29. Love and Other Drugs

EPOV

The very first memories of life I have are of my birth parents. Not memories of them laughing or memories of us sitting at the dinner table eating: No! These memories are much different than that.

My mother crying; crying in fear.

My father yelling, hitting and pushing.

My father rarely touched me; he saved all of that for my mother. Until she lay dead in the ground from his hand, I did what I could to protect her, though I was little and weak, I couldn't do much.

My parents, the people who showed me that life doesn't have to be like that and we have choices; are Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle worked hard for his family to have the things that most others only dream of. Not to mention the incredible connection they formed between all of us.

My goal is to be just like Carlisle, to make my family happy in every way possible. To provide for them like my birth father did not. I don't ever want to see Bella cry over anything. Work is the key, and being the absolute best that I can be. So I spend most of my time promoting, interviewing, signing, and taking pictures.

Fans, fans, advertising, promoting, promoting, fans.

My days are on repeat, like I'm doing the same thing over and over again. There are no days of the week, no months, but yet, the years, they go by like the tick of a clock. Every year that passes brings more success, but with more success only brings less happiness. I can feel the love that I have for my Bella strong as ever, but I must resist it. To give in to temptations during this time will only bring failure.

So I keep my distance, try not to make eye contact and hope that she will hang on to the connection between us. I could tell her, but she wouldn't understand, probably wouldn't approve and tell me that she would rather live in a box with nothing. I know better, I've been there and I will not let my family suffer the way that I have. I give them only the best, both Bella and Emilee have things others would consider unreachable. That's the way it is and that's the way it will always be.

An old friend of mine, Nick, has become a close friend to Bella. He has been keeping her occupied while I am busy making our lives what it should be. Alice and Rose are still around, but I know as much as the next person that women need male companionship. I hate to admit that I can't be that for her right now. I want to, God knows I do, but I have to keep my eye on the prize, and that prize is the rest of our lives. So Nick has been at our home more than I have. I know this because when I do get to go home, he is there, helping my little girl with her homework, or helping Bella clean up the dishes. Jealousy rages through me when I see him in my position, where I should and want so desperately to be, but I fight it back because this is something I wanted to happen. I need this, to keep all of my attention on our future.

So today, on my way home from uptown, I knew he would be there. When I pulled up to the house, there was the familiar car, the only one that didn't belong. I turned the key and sat my hands in my lap, unsure of what to expect when I entered the house. I have been waiting for the worst to happen; for Bella to give in to her needs and fulfill them with the wrong man. I wouldn't blame her because I am the only one to be held responsible.

I took a deep breath, put my blue tooth in my ear and made a phone call to someone I knew would want to have a long conversation.

"Well hello," Emmett said from the other end of the phone, "You're the last person I expected to get a phone call from. How long has it been?" Bella isn't the only person who's feeling the backlash of my priorities. My entire family has been getting after me about spending all of my time at work.

"Hello to you too big brother. Is it not okay for me to call you every once in a while?" I knew what his answer would be, and I also knew that he would be right.

"No it's not, you should call more often than that." I entered the house then, and prepared myself for what was to come. It's become something I expect, something that helps me to remember what I'm working so hard for.

"What has gotten into you bro, you have a beautiful wife and an adorable brilliant daughter..." Emmett was talking in my ear but I couldn't hear a word of it. I didn't care in the moment. Bella's presence was taking me over, overwhelming me to pure unconsciousness: Almost. I have mastered this, I can push the feeling away, not that I really want to, but it's what I need to do.

Nick was sitting at the table with my Bella and Emilee, eating dinner with them like I should be. The feeling of being alone and losing the only two things that motivate me in life, swept over me. I couldn't let them see it.

"Hey," Bella's angelic voice broke, "How was your..." I had to cut her off. Everything about her was screaming insecurities and it killed me a little bit at a time. I wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her senseless. Let her know how very much I love her and will love her until my heart stops beating. I wanted her with me always, but I knew that was not something I could do right now. If I gave into my obsession there would be no tomorrow, there would be no next week. There would only be the here and now, and only us.

"Yeah, I'm confident you'll give me a run for my money." I dropped my suitcase on the bar stool and grabbed a freshly chopped carrot from the cutting board, trying with every part of me not to look Bella in the eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about Edward? Have you completely lost your damned mind?" Emmett questioned me on the other end; I ignored him.

"No, you've grown since we played together last. If I didn't know any better I might think you were trying to one up me." I had to say something to make it look like I was still working. Which I would still be working once I got into my office, my sanctuary.

"Bro? You have got to be kidding me? Why do you do this to yourself and your family, I don't get it." He waited for the answer that I didn't have. I know why I am being the way I am, because I want my family to be taken care of. I don't want there to be anything that isn't within our reach, but that reason doesn't seem like such a good one anymore.

"I don't know anymore," was the last thing I said before I pushed the little button to end the call. I shut the door behind me, shut the door on the connection between us that now only lingered in the weak muscles of my body. It is always so hard to resist her influence over me, sometimes I don't think I will overcome it, but every time, I do. That is how I know, deep down, that what I am doing is right, and will be right in the end.

I sat at my desk, staring blankly at the computer screen in front of me. There were definitely things I needed to do. People I needed to contact and interviews I needed to set up, but I couldn't find the motivation to do it. It happens like this every night. I sit staring at the computer screen, but thinking about Bella. How soft her skin is, how enticing her eyes are, how lushes her lips look, and I know very well that all of those things are true to their core. So much time goes by before I get a grip on myself and really see the screen.

I directed to my email and just after opening the first of many emails received, I heard Bella calling.

"Edward."

Her voice shot a dagger through me as I gulped and pushed myself away from the desk. I pulled my blue tooth out—because this is one thing I can make time for if nothing else—and made my way down the hall.

This time every night I leave work in the study and say goodnight to my little girl. The brown eyed, bronze haired, beauty would never know the extent of my love and devotion. I feel sorry for the first little prick to try and court her.
I had to make it short because being in Bella's presence for any amount of time nearly kills me. I want to stop, take a breath and take her in my arms. I want to sweep her off her feet and kiss her in every inappropriate place that I know she likes. But I have a plan, I have a set goal and I need to obtain it before I can let myself fall back into the ridiculous obsession I have of my Bella. It consumes me and takes all of my attention. I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I gave into it.

So I continue to pour myself into my work, not letting anything interrupt my concentration. I don't talk to friends, family, or any of the like. The only people I associated myself with are fans and business associates.

Before long I was becoming known without having to promote myself. People were buying my compositions like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow. I felt like the time to be with my family and friends was nearing and things were looking up. Of course, things had to get more complicated.

I was in a meeting with the production company, discussing what more we could do to keep the public's attention. I suggested that we add some vocals that aren't my own to the numbers. It might give more meaning to the music. What I didn't know was that they already had thought of that and had someone in mind.

They turned our attention to the projector and I was a little confused to see a YouTube video on the screen. A young woman by the stage name of "Tantalizing Torture" was belting out lyrics at the highest tone I think my ears could live through. Her bright cherry red hair was all over the place, her electric guitar held tightly in her hands. She was beautiful, no doubt about that, but her voice wasn't something I felt would be in harmony with the compositions I produce.

I let them know how I felt and they proceeded to another music video. This one was by the same woman, the "Tantalizing Torture" but the melody was slow. She was sitting on the beach, her toes in the sand and her voice magical. It was low, strained, and hurt. This Tantalizing Torture had a gift, one that was going to bring us both to the top of our game.

We were set to meet with her later that week and I was definitely excited about it. Not in the way most of the others were, they just wanted to see her in person, but I was excited to get back to my Bella; back to my Emilee.

Another thing changed while I had been so busy with work. I expected and hoped that Bella would keep trying to catch my attention. I didn't give in often but there were times when I failed to resist her temptation. I let my love and obsession free, I let it overwhelm me and take control for a moments time. It never lasted long, the celibacy I was going through to not distract myself was having its toll. Especially when she dressed in sexy outfits to try and get my attention. I had to work hard to resist looking because if I did she would reel me in. It wasn't a hard thing for her to do.

Bella stopped trying.

I wanted to tell her not to, to keep trying and to hold on. But how could I say that to her when I can see the pain in her eyes. My only option was to make it up to her when it was over. Explain to her my reasoning for keeping her at arm's length; it has all been for us. Every day I faux pray that she will not give up on me, that she can hold on until things get better. Things will get better.

The day to meet with the Tantalizing Torture had come and my business partners and I waited patiently at the diner. We talked about possibilities and the coming months. It was brought to my attention that if this Tantalizing Torture agrees to work with us, we would be making a trip to Pennsylvania very soon. That is where we do all of our recording.

We were all bantering when she walked in and only Blake, my manager, noticed her.

"Hello there," he reached out to take her hand. "You must be Tantalizing Torture?" he sounded so unsure of what to call her.

"You can call me Tanya." Her voice was not what I expected, not after hearing her music. It was definitely tortured. Her presence was an eerie one, like she might have a bomb strapped to her waist, ready to kill everyone in the building and maybe the building next to us too.

She sat down next to me and her eyes traced from my waist up. When our eyes finally met, she smiled, a sinister smile, "You must be Edward. I've heard so much about you."

I smiled back.

I watched as my associates bantered and pressed her for information. They asked her about her home life, if she had any kids or if she was married. The answer to those questions were all no. They asked her if she was willing to relocate or at least travel, a lot. Her answer to that was yes. We didn't have much time to talk, which was fine with me. I only wanted to hear her sing and then my goal will become a reality. The last thing I needed to do was so close to being complete. I could feel it in my bones, all the way to my core. Life was going to be good again, Bella was going to be mine again.

I was notified a week before we would be leaving for Pennsylvania, that we were leaving the day before mine and Bella's anniversary. We wouldn't return until the day after. I tried to voice my opinion about it and tell them that it wasn't good for me, but they said it was the only time Tanya could do it. I had a very hard decision to make and I decided that it would be up to Bella's reaction. If she didn't care than I wouldn't either. If she did care then I would make other arrangements to complete my goal.

I didn't tell her until the day I was leaving, why I waited, I can't say. Bella seemed to not mind that I was going. She didn't say anything about our anniversary, so I didn't either. Maybe she forgot, maybe things between us are a lot worse than I imagined. I decided in that moment that I would go, I would get this done and be done with the whole thing. My compositions would still be around even if I wasn't. It hurt to think that Bella had forgotten. I wouldn't blame her though, if she had. I haven't been around to remind her.

At that thought I couldn't help what my body did next. I pulled her to me, crushed her to my frame and kissed her forehead with as much love as I could pour into it. My body shivered with the electric hum that always comes with touching her, or being physically close to her. If I wasn't mistaken, I felt her shiver with me. I closed my eyes and held her tight before I released her and walked out the door. I didn't look back to see her expression, to see if my leaving was hurting her, because I knew that it was.

The flight was long, lonely, and tiresome. All I wanted to do was get to my hotel and go to bed. If I would have known the nightmare that was waiting for me when I did close my eyes, I would have opted for energy drinks and coffee all night. There hasn't been nightmares in a long time. I thought, and hoped, they were gone forever. This nightmare was different from the ones I used to have. Bella and I in our youth, at the orphanage where we first met. Us sitting on the bench that provided solace to us both in the park you could see outside our window. Me leaving with my adoptive parents and the look on Bella's face right before she fell out of my sight.

This nightmare was of the present. Bella and I not talking, Bella laughing with Nick. Her laugh ceasing when I enter the room. Emilee getting help from Nick with her spelling words and giving him a hug when she understood what he had explained. Bella preparing dinner, setting three plates on the table, the third one not for me. A fourth plate put in the microwave with my name on it. Bella walking back and forth in front of the door to my study, trying to catch my eye. Me not looking up so that she wouldn't succeed.

The next morning was torture. I tossed and turned all night while living in the nightmare I wished wasn't as true as it was. I got a cup of coffee from the lobby in the hotel and waited for my manager to call. It didn't take long, and a car pulled up to take me to the recording studio. I

wasn't prepared to see the person inside.

"Good morning."

"Shit," I tripped on the door frame from the surprise of her voice. In doing so, I spilt some of my coffee on her shirt.

"I'm so sorry, you startled me," I apologized. I found a box full of tissue and handed it to her. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Don't worry about it. Shit happens," she shrugged. She sat the tissue next to her on the seat and reached her arms up over her head. As soon as my brain comprehended what she was doing, I turned to look outside. "What a gentlemen," she half laughed, "But I don't mind. I don't have anything to hide and I'm sure I don't have anything you haven't already seen before." She laughed hearty this time.

"Yes, but I do have my manners," I replied keeping my eyes on a family getting into their car.

"This isn't coming out," I heard her, "is there another shirt in this car?" She asked the driver.

"No ma'am, but we can stop somewhere for you to get another."

"No need," I replied. I just wanted to get this day over with so I could go back to Bella tomorrow. "Take mine. I'll get another when we get to the studio." I reached up and pulled my shirt over my head. I held it out behind me, careful not to look, and she grabbed it.

"Why thank you Edward," I could hear the grief in her tone.

"Are you decent?" I asked after a minute of silence.

"Yes, you can look," she said and I could practically hear her crossing her arms in disappointment.

I turned around, grateful to see that she was, in fact, decent. Not too long after, the driver pulled over and we were at the studio. I let out a breath of relief. I exited the car and held the door open for Tanya. I was relieved when I got another shirt and went straight to work. I didn't want to sit around making small talk with anyone. I didn't want to procrastinate so much that we would have to stay another day to get this done. I wanted it over with today, so I could go home tomorrow and be with my family.

Eight o'clock came around and we were taking 5 while the producer played around with Tanya's voice. They didn't need me for this so I went outside for some fresh air. I decided to send Bella a text and see how her day was. I assumed, that is if she remembered, it wasn't a good one.

It seems to be going good here, how are things? Sorry I didn't call, it's been busy.-E

Waiting for her reply was near torture. I wanted to know if she remembered but I didn't want to come right out and ask. I didn't know what my explanation would be if she asked me.

That's great Edward, things are fucking splendid here.-B

That message told me everything I needed to know and more. Bella remembered and she thinks I forgot. It's probably better that she think that, then know the real reason. I didn't want to tell her that this was more important to me than our anniversary. If I thought she would understand then I would have told her. I know her better than that and know that she would have made every point that our anniversary is more important.

Did something happen? Is Emilee okay?-E

I had to lead her into thinking I did in fact forget, it's the only way I can see that might save our relationship.

Emilee is fine, but I cannot believe you forgot the importance of today….I don't know what's happened to you but I don't even want to see you until my Edward comes back!-B

"Edward," a voice called from behind me. "We're ready for you in here. Is everything okay?" Blake asked concerned.

I don't know what my expression was giving but I changed it quickly and replied. "Yeah, everything is fine. Let's get this wrapped man, I'm already ready to go home." I half laughed. I have never shown him this side of me. It's always been work, work, work.

"That's different," he smirked.

I didn't understand why but I let it go and entered the door before him.

Finally in my room, I thought about Bella and whether or not I should have told her that I do remember the importance of today; how could I forget. It's the happiest day of every year for me. I remember promising her on our wedding day that today would be a date that I never forget. What I said still stands true, to me, but to Bella, it's an empty promise that I didn't keep. Before I fell out I made an oath to myself that I would not let anything come before my family as soon as this project is done. After this, I'm done alienating my family.

I arrived home the next day and Bella and Emily were both gone. I put away my things and grabbed something to eat. There was mail on the table so I started sorting through it. A piece of paper was mixed in and it caught my attention. I flipped it over and unfolded it. In the center of the folded up piece of paper was a name; Bree Tanner. Next to that was a location, a phone number, and a date. Today's date. I've never heard of this Bree Tanner before and something about it made me curious.

I headed to my study and opened my laptop. I typed Bree Tanner into the Google search engine to see what I could find about her. You can search anyone on the internet these days and find almost anything about them. Be careful though, not everything you read is fact.

I didn't expect what popped up.

Compassionate and Practical Counseling Offered By Bree Tanner

Bree offers warmth, compassion, skill, and over ten years of dedicated experience. She employs a holistic approach utilizing a variety of techniques to facilitate rapid growth and change. In a supportive and nurturing way, she guides clients from feelings of fear, anger, depression, grief and anxiety into inner peace, joy, acceptance, forgiveness and empowerment. Bree teaches clients how to have more fulfilling relationships with themselves and others.

Overcome struggles, breathe new life into relationships, and transform fears into freedom. Learn to enjoy life fully!

I had no clue that Bella was seeing a counselor. I should have known though, all the heart ache I've been putting her through. She probably didn't tell me because she thinks I wouldn't approve. She's right about that, but if she really wanted to go I wouldn't argue about it. I want her to be happy and happy with her life. If counseling is what she needs to achieve that, then so be it. I would go with her if she needed me to. Whatever it takes to get our family back to the way it was.

I shut my laptop and folded the piece of paper back to the way it was before heading back downstairs to place it back into its spot where Bella had left it. Emilee was due home from school in an hour so Bella would be home at any time. I had some things to take care of so I decided to go before she arrived.

Bella never asked me about our anniversary and I never brought it up either. Jasper did though, he told me she called to see if I had anything planned. I ached inside at the thought of my Bella, sad and alone on our anniversary. My blood boiled when I thought about Nick being there with her and eating my anniversary dinner. I used to like Nick, back when we were all friends. I wouldn't call him my friend anymore because I am not blind.

I see the way he looks at her, the way he sits and stands so close to her. I can feel the tension in the room when I enter it and he is there. He wants my Bella and I am basically handing her over on a silver platter. I appreciate the companionship he has provided during my time away, but I will not stand by and let him take my family away from me.

The days that followed were rough, and I went into them knowing they would be. Bella was angry at me with not mentioning our anniversary, but I was, somehow, going to make it up to her. I arrived home around 6:30, shortly after Bella and Emilee would have eaten dinner. When I walked in the door, I was not surprised to see Nick sitting on the couch. Seeing him sitting so close to my Bella almost made me lose it. I rushed up the stairs, so many emotions coursing through my body that I couldn't be certain which one was the most dominant.

My office chair was calling my name, the laptop already roaring for me to open it. Both of which would relax my muscles and calm me before I did something drastic. I laid back in the chair, running my fingers through my now short hair. I missed the tousles that used to wrap around my fingers. More so, I missed feeling Bella's fingers wrapped up in my hair.

I yanked my hand down, the palm hitting the side of the table next to the laptop. I noticed a figure in the doorway, it was Emilee. The expression on my face had to be something horrifying because the look on hers was one I've never seen before.

"Daddy," she stuttered at the door, "look at my new book." Her little hands were cradling an almost larger than her book.

I didn't have the patience at the moment to be the daddy she needed me to be, the daddy I should be, so I told her to go wait outside and I would be out in a minute. I opened the laptop and typed in the password that has always been the same. I looked up just in time to see the sad look on Emilee's face before she turned and ran out of my sight.

I felt horrible, what have I become? Why do I continue to be this monster I never wanted to be? Why am I turning into him?

I saw myself slamming my fists on the keyboard, slamming away the intruder of my happiness. I wanted it all to go away, I wanted to return to normalcy, to Bella and Emilee. What I really did was turn my attention to the illuminated screen in front of me, the emails from newspapers, from magazines, and from my producer. I wanted to delete them all and send no reply. I wanted to abandon everything I've worked so hard to achieve so I could break down the wall that has been built up between me and my family.

One of the emails caught my eye, it was from one of the local radio stations, confirming an interview. That interview was in 30 minutes. I shut the laptop and grabbed my blue tooth off the desk. I rushed out the door, knowing very well that I told Emilee I would see her outside, and continued down the stairs passed her and Bella.

"I have to run back to work, but I won't be long. I should be back in time to say goodnight." I saw the look on both their faces, how could I not, but I acted as if I didn't and left the house.

I made my way to the radio station downtown, thinking of what I was going to say to the questions they were bound to ask. What if they asked me about my new mystery partner…would I tell them about Tanya? Should I tell them about her? I know there has been rumors, but are they aware of them? I had prepared, prepared for anything. Though, I was not at all prepared for who was waiting for me when I arrived.

"Hey Eddie, looks like we're doing this thing together," her sinister smile sent shivers through out my body. "Blake said it would be a good way to introduce me to the fans."

"Great," I said sarcastically, but my sarcasm went right over her head.

Tanya followed me to the elevator and talked the whole way up to the 11th floor. She talked about how well Blake has been treating her, and how the rest of our team just adores her. She never stopped talking about herself, and I had already had enough of her by the time the elevator doors opened. I exited quickly and Tanya tried to keep up but her mile high shoes prevented her from succeeding.

We were greeted by a woman who escorted us to the room where we would be meeting the radio voices. There were three people present, not including Tanya and I. They were in the middle of broadcasting when we entered and they all greeted us during the next commercial break.

"Edward, it's great to meet you man. The names Garrett," a guy with glasses and a braided beard shook my hand. "And who might this be?" he asked of my new "partner".

"Oh, this would be Tanya," I paused and swallowed hard, "My singer." I could taste the bile in my throat as the words slipped out from my teeth.

The look on his face was astonished as he took in what I said. "Singer huh? This is breaking news," he replied, twisting his beard between his fingers.

"Yes, and we've already recorded one track," Tanya told him, smiling that same sinister smile.

"That's great," he half laughed, "this is going to be one great segment." He then started to situate his chair and the mic in front of him as the countdown started.

1…2…3….4

"Hey everyone, we're back and boy do we have a treat for you. With us we have the marvelous Edward Cullen," he motioned for me to greet the listeners.

"Hey ya," I said in a don't really want to be here in this moment tone.

"And with him, he brought a friend," Garrett continued. "Tanya Denali, aka, Tantalizing Torture."

"What's up Seattle," she smirked into the microphone and at me.

Garrett turned to face me in his seat, resting his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. "So what do you have up your sleeve Mr. Cullen? You haven't been one to have a partner?" He added with a turn in his chair to get agreement from the other members of his team, "Am I right?"

I fiddled with my hair for a moment, long enough for every pair of eyes in the room to look at me as if to say, say something. "Oh yeah," I leaned closer to the mic, "My manager and producers feel that we need more of an edge, "I said with an edgy kind of tone and put my fingers in the air. I left it at that, leaning back in my chair; it tilting back on two legs.

The most recent part of my life has revolved around my career, which is, as time goes by, seeming not as vital as I originally thought it would be. Every part of me was telling me that it was the most important thing; to financially provide for my family. I lost focus on emotionally providing for them in the process, and I lost sight of myself. I know this because of the way I just treated my little girl. If anything has stayed the same, it's been my attention to Emilee. I see now, that it isn't true anymore.

The rest of the interview went by in a blur. I had decided what was most important in my life and what I was going to do to fix it. Tanya did most of the talking, they were more interested in her than me, because she was new and different. She was good in the lime light, she would probably go far. But I didn't want to stick around long enough to find out.

When it was finally over I rushed out the door and Tanya quickly followed after me. She managed to make it to the elevator before it closed and I noticed she did so because she had taken off her shoes.

"Is there something on your mind?" she asked in a huff, struggling to put her shoes back on. "You seemed somewhere else during the show."

I laughed, because she had no idea how true her statement was. "Yes, I do," was my only reply.

The elevator seemed to be dropping in levels lethargically. Going up was a breeze, but going down was a wholly other thing. You would think the opposite would be true. Not in this case.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.

"No," I replied as the doors opened. I hurried out into the main area and headed straight for the swinging double doors. I could hear Tanya calling after me, but I didn't look back.

The limo driver was waiting with the door open when I flew out of the building. I gave him a quick look and darted down the sidewalk. I hailed a cab and just as one pulled over, Tanya appeared behind me.

"What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" she asked in disbelief. "The limo is right there."

"I know." I opened the door and turned to her. "You wouldn't understand if I told you." I got in and shut the door. "174th and Bell! There's an extra 50 in it for you if you make it quick."

With that being said the taxi driver took off, leaving Tanya dumbfounded in the rear window. I didn't care that she was confused, what I did care about was the fact that I wasn't confused any longer. My judgment was clouded by hunger; hunger for success. That cloud has finally thinned out and now I can see the truth. Bella and Emilee are what I need most in life, and they are what I am going to pursue from here on out.

The drive to the house seemed like it took forever, but I gave the man an extra 50 and made my way to the front door. Once I got there, I realized I didn't know what I was going to do once I got inside. Would I just grab Bella up in my arms and kiss her senseless, like I've wanted to do for some time now? Or would I be normal until I get what I need to get done, done? I decided on the latter.

Bella was picking up the kitchen when I walked in. She asked how work was and I acted nonchalantly, though every muscle in my body was being tugged toward her. Like, now that I knew I was going to indulge, I couldn't hold myself back. I asked her to start the microwave for me, knowing very well there would be a plate in it, ready for me. Bella started it, and I may have seen a look on her face that I haven't seen in a while. She looked pleased. I couldn't wrap my head around why, but it made me pleased at the same time.

She sat the warm plate down in front of me and I think I said thanks before I dug in. It was one of my favorite dishes, and I was ravenous. I don't remember eating at all today, which is probably why I ate the food within minutes. Or maybe it was because of what I was going to do once I was done.

I left the plate on the table because I couldn't wait to get upstairs. Once I reached my study, I sat in my chair, which wasn't as comfortable as I remember it being earlier that day, and opened my laptop. My fingers flew across the keys as I typed in the password, and continued to fly until I was at my Gmail. I clicked on Blake's email address, and started a message. I had to write it a few times because I wanted to make sure it said what I wanted it to put across. In the end, this is what I got.

Blake,

I've come to the realization that I have been an idiot. More than that, I have been a bad father and a terrible husband. I have put everything and everyone before my family. I swore I would never do that, and it's all I have been doing for the last four years. I can't do it anymore Blake. I know we have a contract, and I will honor that contract. But when it's over, I'm done. I will also not be working anymore once I get home. My phone will be off, and I'm going to throw my laptop in the bath tub (well, maybe not literally). You have been a great manager, and a great friend, and this has nothing to do with you or anyone else; it's all me. My life is suffering because of my career, and I would be nothing without my family. I hope you understand, and I hope you can work with me on working less than usual. I will work hard, with determination while I am working, but when I'm done for the day, I'm really done. No exceptions.

I hope this doesn't change anything, as in our friendship or our goals.

E. Cullen

Now that that was done, I was ready. I wanted to feel Bella in my arms, feel her skin against my own. I wanted to smell her magnificent scent and taste her to-die-for lips. I couldn't get down the stairs fast enough.

The kitchen was empty. I called for her, "Bella," and nothing. I checked the down stairs bathroom and it was empty. I ran back upstairs to our room, nothing. I checked our bathroom, and then Emilee's room. My heart dropped when that was empty, too. I ran back down the stairs and out the front door. The only car in the driveway was mine.

My heart started to pound, she wouldn't have left without saying something to me, especially taking Emilee out at this hour. Something was wrong, or something was going on.

I raced back in the house and found my phone next to my laptop. I dialed her cell…no answer. I pressed redial…again, no answer. I went to the kitchen and found the home phone. I dialed her number for the third time, and again, no answer. Was she ignoring me?

Then it dawned on me. I was too late. My revelation came to me, but I deciphered it too late. Bella had taken Emilee and left, she got fed up with the way I'd been treating her and disappeared. I couldn't blame her, I knew what I was doing was wrong the entire time, I just didn't know how to fix it.

I had to fix this.

There is still another chapter and an epilogue to come. I'm going to do my best to get them both done before school starts again, January 3rd. Thanks for reading and thanks for being patient with me while I took care of more important matters. Thanks you to Scrimmy for being my Beta, still, after all that time. you!

Please leave me your thoughts

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