21. Sweet November

BPOV

Edward driving was a very sexy Edward. Just imagine. Volvo C30, carbon fiber highlights and Edward in the front seat. His bronze hair glistening in the moon light and the sternness with which he handled the wheel. His moves were solid, well planned and prepared in advance. He judged every corner, everything in his view and beyond. I loved watching Edward drive, it was fascinating to me and made my blood boil.

He pulled onto this platform that over looked a deep valley. There wasn't any snow on the ground, this time of year doesn't call for it, so all you could make out was darkness.

"This used to be a lookout point where all the teenagers would bring their fucks. We used to call it fuck point," he chuckled to himself.

"How many girls did you bring up here?" I asked before I could fully think about it.

"You don't really want to know that…do you?" he looked at me.

"It isn't really about me wanting to know. I feel like I need to know. I should know, I'm having your baby Edward. We should know these things about one another."

He let out a breath of air and slapped his hands lightly on the steering wheel. "I think I might have brought three or four girls up here, I never really kept track."

I had to look away as what he said sunk in. Then I had a horrid thought, "Was any of those times in this car?" I was horror stricken; please let him say no.

"Oh hell no, I would never defile my car like that." Relief flooded through me. "Those girls were all one night stands Bella. I never had a real relationship, this is it."

"So what, you drove in their cars?"

"I really rather we don't go into specifics, I don't want to go through the details. I'm not proud of the way I acted then and I can't change it but I can try and forget it. I wish you would too; I'm nothing like that anymore." He didn't look at me and I can't be sure but it almost seemed like he was trying to convince himself of that.

"I believe you," I said under my breath. "I don't care about who you used to be Edward, I only care about who you are now and that I'm wherever you are." I moved my hand to his and he held it tightly when I brushed it over his.

We looked out at the view, black nothingness stretched out in front of us, for a while. We didn't say anything and continued to lace our fingers together and trace invisible designs in each other's hands. It was nice being in the silence, I appreciated Edward's ability to stay calm for so long. Not many people can accomplish it like he can.

After so long though I grew restless and I couldn't help but think about the other woman he had here, maybe even in this very spot we're sitting in. I thought about how he said he would never defile his car by having sex in it. I wanted to know if it was because he didn't care for them or if it was the act itself.

A few minutes went by that included me debating with myself until I decided to find out for myself. I released his hand and got onto my knees on the seat. He looked at me reluctantly and I lifted my leg to position it on the other side of him. Right away he knew what I was doing and adjusted his seat so there would be room.

"Well hello," he said when I was straddling him in the driver's seat. I tried to lean down to kiss him but my ass hit the horn on the steering wheel and scared us both. "Here, let me," he reached to the side of his seat and put it back as far as it would go, "Get you more room."

The moment his attention was back on me I started kissing his neck, just under his jaw line. He liked that, always shivered under me, like he just did. His hands were firm at my rear, gripping and pulling me down on top of him. I could feel him between my legs and it caused a moan to erupt within me.

Getting in the mood was not a problem when it came to Edward, just looking at him made my center burn with need. There was something else I needed to know, if by doing this would he be defiling his car, am I just another one of those girls.

He pulled my face up to his, our lips meeting and both of us letting out a breath of satisfaction. Nothing made me yearn for him more than his passionate kisses.

"What about your car?" I managed as his hands came up my thigh and gripped the hem of my pants.

He pulled on them to bring me closer, to press me into him, "Fuck the car."

That was the sexiest three words to come out of his mouth in that order. Not in context it wouldn't make sense but considering how much his car means to him and how little the women before me mattered; those words meant more to me than I love you. They meant sincerity, truth and reassurance.

"So I'm not just another girl you bring to fuck point," I asked awkwardly.

"Hell no, you aren't even in the same category, this just happens to be the place we ended up." He stopped all movement and looked into my eyes attentively. "I love you Bella, I never loved anyone but you. You are a category all your own."

His words and his presence took me over and I made love to Edward in the front seat of his car. There's one of many first's I get to share with him.

EPOV

My intention was not to take Bella to Fuck Point but to take Bella to a beautiful view. The view is magnificent. I also intended on breaking in my car for the first time. I have never broken it in that way because I didn't want a constant reminder of the lonely life I was leading.

When she asked me about the car all I could think was I could care less about the fucking car when it comes to my beautiful Bella straddling me. Rubbing against me in all the right place. "Fuck the car," I told her because it was true.

The moonlight did great things to Bella's body, shinning down on places that would only make me want her more. The pleasurable noises that escaped her lips were mind-blowing. She was really trying my perseverance. I could only fight it off for so long with her being the driver, the only position that would be comfortable in the front seat.

I think it meant more to her than me that we shared this moment in my car. If it helped her to realize that I really do love her and that she means more to me than all the girls in my past combined. Well, then I would do it all over my car and many times over. I will do anything to gain her trust and keep her loving me.

We lay together on my front seat completely naked and I loved the feel of her against me. Her fingers were tracing invisible lines on my chest and what came out of her mouth next I hadn't anticipated.

"Will you tell me about this tattoo?" she asked as she continued to trace the lines. I hadn't noticed that's where she was tracing and I looked down at it then to her. She was waiting for the answer that I didn't really want to give her. She deserved to know, and now it stood for something completely different.

"It was after the ballet gig I did in LA, the one for Rose. I felt your presence and it was beginning to drive me crazy. I wanted to know where it was coming from but every time I tried I couldn't find anything. I decided not to check that time because it was going to be fruitless anyways. I went to a tattoo parlor and the woman tattooist helped me find something that was significant to me."

"What does it stand for though, I can't figure it out," she said watching her fingers trace over the first letter of her name.

I let out a deep breath and told her. I told her what she already knew…that I hated her then for leaving without a trace back to her. I told her the B obviously represented her, that the wings represented her flight, and that the flames represented me overcoming it and moving on. "I never did though. I thought it would help me to remember that I didn't need you to be happy. Shows how good that did." I pulled her closer against me and she leaned up onto her elbow.

"So what does it mean now?" she was looking into my eyes intently waiting for my answer.

"Well," I said leaning up on both of my elbows. "The B is still for you, the wings represent guidance and protection and the fire…" I paused there because I'd thought a lot about the representation of the flames. It could stand for the passion I have for Bella, the transformation she had brought within me; the transformation for the better.

"What about the flames?" she pushed when I didn't answer her.

"The flames hold the most significance. They represent the light you brought into my life, the fire I thought was put out diminished. You showed me it was still there smoldering underneath, I just needed a fire starter and that's where you come in." I smiled and kissed her quickly, then let my back rest against the seat once again.

Bella leaned down and kissed my chest where the tattoo rested forever. "I'm sorry you put yourself through the pain for me."

"Don't be, it's my favorite part about myself. I carry you with me wherever I go, what more could I ask for."

The next morning was the day before Thanksgiving. We were going into town and down to the Navy Pier. Little Ethan was staying with the grandparents and Rose was freaking out about it.

"I don't know if this is a good idea, I mean he's barely three months old," she shook her head and reached for him but Renee leaned away from her. "It's too soon," she pleaded.

"Rosalie," Esme appeared over her shoulder, "You go out and have a good time, worry free. He will be here with all of us and he will be fine." She reassured her.

"Ah, I don't want to," Rose nearly cried.

Emmett took her into his monstrous grasp and she looked up to him with a pout. "You need to, I need you to," he pulled her toward the door and she went.

I held Bella's hand as we walked to the car. I smiled remembering last night and squeezed her hand. She squeezed back and I saw the smile that mirrored my own. We all piled into Esme's SUV and headed out. Rose didn't take her eyes off the house until it was out of sight.

"This is wrong," she snorted. "He needs me."

"Rosie, he will be fine. Let him be a man," Emmett boomed. "I don't want a pussy for a son."

"Excuse me Mr. Big and Bad, you better not be talking about my son like that," she smacked his arm and he cringed away.

"Hey, hey," he dodged her smacks and she continued to try and hit him.

I was all for witnessing Emmett getting his ass beat by his wife but I didn't want to put Bella's life, or anyone in the car's for that matter, in danger. "Please let him drive," I interrupted, "There are two pregnant women back here."

"Fine," she crossed her arms and looked out the passenger side window in annoyance. They continued to bicker all the way to the pier. They even continued to argue while we walked down the dock. Jasper and Alice were lost in each other, as they always seemed to be so I took Bella aside and had my go at winning her a giant teddy bear.

I didn't win the bear but I did win a blown up baseball bat. I handed it to her and she turned right around and wacked me over the head with it.

"What the hell Swan, cheap shot," I accused. She smiled deceivingly and raised her hand to hit me with it again. I grabbed her wrist and spun her around, holding her in place—her back against me. "I got you now." She wiggled and wormed in my arms in an ill attempt to escape. This, she wasn't going to win; not like the track.

"This isn't fair," she cooed half laughed. "You over power me by like…a lot."

"That's what you get for taking a cheap shot. It's just like the track, no cheap stuff right," I told her. She went limp in my arms and I didn't make any motion of letting go. We stood there just watching the life around us. There were a shit ton of people out here tonight, obviously due to the holiday.

Eventually I took her over to the ledge of the dock and we watched the waves roll in from the open sea. It was relaxing and Bella seemed to be enjoying it immensely which only made the moment the best part of the day.

Thanksgiving passed with laughs and hugs and smiles. I don't know if I have ever seen us all happy at the same time. Charlie was warming up to me, Renee as well and they were fitting into our family perfectly. Esme and Carlisle were excited to have us all together and I was thrilled to have everything out in the open. I didn't like keeping things from our nominal parents; they have been nothing but good to us. They deserved to know what was going on in our lives. They did help us get to this point by being great parents and sending us all to college. If it weren't for that Emmett and Jasper may have never met Rose and Alice and Bella and I would have never been reunited. My throat swelled when that thought crossed my mind. She would be pregnant by some other ass hole and I would still be sleeping with random woman just to keep myself sane. That would be a miserable life and I had to thank Carlisle and Esme for sending us to San Diego before we left.

I found Carlisle in his study and I took the moment to do just that. "Hey," I knocked before I entered and he waved his hand behind him for me to enter. "You got a minute?"

"Yeah, give me just a second and you'll have my undivided attention." He had his reading glasses on, resting on the bridge of his nose and he was balls deep in a large book. After a minute or so passed he looked up and shut the book with a thump. "What can I do for you Edward?"

While he pulled his glasses off I sat down in the chair opposite his desk. "I wanted to say thanks for…well everything. You've been really supportive and I feel like I haven't thanked you enough." I suppressed a nervous chuckle and ran my hand through my hair.

"You don't have to thank us Edward, we knew the responsibility we were taking on when we brought you here those years ago. They were great years weren't they?" he looked to be remembering the time. I remembered it all too well, but I suppose I remembered the parts that weren't that great.

"What about your car?" Lauren asked with a seductive smile on her face, showing her perfect white, now braces free, teeth. Her finger ran down my lips and traced down my chest. Her finger popped at my waist line and she cocked her head.

"Oh fuck no. I don't do that shit in my car. We'll have to take yours or make do with the outside." I just got my Volvo, I wasn't about to put stains in the interior so soon. Her lips pierced but we both knew we would be taking her car.

I had just gotten Lauren's pants off and was getting the condom out of my wallet when headlights flashed through the back window and the gravel right outside crunched when the car came to a standstill. Lauren struggled to get her pants back on but before she could the door opened and there was a flash light sweeping through all the windows.

"Chicago PD," a deep voice carried through the crack in the passenger side window. "Show me your hands," the same voice ordered.

I couldn't make him out because the light was shinning straight in my face, blinding me momentarily. When he put it to the side and the white blotch in front of my eyes dissipated, I could see it was Ranger Jerry, whom I have quite the history with.

"Cullen?" He peeked in the window, coming close to make out who was beyond it, me and Lauren. "Who's the lucky lady this time 'round?" He asked with a smug smile.

"Lauren," Lauren called from behind me, "Lauren Mallory."

"Well, Lauren Mallory, we can give your parents a call first," he knocked his light against the glass, gesturing for us to unlock it and open the door. Jerry called Lauren's parents and then mine. Lauren was to drive straight home and make no stops. Jerry was taking me home, what a nice fucking guy.

"You're such a cock blocker," I muttered from behind the bullet proof glass that divided us.

"You're such a punk-wannabe," he replied with confidence. "When are you going to grow up Cullen? You break those girls' hearts, do you even care?"

I put my nose up and looked out the window, my hands cuffed behind my back, snuggly placed in the groove behind my back intended only for that purpose. We pulled up to my house and all the lights were off except the light in Carlisle's study.

Carlisle did not scold me on this occasion; instead he showed me pictures of him and Esme when they were in high school and then more of them in college. They were happy, always smiling. This was the time he told me about how they met and how they grew to love each other after only one meeting. They have been together ever since. I wasn't sure at the time why he told me that. The only thing I could think of at the time was to punish me. He knew about Bella, he knew how fucked I was after I knew she was gone from my life forever.

****************

Looking back now, I know exactly why he told me that story. I was headed toward a lonely life and Carlisle was trying to steer me away from it. Ever since Carlisle and Esme adopted me they both have done nothing but try to steer me in the right direction. They never judged me, never told me I would never amount to anything like so many others did. They believed in me and now, for the first time in a long time, I believe in myself.

"Let me show you something Edward," Carlisle reached into a drawer and pulled out something wrapped in cloth. "I have had this for over 15 years." He laid it out on his desk and unraveled it revealing what was inside.

"What is it?" I asked scooting the chair closer to the desk so I could get a good look at it.

"This," he held it up to the light, "Is a shell Esme picked up on the beach the night we met. She held onto it while we walked down the beach and talked, twirling it around her fingers in a nervous habit. When we got back to our group of people she dropped it and ran to her friend who was waving her arms asking where she'd been. I picked it up and put it in the pocket of my swimming trunks. I wanted a reminder of that day because it was the best day of my life."

I locked eyes with him for a moment, all his honesty was there. Carlisle never hid anything. "Pay attention to the little things, the things that other people don't notice. Keep the things that are worth nothing but at the same time are priceless," he held the shell up between us, "Like this shell. To someone else, it is one of a million…to me it is the only one of its kind." He sat it back on the napkin, wrapped it up and placed it back in his desk.

BPOV

Being home was so relieving. No more confessions, no eyes watching our every move. Home is definitely where the heart is. We got a routine down, every morning I made breakfast for us, even though Edward didn't have a job, yet, he still got up with me. I went to work and Edward looked for work. When I got off work, Edward stopped his search and was usually home before me or very shortly after. Edward would make us sandwiches, because that was all I would allow, and we would sit on the couch, me laying in his lap, or my feet in his lap while he rubbed them. Edward is definitely a good man and will be such a great father.

We heard the baby's heart beat at three and a half months, which was right after we got back from Chicago. Christmas was fun for the first time in a long time. Ethan was the highlight of Christmas for everyone. Emmett demonstrated how to tear the wrapping paper off the presents only once and Ethan had it down to an art, like he'd been doing right out of the womb.

During our 14 week appointment our doctor mentioned midwives. I never considered it until she explained it thoroughly to us. A midwife is someone who helps you stay healthy, is trained in emergencies and trained to know when a situation is bad enough that you need medical attention. A midwife helps you during your pregnancy to lift off some of the stress and pressure. A midwife is someone who can help care for baby and mother after the birth and help you cope with postpartum depression. A midwife is definitely someone I wanted around because our baby has to be healthy. Our baby, she, as Edward predetermined, deserves the best start to life.

Our doctor recommended a few and we met up with the first one, Kate. She was wonderful, happy and talkative. That was the only thing that steered me away from her. Too talkative.

Then we met with the next and she was just our type. She was beautiful, that wasn't hard to miss, but she was smart and experienced. She didn't talk too much and she had a sense of humor. Even the first thing she said to us had me chuckling.

"Hi, the hospital says good things about you," I told her which I was sure she already knew.

"Oh, I tell them to say that," she giggled, "I don't know why they listen to me," she joked. Edward and I laughed and decided we liked her. She seemed easy to be around and very professional but not uptight. I wanted someone I could relate to, or at least be comfortable around, and Tanya was definitely it.

Oh snap....there's a twist I don't know if anyone saw coming. Next chapter or so covers the pregnancy and then we will be off to other things. I will say this is first bad then there will be good and then bad and then good again. Haha, I'm sorry but that's all I can give you at this moment in time. I've already jumped ahead and written the last chapter...I didn't mean to but it sort of came out. I had an idea for a one shot and then it just ended up being the last installment of this story. Worked out great I think. I will have to do some tweeking to make it what I had planned out but it will definitely work. Saves me some time on writing it.

So I bought my first Twilight related merchandise today. I bought an Edward shirt with just his face on it and it says New Moon and I bought a shirt that says I kissed a vampire and I liked it. I also bought an Edward key chain that also came with a Cullen crest key chain...all from Walmart, cant beat their prices. I'm going to wear my Edward shirt to the New Moon release party on Friday night. I have to see the seven minutes of Eclipse...I cannot wait until June ahhh..

I know I was late on updating but I studied my heart out for my Economics final all day. Now, 5:15 in the morning I am posting for all you lovely readers. Thank you for sticking around and following me on this crazy journey. Luck for us the updates didn't really stop and Friday is last day of classes. I can't wait to get back to the writing board haha.

Thank you to Scrimmy, my brown leprechaun....I will be sending you a chapter soon I really hope so. Thank you to my readers who have given me over 500 reviews, you guys make me smile like you wouldn't believe. I have never really been good at anything so I am thrilled that you are liking what I'm writing...Kisses to you all!!! (from Edward if you prefer) (Or Jacob if that's your thing lol jk I love Jake)

Please leave me sum luv....lil' button just below

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