Life For Rent

Chapter 27 : Absence of Fear

Author's Notes :
- Spoilers for S1E21.
- Don't own Disneyland.
- Thank you again to all my wonderful reviewers. You all just brighten my day and make me smile like a loon.
- Absence of Fear belongs to Jewel.

"Hey," Callen said into the phone. He relaxed down onto the couch at headquarters and spoke quietly into the phone. While it was only the afternoon for him, it was close to midnight for Jared, who was currently in Paris, France.

"Hey, G," his partner answered tiredly. "How was work?"

"Long," Callen answered. "You sound exhausted. I thought you were just at some cooking conference thing."

"I am," Jared confirmed. "But there are so many things to learn in so little time."

"So you're learning lots there then?"

"Yeah." Jared yawned. "I've been having a terrible time with jet-lag lately. I've been here six days and I'm still exhausted by the time lunch rolls around."

"You're home in four days," Callen said. "Maybe your body figures there's not much sense in adjusting."

Jared laughed softly. "Maybe."

"Are you learning new recipes?"

"Oui," Jared answered. "Some I think you're really going to like. Brandon's having a blast, I'm glad I brought him along."

Callen nodded even though Jared couldn't see him. "Yeah, that kid needs to get out more." He paused. "And… you know… I think it's against the relationship code to keep something, such as the ability to speak French, a secret from your partner. You could have been whispering romantic things to me this whole time in another language."

"My French sucks, G. I know enough to get by, but that's about it. I took Spanish in college; way more useful for San Diego."

"Still," Callen insisted. "You couldn't have mumbled a mon chéri?"

"Next time," the younger man promised.

"How about tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"Exactly how tired are you?" Callen asked coyly.

"I'm not that…" Jared yawned. "Tired," he finished sheepishly.

Callen laughed. "Yeah, that was convincing."

"Sorry, G."

"We'll shelve the phone sex for another night."

"And for a time when you're not in the lobby of your place of work?"

"Huh." Callen looked around to see people walking everywhere. "Good point."

"Any big plans tonight?" Jared asked.

"More Pashto," Callen told him. "It's just going to be so exciting, I can't wait."

"You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"You can't see me, but I'm flipping you off right now."

The younger man laughed. "I believe it. Well, I'm going to say goodnight before I rudely fall asleep while talking to you."

"Goodnight, Jared."

"Night, G."

"Goodnight, Jared!" A voice said in a faux-high pitch.

Jared laughed again. "Was that Sam?"

Callen turned to see Sam grinning behind him with a bottle of water in hand. "Yeah."

"Tell him goodnight from me."

Callen rolled his eyes but said, "Jared says 'goodnight' back." He turned back into the phone. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Stay safe, G."

"I'll do my best." With that, Callen ended the call and turned to glare at Sam. "Do I intrude on your personal conversations?"

"How personal could it be, G? You're laying on the couch in the break room."

"Don't you have something better to do?"

Sam took a seat in a nearby chair. "Nope."

"Paperwork?"

"Finished."

"Practice time on the range?" Sam just stared. "Fine, fine," Callen sighed. "Whatever."

"How's he liking Paris?"

"He's been there before, you know."

Sam shrugged. "So?"

"He says he's learning new recipes and stuff," Callen told him. "I hope one of those involve steak."

Sam laughed. "Do the French eat steak? Isn't it all snails and whatnot? Duck?"

"How would I know?"

"You've been to France."

"So have you."

"… I can tell you this much," Sam said. "McDonald's tastes great in any country."

Callen laughed and was suddenly grateful to Sam for distracting him. Jared had been gone for six days and Callen wasn't sure when the other man had become so vital to him that six days seemed like an eternity. But Jared would be home in four days and when he got back they could have some fabulous reunion sex. (And Callen could talk Jared into making some of those awesome new recipes he'd learnt.)

"Wanna get some dinner tonight, G?" Sam asked. "Maybe get some burgers?"

"Sure. Should we invite the others?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "We'd better, or we'll never hear the end of it."

Callen chuckled. "I'll ask Eric and Nate, you get the women."

"Fine, but next time - you get the women."

Callen was wedged between Kensi and Sam when his phone started buzzing. He ignored it and laughed along with everyone else as the house of sugar packets that Nate had been building, fell down when Eric sneezed.

His phone buzzed again and he reached into his pocket. Jared's name flashed across the screen and some mental math told him that it was about five thirty in France, too early for Jared to be up. Callen accepted the call.

"Hey, what's up?"

"G?"

"Jared?" Callen asked, worried. Jared sounded… he sounded scared. "Is everything okay?"

All talking at their table stopped and Callen was aware that his team was watching him closely.

"I…" Jared swallowed audibly. "I kind of had a bad dream," he continued in a small voice. He sniffed once and Callen's chest ached. "I'm sorry," Jared mumbled into the phone. "I shouldn't have called."

"Wanna talk about it?" Callen asked gently.

Jared sniffed again. "You're… you're out somewhere. I can hear people in the background."

Callen shrugged even though Jared couldn't see him. "I'm just with the team. We're waiting for dinner to arrive."

"I'm being silly," Jared whispered. "It was just a dream."

"Was it about me?" Callen asked quietly.

"Yeah."

Callen gestured for Sam to move so he could get out of the booth. "Hold on a sec, Jare, okay?" He pushed Sam out and slid the couple of feet it took to get out. Callen headed for the exit and stepped outside into the cold night air. "You still there?"

"Yeah."

Jared was unusually quiet and Callen could picture his partner: huddled under the sheets, clutching the phone in the dark. "Jared."

"Yeah."

"Will you say something more than 'yeah'?"

"Yea-" Jared cut himself off and Callen couldn't help but laugh a little. "Sorry, G." There was a long pause of silence before Jared sighed and whispered, "I… you died in my dream, G. You died in my arms."

"How did I die?" Callen asked gently.

"Someone shot you," Jared answered tersely. "I could - it was so easy to see it."

Callen remembered all the times Jared had traced the scars on his body, all the times the younger man had kissed each one. Jared knew every place that Callen had ever been shot, it probably didn't take a lot more to picture him still bleeding from those wounds. "That's not going to happen," Callen said with surety.

Jared inhaled, "How do you know?"

"There's no way I would be dying from a GSW with you there," Callen said carefully. "If someone was that close to you with a gun - they'd be fucking dead, Jared. No one's getting that close to you with a gun in their hands - ever."

"I… G…" Jared's words shook and Callen wished he knew what to say to make this better. "Can I talk to Sam?"

Callen frowned, "You want to talk to Sam?"

"When we're finished talking."

Callen blinked. "Yeah, okay."

There was a short silence again before Jared said, "Four days is seeming like forever, G. I miss you."

Callen, who wasn't supposed to miss anyone, ever, who wasn't supposed to ever have anyone to miss, said, "Me too."

"Let's take a vacation, G."

"What? Now?"

"In the summer sometime," Jared said. "I don't care where."

Callen thought about it. He couldn't remember the last time he'd really had a vacation. Sure he'd gone to Disneyland a while back, but that was more of a staycation than anything else. But before he could answer, Jared started talking again.

"Never mind," Jared sighed. "What was I thinking? You have an important job, I get that, G. I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have suggested that. I'm so stupid sometimes, just ignore me."

"Jared -"

"Sorry, sorry," Jared apologized again. "I'm sorry. I'll just… I'll go, leave you to your dinner. Sorry I called, G."

"Wait!" Callen yelled, before Jared could hang up. "Didn't you want to talk to Sam?"

"No." Jared paused. "It's fine. I'm fine. I'm being such a girl right now, all over the place."

"Jared," Callen said firmly. He could hear Jared's steady breaths over the phone line. Callen's chest ached. He rubbed a hand over it but nothing helped. Nothing would help until Jared was there, in front of him. "I'm glad you called."

"…What?"

"I'm glad you called," Callen repeated. "I'm sorry that I can't help you more."

"In four days, G, you better not have a case," Jared warned. "Because when I get back, you're mine."

Callen grinned, "I'll see what I can do."

Jared cleared his throat. "Good."

"Bonsoir, Jared," Callen said softly.

"Goodnight, G."

Callen hung up and stood there for a second, letting the cold night air wash over him.

"Everything alright?"

Callen turned around to see Sam about four feet away, watching him closely. "Yeah."

"Everything cool with J?" Sam asked, walking closer.

"Jared? Yeah, he just needed to talk."

"When's he coming back?"

"Four days," Callen answered easily.

Sam slung an arm around his shoulders and led them back to the restaurant. "Longer days have never existed, G."

Callen laughed, "Don't I know it."

It was close to midnight when Jared's phone rang. He groaned and reached a hand out towards where he phone was. He hit it onto the bed and lazily pressed a button. "Hello?"

"Jared?"

Jared sat up quickly, heart beating fast. "Sam? Is everything alright? Did something happen to G? Is he okay? Are you okay? What happened?"

"We found Dom," Sam answered quietly.

"Oh! That's great!" Jared smiled. "Where was he? Is he okay?"

"We found him…" Sam repeated. "And then we lost him."

Jared quickly lost his smile, "What? Lost him? How?"

"He was killed," Sam told him. "We had him, I had him in my arms, and then…"

Jared turned on the light and slipped out of bed to the small desk by the window. He tapped his computer to wake it up. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I…" Jared felt tears prink his eyes. "Dom was a great guy, really great."

"He was in LA the whole time," Sam whispered roughly. "The whole fucking time."

"You couldn't have known," Jared said gently.

"We stopped looking. We stopped looking, but he never gave up. He had finally escaped when we showed up. He saved himself and we got him killed."

"Sam…"

"His funeral's in two days."

"I'll be there," Jared promised.

"Dom liked you, ya know?" Sam said. "He liked that you kept up with G. He liked that you were just a little bit nerdy like he was."

Jared felt his throat tighten and a tear slipped down his face. "I liked him, too. I wish I could have known him better."

"He was smart," Sam told him. "He always knew things, things that no one else really cared about, but he cared."

"He was that kind of person," Jared agreed.

"G's taking it pretty hard."

"I'm not sure there's another way to take it," Jared responded.

Sam let out a bitter laugh. "I think you're right."

Jared bit his lip. "Dom knew the risks, Sam."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "But he was so young."

"I… I don't know what to say," Jared admitted as another tear slid down his cheek. "I really hoped you guys would find him. That maybe he was just playing hooky, you know? Hiding out in Morocco or somewhere, sipping martinis, playing strip poker."

Sam laughed softly. "Yeah, me too."

"Maybe he is now, he seemed like the kind of person to believe in a better place."

"I don't know if he does, but I do."

Jared swallowed the lump in his throat. "My mom… my mom would say, 'bad day for us, great day for Dom'."

"She a believer?"

"She was," Jared answered. "She died."

"Oh, sorry."

"It was a long time ago."

"Your mom sounds like a smart lady."

"She was," Jared agreed.

There was a pause before, "I wish it hadn't gone down like this."

"So do I."

"Jared."

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

A new wave of tears fell, and Jared swallowed so his voice wouldn't shake. "I'm so sorry, Sam," he whispered.

"Me, too." Sam exhaled. "I'll see you in two days."

"I'll be the one in black."

Sam let out a breath that could have been a laugh. "I wish you had gotten to know him better, Dom really would have liked you."

"Will you be okay, Sam?"

"What does it say about me that I've been to so many funerals that I know I'll be okay?"

"It says that you're a man whose friends have served their country proudly."

"Thank you," Sam said again.

"No problem."

When Sam hung up, Jared started searing for flights home. He had three more days left at the conference, but Brandon could fill in for him, he was needed somewhere more.

Lindsey picked Jared up from the airport at five the next morning. With an eight hour flight, and an eight hour time difference, it was like he'd lost no time at all. Unfortunately the black circles under his eyes betrayed how tired he was. Lindsey took one look at him and handed him the coffee she had previously been drinking.

"Bless you," Jared said, taking a long sip.

"Bags?"

"Carousel 5," Jared told her.

"You look like shit," Lindsey said bluntly as they headed towards the baggage claim. Jared had flown into Burbank, and at this time in the morning there were hardly any people around. He'd flown into LAX once and decided never again.

"Thanks." He finished off her coffee and tossed it into a nearby garbage can.

"How's G?"

"I haven't talked to him since Sam called," Jared told her. "It's been pretty much me trying to get a flight back home, and then me being on the flight back home."

"You called me."

"I needed someone to pick me up from the airport."

"You could have called him," she pointed out. "Not that I'm complaining."

They stopped next to carousel 5 along with other people that Jared recognized from his flight. He turned to get a good look at his best friend. Even at five in the morning she was gorgeous and put together. Jared felt a wave of sorrow wash over him and he dropped his carry on and turned to Lindsey, pulling her into a tight hug. She returned it without question, and held on as equally tightly and then just waited.

There was something comfortable about Lindsey, about hugging her, knowing she wouldn't let go until he was ready. Jared felt tears come to his eyes again and hastily wiped them away.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I barely knew him."

She rubbed a soothing hand up and down his back. "Oh, Jared," she said sadly.

And Jared suddenly knew what it was. Selfishly, it wasn't about Dom, not entirely. It was about G. It was about the fact that G has the training and knowledge to protect himself, and presumably Dom had the same training, but it failed Dom and he died. He died doing a job that statistically G was just as likely to die from. He felt terrible that he was thinking about G when Dom was dead, but he just couldn't stop.

By the time Jared felt okay enough to pull out of Lindsey's arms, everyone else had left and Jared's two bags were circling the carousel with three other unclaimed bags. He hefted one up while Lindsey took the other.

"Let's get you home," she said gracefully.

"Home," Jared repeated. His home was more than likely laying on the sofa in Sam's living room. He nodded anyway, "Home, yeah."

And that was when he knew that he was in trouble. His apartment was no longer home, his home was now a person.

If Sam was annoyed at having Jared knock on his door at six thirty in the morning, he didn't say anything. He didn't even look annoyed, he just stepped aside to reveal G on a red couch with a blanket thrown over his body while he slept.

Jared was torn between waking G up and letting him sleep. Sam saved him the decision by shutting the door behind them and then locking it.

"I'll be up in a couple hours, I think," Sam said.

Jared nodded and waited until Sam had shuffled out of the room to approach the couch. G was pressed up against the back of it and there definitely wasn't enough room for what Jared was about to do. He toed off his shoes and pulled out his belt. He set his keys and his phone on the ground with his shoes and dropped his sweatshirt on top of it all. He lifted the blanket and slid onto the couch in front of G.

He knew that G was awake when G's arm when up and over Jared's waist, hugging him closer, and soft lips pressed a kiss to the nape of Jared's neck.

Neither of them said anything and eventually Jared fell asleep, not sure if G was still awake or not.

There was an United States flag over the coffin and dozens of flowers. All the other flowers were red, but Jared clutched a yellow one in his hand as he waited to set it down.

NCIS Christmas Party last December…

"There are so many flowers," Jared commented.

Dom looked around. "Christmas flowers or something, they're all so red."

"Don't like red flowers?"

Dom smiled, "I prefer yellow."

"To signify friendship?"

"Nah," he said with a shake of his head. "I just love the sun."

He carefully laid the yellow rose down on top of the sea of red. "To sun and friendship," he whispered.