Disclaimer: all the characters are originally owned by Stephenie Meyer.

Decisions And Surprises

Dairy Entry – 12:45 AM

Every thing has a purpose and maybe my decision brought me to see different things today, but I will know what would have happened if I have made many other decisions for my self. Will I? - Bella

Bella's Pov

I woke up in the morning to my alarm blaring loudly on my nightstand…

I shuffled a bit in my bed to reach out for my stupid computerized alarm clock… sometimes I just hate it when these things wake me up when I want nothing but sleep.

It was five in the morning. I cursed under my breath as I have had a very restless night. Though I drifted off fairly quickly, but I wasn't lucky enough to have a tranquil sleep.

The moment I woke at night either because I was thirsty or was a having a weird nightmare, which when you come to think about, was not as scary as it seemed last night. My mind would drift back to the situation at hand or when got lucky to just open my eyes to the dark; and all of a sudden everything would rush back as if I was having a flash back or something.

My mind played these shitty games with me the whole night. Which of course didn't help me much, as I got a serious migraine and that didn't allow me to sleep for like two or three hours. I just kept pounding on my head to ease the pain.

Though a packet of aspirin was sitting right across my bed, I still couldn't make myself to stand, and walking was just out of the question as my legs felt like mush and my shoulders ached as if some one has just hammered them…

It felt as if even my body was betraying me and wanted to torture me, just to get a cheap and sick thrill out of it.

When finally my body and brain let me sleep, this fucking alarm of mine woke me up as I have forgotten to switch it off last night.

I switched off the alarm clock and threw it across the floor and tried drifting back.

But of course my mind had different plans, it specifically chose the memory it knew would hurt me, a memory that will cut a deep gash in my heart on the gashes that I already have. And to complete the torture it sprayed alcohol on the freshly cut gash by reminding me the expression of that person.

Tears started prickling down from my eyes…

To get rid of the images I grabbed my I-pod from my bag and put it on shuffle and started concentrating on the lyrics of the song.

- - - - - - -

I decide not to think about any of the shit that was surrounding me and just concentrate on the girls outing, as I am pretty sure I won't be getting much event as these. Need less to say how much I actually hate it but I will still miss it.

I stood under the spray of the shower, and allowed myself to enjoy the warm water. It was already three in the afternoon and I had to get ready in another one hour and meet up with Angela at the mall.

I was out of the shower in half an hour and started drying myself.

I never gave a second thought to what I was wearing but somewhere in the noon I got a weird message from Angela telling me to wear something really nice.

It sounded really weird to me because Angela was a lot like me, and when a person like you, who will not even think about cloths if it were the last thing, asks or more specifically orders me, it really is weird.

So now I stood in front of my closet thinking what I should wear. I took out my midnight colored, v-necked, long sleeved shirt. I thought it might look good on me since lots of people complimented me when I last wore it. I picked out black skinny jeans to go along with it. And since I wasn't the one who wears pencil heels or anything, I took out my black and dark blue flats to wear with the shirt and jeans I picked out.

I left my hair open and let it dry naturally and I applied a very light coat of lip gloss since I was not the one into much make up. And even if I was I still have no idea how to really use them, I just make a mess of myself when ever try to doll up.

I wrote a short note telling where I am going and left it at the kitchen counter, where I knew mom or dad would definitely see it. I wanted to avoid all direct contact with them, because I was afraid that I might burst into tears or just start venting my anger at them again since I really didn't want to do that.

I got out of the house and into the garage. I unlocked my Mercedes Benz-SLK Class SLK300 Roadster. It was two door convertible and Iridium silver metallic in color. Its interior was…. Extravagant.

My dad has this obsession with two things, first baseball and second cars. He gets me a new car every two year and I just drive them. In a way he is collecting cars and they are dear to his precious life.

I always Google about the cars I get, just so that I know what sort of a car I am driving. As if I even care about these cars. They are just cars to me and I don't get why people look at them like these things are the love of their lives.

I took the car out of the garage and drove to the mall.

I lived in Los Angles. Though I don't like it so much but what the heck, who cares where I live when I certainly don't. We have a big mansion here, I find it really weird since we are only a family of three and have a house which can fit twenty people very comfortably.

That doesn't mean I don't wish to live in place where there is no 'hustle bustle' of the city, and I could enjoy the greenery and the tranquility of the nature with my books.

I parked my car in the parking lot and picked up my purse and made my way to the gate of the mall.

Angela was already waiting for me near the gates and easily spotted me. She looked pretty nervous which totally confused me.

"Hey ang. What happened?" I greeted her.

"Oh nothing, why did you ask?" she replied.

"Because you look nervous, is there a problem?" I asked.

"Oh no, no problem at all I was just kind of thinking what I should buy, you know." She avoided my eyes while saying this, which can only mean that she is lying to me about something. I dropped the topic right there, because I didn't want to be a nosy bitch, if she waned to tell me any thing she will do it herself.

I followed her trough stores after stores and she just couldn't find anything suitable for the 'non-date'.

We were in Forever21 looking at some shirts and I was pretty much just begging her to just try a shirt. And she was glancing around anxiously. "Ang come on!" I said exasperated. "Just try this shirt and see if it looks good on you or not."

"I think this color will look really good on you." A voice chirped from behind me.

The voice sounded oddly very similar so I turned around to find the source the voice. And then my eyes fucking went wide, I stood their gaping at the for a whole of one minute.

It was Alice Cullen.

I thought she had left for Germany a long time ago but she was standing right in front of me in flesh and smiling quite brightly than I would actually like.

Because I was definitely not in the mood to see anyone smile, when I was on the verge of spilling my tears. I know it sounds selfish but that is just how bad I was feeling right now.

I pushed all my anger and resentment back that was directed at her enthusiastic smile and greeted her as cheerfully as I can manage.

"Hi Alice!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. "I thought you were in Germany. When did you get back here?"

"Oh a week or two ago." She replied nonchalantly. "It's so great that I found you here, I really wanted to see you. I was just thinking to call you but just remembered that your number just changed." She chirped suddenly gaining her enthusiasm back.

"Oh, uh, yes, that would have been great." I replied lamely because when she says she wants to hang out, she means she wants to shop. And this was the first time I ever accepted a shopping invitation willingly.

"Well didn't I just found you guys at the right place and at the right time! We could all shop together and can catch up on what we all have been doing in the past one year. And any way, Angela looks like she can use some help."

Oh no! Oh no no no… No matter how much I make myself to have some girl bonding time through shopping, it just wasn't my thing. And two hours straight of wandering through different stores was just enough for me.

"Ummm… Alice I am sure you both would like to spend the time together and I will too, but shopping is just isn't my thing and I am sure you already know that. How about both of you shop while I'll just go browse in some book stores and just hang around." I rattled of nervously.

"Oh sure Bella and I think Edward will enjoy some company since I have been dragging his ass every where. And believe me he is not a good shopping partner but so are you. I am sure you won't mind."

CAN THIS DAY GET ANY MORE WORSE THEN IT ALREADY IS?

I completely and utterly despise Edward.

He is such a prick and may I add a fucking asshole. Alice knows we never get along well… oh forget 'well' we don't get along at all.

The only times that we have spoken to each other is to pass insults at each other and sneer.

I knew Alice and Edward through my dad. I had to go along with him and mom to some business parties, where all the business men and their family also came.

And in one of those parties I found Alice.

I was sitting in the corner and mentally beating myself for not bringing my I-pod, and I was getting bored as hell. Alice all but came towards me and started chatting like I was her long lost friend. And for the first time I was really glad for the company and since I didn't have to supply much words from my part but just the occasional nod, hum and a few words. We became fast friends and exchanged our numbers.

We figured out that night that our moms were close friends and our friendship kind of bloomed even more.

And in the next party when we met again to my utter dislike I met her cocky brother Edward fucking Cullen. And from the very first moment I hated him.

His first impression was down right disgusting!

I saw him kissing a girl while groping her ass and her chest shamelessly. And I was in his so close proximity that when he finally moved his lips from her mouth to breath in some air, I could hear what all down right disgusting things he was saying to her, and to my utter shock that fucking red head was turned on by that.

I felt like puking all over my dress that my mom forced me in. so I hurriedly got away from that corner of the room.

Later on when I met him in the same party I all but spat at him and so did he.

And that is just how we carried on when ever we met.

And of course his pervert nature was and is not the only reason why I hate him…

But then again I still wasn't in the mood to argue nor was I in the mood to endure shopping so I said, "Umm, sure Alice. Where is he?" I replied glumly.

Her eyes started to sparkle. "He is outside of the store. I'll jut text him about the arrangements, you go ahead." Okay, Alice is definitely up to something. Her eyes were all but practically doing some kind of their own dance. But my mind was too occupied in other shit to give her action some space.

I dragged my feet really, really slowly towards the exit. I wanted to give him some time to argue and bicker with Alice and get himself out of the damn uncomfortable and irritating arrangement that Alice has gotten us into.

Not that I even care about where or with whom I am now. It's him that I am a bit worried about. Only a bit.

I approached the exit after some good six and a half minutes. I was timing myself.

I decided that I will not reply to any of his seething and crude comments. I will greet him and at the first sound of his fucking remarks about me, I will simply say bye and move on my own way and so will he.

No burden on either of us. Not that I even give a shit now.

Not sleeping last night was catching up on me now. I felt really exhausted. It felt as if the life was seeping out of me.

I moved my eyes from the floor where I was looking at my feet taking really small steps, I darted my eyes where Alice said he will be with a frown plastered on my face.

I looked every where my eyes could reach from where I was standing, but still couldn't find him.

And that's when a thought struck me like a bolt of lightening. Maybe Edward was successful in convincing Alice that he doesn't want to be with me and already ran away.

I was doing a mental dance as I realized that and sighed in relief.

With a smile on my face I took out my cell phone to text Alice and tell her to not worry.

Bella – Alice I thnk Edward went away. Don't bother him, I m fairly well on my own. N anyway I think its better dat he isn't here otherwise v wuld have been pulling each other's hair 'fighting'

Just as I was about to send the message, I heard a throat clear. I saw some one standing beside me some five feet away from my peripheral vision.

I thought I had seen that familiar skin before and those fingers and that jaw was oh-so-familiar.

I turned around to inspect the person further.

And that was the most idiotic mistake I did on so many levels.

It was Edward Shitty Cullen.

My heart skipped a beat, from what I couldn't quite understand. Maybe it was dread, surprise, anticipation for the damn insults or the way how gorgeous he was looking, with his hair disheveled.

He was wearing a dark brown shirt with blue jeans. His hair looked amazing as always and was just inviting me to run my fingers through them. And those green eyes… those green eyes were just hypnotizing me… and those perfect lips… were looking very kissable.

Fuck. Did I mention one more reason for why I hated this asshole? My stupid mind would just betray me and will start fantasizing about those fingers and lips and eyes and that body…

Shit shit shit shit ….

I have to focus.

I hated him even more because when ever I saw him I would nothing but drool after him even if I don't want to.

And that is also his fault!

There was no denying the fact that his guy was really fucking hot. But this asshat used it for his advantage flirting, seducing, and fucking bitches. Even unintentionally…

I hated him even more for making my brain and body react that way!

I was really disappointed to see him. I was counting on some alone time and here he was standing in front of me probably thinking about how to insult me.

We probably stood there and stared at each other to say something first. But after a few minutes the silence and staring became uncomfortable so I decided to go first and break the awkward silence.

"Umm… hi, I thought you went away." I said lamely

"No. I was just waiting for Alice and then you, after her texted me. Umm… what do you want to do?" And that's when I gaped at him like literally gaped at him, because this was the first most civilized conversation that we have ever shared without any name calling and bickering, even if they were just two lines.

But who was I to interject. May be the world finally realized how hard everything has been for me, and it is still going to intensify over the very, very near future. The world was actually sympathizing with me, finally. Even if it was just for a few hours.

Just as the thought ran through my head my face fell, mouth closed and eyes fell.

I looked at the floor while I spoke in a small voice.

"I am kind of hungry and tired, I would like to eat and sit for a while, if you don't mind."

Just as I replied something went through his eyes and he looked… surprised, before he shifted his expression into a blank one and nodded.

"Of course I don't. I was thinking about the same thing. Let's go."

And that's when I noticed that he was carrying so many shopping bags. Of course all of these were Alice's, I don't have any idea what she wants to buy now after all of these. But Alice is Alice and she will always be Alice.

"Let me help you carry these bags, I bet these are pretty heavy." I offered him out of politeness.

"No, these are not so heavy, but I would still like to keep them in the car." he replied.

"Yup, sure. Let's go" I said and took some of the bags from him.

He started leading the way towards the parking lot where his car was parked. And I followed him in silence.

He led me towards a silver car. I think it was a Volvo.

Yup it sure as hell was Volvo.

I swear this guy has an obsession with Volvos. He kept changing the models of the car every year but never changed the brand.

And this year was no different.

He opened the trunk of his car and kept the shopping bags in it and so did I. He closed his car and said, "Let's go now. What do you have in mind to eat?"

"Anything." I replied

"hmmm." He sighed.

And then we resumed our silence walk back to the mall and into the food court.

"How do you feel about a burger?" he asked when we entered the food court.

"Sure anything will do for now." I replied.

We both ordered our burgers and went to pay, but he just wouldn't let me. I looked at him with a frown on my face and said, "Edward I don't like it when any one pays for my purchases and I haven't ever let any one pay before so you aren't any different."

"So? I don't let any girl pay for food when I am with them, so now you keep quite and don't make scene there is along queue of people waiting behind us to order their food and I don't really want get beaten by all of them." He replied in a hushed whisper while leaning in close to my ear.

He paid the cashier who was eyeing us with a very weird expression.

I kept quite after that while we waited for our food and found a table to eat on.

After a few minutes Edward went and brought us our food and we began eating.

I noticed that Edward's eyes looked… sad and that was the first time I have seen it like that. I have seen mischief, humor, cockiness, arrogance and many more emotions but never sadness. And that worried me. I don't know why but it did.

I wanted to push that emotion aside but I just couldn't especially given the way he was acting today.

Something must have really happened for him to act like that. But then again who was I to question him when I was doing the same thing. So I kept my mouth tightly shut and glanced back down to my food and started munching on my fries. And was lost in thoughts again.

I started pondering on the questions if… James would let me go out or will he be easy on me for the things I said and did to him.

Just as I remembered what I had actually done I realized that there was no way for him to be easy on me in any way.

He was probably getting married to me to prove me wrong.

My eyes began to sting and I had a huge lump in my throat.

I really didn't want to make a scene and especially not in front of Edward, so I fought back my tears and tried gulping back my lump with my coke.

After a few minutes I heard him clear his throat. So I looked up to meet his curious gaze.

"What do you feel about a game?" he asked while running his hand through his hair.

"Umm, what kind of game?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh nothing hard in fact it's very simple you just have be truthful." He replied with a smile.

"Okay sure. What are we playing?" I asked relaxing immediately. Speaking the truth wasn't much of a big deal for me and if he would have said I have to lie and convince people also, than that would have been hard.

"Let's play twenty questions." He replied.

Now that made me happy and I gave him a smile because he just made it really easy for me. I could ask him what was bothering him and he couldn't lie either.

"You go first." I said. I wanted to see what kind of questions he will ask so that I can return the favor for the first ten questions.

"What is your favorite color?" he asked with a smile while eating his fries. Now that was a simple question.

"Honestly I don't really know maybe green… or anything that I really like on the particular day." I replied with a shrug. I don't know why I said green or may be I do. I really liked the color of his eyes but I wasn't going to spill that. Feeling a little embarrassed that I didn't even know what my favorite color is and just indirectly saying that I like the color of his eyes was down right embarrassing.

Of course I know my cheeks would have painted itself a slight color of pink.

That is just how ridicules I am.

"So you like blue today?" he asked while cocking his left eyebrow with a twinge of amusement in his eyes.

I huffed a little and crossed my arms over my chest because I knew he was internally getting amused by my answer.

"No, I am wearing blue for totally different reason. And you just asked me your second question." I replied smiling wickedly.

He realized that and just shrugged as if it was no big deal but his eyes still held that twinge of amusement and… curiosity.

"So, what's your favorite color? I asked

"Blue." He replied abruptly and then he had kind of a questioning look but it quickly changed into curiosity again.

"So why are you wearing blue today if it's not your favorite color?" he asked his voice dripping with curiosity.

I found it weird for him to be curious about such a stupid thing, so I replied casually, "I am wearing blue because Angela insisted that I put on some effort into my clothes today. I don't know why, but she did ask me such a favor, and it was really weird of her, because she is almost like me and I don't give a shit in what I wear. And when I wore this top before, my colleagues said that the color looks good with my skin, not that I actually know, but what the heck she appreciated it." I replied with a shrug.

"I think they were right about that." He said with a weird look.

"About what?" I asked confused.

"That it looks good on you." He said with a smile.

And then I fucking blushed.

Shit. I looked down to distract myself, and shit again, I have already finished my food to act as if I was eating so I picked up my coke and took a long sip to avoid his gaze.

I finally looked up at him and met his gaze. He had that weird expression again.

The silence was kind of awkward so I told that it was his turn to ask a question now.

"You know you also asked your second question." He stated with an amused smile.

Now it was my turn to act indifferent and as if I already knew that.

"What do you like to do in your free time?" he asked.

And just as I was about to answer him he quickly said, "No don't reply that I think I already know that answer. Reading novels. Right?" he asked with a grin.

"Yes, and how do you know that?" I asked with a mixture of confusion and shock.

"Oh, I always found you reading a book in the parties before Alice came along." He replied with a grin.

Now I was totally stunned. I didn't know he gave me much attention to notice that I read a lot of books.

But I quickly recovered and asked him a question while pointing out how many questions he has already asked me.

"What do you like to do in your free time? And you have already asked me a question so your score will be three. Oh and don't answer the question I just asked I think I already know that answer." I replied after a moment of thought with a grimace.

"Really and what will that be?" he asked in an amused tone.

"Flirting, seducing, making out and how can I forget fucking bitches." I replied with grimace.

He seemed highly amused by my answer. "Now why do you say that? Not that it's partly true." He replied chuckling softly.

"Becauuuse, I have always seen you doing one of these things in every party." I grimaced recalling the memory.

"Now I don't think you would have seen me fucking anyone." He stated getting highly amused by that.

"Oh I have seen you doing each of these things." I scoffed.

His face fell he looked… embarrassed?

"ummm… now that is… umm… not good… when did you see me doing that?" he stammered uncomfortably while looking down at his empty coke glass.

I was highly amused by his reaction.

I started out with a small chuckle which turned into a giggle and that turned into a full laugh.

And his expression didn't help me to control my laugh in fact his glare was also highly amusing.

"Oh sor-r-ry about tha-that." I replied between chuckles.

"Okay, stop glaring at me. You aren't scarring me; in fact it's even more amusing." I said while giggling.

His expression changed into amusement, and he waited patiently for me to gain control over my giggles and reply.

"Umm, it was only a one time thing I saw you fucking a girl in the washroom. In my defense I will say I had drank a lot of punch and that was the only washroom that I thought was vacant. But then I found out it wasn't, but only because of other reasons."

I grimaced when I recalled the memory of him fucking a girl. It was another one of those 'get to know each other' business parties in which I was dragged to. I had been enjoying myself quite a lot with Alice commenting on the people passing us and giggling and drinking punch all along.

It didn't help a bit when we decided to have a competition of who drinks the punch a lot.

Well of course Alice won because I had to pee.

Urgently.

I ran up the stairs to find a toilet but to my utter surprise each and every one of them were occupied. At last I found a toilet which wasn't locked, but I heard some noises. Of course I recognized those noises as some ones moans and realized someone was getting fucked nearby which was disgusting.

But I couldn't care less about it.

I quickly opened the door of the toilet to relieve my bladder. And that is when I realized that the moans were not coming from any other room but from the washroom that I thought was vacant. It was occupied for other reasons.

I swiftly slammed the door shut with a loud thud.

I partly did it intentionally.

Because the person inside, who was fucking, was red headed guy.

It was assward.

The girl was sitting on the sink her legs spread wide apart, her head thrown back with 'pleasure' while her hand gripped Edward's hair. Edward was sucking her right boob and pinching one of her nipples while his dick was inside of her and he was writhing his hips.

I was mortified by what I saw. I swiftly bolted down the stairs and joined the party. My desperate need to pee was all but forgotten and I was gasping for air.

After some minutes when I was calm enough I joined Alice at the table and didn't even think about mentioning what I saw to her.

He looked horrified with my confession and then said "I thought I heard someone shutting the door." He replied thoughtfully.

I chuckled again, and said "You have asked so many questions that I have lost count."

"Okay so how about one more question?" he asked suddenly getting serious.

"You asked me a question to ask me another question." I stated. "One more question won't hurt." I said.

He chuckled at what I said and than asked me seriously. "You looked… sad when I met you today… in front of the shop, and until recently." He stated.

My smile gave way to a frown on my face, and looks like he stole my question for him this time.

I nodded at his observation.

"Why?" he asked not caring that he was being privy.

"You know I can ask you the same question." I said

It was his turn to give way to a frown.

"I guess you can. But I asked you the question first." He stated.

"Yes you did." I sighed and shifted my eyes to my lap and decide to answer his question as vaguely as possible.

"lets just say what ever my principles and beliefs of my life were, just exist in some shitty fairy tales not in real life, and even if I have a choice to stop them from getting crushed I cant, because if I do I will not be able to live with my self." I replied in teary voice.

I looked up at him and saw that he was looking at me with a lot of concentration.

It was nerve wracking.

"And why were you sad?" I asked him to get the attention off of me.

He sighed and started fidgeting with his fingers, clasping and unclasping them.

"I have found myself in a very compromising situation." He looked up and met my gaze. He ran a hand through his hair and said, "My explanation is a lot like you except for the fairy tale shit." He said in small voice.

We stared at each other with a look which said 'I know how you feel and there is still nothing I can do to help you.'

After some time of the silence conversation between us, Edward's cell phone went off.

He cursed and picked it up.

"What Alice?" he said in a bored and annoyed tone.

"No I didn't. I am in the food court with Bella." He said glancing at me.

"Okay come to the parking lot, I will be there." He said in a sigh.

"Alice said she has to go and that your friend already went. Do you want me to give you a ride home?" he asked.

"No it's okay I have my car. What time is it any way?" I asked

I gasped when I looked at the clock in my mobile.

It has been four hours since Edward and I met in front of the shop. It seemed like only minutes have passed.

"It's been four hours and I should have been home by now." I said.

"Sure." He replied.

We both rose up from our seats.

"Bye Edward and tell Alice to call me anytime she wants I am sure she has taken my number from Angela." I said.

"Bye Bella." He replied.

- - - - - -

I hoped in my car and drove back home.

I never thought that Edward and I could even listen to each other's voices with out going crazy and biting each other but I was proved wrong. I have learnt a lot about Edward this evening and I want to see this Edward every time I meet him in future but I don't think it will ever be possible

I hope I am proved wrong in my many other assumptions and suspicions and so is he…

Author's note: hi every one. i hope you like this chapter and the next chapter is probably going to be in epov. i would really like it if all of you who have been reading my story would just take a minute to review. i would really appreciate it. thank you B)