The Heart Speaks For Itself Chapter 5, a twilight fanfic

Chapter Five

Diary Entry:

"I wish I could get just one wish, just one wish; there is nothing else I am asking for. O if don't than please god let me die in a car accident. Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top."

Bella POV

It has been three weeks since my parents, practically, ordered me to marry some jerk (you know who). Even though I understood why they did what they did, I still couldn't help but resent them for their decision. And I also had a very relevant reason for loathing them. Charlie did have another choice according to my grandfather's will but he opted to sacrifice me rather than his damn pride.

His pride was just so precious to sacrifice I thought sarcastically.

Renee had been pestering me to accompany her and give her my opinions on my wedding dress, but I just won't take any of it and I made sure to carve this in her brain. So instead she opted to beg me to just show up for fifteen minutes for the dress fitting.

She had ESPICIALLY contacted the owner of and asked him to appoint the best designer to make a wedding gown for me. I just couldn't see the point of her buying me an ostentatious dress when I would not even be happy or give a second glance to what I wear. But it looks like keeping appearances is more important than me.

The wedding cards have been distributed to each and every acquaintance of Renee and Charlie. From what I heard it's going to be a pretty big wedding, the news channels and journalists are going to cover my wedding. I hated the lime light on me but then again my parents didn't give a second thought to my preferences.

I couldn't bring myself to blame them on this because even I knew it was impossible to forge the journalists and reporters since I was the one and only daughter of the owner of one of the top leading companies.

So that is how I had gotten myself stuck in such a situation and driving myself to the office of the designer to try on my dress. I just couldn't bring myself to deny my mom after she had literally begged me and gave me the puppy dog look for the last two weeks.

I reached the building of the designer and parked behind the office. I entered the lobby and asked the receptionist the way to Miss Carla's office.

I got to the tenth floor and was again met with another lobby and the receptionist there confirmed my appointment and led me towards Miss Carla's office.

My mom was sitting on a plush sofa talking to Carla looking very exuberant. I didn't it was possible but when I entered the room her smile grew even wider and her grew even lighter with the excitement she was feeling.

I felt a pang of guilt for hurting her through my attitude but then I reasoned with myself and reminded myself why she was on the receiving end of my foul attitude.

'' Hi Bella! How are you doing?'' asked Carla, obviously excited.

I wasn't in the mood of pleasantries, '' Fine. Let's get this over with.'' I replied and sat myself next to Renee; she looked kind of dejected by my tone. I mean seriously what did she think? I would suddenly go back to the way I was.

Carla had brought out my dress I didn't notice anything else other than the fact that it was white.

I took it from her and went behind the partition and changed into it. I walked out for her to inspect it.

''Ow! Look at you Bella! You look absolutely amazing!''

I didn't care how 'amazing' I looked. I would rather prefer to be dead before I got married to that jerk.

Every time I drove my car I couldn't help but wish that I might just find myself in a serious accident which could fortunately kill me or at least paralyze me for the rest of my damn life.

By the time I was finished with my musings Carla was done with all the important alterations. I changed back into my jeans and shirt and went back out the office with a soft bye to Renee and Carla.

I knew Renee was disappointed by my curt replies and truly even I know she had raised me better than that but I just couldn't make myself to care about it. I was just feeling way to gloom and doom about my situation I had found myself into to care about my damn attitude.

Sometimes I just couldn't help myself from feeling guilty for my behavior, it wasn't my parents fault, they didn't what had transpired between me and pain-in-the-Ass James. I was sure that if they knew they wouldn't be forcing me into such a powerful bond with the person I despised with the very core of my existence.

I got into my car and backed out of the parking lot. I had decided to continue my job at my father's company as the chief executive/CEO of the company.

Unlike others I had started at a very low position compared to my current post, ignoring my Charlie's protests. But I didn't want to be the one who got everything with just a snap of her fingers, even though I did, but I did every thing in my power to change that theory. And this was the only way I could.

And believe I had worked my Ass day and night and made my way towards what I am today.

I decide to go to the gym and work out for a bit. I did have a very professional gym at home but I just didn't feel like spending my time at home, where I was sure Renee would join me in the vain hope of bonding with me and breaking the invisible wall I had created around myself.

I parked my car in the parking lot of the mall and made my way towards the elevator. I reached the second floor and walked out of the elevators to make my ways towards the gym.

The walls of the gym were painted purple and aqua blue and hues of hot pink. It actually looked very beautiful. There was a reception covering half the room, beside the reception was the 'mini revolving door', the kind that just reaches up to your waist. In the other corner of the room were some posters of running for charity, schedule of the classes for the week and poster of some singer's concert which I didn't care to know about.

I walked up to the receptions Erin; she had a body to die for - advantages of working in the gym according to her - long blond hair that reached up to her waist. She had pouty, pink lips, mesmerizing blue eyes and strong and straight nose. She had a sexy tan which almost every woman wanted. I had once a long time ago had tried getting tan like that but obviously it was worthless try because I was left with very red and sun burnt skin later on.

''Hi Erin.''

''Bella!'' she said excitedly. I really liked her; she was one those people who really knew how to have fun. ''There is this really hot spice man in there. Be sure to take his number. I swear you really need to loosen up a bit!'' she didn't know I was only a week away from my utter doom so I just smiled and shook my head at her.

Ever since I joined the gym she had been trying to set me up with someone. I found it endearing but at times.

''I'll try.'' I said in mock exaggeration.

I handed her my Id card. She swapped it in the bar reader and handed it back. I made my way in the locker room; I had kept an extra set of work-out clothes for times like these.

I changed into them. Grabbed my extra I-pod and a bottle of cold water from the wending machine and got up on the treadmill.

I mind went back to the past three weeks, after the night at club, I had met Edward and the rest of the gang a lot more times. I had actually liked a lot the side he had shown me, the side which I was unaware of.

And I was so depressed, aside from the obvious reason; I had never seen he could be so sweet, of course I had seen hints of it but not so openly.

I had sometimes seen him get concerned and sweet when I'd seriously injure myself, like the time I had fractured my ankle in the ice rink, I still couldn't understand why the hell I would agree to something like that when I knew I would end up breaking up my bones.

Well I actually I did know, he had goaded me into it. And maybe that was the reason why he had looked after me for the whole of two hours and then he had gotten back to his old Asshole self.

There was one more time when he had been exceptionally sweet to me. I had had an extremely disastrous day and to top it all, the first episode with James had happened; of course Edward had been there to witness it and later on had been very sweet, he hadn't mentioned it to any one and I was sure of it.

None of us ever discussed it again, pretending as if it had never happened. And honestly, it was more than fine by me.

We never discussed each others marriage knowing it was a sore subject and the fact that we would rather jump of a cliff than talk about.

Edward however had seemed like he had accepted it, like he had to, or more like he owed it to whoever had asked him to. I guessed this because I knew Edward wasn't the type to go and marry a girl, fuck? Yes, but marriage was not something he would do on his own accord. After this is the guy who told me marriage is for pussies we are talking about!

I was dieing to know the cause behind Edward's situation but I didn't have the gut to do so. The day he first told me about it, he had looked as though some one had plunged a knife inside his throat. I wouldn't want to bring the same subject out and cause the pain all over again.

Since then we both had come to certain unspoken terms and had started respecting each other.

I still couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. I knew it was irrelevant an d even if I hadn't been getting married here was no way we would even remotely come as close as to talk politely with each other. So it was a no no situation.

I had never accepted it but I know and knew that I am attracted to Edward no matter how much I dislike the idea. I was attracted to him. A LOT.

I was brought back to present by someone holding my arm. I looked down at the hand on my arm and then traveled my eyes to the owner of the muscled hand.

I was met with a muscled guy, grinning, sexily at me, but I couldn't help but think that he looked like someone has just spanked him and he might just breakdown any second.

I slowly turned my head back to the treadmill; I noticed that I had run for at least an hour while thinking about Edward. I switched the treadmill off, took the ear buds out of my ears and turned to the guy to unleash the full force of my glare on him.

I was panting, of course who wouldn't after such a run, and the sweat was dripping fro my chin to under my shirt. I noticed the asshole's eyes following the trail of sweat, I felt as though I was being raped. I know I was being dramatic but I just couldn't help myself,

"if you actually care for your well being you better take your filthy hands off of me!" I spat through gritted teeth.

His eyes widened at the tone of my voice but didn't back down. I was so furious by the minute. I knew he was just touching me nothing more but I already had a very sucky day and I had no patience left for a hormonal charged guy.

"I think being worked up really suits I like the image of you panting really gives the guy an idea." He said in what I believe he thought was a husky voice.

I really was not in the mood of his shit so I stepped of the treadmill, yanked my hands out of his grasp and stormed my way in the locker room. I heard him call out to me but it did nothing but fuel m anger.

I had no idea why I was so extremely furious. I have had much worse encounter with the opposite sex but I had always reigned in my anger. I could chalk up my behavior as the warning of PMS. But I knew it wasn't true since I had just been fee of it, maybe it was the after effect…

I spent rest of the evening locked up in my library back at my house. I spent some quality time with Wuthering heights; I haven't been able to do so in the last three months.

By the time I was finished it was past midnight. I stretched my legs and hands and walked back to the shelf to keep the book back in its original place.

I decided to take a relaxing shower my muscles were pretty sore due to my incessant work out. I wasn't done with my run but I had to go and do some weight lifting and other stretching exercises. I have been out of practice for the other exercises except for running I haven't had much time in the last one month.

I started the hot water in the tub and filed it with some lavender and freesia bath salts. Over time I had always found the smell of these flowers soothing and calming.

I walked towards the I-pod dock in the bathroom and played one of my many play lists. Next I lit some candles which again smelled as Freesia and lavender. I walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me, to let the tub fill and the aroma to spread inside.

I got my favorite cupcake shorts and a tank top out of my closet and walked back in the bathroom. The tub was almost full and as promised the smell that greeted almost knocked me down. In a good way. After hanging my PJs on the cloth holder I walked into the tub. The best thing about my tub was the fact that no matter how much you filled the water wont splash on the floor. It was more like a tub in a tub.

Immediately my muscles loosened and relaxed, the combination of hot water, with the heady scent of the flowers intoxicated me.

I concentrated on the lyrics of the song playing. The weird thing was that I could actually connect with the song. What I wouldn't do to have one wish just one wish.

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you're staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel
And they sayin' what would you wish for
If you had one chance

It really was relevant; we could actually wish on the plane, shooting stars were a rare possibility now a days.

So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job, before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
Yeah back when I was tryin' to get into the subway
And back when I was rappin' for the hell of it
But now a days we rappin' to stay relevant
I'm guessin that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
Then maybe yo maybe I'll go back to the days
Before the politics that we call the rap game
And back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for the Cada, what's up Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this sh-t
So here I stand and then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes

By the time was finished I was almost asleep, I unplucked the tub and let the water drain and wrapped myself in a towel. I went through my necessities, got dressed and walked inside my room.

The bed looked do inviting, with the soft glow coming from my table room and the fluffy pillows, it truly looked like heaven. Even though I hadn't eaten since the afternoon I couldn't bring myself to care I was so tired my eyes drooping and I practically dragging myself to the bed.

As soon as my head hit pillow I was deep in slumber.

That was the night I dreamt of Edward Cullen and I getting married.

A/N: hi to any one who is reading. I have decided to only write Bella pov to at least keep Edwards emotions hidden. And please, please do review, I would really appreciate it.