EPOV

She was baiting me, trying to make me squeal and I wasn't fucking going to do that. She doesn't have the same effects on me as she used too; that much I have gotten past. I wasn't going to do what she fucking wanted me to do which was stay to myself and basically disappear. She was never that lucky.

She didn't even have the decency to tell me why she did what she did nor did she apologize for it. If she apologized I'd more than willing to put it in the past and move on, hopefully getting rid of the dreams in the process. But she had to be difficult so I was going to be difficult right back.

I had a good time and I think she saw how happy I was. I even convinced myself and I know better. But something she said to me, something she said kept replaying itself over and over in my head.

"You are the one that never came back, why don't you explain that to me? No on second thought don't because it'll be a lie anyway." It almost sounded like she were hurt by me not coming back, but it wasn't that way at all. I did go back but I was too late.

Too late to say anything now, here I sit in my apartment alone for the sixth day in a row, something was definitely wrong with me.
I got up and went to the kitchen to whip up something quick to eat, anything to get my mind off of last weekend. I thought about calling Laurent to see if he wanted to go out on the town, Portland was booming this time of night. Tomorrow was my last day off of the two week vacation I'm given every year by the company. I needed to do something about my streak of bad luck.

My phone vibrated loudly on the kitchen counter; Laurent beat me to the punch.

Hey Eddyword, Club Trio, ya down?-L

Absolutely, how long?-E

Be there in 20-L

Perfect-E

Twenty minutes was just enough time, quick shower, jeans and a t-shirt and I'd be ready to go. I tried like hell but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't think of Bella once while in the shower or even when I looked in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable. My mind had inevitably wandered to her eyes, the fresh eyes that I could conjure up. It was just like the first time all over again. I officially lost her twice, but it doesn't hurt as bad this time around.

Laurent knocked on my door exactly twenty minutes later, "Doors unlocked," I yelled from my bathroom. The click to the door opening till the click to when it shut alerted me that he wasn't the only person here. "Who's with you?" I asked not taking the time to look out the hall way to find out.

"I ah, don't know," he replied hesitantly. That sparked my interest and I took the two steps it took to reach the door and leaned out to see who it was.

My vision was blurry and all I could make out was chocolate brown hair and I instantly thought it was Bella even though she wouldn't be here for obvious reasons. It was still someone just as random; it was Jasper.

"Hey bro," he waved. "Sorry to come by on such short notice. I'm in town for a seminar and my hotel is just around the corner from here." He knew I would have made up an excuse not to see him, that's why he didn't call. I love Jasper, he is my brother in every way that matters, but I can't stand to be around him since he found Alice.

I'm envious of his happiness and the love he has from another person. "We were just about to go out; would you like to join us?" I invited him cordially.

"Depends," he shrugged, "where to?"

Here comes the big Hell no, "We're going to Al's Gentlemen's Club on MLK and Columbia. The girls there are of substantial quality." Yes I refer to my women as quality, ranking from looks to their experience levels.

"I suppose I can tag along," he must have noticed the look of shock on my face because his face spread out in a goofy grin. "What, a guy can look can't he? As long as he doesn't sample the buffet," he howled and I broke down.

"Jazz, no fucking way man," I called his bluff. "Won't the old ball and chains serve you your balls on a silver platter?"

"She is my fiancée and no she won't, we have a healthy and trusting relationship. Plus," he shrugged as if this, his next words were going to null and void the strength of what he just said, "Bella is with her."

I choked on my own saliva, Bella was with Alice. She was going to tell Alice and then I was really going to hear it. "You okay?" he asked.

"Fine, I'm fine," I cleared my throat, "Let's go; times a-wasting." I pushed them out the door hypothetically and grabbed my coat on the way out.

"I have a rental, you want to take that? You can drive for old time's sake." I quirked a brow in confusion, "You'll see." We walked down a few blocks and when he walked up to a Sebring, 2007 at least, I smiled.

"Man, this brings back memories, college days. Those were it Jazz, those were the days." He put the keys in my hand and we got in. I started the car and we were off, to the Gentlemen's club.

We were out until 3am and Jasper was letting loose, he even put a dollar in a strippers g-string. I was thrilled and I wasn't going to say anything to my future sister in-law, not that we spoke a lot anyways.

"Edward, I know that Alice's sister is the girl from your past, how are you handling that?" and out comes his psychology degree.

"Really Jasper, we just had a fucktastic night and you want to bring up bad memories?" I really didn't want to be in session right now, she was the reason for the night we just had.

"I want to tell you what I know of her and maybe give you her number to give her a call, but only if you talk to me about this."

"Why the fuck would I want her number?" Oh, I want the number; she's the reason I don't sleep at night.

We arrived at my apartment and nothing else was said until we had scotch in our hands, "She has dreams, too," he said without warning.

"I don't give a fuck what she has, she ruined her chances," and mine I added mentally.

"Do you want me to tell you her story or do you want to hear it from her? Either way you're going to hear it," he sipped on his drink and took a seat in one of my leather chairs.

"Fuck Jazz, I really don't want to go through this, I've spent a lot of time getting over her. Just because she's Alice and Rosalie's sister doesn't mean shit."

"You don't think it's quite the coincidence that she was there the whole time during college or that she was there when you played at Rosalie's banquet those years ago? I don't believe in coincidence's Edward, I believe in fate."

"Give me the fucking number; I'll call her when I get a chance." I gave in because I wasn't going to win. He was right, I should hear her story, and god only knows that's the one thing that's been haunting me since I lost her.

"Don't be a jerk to her, she's been through a lot, and I know you have too, but she was a mess when she was adopted by the Swan's and they helped her to be as happy as she was capable of being."

"I was never a jerk to her, I was nothing but nice and caring and fucking right by her." That pissed me off.

"But you were in Tampa, she told Alice about your confrontation and Alice told me. You hurt her by doing whatever you did; she's very fragile and can be broken easily."

"Jasper, can we please stop talking about this; I don't get to see you that often and I would really like to enjoy it." I poured another glass of scotch and took a big gulp of it. I wanted this night to be over and I didn't want to dream about her.

"Okay, but only if you'll call her."

"Fuck Jazz, I'll call okay," he downed the rest of his scotch and pulled out a pen. He wrote something on a napkin that he pulled out of his coat pocket, folded it and placed in my chest pocket.

"Now, where's that Wii, I want to get down on some Wii sports."

We played until 10am, I don't know how we managed to stay up until then but we did and it was a lot more fun than I would have imagined. Before he left for his flight back to Seattle I told him next time he was in town to call me because there was no need for him to stay in a hotel. I felt horrible that he didn't think I would want to see him.

When I woke up later that day and after my shower, breakfast and a quick round of home gym, I decided I would call her. My fingers hovered over the keys to my phone for some time until finally I just pushed send and put the phone up to my ear.

When she answered I could swear I heard bells rings. "Hello."

"Hi, is this Bella?" her short intake of breath told me that yes it was.

"Who's this?" she questioned.

"Edward; Emmett and Jasper's brother, I was wondering if we could get together one of these days and talk?"

"About what?" she pushed.

"I don't know, about what the hell happened when we were younger and what it means now that were about to be part of the same families. Your sisters are both about to marry my brothers aren't they?" She really needed me to explain this? Maybe our views on things are different after all. "You know what, forget it; forget I called."

"Wait, Edward wait," she pleaded and how could I deny that? The sound in her voice took me back 10 years ago. The same tone in her voice when I left, asking me if everything was going to be okay.

"Well?" The other end of the line was silent and I was beginning to think she wasn't there.

"I want to talk," she said quietly, calmer.

"You do?" The surprise palpable in my voice.

"Yes, I think we could both use some closure," she couldn't hide the pain that it caused her to say the words; it rang loud and clear.

Hearing it enraged me, "Yeah, closure, when are we doing this?" my response was laced with acid, I could taste it on my tongue.

"I have time off for Christmas coming up; I work at a school so when they're off I'm off."

"I have to go to Chicago a few days before and I'll have a couple of days off when I get back home. We could meet somewhere in between," I offered.

"I think everyone was planning on going to Chicago and Forks this year, I was invited." She was going to my house, the house where I spent most of my nights lying awake, thinking about her. I had pictured her in my room on more than one occasion.

"Oh well I suppose we can talk then, I won't be going to Forks."

"Why not, you don't want to meet Charlie and Renee?" She sounded offended.

"It's not that I don't want to go, I just don't need to go. I'm sure I'll meet them at one of the two weddings that will be coming up soon."

"Oh, okay…"

"Unless you want me to go," I didn't really know what to say but I didn't want her to think that Alice and Rosalie's family—and hers for that matter—didn't mean anything.

"No, it's fine. So I'll see you in Chicago then?"

"Yeah, when will you be arriving?"

"I think we're leaving on the 24thd and then leaving to Forks on the 27th." That's when I'll be there. There was silence between us but my mind was yelling; I didn't want the conversation to end.

"Well I guess I'll talk to you then," she said through the awkward silence.

"Until then." The tone that came from my mouth was not one I have used sincerely.

"Oh…Edward."

"Yeah," I sounded too excited but I couldn't hide it, it was already too late.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you went back." I was stunned speechless. She was apologizing; I couldn't talk about it now. "Edward?"

"I'm here, let's talk about this in Chicago," I wanted to do this face to face, to see if she was sincere.

"Okay, see you then. Bye."

She hung up before I could respond.

BPOV

Every time Jasper has to go out of town, which isn't often, Alice comes back to our apartment and stays with me. She didn't like to be alone, for me it was solitude. But this time I was happy she was here. There were something I needed to get off my chest and some things I needed to figure out.

We were sitting in the front room in front of the fire place, logs burning and hot chocolate warming our hands. It was one of our favorite past times, we used to do it back in Forks almost every night.

"Alice," I asked to get her attention.

"Hmm," she responded, sipping her cocoa.

"Do you remember that guy I told you about, the one from the group home?" I knew she would and I worded it ridiculously, but I was accustomed to avoiding anything that had to pertain to him and she was the one that helped me do it.

"How could I not; are you still having the dreams?"

Since I saw Edward at the Super Bowl four days ago, my dreams have been a mutilation of that weekend. Things happened that I wouldn't think would happen, not even in my wildest dreams…but they did.

"Yeah, but that isn't why I brought him up, I actually ran into him." I looked in her direction and she was gaping at me over her cup.

"What? Really? Where, when; how?" She knew what I went through to be happy again. I was unhappy before Edward and even more unhappy after. Not until I moved in with the Swan's did I show any signs of living, loving or laughing. But I did and they brought out the best in me.

"It's really funny actually," I smiled nervously. "I saw him at the Super Bowl." I was hoping she would get it but she was looking at me like she wanted me to continue. "In our box suite," I pushed. She still didn't get it.

"Jasper and Emmett's brother is Edward."

"Are you kidding me," she was taken aback, "That guy is your Edward?"

"Not my Edward Alice, just Edward," I corrected her.

"Well, I know not your Edward, but wow." She was speechless and I didn't blame her because I was beyond lost.

"What's the statistics on that? Like 1 – 3 million? Looks like family reunions are going to be awkward as all hell."

"I know; what do I do Alice? When I left for air he followed me and told me I had some explaining to do. He's the one that has the explaining to do. He's the one that never came back for me, not the other way around." I was trying to make sense of the situation and Alice was always good at aiding me when I couldn't get very far.

"Maybe he did go back, but after you left." She looked at me apologetically. "I'm pretty sure places like group homes can't give out personal information about the kids that get adopted out." She had a point.

"You should have seen what I had to go through in that box while he was there, it was the most uncomfortable I have ever been; especially with Mike there."

"What are you doing about Mike by the way? I can tell you don't like him." She was all knowing when it came to things like this; at least she always seemed to be right. "You never lean towards him, you're always leaning away." She is very observant, nothing ever gets past Alice.

"He's been calling me and I've been ignoring him, so he's bound to come over at some point and that's when I'll tell him."

"Tell him what?" she liked to play stupid when I didn't come right out and say something.

"That I don't love him, that I don't want to see him anymore, that I'm not good enough for him because I'm incapable of having a real relationship because I'm fucked beyond repair." That's the jist of it.

"Isabella Marie, you are good enough for any man, and you are not beyond repair," she was always very protective of me and I loved her for it. "Just because you saw Edward and well, now you have to see him on occasion, that doesn't mean you have to fall back into the slump you were in."

"I know, and I'm not going to, I just can't be with Mike, it isn't right. I've always heard that there is like an instant connection with the person you give yourself to and there was no connection between me and Mike."

"Just tell him how you feel and if he's a good man like I think he is he'll walk away without causing a big scene." Her whole attitude changed with her next words. "But I want to know more about Edward; what went through you mind when you first saw him? How do you feel about him now? Please spill Bella," she begged, "I haven't heard some good drama in a long time and I am so due." She crossed her legs under her and rested her head against her hand that was propped up on the side of the couch.

I guess I could let this out, Alice has always been trustworthy and I've told her just about everything since I met her. "Well, first I was shocked and pissed and hurt, that's why I had to get out of there." I decided still, not to mention the random feeling that comes over me, "When he came and met me out in the smoking area my mind was spinning."

"Bella, so you still love him, that's what I want to know?" she pushed.

"I don't love him if anything I hate him. He's bombarded my memories and taken over my dreams, how could I love that?"

"How could you not?" she looked at me all knowing again and scooted closer to me. "If you don't love him then those things wouldn't happen Bella. Maybe you should talk to him, find out his story and maybe he wants to find out yours. Maybe he did go back and was devastated that you weren't there. Obviously he still thinks about it since he approached you."

What she said made sense and it would be nice to have some closure, "I can probably handle that, but what if it turns out he does and then we date or whatever and then he leaves me again? What do I do then?"

"You won't know until or if the time comes, maybe it was just as hard on him as it was on you. Maybe you can be you again when you're with him. You won't know until you talk to him."

"Okay, I'll talk to him, but I don't know how to get a hold of him, where he lives or anything."

"He lives in Portland Oregon and Jasper knows all of that, actually, he's in Portland right now. I'm calling him," she pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket and I lunged at her.

"Alice, no please don't, I don't want my future family in-law to know about our past together. Just give me his number and I'll call him."

"No, I'll call Jasper, he can talk to his brother and give him your number, he should be the one calling you." She snagged her phone out of my reach and started dialing. It would be nice to not have to call him, so I let her do it.

I knew it was him when I saw the 503 area code; no one calls me from there except Jasper a few days before telling me that he had my number. It was now up to him if he was going to call, I was actually really anxious.

Now that he was calling I was a little nervous, I felt like the girl I used to be, broken and confused. I didn't like it and I think he brought that out in me.

When I mentioned closure I'd offended him and it made me want to scream, I didn't mean to and I could sense the regret in his tone. Phone conversations aren't the greatest at reading someone's true intentions so I didn't let my mind wander too far with it.

When he said he didn't want to meet my parents, well, not like that just that he didn't want to meet his future in-laws…Oh geez, not like that either, when he didn't want to meet his future bothers' in-laws, it made me a little angry.

"Unless you want me to go," he had said in his sultry voice. It made my mind spin and I didn't really know what to say after that. I had to tell him I was sorry about what happened. I did leave the group home with no way for him to contact me, so it is partly my fault for the way things ended up. Or is that just what he wants me to think? That is why I was happy to hear him say let's talk about it in Chicago, then I could see his expression and judge accordingly.

******************

We were transferring from Vegas to Chicago and there was a four hour layover because of the holiday. Alice and Jasper decided to go and gamble while I sat at the boarding gate reading my favorite book, Wuthering Heights, for the umpteenth time and it's still the original I bought 10 years ago.

I was just at the part when Catherine and Heathcliff reaffirm their love for one another when I felt it. He was here. I didn't move my head but my eyes instinctually darted from side to side and I noticed a figure standing to the left of me. I hadn't noticed I curled my legs up beneath me acting as if I were at home lying on my couch.

"Now this takes me down memory lane," he chuckled. I jumped at the pulsing sensation that shot through me when I heard his voice. Something so mesmerizing would do that to anyone right?

"Oh, hi, what are you doing here?" I straightened up and put my feet on the ground.

"I have a layover here as well it seems, is this your next flight?" he gestured toward the boarding door for D12.

"Yeah, Alice and Jasper are around here somewhere." I desperately wanted them to be closer than they were. I wasn't prepared to see him her or to deal with this until later today or even tomorrow if I was lucky.

"Oh, if you're busy I can go sit over there," he started toward the row of seat directly across from me. I didn't answer because I didn't want to. I could have told him no I wasn't busy and had a conversation with him about what was going on in our lives but that wasn't the conversation I wanted to have with him. I couldn't do that here, with all these people; It was sure to cause a scene if we did.

He sat across from me and pulled out a book from his bag. It was bound in leather and looked to be pretty old. He flipped a cover piece over and then flipped open the cover. He flipped through more than half of it and then he pulled out a pen.

He started writing in it and he didn't stop for over 20 minutes. Was he writing a novel? Was he writing in a journal? I wanted to ask him but I couldn't get the words out.

I'd finally managed to get back into my book and I wasn't paying attention to anything around me and then the feeling was gone. It wasn't like a gradual thing, it was like an all of a sudden thing. I looked up and Edward was gone, along with his luggage. I felt betrayed by his absence, not that I had any right to, or that I should.

I couldn't think of anything except his absence for the next hour. That was until him, Jasper and Alice came back into the dock.

"God Bella, you should have came with Edward, it was a blast. Jasper won $75 bucks on a nickel machine." Alice was delighted and Jasper was all mighty and proud. Edward was silent at their side, he didn't look in my direction. I guess my not answering him was harsher than I thought.

"I was reading and I wasn't aware that he left until a few minutes ago," I lied. I didn't want to show any sign of how much it actually affected me.

"Well, we're going to the bar and I want you," she came closer to me and grabbed my hands, "to come with me." She pulled me up off the chair and bounced in place. Same old Alice.

"Let me grab my things, you have to get yours I can't carry them all."

"Well duh Bella, you aren't CinderBella," she scoffed and started grabbing her luggage. Jasper did the same and we headed off down the long corridor. There was a little Tiki looking stand in the middle half way down and that was our destination.

Edward sat on one side of Jasper and I sat on the other side of Alice. We ordered drinks, I had Patron on ice, the only thing I could manage without going all sour faced. Jasper and Alice were all giggles and smiles while Edward and I mirrored each others enthusiasm.

After a while of silence Alice finally spoke to me. "We're going to go gambling real quick before boarding call, watch our stuff?" She asked me.

"Okay, but don't be late, I'm going on that plane with or without you and I mean it." I really didn't want to stay and wait for another flight but of course I would do it for Alice.

"We won't, we'll be back with time to spare," Jasper assured me. "Are you coming bro?" he turned and asked Edward. The edges of my mouth trembled; it was one of the most comical things I have ever heard come from Jasper's mouth, "Bro."

"Uh, no I think I'll stay here and have another drink," he was edgy I could tell and it made me nervous.

"Okay, see you guys in a few."

They left and then there was silence. I took the last drink of my patron and turned the glass in between my hands for a moment.

"Can I buy you another drink?" Edward asked from two seats away. My eyes darted to his and the feeling that had been coursing through me intensified.

"No need, I can get my own," I replied stubbornly.

He mumbled something then said, "I would really like to buy you another drink."

"And I can really buy my own if I want one, tequila makes me angry, it's a woman thing."

"I really can't buy you a drink?" he questioned, his right brow raising up a bit, totally making my heart pound through my shirt.

"Okay," I agreed nervously, anything to stop his persuasion; it was too much.

"Another Patron on ice," he told the bartender, "Make it a double," he added.

"Whoa, I don't think I should consume all of that before getting on a plane." That was the last thing I wanted, to throw up in front of him.

"Okay, scratch that and give me one also," he put down a twenty and the bartender went to work on our drinks.

"Thanks," I told him looking down at my glass.

"It's the least I can do."

Damn straight it is, I thought. I still haven't forgotten what happened, I don't think I ever will, and I wasn't going to let him take control over me like that again.

Oh my goodness. I can't believe we are finally here. I'm super excited about it. There is so much to come you have no idea. A lot of angst and they aren't together yet but don't fret it won't be incredibly long of a wait.

Thanks to all of you who have been reviewing and thanks to those of you that haven't but are still reading. Also thanks to those of you that have added SH to your alerts and favs. A big thanks to Scrimmy, my Beta for this story, you are amazing with your proofing, absolutely wonderful.

I'm going to leave it at that and I will be posting the next chapter probably by Friday, don't hold me to it though, Saturday at the latest.

Please leave me sum luv'...lil' box just below

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