Title: By Way of Remembrance, Part Two of Twelve: August
Author: goldenwanderer
Rating: PG
Warnings: N/A
Pairings: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Ted Tonks/Andromeda Tonks
Summary: Remus & Tonks in DH in twelve fics, one for each month. Part two, August: Ted Tonks talks to his daughter about her dilemma with Remus after an incident with a trunk and an injured ankle.
Author's Note: This is the second part of my entry for the March ficathon at rtchallenge on Livejournal. This part incorporates prompts #9, 15, and 25.
By Way of Remembrance: August
CRASH.
Ted Tonks looked up from his newspaper in time to see his wife jump at the noise. They both looked up toward the ceiling; the noise had come from upstairs. They hadn't heard a crash like that in years.
"Dora," said Ted absent-mindedly. He wasn't usually as concerned about bangs and crashes and broken objects as Andromeda. Dora had been tripping and falling over things since she could walk. Besides, Ted didn't mind a mess, and Dora had never severely injured herself by knocking things over. A bruise or cut every now and then, but nothing serious.
But Dora hadn't been quite right this past week. After the ordeal at the wedding, everyone had been very upset, more than usual. But Remus had evidently taken it harder than anyone. He hardly spoke to Dora that night as they took care of Ted and Andromeda, and by the next morning, Remus had left, leaving only a short letter for his wife. According to the letter, he was going to try and find Potter, to make sure that the boy was safe. Ted hadn't said anything to Dora, but he didn't think that finding Potter was Remus's only reason for going.
The first few days after Remus left, Ted had been tempted to go after him and give him a piece of his mind. How dare he run off on Dora like this? If Andromeda hadn't insisted that he stay home to take care of their daughter, he probably would've done it. By now, Ted was no longer thinking of severely injuring Remus, though he was still angry. Besides, now that he had the time to think about it, he understood some of what Remus was feeling.
There had been a time when Ted had been worried about what marrying Andromeda would do to her. She was an outcast and a target because of him. They had been attacked and tortured earlier this week because of him. He and Andromeda had nearly been killed by her sister because of him. But even so, Ted would never run off on Andromeda. At least, he didn't think he ever could.
Meanwhile, as the days wore on, Dora had gotten worse. The bright smile and joyful laugh that Ted had always loved about his little girl were gone. She hid away upstairs half the day and was even more clumsy than usual. Whenever she did come downstairs, she was uncharacteristically quiet and gloomy. She rarely spoke to anyone.
Dora's change in mood had affected the rest of the family as well. Ted felt a little bit gloomier, but Andromeda was now trying to deal with the announcement about the baby, the effects of the dreadful attack, and Remus's disappearance, and she wasn't doing very well. She was tenser than Ted had seen her in years, and she startled at the slightest noise. In fact, her reaction to this most recent crash was hardly out of character for her these days.
"Good gracious," Andromeda said then, holding her hand over her heart. "What has that girl broken now?"
"I'll go and check," said Ted. He set the newspaper on the table and stood up.
"Are you sure, Ted?" asked Andromeda. "She's probably in one of her poorer moods."
"All the more reason for me to go and see her," said Ted. "I haven't had a chat with my girl in a long time, anyway."
Andromeda looked hesitant, but Ted had already made up his mind. He smiled reassuringly at his wife, who shrugged and went back to cleaning up what still remained of the wreckage from the attack after the wedding. Ted left it at that.
Ted found Dora in the guest room, where she and Remus had been staying since they moved in. They had never mentioned it to her, but this room was originally intended to be Dora's room, but they had kept her downstairs while she was a baby, and when she was old enough to walk, she was always falling everywhere, so they decided to keep her downstairs. But now that Dora was grown up, it made sense for her and Remus to have a place to themselves, somewhat separated from her parents.
Dora had collapsed on the bed, her face red and tear-stained, her right hand cradling one of her feet. She looked up suddenly when Ted opened the door. Then she laid her head back down on the pillow again.
"Hullo, Dad," she muttered. "Heard the crash?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I didn't," said Ted. "But I knew something must've happened when your mother startled without warning."
Dora smiled, giving Ted exactly what he was looking for. "Oh, come off it, Dad," she said. "You would've had to be deaf not to hear that."
"Or else completely oblivious."
"You're not completely oblivious, Dad," said Dora. "You wouldn't have come if you hadn't heard that."
"I suppose you're right," said Ted, shrugging. "Now, for your mother's sake, I have to ask, what did you break this time?"
"Did Mum ask you that when she heard the crash?" asked Dora.
"Or something like it."
"Well, don't worry, I didn't break any objects," said Dora. "And I don't think I've broken any body parts, though this ankle hurts like hell." She indicated the foot that she was holding in her hand. "Tripped over Remus's bloody trunk."
"He didn't take his trunk?" Ted raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Hardly took anything," said Dora. The smile on her face had disappeared. She suddenly looked just as gloomy as before. "The complete git."
Ted had known for days that he was going to have to talk to Dora about this at some point. As her mother, Andromeda should have been the better choice to do this. But there had always been a fair bit of tension between mother and daughter, and besides, Andromeda hardly trusted Remus. She wouldn't be very much comfort to Dora, even if she tried her best. No, both Ted and Andromeda knew that Dora would listen better to her father right now.
So, he sat down on the bed beside her and took her free hand in his. "Well, now, he's not a complete git. I don't think it's possible to be completely git-like."
"It is if your name is Remus Lupin," said Dora.
"I'm not saying he's not at least partially a git," said Ted. "But every single man on the face of this earth is, at the very least, partially a git. And that includes me, of course."
"You're not a git, Dad," said Dora.
"I can guarantee you that your mother thinks differently," said Ted, smiling. "Trust me, every man in the world's a git. Some are bigger than others, but we're all gits every now and then. Makes me wonder why women even bother putting up with us."
Dora smiled again. "See, I told you," said Ted. "It isn't so bad, now, is it?"
"When you put it that way, no," said Dora. She sighed. "I just wish I knew why Remus keeps doing this. I thought we'd gotten past this."
"Sorry to tell you this, but most problems don't disappear when you get married, sweetheart," said Ted. "In fact, most of them appear afterward."
"But we've already been through this once before!" said Dora, frustrated. "What if he doesn't come back, Dad? I can't wait another year for him; we've got a baby on the way!"
"Well, you've hit the nail on the head, haven't you?" said Ted. "Part of it, anyway."
"What d'you mean?" asked Dora.
"Well, Remus is scared, Dora," said Ted. "That's why he's left for a while."
"What's he scared of?"
"Can't be completely sure," said Ted. "Lots of things at once, really. There's the war, and Potter, and everything with the Order. Then you lost your job, your flat, your reputation – nothing scarier for a man than thinking he lost his wife all those things. And, of course, there'll be the baby to worry about too. Every man gets scared when he's going to be a father – I know I was, for a time."
"You, scared of being a father?" Dora asked, amazed.
"Of course," said Ted. "I mean, I was ecstatic at first, but there was a time when I was sure I would be a horrible father. New mothers feel it too, as far as I know, so you'll understand what I mean soon enough."
"Was Mum ever scared, you know, of having a baby?"
"Oh, yes," said Ted, nodding. "Yes, frequently. She doesn't like to admit it, but she most certainly had her moments, and plenty of them."
"I can't imagine Mum having 'moments' – it doesn't sound like her."
Ted smiled. "Well, she was a Black – they're very good at hiding how they feel when they want to."
"That's true," Dora agreed. "Remus tries to hide how he feels, but he isn't any good at it."
"You know how to read Remus," said Ted. "Just like I know how to read your mother. Someone else might say he's very good at hiding his feelings."
"But it's not like him to run off without a word" said Dora. "I mean, last time he ran off, he talked to me about it first, at least a little bit. He hasn't contacted us even once this week."
"Needs time, I expect," said Ted. "You know, he's most likely trying to find Potter too, just like he wrote in his letter. He cares a lot about that boy – we all do. Besides, that'd clear up some of the fear he's got, I imagine."
"Maybe, but why does he always have to run away to get rid of his fear? Why can't he just deal with it here – with me?"
"I don't expect he's used to working out his fear with somebody," said Ted. "He had those friends at school, and he trusted them, but they're all gone now. He wouldn't've had anybody to talk to when he lost the Potters, now, would he? And right after Sirius died, he had to go off and stay with the other werewolves. Probably no one there to talk to. He's just not used to it, sweetheart. You've got to give him time – that's what all men need. He'll find Potter, then he'll be back."
"Do you really think so?"
"Yeah, I think so," said Ted, but he couldn't even convince himself.
"I want him to find Harry, I really do. I just wish he didn't have to go like this. I want him to come back," said Dora. "I need him, Dad."
Ted nodded gravely. "I know," he said. "I know."
They were silent for a minute or two. Ted shifted so that he could massage Dora's hurt ankle. It was red and sore, but it didn't look seriously hurt. It just needed some rest, and maybe some ice.
"Dad?" asked Dora after a while.
"Yeah?" asked Ted.
"What should I do?"
"About Remus?"
"Yeah, about Remus."
Ted looked back at his little girl's face. "I don't think there's one right answer, sweetheart," he said sadly. "There are lots of ways of going about it."
"What would you do?"
Ted took a deep breath in and out, thinking hard. Images of a brown-haired, dark-eyed girl in Slytherin robes walking in a snow-covered Hogsmeade flashed through his mind. He couldn't help himself; a smile escaped his lips.
"Dad?" Dora was staring at him, waiting for an answer. Ted couldn't tell whether she had seen him smile.
"Sorry," he said. "Just remembering something… someone."
"Mum?" asked Dora.
Ted nodded. "I was thinking about the first time I was brave enough to go up and talk to her in Hogsmeade," he said. "But that was a long time ago."
"Must have been wonderful," said Dora.
"Not always," said Ted. He looked down at his daughter again. Even with the pink hair, she looked a lot like her mother at that moment. "You know, for a long time, even after your mother and I became friends, I didn't think she would ever go out with me. Whenever I asked her, she told me no. She didn't think it could ever work."
"Because of her family, right?" asked Dora.
"Right," said Ted. "And once we were finally going out, Bellatrix found out, and her family was furious. She could have left me a thousand times. It would have made her life so much easier." He paused and took another deep breath. "I could have done the same," he continued. "I didn't want her to lose her family – I never did. She loved them, you know."
He was finding that it was harder and harder to tell the story. He and Andromeda had told Dora some of the stories before, but he had never imagined that he would be sitting here, trying to give his daughter advice based on his own experience with love. He had always hoped that his daughter would have it easier than he and Andromeda had.
But Dora didn't have it any easier. If anything, her love was harder than his ever had been, as difficult as that was to imagine. Sure, she hadn't been disowned because of her choice. But she had lost her job, her flat, and her reputation, not to mention the constant danger to her safety. And to top that, her husband kept disappearing on her, afraid of himself.
So what was he to do? He hadn't told her, but somewhere inside him, Ted was still terrified of being a father. It didn't matter that he had been one for 24 years – it still scared him to death sometimes. Dora deserved the best father in the world, and he couldn't always give her that.
Right then, Ted remembered a conversation that he and Andromeda had had before Dora's wedding.
"Ted, I'm not sure about this. I don't want my daughter to marry a man who won't take care of her. He's terrified of himself – it's obvious. He won't let her talk him out of it, either. How is he supposed to take care of Nymphadora when he won't even listen to her?"
"I dunno, Dromeda. But we promised we'd trust Dora, no matter what – or whom – she chooses. I don't want my little girl to get hurt, but I don't want to hurt her either. Meddling will only hurt her – the only thing we can do is be there when she needs her wounds patched up."
Where was the Ted that had said those things? Had Bellatrix gotten rid of him with the Cruciatus curse? If that Ted was still there, what was he going to say to his daughter? Would he try to meddle, as any father would, or would he simply patch her up and help her on her way?
"Dora, if Remus doesn't come home tomorrow, I think you should go after him," he said to her. He could hardly hear himself speak. There's a war on, you idiot. You don't want your daughter going out there, he told himself. But another voice spoke louder inside his head: She's got to. She loves him.
"What?" asked Dora, surprised by the sudden suggestion.
"You've suffered enough, darling," said Ted. "Remus has had time to think about this. You're right – you've got to work through this together, not apart. If he doesn't come back, go and find him. Bring him home."
Dora looked disbelievingly at her father. "Are you serious, Dad?"
"Very serious," said Ted, though his head was still telling him that he was saying the wrong things. "I don't know what your mother will say, but I say, go after him. Make sure he knows that you love him."
Dora smiled more brightly than Ted had seen since before Remus left. "Thanks, Dad," she said, sitting up and hugging him. "I love you."
"I love you too, Dora," said Ted, squeezing his daughter tightly.
"Ow!" called Dora suddenly. She pulled away from the hug and grabbed for her ankle.
"Oh, sorry," said Ted, looking down at Dora's throbbing ankle. "We'll have to get that ankle fixed up, won't we? I'll go get your mother – she'll know what to do."
"Okay," said Dora. Ted stood up from the bed, crossed the room, and opened the door. "Oh, and Dad?" asked Dora.
"Yes?" said Ted, turning around.
"Thanks," said Dora.
"You're welcome, sweet girl," said Ted. Then he disappeared from the room.
On his way down the hallway, Ted noticed where Remus's trunk was sitting: in the middle of the hallway, right in view of Dora's bed.
Half an hour later, Dora was sitting in a chair in the middle of the kitchen, her injured ankle soaking in warm water. As soon as Andromeda had heard about the hurt ankle, she had sprung into action, gathering everything necessary to take care of her daughter's injury. She helped Ted bring Dora downstairs, where she decided that they would not need to take a trip to St. Mungo's.
"Is your ankle feeling any better yet, Nymphadora?" asked Andromeda. "Do you need anything?"
"It's fine, Mum," Dora repeated for the hundredth time. "Honestly, it'll be fine. I'm not five years old anymore."
"Well, let me know if you need anything, won't you?" asked Andromeda.
"I will, Mum," said Dora, smiling and shaking her head back and forth, amused by her mother's dedication to healing such a small injury.
"How's it going, girls?" asked Ted, entering the kitchen. "Any trouble, Dora?"
"No," said Dora. "Everything's fine, though Mum's all worried about me."
"An old habit," said Ted. He winked at Dora and grabbed Andromeda before she walked out of the room. He smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss. "Can't help yourself, can you, Dromeda?"
"I'm afraid not," said Andromeda, slightly surprised by his sudden show of affection. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll turn on the WWN."
"All right, love," said Ted. He kissed her again and let her go. She smiled and disappeared into the living room.
"You're really laying it on thick tonight, Dad," said Dora, smirking at him. "Inspired by those old memories?"
Ted winked at her again. Then he went over to the refrigerator to find something to eat. Meanwhile, the sounds of the WWN came in from the living room.
"Oh, thank goodness, it isn't Celestina Warbeck," said Dora. "I'd get up and turn it off myself if it were."
"Oh, no, you won't," said Ted from behind the refrigerator door. "You won't be using that ankle until your mother says so."
"What's the matter with her ankle?"
Dora's head swung around. She hadn't heard the door open. Remus Lupin was standing in the doorway, looking ragged, tired, and as unkempt as ever. He was looking at Dora, concerned.
"Remus!" she shouted without thinking. Immediately, she felt a mixture of pure joy and loathing flow through her. She wasn't sure what to make of him. But, for the moment, more than anything, she was relieved to see him. She didn't notice her father step out from behind the refrigerator, look at Remus, and quickly move into the next room.
"What happened to your ankle, Dora?" asked Remus, stepping toward her and glancing toward the large bowl of water on the floor.
"Tripped and fell over your trunk," she said. "You left it in the middle of the hallway."
"And you left it there?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Dora blushed slightly. "Yeah," she admitted. "Dunno why, though. Stupid really."
"And you injured your ankle falling over it?"
"Right again," she said. "Clumsy me, of course."
"Listen, Dora…"
"Why did you go, Remus?" she interrupted, knowing he was about to say something.
Remus hung his head. "Because I'm a coward, and I've always been a coward. Harry reminded me of that."
"Harry?" asked Dora, her mood improving somewhat. "You found Harry?"
"Yes, and Ron and Hermione," said Remus. He sighed. "I asked to accompany them on their mission, but Harry wouldn't allow it. I thought James would want me to protect his son, but Harry reminded me that James would have wanted me to stay with you… and the baby. I'm such an idiot, Dora…"
"Yeah, you are," said Dora. "And a git as well."
"I've no arguments against that," said Remus.
"But that's all right, Remus."
"What?"
"It's all right," Dora repeated. "I'm still angry with you, of course, but Dad told me that all men are gits sometimes, especially when they're going to have a baby in the middle of a war."
"That's still no excuse," said Remus. He walked toward her and knelt down beside her. "I promised to stay with you forever, didn't I? I had no right to run off to Harry. I thought I was doing something good, but I was just being a coward again, as always."
"You're no coward," said Dora. "You've just got more to deal with than most other people."
"That doesn't matter; I'm still a coward."
"Well, yeah, sometimes," said Dora. "But aren't we all? I mean, at least once in a while? I haven't always been brave enough to do what I know is right. I should have come after you the day you left."
"I'm glad you didn't," said Remus. "I wouldn't have learned my lesson if you had."
"Have you learned your lesson, Remus?"
Remus nodded. "Before I left, I felt like I couldn't look you in the eye. You're so perfect; I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't like what I've done to you, Dora."
Dora wanted to stand up, and tried, but Remus gently pushed her back down again. Instead, he came closer to her, allowing her to rub her hands along his face. "The only thing you've done to me is permanently cripple me." Remus looked concerned, but Dora smiled and went on. "I won't ever be able to survive if I don't have you near me, Remus."
Remus smiled, lifted his hand up to touch a lock of Dora's hair, and kissed her. Her arms wrapped around him as he held her in his arms. When he pulled away, she was smiling nearly as brightly as she had done at their wedding.
"I love you, Dora," said Remus.
"I love you too, Remus," said Dora.
He pulled her into another kiss. She completely forgot about her injured ankle, focused entirely on the man in front of her.
At the entrance to the kitchen, Ted had his arm wrapped around his own sweetheart, his Andromeda. They were both smiling as they watched their daughter reunited with the man she loved. For the time being, all seemed well.