Can't Hardly Wait

BPOV

The first week of school was hell; the first day was the worst. I got lost numerous times and was late to all three of my classes because of it. My instructors understood, but everyone still stared when I entered each room. High school all over again.

"How was your day?" Alice asked when she joined me in the car Thursday afternoon.

"Easier than the first three, how was yours?"

"It was great actually, we start color coordination beginning of next week and I've already been doing that for years; it should be a piece of cake." Her eyes shot to mine and she made an 'O' face, "Wait I don't really like cake," we both laughed because it was funny.

"What's so funny?" Rose inquired when she opened the door and slung her bag into the backseat before climbing in herself.

"Oh, it's one of those 'had to of been there' kind of things," I said holding back a giggle.

"Okay…ask me what we're doing Saturday night," oh this was going to be good; heavy sarcasm.

Alice looked over her shoulder at Rose who was sitting right behind her, "What are you doing this Saturday night?"

"We are going to a party on the beach in San Diego," she squealed.

"Is that the party with the flyers hanging all over campus?" I asked, "The one with the keg and a ton of people?"

"One in the same," she revealed one of the flyers she'd grabbed and we all read over it.

"Count me out," I replied as I drove out of the school parking lot. "Standing around watching a bunch of people I do not know does not sound like a good time."

"Bells, come on you have to go…we can't go without you," Rose pleaded in my ear.

"Why not, you're young adults, you can make your own choices," I replied a bit smartass-ish.

"We don't want to go without you," Alice agreed.

"Well you are going without me because I'm not budging." They both harrumphed and continued to talk about the party until we got home.

The day came and Alice was up getting ready by noon with Rose. Alice had delved through my closet last night looking for something that was beach appropriate that also said I have class. Why she was looking in my closet was a mystery but she actually found what she was looking for.

We didn't share a lot of things, but clothes were one of the exceptions. Being Alice's sister meant I had to have a sense of style; if not she would have one for me. She may be small and pixie like but she packs a mean bark.

They spent hours upon hours preparing for this party and left an hour before it started. "Don't get in that car if you drink, do you hear me?"

"Yes mom, we'll be back, don't worry about us," Rose replied before getting into the driver's seat. I waved them off and went back into the house to do some online research for Sociology. Ridiculous that it would be a requisite for music studies but it is and it's one of my first quarter classes. Luckily I took intro into Sociology in high school so I was able to skip ahead to Soc. 2.

I fell asleep sometime between 11 and 12 and was startled awake with my laptop still on my lap when the girls walked in through the door.

"How did it go?" I asked sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

"You totally missed out; we both met a guy tonight. Oh my god," Rose fanned her hand in front of her face.

"And they're brothers," Alice squealed, jumping in place.

"Seems I missed out on an eventful night," not that I was disappointed in that.

"And, they have another brother, you should totally meet him."

"Yeah, we could totally make it a brother-sister-fuck-fest," Rose said fervently.

"No thanks," I quickly changed the subject. "What time is it?" My eyes wouldn't focus on the clock; it was just a red splotchy mess.

"It's 5am and I'm going to sleep," Alice started indolently to her room.

"I'm right there with you," Rose followed.

"Night," I called after them by the time they reach the hall.

"Night Bells, we'll fill you in later."

Love didn't make me sick, I actually still believe in love and fate and soul mates. I just don't think I'll ever experience it; I think I did and lost my own chance at love and happiness.

When Alice and Rose told me about the two guys they met at the party I was thrilled for them. I'd never heard them talk about guys as much and with such enthusiasm.

"Bella, I wish you could have seen him, mmm," Rose moaned over her cup of coffee, "He was gorgeous; a real thick piece of man. He seemed sweet underneath and I just want to unbury him and keep him all to myself."

I just laughed, "And you Alice, was your guy a real thick piece of man?" I quoted Rose.

"Oh god no, but he was really nice to look at and to talk to; he was really insightful and smart." Rose snorted, "Whatever Rose, at least my guy has a brain. Who needs brawn?"

"So do we know these guys names?" I asked, curious if they really did.

"Oh, um," Rose looked guilty.

"Well…" Alice added.

"You don't know their names, are you serious? Did you sleep with them?" I was shocked, who doesn't get names?

"We did not sleep with anyone Bella," Alice defended them, but Rose didn't say anything.

We both looked at her and knew the answer to my question.

"Well Rose," I pushed, "Spill."

"Okay, I slept with him, it's not like it's a crime," she threw her pillow at me because my mouth was agape.

"Rosalie Swan how could you," Alice gasped.

"How could I not, you should have seen him Bella. No way I could resist that."

"He's going to think you're such a whore," Alice teased.

"Good," Rose smirked, "Maybe we can hook up again."

Because they didn't get names and they couldn't find the house, we spent the next six months trying to run into them. I didn't know who I was looking for, so I wasn't much help but I did go along when I didn't need to study; which wasn't often.

It was now the middle of our first year and Rose had a ballet dinner to attend. She invited Alice and I and we both accepted. I hadn't gone out and done anything for myself since we got to LA so I was thrilled to go out, "But I refuse to dance," I told Rose when she asked me to go.

"Fine, you don't have to, but you have to mingle, no sitting alone and looking miserable." Since I can remember that has always been her stipulation and why she thinks I would do it now is beyond me.

"Yeah, yeah…Alice," I yelled. She was my makeup artist, dressing expert and accessory extraordinaire. "Help," I added.

After two long hours and three broken bobby pins later, we were ready. The place was packed when we got there and we had to sit and wait for valet parking forever . When we finally got through that we entered the ball room and it was awe inspiring.

The ceiling was tall, held up by wooden arches every few feet. The long wall had six large windows side by side with long floor length curtains that were tied at the side with white lace underneath them. The tables were lined with white table cloths and purple flowers complemented them placed in the middle. Three large chandlers hung from the ceiling, all in a row and each one lit up brilliantly.

There was a grand piano on a stage where I assumed someone would be playing. I didn't see Rose and Alice much as they were okay in big crowds; something I would have to get over for my profession.

I eventually made my way to the balcony and the view was better than anything inside. The air was nice, warm and soothing against my skin. I heard a melody floating out to me as it started to play from inside. It hit deep and made my breathing hitch when I heard the full effect of it. It was like feeling my past all over again.

I stood still as stone as that same feeling came over me, the one from the airport, and a tear ran down my cheek. Unable to move because of the impact the song had on me, I stayed planted where I was. When it ended I hesitated but managed to move my feet to get a glimpse of the person who could play like that.

The piano bench was empty.

EPOV

Heather was a mistake, clingy and narotic would be the two words I would use to describe her. She called non-stop, always wanting to come over. Eventually she just started showing up on our doorstep like a lost puppy. I had to be blunt with her and tell her how it was.

"It was just a fuck," Id said to her face, standing in front of our condo on the lawn.

"But you said you cared about me." I knew, really I should feel bad about causing the tears that trickled down her cheeks but I just didn't feel anything. She left with a broken heart and with every broken heart, mine felt a little more repaired. If I have to be miserable so does everyone else. What makes them so deserving over myself?

*****************

Middle of the year; I have had it up to here with their bickering and whining. Ever sense the party Emmett and Jasper both have been talking nonstop about these two girls they met. Six months later and they still haven't run into them. All we know was that they're sisters, adopted like us. I know this because Emmett always says how they were meant to be because their lives are so parallel. I told him he was delusional, love doesn't work like that.

Love is just a more romantic term for agreement. Marriage: Agree to see only each other, which is a breakable agreement because it's so easy to get away with. Agree to do your share of the duties, repairs, dinners, paying bills etc. It's an endless list of agreements; Love doesn't really exist.

"Trust me bro, you'll make a few bucks extra cash and people will get to hear your magic fingers, it's a win win situation." Emmett booked me a gig at a ball room in LA; some LAU ballet gathering or some shit.

I turned to walk away from him and gather myself before I had to go and perform for a bunch of brown nosing rich bitches. "That's cool and all but I don't need you booking shit for me, I'm a big boy Em, I can take care of myself."

Emmett took what I said all wrong, which only further aggravated me, "I was helping you out," he was offensive, "Learn how to accept a gift and say thank you, prick."

"Thanks, Em, thanks a lot," I didn't want to do this but it was already set in stone and there was no turning back now.

"You're welcome."

"I meant that hypothetically dip shit," I told him and he just shrugged. "Thanks for the short notice too…I appreciate it."

*******************

I was going nuts over the feeling that washes through me every so often. The first time at the airport—twice—then at the beach and now, tonight at the ballet gathering for LAU.

The entire time I was there, electricity was running through my veins, I felt alive. The song flowed out of my soul and it played beautifully in the air around me; I'd never played it with so much…passion.

I wanted to find out where it was coming from, was it something within myself? Was it something influential around me in those moments? If so, what the fuck was it?

I didn't wait around to find out, all the people in the ball room were stuck up prissy bitches, definitely not my scene. I hoped on my ZX-10 and got out of there the moment my performance was over. I had 300 bucks in my pocket and I knew just where I was going to spend it.

I walked into the shop on the corner of North La Brea and Fountain Avenue. I'd met a woman named Kat at a Motley Crüe concert a few weeks ago and she told me about her shop. There were sketches all over the walls to give ideas of what you would want. I had no idea, but I wanted something to represent my past full of sorrow and my future full of possibilities. I told that to the guy with ear gauges the size of my fist standing behind the counter. He showed me a few things that previous customers had chosen but I wanted something original, something personal only I would know the meaning of it.

When Kat arrived I told her and she helped me come up with something I was happy with. It was a Letter B with wings and fire creeping up it in all directions. Sounds gory I know, but the B stands for her, yes I'm getting her initial on me because she is everything that was my past. The wings represent her flee, and the fire represents me taking charge of my life and not letting her run it any longer. It was also my way of forgiving her, because if I could just forgive her for breaking my heart maybe, just maybe I could love again. The tattoo would stand as a constant reminder.
150 bucks later and the tattoo on the upper right side of my chest, I walked out with my first tattoo. I was more than thrilled about it, and hopeful that the dreams would start to desist. All I want to do is forget about her, not completely because she is a big part of my past, but I would like to not be reminded of the way she smiled, or her laugh or the way she looked at me like I was the most important person in her world.

That, I could definitely live without.

*****************

I was riding down the street on my ZX-10 when another bike flew past me. I sped up to see what the rush was about and it ended with me following the guy to some spot where they were riding. It was a track of some kind, I wasn't sure if it was free to the public or not but I was definitely going to do a lap or two if it was.

"Hey," the guy on the bike spoke to me after his helmet was removed. "I haven't seen you around these parts. What's your name?"

"Edward, Edward Cullen," I extended my hand and he shook it firmly.

"Good to meet you man, you been riding long?" He hopped off his bike and rested his helmet on the back of it.

"No, I got the bike a little over 6 months ago. What about you?"

"I've been riding since I was around six, it's the "it thing" in my family," he laughed.

"Do you come here often?" I had to speak loud because two cars roared to life and screamed down the track at full throttle.

"Yeah, every Wednesday and Saturday night," he hollered when the white Honda Civic hatchback smoked the black Volkswagen Golf. "You're free to come join us whenever you like. It's usually just a bunch of us from LAU." Why was there always something about LAU, everyday LAU, LAU, LAU. It was very tiresome.

Graduation year had gone by in the blink of an eye. My studies were over, Emmett was going off to train for the San Diego Chargers and Jasper still had a year to go. Best believe we had a party planned.

"Do you think by hanging the flyers up in the same spot as last time it will give us a better chance of finding the girls?" Jasper asked Emmett as we waited for guests to arrive.

"You're really talking about them aren't you, give it a rest, you'll probably never see them again." I hated to be the sour puss of the group but love was like a myth; led you to believe it was real but then you do the research and hard work only to find out that it's all a lie.

"Dude, just because the girl of your dreams didn't come back doesn't mean ours won't. You're such a downer man," Emmett said in a tone I did not find amusing.

"Who the fuck said anything about that? Why the fuck do you have to bring her up, she has nothing to do with the fact that you'll never see them again." I was pissed and hurt and ready to get the fuck out of there. My lid had been flipped and I was ready to go ape shit on the next mother fucker that crossed me, my brothers included.

Instead I decided to be the bigger man and handle this with professionalism and calm. "Fuck you both," I said calmly and seriously. "I hope you have awesome lives filled with kiss my ass and eat dick." I grabbed my luggage that I planned on taking with me to the airport a few hours from now and I was out the door without looking back.

Who the fuck needs them, I thought. Who the fuck, were they to me really anyways? Only by a piece of paper were we really brothers. I should have been on my own a long time ago; they have just been weighing me down.

I hopped onto my bike and headed west down my street. I got that feeling for hopefully the last time as a Honda Accord sped past me and stopped at my house, or should I say Emmett and Jasper's place. I wanted to go back, something in my gut told me I should, but I didn't. I was ready to give up the addiction as well as the family I thought I had. I was leaving everything in my past and starting fresh. I was going to Portland Oregon, the music capital of the West Coast.

I know it's short but the chapters won't all be 6000+ words. This one is only like 3000, but it has some good stuff in it.

Some reviewers have asked if the girl on the beach was Bella, now you know it wasn't. She stayed at home while Alice and Rose attended the party. They don't meet for a few more chapters and I'm not going to say which one it is because that will ruin the surprise. So hopefully you all can hang on until then, it will be worth it I promise.

Thank you to Scrimmy for beta'ing...you are awesome..

Sorry for the short A/N, I can't really think of anything else to mention at this point so I'll just leave it at that for now. I have a crap ton of homework to do so I'll be getting to that finally. Thank you to those of you that have commented, I'm glad to hear you're liking it and I also love to hear your fav parts.

Thanks y'all, have a good week....

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