions to that dream. As I turned over and looked at Bill, dead to the world in his daytime rest, I took his hand in mine and clutched it to my chest. I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep, but the memories of the dream would not go away. My closed eyes made it too easy to see Eric and me lying naked and our hands intertwined, his blond hair tousled his face relaxed and beautiful and his eyes looking only at me as he listened to me and laughed with me. He held my hand and kissed it repeatedly and would run his fingers lightly over my shoulder and down my side to caress my hip as we both lay on our side, inches apart and facing each other. I was the center of his attention and we were two lovers bound together and secluded in our own little world. Seeing these images on the back of my eyelids and continuing to feel the intimacy of our togetherness in the dream intensified the feeling of arousal with which I had awakened.
I would have relished this dream if Bill had been in the starring role. We'd had those moments of course, but never with the intensity of those in the dream. Bill had told me that I might start to feel an attraction to Eric since he had tricked me into drinking his blood after the bombing of Godric's nest, but I never thought it would be this soon or this intense. I guess the fact that Eric's 1,000 year-old blood is extremely potent might account for the quick onset of the dream, but that didn't make it any less disturbing or any less annoying. I'd felt like a fool when I had fallen for Eric's play acting and I felt like a bigger fool now. Most people forget their dreams soon after waking, but I had a sinking feeling this nightmare might stick with me for a while.
Lorena, Bill's obsessed and now banished maker had also had a role in this all-too-real dream. She appeared to be sitting in a chair watching Eric and me. Periodically she would say something about Bill and I would rise up, pull away from Eric and call out to Bill. She would just laugh with what sounded like amused satisfaction when Eric pulled me back down to lay with him. She told me that I had abandoned Bill and that he meant nothing to me. Of course that is one of the crazy things about dreams: they can twist pieces of your life into something that doesn't make any sense at all. At no time have I harbored sexual fantasies about Eric Northman, but it is unlikely that any heterosexual woman with operational hormones would not appreciate the fact that Eric is 6' 4" tall, blond, and beautifully built. He can be rakish and charming, but upon closer inspection, he is also sneaky, manipulative and calculating…a "devil in a Sunday hat", as my friend Lafayette often says. Pretty and charming as he might be, he is vampire through and through. When I think of Eric, what comes immediately to mind is a mash-up parody of a couple of old recruiting slogans from the U.S. Army: Eric is determined to be all that he can be by being vampire strong. My bottom line on Eric Northman: he often scares me, even though I try not to show it, and he always annoys me with his sarcasm, snide comments, and nasty sexual innuendos that serve as on-going attempts to drive a wedge between Bill and me.
My current reality is that Bill is my lover and he means everything to me. He is movie star handsome, smart, loving, romantic and chivalrous. Even though he sometimes struggles with telling me the whole truth and nothing but the truth, he wants to be known more as a good man than a vampire. He has worked hard to become part of the daily life and doings in our little home town of Bon Temps. Our sex life may not be exactly the stuff of wild dreams, but it is pretty darn good. Bill was my first and given the difficulty my previous attempts at normal boy-girl relationships, I could not have hoped for a more loving, patient and caring tutor than Bill Compton. He told me once that there is nothing more natural than the act of making love and that it was not for him to tell me what was right or wrong about how I went about it. I love making love with him and his attentions to my needs make me feel beautiful, cherished and special.
As I continued to process my feelings of guilt about this dream, I began to realize that I really shouldn't be so upset about it. I'd had dreams about Bill right after he gave me his healing blood when I was beat up and nearly killed by the Rattrays. Shortly after that, I remember dreaming that I woke up out of a dead sleep and sensed someone outside Gran's house. In my dream state I got up and looked out my window, Bill was standing down in the yard smiling up at me. He looked so good standing there with the moonlight shining on him accentuating that little glow that all vampires seem to have for me. I put on my robe and went out into the yard to meet him. When I first got into the yard, he was nowhere to be seen, but as I turned around again there he was. I said hello, but he never said a word. He just locked his gaze on me and began to remove his shirt. I looked back at him, opened my robe and said "I never thought I'd be having sex with you…at least not so soon." He just continued to look very intensely at me and as his fangs popped out he said, "Who said anything about sex?" He ran his tongue over his fangs and looked very menacing as he said that. I startled awake, short of breath with my heart beating fast. That was my first dream about Bill and I was both frightened and more than a little turned on by it.
That dream was the first of many about Bill and each of them featured us having sex. It wasn't uncommon for me to wake up with my hands in my panties. The anticipation of what sex might be like with Bill had been tantalizing (a great Word of the Day) and when it finally happened the night after Jason and I buried Gran, I was glad to deal with the reality of it rather than just the eager anticipation. That dream turned reality changed my whole life. I went from being alone to being the proud girl friend of a real Southern Gentleman who protects me, cherishes me and puts me first. I love Bill and I am not willing to let anything or anyone mess with this relationship.
The more I thought about it, I started to feel the deep arousal from my recent dream receding to be replaced by real annoyance of dream-Eric's intrusion into my subconscious. Real Eric had already inserted himself into my waking life by commandeering (yet another WoD) me into finding the thief in his bar, and then putting me in danger to help find Godric, his maker, and finally by tricking me into ingesting his blood as I sucked non-life threatening bullets out of his chest. I sure as heck did not want him invading my dreams and making me feel guilty. This had to stop…no more sex dreams about Eric. Somehow, some way, Eric Northman would get out of my dreams and with any luck, out of Bill's life and mine.