11. P.S I Love You

BPOV

Going back over the I5 Bridge into Washington brought on some kind of panic attack. I couldn't pin point where exactly it was coming from but my whole body tensed and Edward seemed to notice. We took the second exit off the bridge and he pulled into a hotel parking lot.

My body stiffened again until we drove around to the back and I saw a bench overlooking the water. He opened my door for me and wind bit at my skin and a chill ran up my arms.

"Are you cold?" he asked, already assuming I was and unbuttoning his jacket. "Here," he draped it over my shoulders and a musky fragrance enveloped me and I breathed it in greedily.

"Thank you."

"This is a good spot huh?" he asked for my approval while we walked toward the water.

"Yeah, it's beautiful." The bridge was to the left of us, high above the water yet the lights were still reflecting from below. Across the river was an old out of commission hotel a lot like the one we were at. Edward must have noticed my observation because he started telling me about it.

"This hotel," he pointed to the one behind and to the side of us, "And that one across the river used to be basically the same one. They were both called The Double Tree but this one was known as the North Shore and that one was known as the South Shore. Before this, it was The Red Lion. The South Shore hasn't been in business for years."

"What do you do Edward?" I asked changing the subject to the direction it needed to go. He took a seat on the bench and I followed, waiting for his response.

"I'm the Music Director at The Rose Garden; I thought you knew that."

"No, no one talks about you much when I'm around, now that they know." My throat felt like it was swelling and my body started to shake but not visibly to anyone.

"Oh," he looked back out to the river and I was just about to ask him what happened after he left that kept him from contacting me when he got up abruptly and stalked off toward the ledge that separated us from the water.

He stood there, leaning on the railing with his forearms. After a few minutes passed I got up and walked toward him, feeling his electric pull more and more the closer I got. I wonder why he doesn't feel it or if he does why he never said anything? Maybe it is just me. "What happened?" he asked when I was standing directly behind him. I froze in my tracks. He turned around to face me, leaning against the railing with his back now. "What made you think I wasn't coming back? I promised and I meant it?"

I looked down, hiding the anguish in my eyes. "I don't know. I just didn't think you cared anymore, or that you'd forgotten."

He pushed off the ledge and came closer to me, making me look into his eyes. "I cared Bella and I never forgot. I tried to call but you had to be authorized, I tried to send you a letter but it got returned. I didn't stop trying to contact you until I went back to that shit hole and you weren't there."

I believed every word he said. Maybe it was the tone in which he said it or the expression on his face, but either way, I believed him.

The traitorous tears threatened to betray me as I realized I could have been with him the whole time, or at least I could have kept in touch with him until we could see each other again. It would have been college, and I could have introduced Jasper and Emmett to Rose and Alice. I would be a completely different person than I am now, maybe a little less flaccid.

I looked up at him for the first time and the tears flowed over and rolled down my cheeks, "I thought of you every day." Not to mention the dreams, but I kept that to myself.

The expression on his face made me want to hold him, to comfort him. He looked so vulnerable, so easily broken. "Can I ask you something?" He asked, fighting back his own emotions.

I had to find my voice, I'd been thinking about this moment for so long and here it is; nothing like I imagined it would be, "Yeah."

"Can we be friends?" His voice gave him away, that wasn't at all what he wanted. I didn't necessarily want that either but I couldn't just be with him romantically, I don't know who he is anymore.

"Yes, I would like that," I replied as reserved as I could. I didn't want him to see how much he truly affected my well being. Just being in his proximity makes me feel whole, happy and just right. Like nothing could take me down.

He let out a deep sigh, "Thank you." His arms came up and wrapped around my neck, crushing my face against his chest. I tilted my head to lay it against him and wrapped my own arms around and up the middle of his back. I could feel the muscles there; tense and overbearingly prominent under his thick shirt. The electric hum between us had to be felt by him too, it was throbbing throughout my entire being. Like an explosion inside me.

EPOV

Last night with Bella went as good as I could have dreamed. She agreed we could be friends; she had to know I want more than that, how could she not. That would mean that she does somewhere inside too, that gave me hope.

"Eat Edward," Alice broke through my trance and I looked into her green eyes that seemed to sparkle even in the dim lighting of the kitchen.

I scooped up a fork full of hash browns and scarffed them down. Not taking my eyes off of hers, "Better?" I said with my mouth full.

"Much," she replied with a smile.

"So," Jasper started, "How did it go?"

"What?" I acted like I didn't know what he was talking about.

"You know what, don't play with us," Alice nearly shrieked. "What happened?"

"We just talked and decided to be friends…" I let that sink in for a moment, "For now."

Alice let out a high ear piercing sound, "Yay, I have to go see her." She turned to Jasper, "What time do we need to be there for the concert?"

"Six," I replied for him, "We will wait for you by the North entrance."

"Okay," Jasper handed her the keys and she kissed him goodbye. "I'll see you then," then she darted out the door.

"Does she know where the Marriott is?" I asked after she was gone for a few seconds.

Jasper jumped up out of his chair, "Oh crap," and grabbed his coat on the way. "Alice," he yelled and ran through the front door.

5:30 rolled around and Jasper and I dressed for the occasion. I decided to tell him what it was and we called some people to take the girls something fitting for the show. I hoped they would choose something Bella would like. I'd hate to have her decline it. I couldn't wait to see what she would look like dressed all in black.

She would be the sexiest woman alive in anything she wore, I thought to myself, don't be an idiot.

Jasper and I headed over to the Rose Garden, we took my car since Alice took theirs. We got right in because the whole working crew knows my car and knows me. I make damn sure of it. We made our way through the crowd of people to the North entrance but when we got there I was met by my assistant.

"Mr. Cullen, we need you in rehearsal division, it's really bad." She was freaked to be telling me this because she knew how I felt about last minute foul ups.

"Show the ticket person this and go to suite 334," I told Jasper. "I'll meet you guys there as soon as I can. Tell the girls I'm sorry."

"Alright, but no guarantee's they're going to forgive you," he replied and I took off with my assistant following right behind me.

"What happened, give it to me straight, no bull shit," I told Erica, she had a tendency to beat around the bush when she knew something was going to upset me. I was pretty convinced that she had a crush on me.

"Well…the opening act decided to bail, we have no one to open the show." I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You waited until now to panic? Why wasn't I notified earlier?" I started back in the direction of the rehearsal hall. This was just my luck.

When we got there I saw what Erica had already told me, the room was empty. "Shit," I said out loud then turned and headed down the hall to my left, towards my office. I had a few phone calls to make. I knew a few people and a couple people owe me a favor. There had to be something I could do, there always is.

I pushed open the door to my office and walked in quickly around my desk and started fingering through the rolodex that sat on the edge there. I found the first person I was going to call. Barely three rings and "Eddyward, what's happnin captain?" he laughed at his own joke.

"Laurant, hey do you have anyone right now that would want to open for us tonight? I need someone good, and asap. I mean this as in now." The show starts in two hours.

"I'll see what I can do bro, on the real though, can I open for them, I mean I can come up with something, it doesn't have to be great right?" he laughed again because he was fucking with me.

"Seriously bro, I need your help."

"Alright, alright, I'll hit you back." The line went silent and I returned the head piece to its spot.

"Okay, we'll see what Laurant can do for us. Until then, will you make sure that my friends make it in okay?" I reached for my pen and wrote down each of their names. I lingered on the a in Bella's name because I had yet to write it down since the new hope that has filled my empty heart. It was different, as weird as that may sound. It was easier to write it. Any other time and it was painful, this time I think I even felt a jolt like I feel when she is near. Someday I will have to ask her if she feels that electricity when I am near or if it is just me. On second thought, it will have to be a long time before I can bring myself to ask her that Question.

I headed over to the mini bar in my office and poured scotch on the rocks. After stirring it lightly with a straw and returning it to its holder, I walked over to the big windows and watched the traffic that was lined up for the show; all the cars bumper to bumper to get parking.

My phone rang on my desk and I hurried around to grab it before it got transferred to my voicemail. "Tell me something I want to hear."

"Oh my brother, I got something better than that. You know the group "Iron Knuckles" on Youtube? They live here in Portland and they said they'd be honored to open for SlipKnot. They play the same kind of genre so it should work out." He sounded jazzed about it and I knew the group. They were good and all over the stage, good audience grabbers.

"If they can be here in 30 minutes they have the job."

"Hey, since I helped am I invited?"

"You're always invited, you fucking know that," he knew that.

"See you there bro." We said our goodbyes and I notified the crew that they would be arriving within the half hour. Hopefully these guys are good under pressure. I downed the rest of my drink and headed to suite 334.

BPOV

On the one hand, Edward seemed like he has grown into a really great man. He has a great career, he knows what he wants in life and he looks amazing. All the qualities I look for in a man, he possesses. On the other hand, he has a bad past with me, something I cannot just forget. He also has a bad rap with women; I saw it first hand on his MySpace and he still hasn't reply to my message. Emmett also told me that long ago before any of us knew he was my Edward. That's another thing, I keep referring to him as my Edward. I know it's only to clarify who I'm speaking about, but it makes me feel like I'm putting some kind of claim on him. Maybe I want to put some kind of claim on him, for him to be mine and for him to never want to break my heart.

But Edward is human just like the rest of us and humans are unpredictable. One day he could be so in love with me he's blinded by it and then the next day he could feel different. Maybe he would see some drop dead gorgeous girl and be utterly taken away by her and hurt me in the worst way possible.

Those are the things I am worried about, the only thing I worry about; getting my heart re-broken.

Alice showed up at my door around 11, "Bella, you're a mess. We have to get ready for the concert."

I flopped back down and gave her my just-woke-up-out-of bed look, "Do we even know who it is?" I asked.

"No, but the boys are going to send us over some clothes that will suffice and I'm sure we can figure it out from there." She sat down her bag of unmentionables, I knew exactly what she was going to try and do but I wasn't having it; not today.

"Alice," I whined, "I don't want to play dress up Bella day today, not in front of Edward," I added that last part so she knew I was serious. Alice knows better than anyone else what I have gone through, better than Rose. Alice and I have always been the best of friends since day one.

That wasn't an easy task then but the room had me convinced, along with her eyes, that she was pure. She wouldn't hurt me, at least not intentionally. After Edward she was the only one I trusted to let in.

"I figured you would say that, so I'm only going to dress you, no makeup."

I looked at her perplexed, "I thought clothes were being sent to us?"
"They are, but if they're horrible than we'll have to figure something else out now wont we." Of course Alice always had a backup plan. If it isn't right, she'll make it right. If the pants don't work, she'll make them work. She is a fashion designer by trade, it's in her blood; she can't help it.

When the clothes arrived we both were shell shocked at what the shirt said, "Is this some kind of joke?" Alice said holding the shirt up to get a better look at it. "Are they serious?"

"I don't think Jasper had any say in this," I said for his benefit. "I think Edward is the one who planned it," I laughed.

"Oh Bella, this is going to be good." That little devilish look in her eyes told me her gears were spinning; she was coming up with a plan.

"There's a spot," I pointed out the windshield between two cars. "Hurry," I bounced in my seat like a school girl. We were definitely dressed for the occasion. Dressing up was not something I liked to do or ever planned on doing. Of course, Alice has a way at persuading people and it's almost always worked on me.

I wasn't going to do it until I saw the bands logo on the shirt; the shirt that Alice ripped in several different places. "So it looks more flirty and sexy," she'd said. She did something of the same to hers and the pants were apparently good as they were, but skin tight and I think leather. I don't know how they got my size, but they fit like a glove.

We found Jasper at the North entrance after searching for at least 20 minutes for a parking spot. The garage was full along with the little parking lots around that charged a few for you to park during shows. We had to park in a residential area, hopefully it wouldn't get towed; that would be horrible.

"Wow," his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets when he saw us; mainly Alice. She was dressed; head to toe, in black which further brought out her black spiky hair, still the same from when I met her. She 'painted' her face with black eyeliner and thick mascara, her green eyes were popping and vivid.

"You really know how to go to a show," he commended her.

She faux curtsied, "Thank you," and put one of her arms through his. "Come on Bella," she put her other arm through mine and we continued to the entrance.

A rather short woman approached Jasper and said something to him that I couldn't hear and then Jasper followed her, pulling us along with him. We walked past the long line of people waiting to get in and continued through the gate and into the auditorium. There was a long hall that went in both directions and curved as it went. We took a right and followed it down about 200 feet until the woman stopped in front of a door that read suite 334.

"Here you are," the woman opened the door and moved aside to let us enter. "Mr. Cullen will be joining you shortly," she basically bowed then exited the room, shutting the door snuggly after her.
There was a bar, stocked with liquor and wine and even had a tap for draft beer. There were also plates of appetizers, like cheese and crackers with tuna dip and ham slices on hoagie bread. At the end of the suite was a set of glass double doors that led out to three rows of seats. Beyond that was a long drop down to center stage. We had one of the best views in the stadium.

"You ready to get your freak on," Jasper hollered and held up a bottle of Jager.

I laughed at him because he is such the professional type most of the time, "Please don't ever say that again." To see him letting his grunge side out was more than comical.

He started pouring us drinks and I mentally decided I would get fucked up tonight why not. "It's a SlipKnot concert, how else am I supposed to behave?" Jasper replied. And that was only further reason for me to do it, "How else am I supposed to behave?" I mentally quoted him.

"One, two," Alice was counting, "Three." All three of us slammed a shot of Jager and each of us had bitter face.

"Eeww," Alice was running in place, "I hate JagerMeister." She stuck her tongue out and shook her head, "Ahh." It tasted of black licorice and yuck, I shook my head in agreement before throwing back some soda to chase it.

We had taken three shots of the black licorice grossness before the knob on the door tuned and Edward walked through it. Of course he was dressed in a suit and tie, given his job title; that was to be expected.

"Hey, you guys look great," he laughed and looked me—just me—up and down. A smile was spread across his face in amusement and I had to laugh at myself because, honestly, I was feeling the Jaeger shots.

Yeah, finally some fun for our miserable couple. Don't get your hopes up thought there is something coming, something not so cool but not super bad either. But were getting there I promise so don't get too discouraged. I know it's taking forever but they will be happy again, that much I know.

So I want to say thank you to all of you for taking the time to read SH and leaving me your thoughts and love. It really does mean a lot to me that you like it so please don't stop. Congrats to cubbie8656 on her first pregnancy....you're going to love being a mother.

Thank you again to scrimmy, you rock as always. I have a Valentines Day pic that I made...it's not of Bella and Edward or any of our Twilight friends but it's posted on my page. I hope you check it out...if you want to send it around to people that's fine you can right click and save to your comp.

I know this one was a shorty, I try not to do that but that's just how this one ended up.

Don't stop now....leave me sum luv...lil' button just below

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