15. Dear (Bella) John

EPOV

Bella kissed me. She made the first move and she kissed me. It was fucking amazing, I'd never felt so complete until that moment. Like fireworks went off and everyone was cheering when our lips finally touched. I'd never admit it but back when we were kids I wanted to do that every day I was with her. I wanted to tell her then that I loved her but I never did because I didn't want to jeopardize what we had. I didn't think she would be okay with that and I didn't want her to push me away.

So I kept my feelings to myself but I wasn't going to do it again. I wasn't going to confess my undying love for her just yet but I was going to let her know how much she meant to me. I think I did the entire time we laid in bed holding each other and just being there in the moment.

She fell asleep before me and she said my name while she dreamt. She also said olive juice. I wasn't sure what that had to do with anything but I know that's what I heard. I was mulling over it until I finally fell out, the most wonderful fragrance lingered in my dreams.

I woke up to Bella's beautiful smile and her big doe eyes boring into mine. "Good morning beautiful," I smiled back but it was a lazy one. I didn't have the energy to produce a real one yet.

"Morning, are you hungry?" she asked.

I wasn't until she mentioned it, "Starving." She attempted to give me a quick kiss but I caught her around her neck and drug it out until she pulled away. "I have to go if you want anything to eat."

I shrugged, "Who needs food."

She made an amazing breakfast and I made her sit in my lap as we ate it. She didn't seem to mind and it wasn't a difficult task to achieve. We stayed in her apartment all day Saturday, and ignored Alice and Jasper's calls until they started texting. Bella responded to Alice's saying, "We are dead to the world today…wana have lunch tomorrow before Edward leaves?"

We met them at a local diner and chatted about the coming summer vacation and how Alice and Jasper were planning on finally picking a date soon. Alice and Bella got into an animated conversation over it and Jasper grabbed my attention.

"Did you tell her?" he asked low enough they wouldn't hear.

I was hoping he wouldn't bring it up, "No, not yet." I didn't want to tell her, I wanted to know if I had a chance at a life with her, so I had to. But not now, not here in the diner.

After we were done eating I asked Bella to take a walk with me, I wanted more time alone with her and I also had to tell her what I've been putting off since she kissed me. My decision had been practically made before I had to take my vacation on such a short notice, now I don't know.

We were walking down a long strip and we came across a look out point that spread out across Lake Washington. I pulled her to the railing and she wrapped her arm around my waist as we leaned against it.

"So, what's going on here?" I asked, unsure of the right way to put it into words.

She continued to look out at the water, the wind was blowing her hair wildly around her face and she looked like she was deep in thought.

"I'm not sure yet, but I think it's something worth pursuing." She still didn't look at me.

I needed something more than that, "I got a job offer at my work, they want to give me a raise and bonuses."

She finally looked at me, "That's great, congratulations." Her smile was genuine.

"Thanks, but there's a catch." Here goes, "They want me to transfer to New York, to work at Madison Square Garden." Her eyes glossed over and her smile faded. I wasn't sure what it meant but her hold around my waist dropped and she started to walk back the way we came without a word.

"Wait Bella," I jogged after her and she shoed me away.

"Don't," she demanded. "Just…don't." She picked up her pace and so did I. I wasn't going to let her walk away from me.

"I just want to know where I stand, I won't go if there is a chance we can make this work."

She wouldn't look at me, she was putting up the walls as I tried desperately to get her to listen to me. "Please."

She stopped suddenly and I had to back track a few steps to stand in front of her. Her head was down, her hand pressed against her forehead. When she looked up at me it made my chest heave. "I don't know where this is going Edward, I can't promise you anything and I won't sit here and tell you it will turn into something when I don't even know what that something is." She dodged around me and I watched in disbelief as she walked out of my sight. I was stunned into submission; I couldn't find any words to stop her. She was right, neither of us knew what was going on between us nor could we see the future. If I wanted to ride this thing out and see where it takes me then going to New York is the worst idea.

So it was down to Bella or my career. A career I have been waiting for since I received my degree. Bella, who at one point in time, was my world and my everything. There was only one way to find out if that were still true.

Bella returned to the diner and I sat back at the look out trying to decide what I was going to do. Risk my dream job for my dream girl? Or call it a loss and go with a guarantee?

A woman was running by in her spandex shorts and her jogging shirt. She had little weights in her hands and ear buds in her ears. Her hair was up and she stopped a few feet away from me to catch her breath.

"Nice day for a run." The me pre Bella would have said something more personal, something like, "Milk does the body good", or something cheesy like that. Girls seem to like that shit, at least they always seem to when I say them.

"Yeah," she replied winded, "Everyday. Well have a good day," she said before she ran off in the direction she was originally headed.

I started to think about all the woman of my past; all the women in my future. The ones in the past I couldn't see clearly because they were all spur of the moment. I have no clue how a real relationship works. I know what is expected but will I be able to do it? When I thought of the women in my future I only saw one person; one pair of chocolate eyes smiling back at me.

That was the future I wanted, the future I was going to fight for; I was going to make it happen even if it kills me.

BPOV

Just when I thought I could be happy; let down the walls and be with Edward in every way possible he drops that on me. He wants a sure thing and I can't give him that. I also can't expect him to give up a job offer that I'm sure he's been waiting and hoping for. I didn't even wait for him at the diner, I walked home because I didn't want to say goodbye. I couldn't, not again.

When I got into the confines of my apartment, I felt like I was experiencing it all over again. Why did he come back into my life only to repeat history? Were we going to go another 10 years without seeing each other? Or did I push him away because I was afraid of getting in too deep and getting my heart crushed again.

I fell asleep thinking about that and the dream was like what would have been. What would have been if Edward would have stayed? What would have happened if he would've come back in time to see me or if I would have left him a number?

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, I didn't look at my clock but it was still dark. I was sweating profusely and tears were straining down my cheeks.

So that's how it's going to be now; a whole new round of dreams. Could life get any worse?

Edward didn't text me at all and I couldn't say if I was grateful or hurt about it. Two weeks had gone by and the dreams continued their new course.

It was Thursday, and I was just about to go to the track when my phone vibrated in my coat pocket.

I miss you Bella, so much. I've tried so hard not to bother you because believe me I know how bad it hurts. Will you please talk to me?-E

How's the new job?-B

I don't know, I don't have to give my answer until Monday. Say the words and I won't take it.-E

I don't have any words to say. Except good luck and I hope your life is exactly how you imagined it.-B

It's nothing like I want it to be, so close yet so far away.-E

I didn't respond to that because, truly, I had no words; at least not any nice ones. It seems like he's putting all the weight on my shoulders, it was up to me to decide on our fate. I was happy he texted me but I knew deep down that it was only feeding my addiction. I had to cut the ties any way that I could if I ever wanted to be sober again.

The track was sure to take my mind off of things. Edward messaged me once more and I tried really hard to not look at it but lost the fight when I parked at the raceway.

You're on your way to the raceway aren't you? I wish I could be there with you. I know how much you enjoy it and I enjoy your happiness.-E

A smile formed on my face and tears filled my eyes but didn't run over. He knew what I was doing, he remembered and he enjoys my happiness. My emotions have been on this roller coaster for so long now. One minute I feel like he's telling me the truth; that he would never hurt me or leave me again. Then I remember how I felt the first time; every time someone in my life has left me. That pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Like now, reading his words, I want to tell him not to take the job. To stay in Portland or even Seattle and be with me. I have been lying to myself since our last encounter. Trying to convince myself that I didn't miss him. That I didn't need him to make me happy.

But I do need him, every part of me cried for his touch, for the tingly feeling of electricity to take over. I don't want to be sober, to be intoxicated by his presence every day forever is what I so dearly desire. Emotional roller coaster commence.

I wish you were here too.-B

I couldn't tell him everything I was feeling because I'm afraid and I want him to show me something, to show me that I can trust him. To prove to my subconscious that he cares as much as I do and that he would rather walk through a fiery pit of coals than break my heart again.

I needed a guarantee just as he needed one, but there was no way to get that so we would both have to take the risk.

I was at the track now; I saw Darrell, Eric's cousin, under the track car; the one he was planning on selling to me. He'd told me about it last week. He wanted 5700 for it and I had 3000 saved. When I have 4000 I can get the car from him and pay the rest on payments. I couldn't freaking wait.

There was someone standing next to him and a car I'd never seen before. It was eerily familiar but not from here.

A new kind of sensation shot through me, it was deep and almost painful, but good. I saw a figure standing over Darrell and when the wind gusted I saw the bronze glint of his hair.

My phone vibrated in my hand and sent me jumping. I looked at it hurriedly as my mind and my heart were doing flips.

I can be there in three hours, don't ever hesitate to tell me. Bella…can I call you…please?-E

I was approaching the car now and as I got closer and my vision got better. Through the darkness I noticed the man standing there was not who my imagination was trying to trick me into seeing. That feeling I had was anticipation and hope but my subconscious knew better; I wasn't going to be that lucky.

Life is funny sometimes.

"Hey Darrell," I stopped at his feet and the man looked at me sideways.

"Hey Bella, we had some problems with the struts, they seem to be in working order now." He slid out from under the car and dusted himself off before getting up. "You ready to hit the track?" His tone was energetic.

"Hell yeah."

192 mph, I broke my personal record. Normally I don't push myself, especially when the turns come. Tonight was different, I was running on all the mixed up feelings I was experiencing. I thought about Edward the entire time. It felt more like a dream by the time I was pulling the e-brake.

I answered all of the questions previously in my head. Edward didn't come back into my life to repeat history, if I looked deeper I could see that. The way he looked at me so fervently, the way he spoke so tenderly and the fact that he remembered where I would be tonight was proof of that. Edward came back to right the wrong that was done by both of us and it could only be done if we both participated.

We would not be going 10 years apart again, not if I had anything to do with it. Did I push him away because I was afraid, the answer to that is yes. I am more afraid of getting my heart broken than I am of dying tomorrow. But love is pain and I was ready, truly and utterly ready to take that risk.

When I got back to my car I contemplated calling him; I really wanted to hear his voice, more than anything I wanted to feel him. Of course I chickened out and sent him a text.

Prove it.-B

That was it, he would either know what that meant or he wouldn't. If he did then I'm sure he would do what it takes. If he didn't then I guess I was wrong; my heart would be re-broken. Sending that text was more than two little words, it was my walls crumbling and my heart opening up, preparing to accept his proof wholeheartedly. I waited patiently for his response, sitting in my car in the empty parking lot, nine pm.

Are you saying we have a second chance? Because if that's what you're saying than I'm not taking the job.-E

First I want proof, don't make any decisions until then.-B

I'm sending you something, you should have it Saturday. The package will be my proof, it's all I have and I hope and pray that it will do the job.-E

I'll be waiting…I want to tell you I'm sorry for how touchy I've been, I'm just not good with stress and I can't seem to keep my anxiety at bay.-B

No apology necessary, I forgave you before there was anything to forgive.-E

Good night Edward.-B

Good night Bella, I can't wait to see you again.-E

I was thrown into a vision of our next reunion, full of emotion and pent up sexual frustration. I desperately wanted Saturday to come sooner than I knew it would. I thought about that as I fell asleep and they transferred over into my dreams.

Friday came and went and my evening consisted of texts to Edward and mind arguments about calling him. Saturday finally came and I waited impatiently for the door bell to ring.

When I saw the UPS truck pull up I was ecstatic. I was overjoyed about receiving something that I had no clue what it was. I didn't care; it was from Edward to prove his love for me and I couldn't be any giddier.

The UPS guy came and dropped a medium sized box off and I signed for it on his little electronic device. I made way to the couch, pulling off the tape on the way. I sat cross legged and opened the lid to the cardboard box. There was a lot of ghost poop in the box but I engulfed my hands into it and felt around until I felt something solid.

EPOV

She wanted me to prove it. At first I thought prove what? But it didn't take me long to figure it out. She wanted me to prove that I missed her, prove that I wasn't going to abandon her like so many others in her life have. Unintentionally, myself included.

I thought about what I could do to prove it, that without a doubt I would be by her side as long as she wanted me to be. Even then, I probably wouldn't go far.

Then it came to me, the only way to prove it, I didn't even give it a second thought. I sent her a message saying I was sending her something, it would be there Saturday.

It was like a dark chapter in my life was being closed and the writer hadn't yet written the following chapters. I silently hoped it would be a bright chapter that includes Bella on every page just like before. This time being only happy thoughts and happy dreams.

Saturday came and I knew today was going to change everything good or bad. Some of the things were mean and hurtful things that I said about her, but underneath there was love and passion. I hope she'll be able to read between the lines. If she can then she will see the extent of my devotion. I wrote her a letter, saying everything I was feeling and the hopes I have for our future. I also asked her to call me; hopefully she would.

Some things I didn't really want her to read but I wanted her to know me through and through, that's what she needed and I was more than willing to present it to her. Some things I am ashamed of but I take them in stride and if she is the strong, smart beautiful woman I know she is, then she will see that I have grown and learned from my mishaps.

I waited, sitting on my couch with the television on, for her to contact me in any way. When midnight rolled around I was restless, I couldn't even remember one thing I watched all day. My mind was constantly on her. I imagined her sitting on her couch, rolled up into a ball like she always did when she read; flipping through the pages.

Was she mad? Hurt? Happy? Did it help or make matters worse? Was it a mistake to send it to her? No, it wasn't because sending it to her was my last resort, my last hope at showing her that I am in love with her. I have been since the moment I saw her long ago, broken and shielded.

I was broken and shielded too.

She helped me deal with my feelings just as much as I helped her. The only difference between us was that I hid it very well. Bella couldn't hide it, the damage was done and welded in her so deeply that the pain and suffering spilled out of her.

I didn't leave the couch and I didn't bother eating anything all day. I wasn't really there, in my apartment; at least not in spirit. I was with Bella, she held me in her hands as she read the pages of my psyche.

I was awoken by the loud rain drops on my window. I wasn't even aware that I'd fallen asleep. I could see and hear the storm fighting and screaming in its attempts to contact the earth. The lightening was bright when it lit up the room and the thunder roared so, that I felt it on the couch.

My mind ran right back to Bella, she never contacted me and I was starting to fear the worst. I'd run her off for good, maybe letting her in so deeply wasn't the greatest idea after all. I had to know, and calling wasn't good enough, I had to see her.

It was three in the morning so I would get there around six. I didn't even bother changing or showering or even thinking it through.

I jumped off the couch, grabbed my keys, my phone and slipped on my shoes. I didn't even think to grab a jacket as I ran through the house and to the door, not bothering to lock it on my way out. I made my way through the lobby and out the front doors where the rain had picked up or so it seemed. I pushed the button for my alarm and b lined it to my car, the rain had nothing on me.

I was shocked stone cold, I couldn't believe my eyes. I blinked several times and decided that what I was seeing wasn't real.

My whole life shifted in that moment.

BPOV

Journal Entry 1: July 17th 2000

It feels like the world is crashing down all around me.

All I can do is sit by and watch it happen.

Love—gone and the void filled with lust, hunger and filthy unemotional sex.

Trust—out the window, I don't trust anyone except Emmett and Jasper.

Not even the good ol' doctor and his wife; fuck them.

Sure they let me live in their fuck of a nice house and they clothe me well enough.

Abercrombie sporting attire; they sprung for the spendy shit and I was all for it.

They even got me a top of the line Zero skateboard, it's my baby, we do everything together.

It's what got me through the time post Bella; those times were the fucking worst.

I couldn't believe he was letting me read this. His inner most thoughts and feeling pouring out onto the pages. There was a small part of me that didn't want to read it but the bigger part of me needed it.

So I read page after page. Some entries were about things that made him angry or things that made him feel like he could move mountains. There were never any girls mentioned, none except for me. The amount of times I saw my name were endless. One page held nothing but my name written over and over again, different angles and different script. Every page had my name on it or something about me. Not that it was all good, because really most of it was hurtful and made me mad.

I saw through it though, to the underlining message. He was miserable without me, he couldn't blame himself so he blamed me; just as I blamed him. I couldn't hold that against him; that would make me a hypocrite.

After our first reunion the entries were different, they were reflections on the past and how much change has happened to bring on the present. On many occasions he mentioned a feeling, a pulling that only took him in one direction; toward me. My breath hitched and I read faster when I saw that.

"He does feel it," I said to myself out loud.

I'd wondered about that for so long. He also dreamt about me every night just as I dreamt about him. I wondered if they were the same dreams, like we were meeting there because we were too blind and hurt to take the initiative. I'd like to think that was true. That our subconscious never gave up and now it was celebrating inside.

I stayed on my couch all day, my legs pressed against my chest, reading his journal. I cried at some parts, even laughed, but I also felt his emotions in every entry. I started to think that maybe, just maybe, even though I never thought it possible, but maybe our separation was harder on him than it was on me.

I came across one entry, one that I remember because it started out like this.

Journal Entry 367: December 24th, 2007

Again fate has thrown us together.

There she sits across from me reading her old withered copy of Wuthering Heights, curled up in the same ball like the first time I laid eyes on her.

I can feel the pain radiating off of her, like she wants to pounce on me and make me pay for what happened.

Or, is it that she wants to be closer to me?

No, that's just wishful thinking.

I knew he wrote that when we had the layover in Vegas. I knew by the date and descriptions. I read every page, every impressionable experience he had during our separation and beyond. Then I came to the last entry. I wouldn't really call it an entry, more like a letter and just the first line caused my heart to swell and my chest to constrict.

My Bella,

I have been writing in this journal almost every day since I discovered I lost you forever. My heart and soul lie on these pages and I hope and pray that it's the kind of proof you're looking for. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of you, not a night that I haven't dreamt of you.

I'll admit, for a long while, I resented you. I blamed you for everything, but it's easy to put blame on someone else, especially when you think you'll never see that person again.

The moment I saw you in Tampa all I felt was anger and hurt. I couldn't think properly and all I wanted to do was make sure you were just as bad off as I was. I needed to know that my absence had had the same effect on you that yours had on me. When I followed you outside and saw you crouching there next to the fence I had an overwhelming need to comfort you.

I wanted to be the shoulder for you to lay your head on and be the one to make you smile again because all I saw was the girl I met way back when.

I want you to know, Bella, that if you give me this chance I will not screw it up. We are adults now and there is no one that can make me leave your side; no element on earth that could convince me to go through that again or to put you through it.

I want to make you smile and hear you laugh. I want to race our cars at the raceway and get my ass handed to me on Wii sports. I want to eat your mouthwatering dishes and hear your beautiful voice everyday of the rest of my life. I am so ready, have been since Christmas, to be everything that you need and want me to be because I know that you are my everything.

Please call me or message me or something because I die a little with every day that passes and I don't hear from you. Just knowing that you're okay and happy, or at least okay, makes my days a lot easier.

Irrevocably and eternally yours,

Edward Cullen

My heart was pounding as I read the last page of his journal, the tears were in my eyes and my hands were trembling. It was like the feeling you get when you've finally achieved your dream or seeing your baby for the first time, I assume. I felt complete and I felt like nothing else mattered or existed outside of me and the man I could no longer bear being without.

I did the only thing I could do. I put on my shoes, threw on a hoodie and grabbed my keys. I ran out of my apartment without looking back and left the journal on the coffee table. I didn't need it anymore and neither did Edward. It's the past and it's going to stay that way.

I didn't notice the late hour until I was already on the freeway. Midnight, I would get to my destination around three and I didn't care; this couldn't wait and I needed more than a phone call.

I raced down I5 exceeding the speed limit by a lot, I didn't look to find out because I knew it would be more than I was comfortable with. I could make out dark clouds and strikes of light in the distance in front of me and I ran into a wall of rain halfway into the long drive before me. My acceleration slowed to the speed limit because of the darkness and low clouds I couldn't make out much in front of me. The freeway was deserted and only a lone few semi trucks were passed on my journey. I pulled up and parked more than a few blocks from his house because I remembered how treacherous it was to find parking in this city. I ran out of my car—locking it on my way—and threw my hood over my head to shield it from the heavy down pour.

I didn't take my time, I ran like a wild woman down the sidewalks. The street lights lit my way as the rain tried to blind me. I didn't let that slow me down, through blurry vision and deep breaths I pushed forward.

I came around the corner that was just before his apartment and was astounded at what met me on the other side.

He stood there motionless, his white shirt sticking to his chest and arms from the rain. His hair was disheveled and hanging in front of his eyes. His mouth formed a small o probably mirroring my own expression.

We stood there locked and lost in each other's eyes. The humming sensation grew stronger and stronger until I think he couldn't handle it anymore. He reached out to me, his eyes never leaving mine, "Come inside?" he asked, his hand out stretched in front of him, offering for me to take it.

Without leaving the solace of his stare I put my hand in his without a second thought. I know now where I want to be and that is in the arms of the strong, beautiful caring man pulling me to shelter.

As soon as we were under the awning of the door I pulled back on his hand and he turned to look at me, confusion and enthrallment clear on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but my lips shushed him. I was sick of thinking about kissing him; I wanted to do it and mean it and do it whenever I wanted to. So I did it now; urgently at first because I couldn't and wouldn't wait any longer and, after a few minutes, it was languid and seductive.

When I pulled away I hugged him, desperate to have him as close to me as possible. I didn't want to let go. "Bella," he called for my attention. I looked up at him, no red flushed my face because I was sure of this now, no room for second thoughts. His eyes were amorous and full of lust and it only made the humming ring louder. "I love you." He whispered as he brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "I have never stopped loving you."

I smiled and a tear ran down my cheek and he wiped it away. "I hope that's a happy tear?"

I laughed emotionally and sucked up my tears, "The happiest," I assured him.

He crushed me to him and pulled me into the door. We waited impatiently for the elevator door to open and once inside we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. When it dinged for floor seven the doors opened and we had to feel our way out the door and down the hall. His door came open with a mere push and shut quietly behind us on its own.

We fumbled to the hall and I tripped backwards over the throw rug; thankfully Edward caught me with a chuckle. His arms wrapped around me completely and he lifted me in the air, spun around and charged through his bedroom door.

He sat me softly on the floor, standing in front of him I peeled his wet t-shirt off over his head and he crashed his lips to mine once again. My hands trailed along his back, the muscles there causing me to go crazy with lust. I wanted Edward, all of Edward and I wanted it here and now. Like it would be sealing the deal, the one woman that Edward declined because he didn't want to seem like he was taking advantage of the situation. I read that in one of his journal entries.

He huffed and pushed me away, not roughly, "Are you sure you want to do this?" His tone was rushed and his eyes were heavy.

I reached down to the hem of my shirt and ripped it up over my head, reveling the satin blue push up underneath; a gift from Alice. His deep intake of breath, the air drawing in through his nose, the light trembled growl that came from his chest sent my mind thrashing. I saw nothing but him and he brought me back to him. Standing on the tips of my toes I reached for his welcoming lips, my arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Bella…are you…sure…this is…what you want?" he asked again when he had the moments breath to do it.

His lips left mine and trailed down the crease of my jaw and down my neck and settled on my collar bone. My breath was heavy and dyer, the need was apparent in my movements and the sounds that were imminent from within.

"I love you," I breathed as his lips hovered over mine. His head jolted back and his expression was nothing words could explain.

"Don't fuck with me Bella," his tone shocked me but the lust was still there. "Don't say it unless you mean it." He sounded pleading, like I had something he desperately desired.

I would give him anything and that included my heart, "I have never stopped loving you," I quoted him because it was exactly what I wanted to say. It was true and I've wanted to tell him that for so long, even when I was lying to myself.

He didn't smile but his eyes clenched tightly together before he kissed me, this time with fervor and desperation. He wanted me as much as I wanted him and I was far past ready to give in.

His arms that were wound tightly around my waist lifted me and my legs wrapped around him. I could feel him against me and it warmed me, all the way to the crease between my legs. He carried me to the bed, our lips smacking and teeth clattering against one another. We fell onto the bed, him resting over me, my legs still wrapped around his waist. He brought his knees onto the bed, pushing me further up to brace himself before he pulled his left hand out from under me and ran it up my thigh until he had my ass in his hand.

My hands that were now resting on his shoulders clenched and held onto the skin that erupted under them. My back arched wanting desperately to feel his skin against my own and he smiled against me. His lips left mine and trailed down the center of my chin and continued down to the small between my breasts. His hands were gingerly trailing my shoulders and his lips moved slightly under my bra.

I squirmed under him from the sensation of his breath on the tender skin. He kissed and licked at my skin and my sides, every so often causing me to twitch from the tickling sensation it caused. I pulled at his arm and he came up quickly, his lips finding mine with ease, even in the dark room.

My hands mechanically started with his buckle and I fumbled but got it in a last ditch effort. He had to help me with the button because I couldn't get it; my fingers were trembling from the anticipation.

I assisted him in removing the pants but the boxers remained. He sat up and tugged at my sweat pants, successfully taking them off he returned to me. "You're so fucking beautiful," he growled before his lips came to mine. His hips swayed between me and I lost my self control momentarily but caught it—I think—before he noticed. "God, do you have any idea what you do to me? How many times I have dreamt of doing this?" I knew exactly what he was talking about, I had the same dreams.

He looked at me serious for a moment, all movement ceased and I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from objecting.

His breathing was deep and loud, "I'm yours forever." I told him and pulled on his shoulders. He let me do it and I pulled myself up to his lips as hard and as firmly as I could. When my head dropped he looked smitten. "Yours," I half moaned; I was losing my sanity.

His crooked, sexy grin spread across his lips and I marveled in the fact that I get to see it every day. "Mine," he whispered.

"Ghost poop" is the Styrofoam pieces that UPS puts in boxes…that's what my parents always called it when I was growing up. I think it's funny haha.

This chapter was originally two but I couldn't make you sit through another separation so I didn't. I made them one and I hope you liked it. Bella finally broke free and knew what she wanted and needed was Edward. The title in a way fit so I used it but it was weird leaving it just Dear John so I had to put in the Bella part. Next update will be Saturday or Sunday...not sure which but you will get an update if you have it as a fav or you're here from TTS.

Thank you so much for your reviews they make me smile every time. I hope you continue to do so and leave me your feedback. Thank you to Scrimmy for beat'ing...you are awesome as always.

This is a short A/N as I really don't have much to say but I really hope you do.

Please leave me sum luv....lil' button just below

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