Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Character: Addison&Derek Rating: PG
Status: Complete (Chapter 3 – I love you too much to walk away)
Disclaimer: The characters and the show belong to ABC, not to me. The title belongs to the Eminem; it's a line from "Love the way you lie".
Author's Note: Third and last chapter of the story "All I know is that the end's beginning". Maybe some of you wanted more chapters but I didn't want to ruin it with writing a lot of nonsense or useless things; I honestly wanted something intense and pleasant to read. So, this is a pretty long chapter and probably the longest one I've ever written but I just didn't want to divide this in two different chapters. It's perfect this way, if you ask me. Well, I do hope you guys liked the whole story!
-Chapter 3-
I love you too much to walk away.
Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd was a strong woman and even if her world was falling apart, she knew that she couldn't let the pain kill her . She needed to face it, to move on, to let go.
After a night spent completely drunk on the couch, Addison woke up. Her head was hurting, her hair was all messy and she looked like a skinny panda: her face pale, her mascara and eyeliner smudged. She put her wedding picture next to her wedding ring on the table, then she went upstairs to take a shower.
Addison took a quick warm shower and then moved to her bedroom to get dressed. She tried not to look at her bed; she couldn't sleep in it anymore. It was full of memories and the image of Derek finding her having sex with Mark was just too real and alive to let her sleep in that bed ever again.
She put on her favorite Donna Karan red dress and her favorite Manolo Blahnik black shoes. She wore make up, red lipstick on her lips, brushed her hair, two drops of Chanel n°5 on her neck, took her Burberry winter coat and her Chanel bag and she was ready to leave the house to go to see her lawyer.
When Derek left the house, he had to go back to the hotel he spent the previous night. He cuddled up in the bed and all he could think of were Addison's words about getting divorced. Her words hit him, they hurt him so much and he just couldn't deny it. He tossed and turned, trying to get asleep but he just couldn't.
In the middle of the night Derek decided his destination: Seattle. According to him, it was far enough from Addison and Mark; plus, he knew that there was a pretty good hospital in there. He was sure he would have been hired right away. A neurosurgery God can get a job everywhere, he thought before falling asleep.
He woke up few hours later. He took a shower, got dressed, paid the room and left the hotel. For good this time. Derek didn't want to go home to get his clothes so he went to the first boutique he could find and bought some new clothes. The shop assistant was a redhead and looking at her immediately made Derek think about Addison. This woman isn't as beautiful as Addison, he thought. He left her drunk last night, he didn't know how she was and he didn't even want to know. Derek was really trying to remove Addison from his mind. It was hard to delete eleven years of marriage but he was doing his best.
Addison's lawyer's office was just fifteen minutes away from her house and she got there in no time. As she jumped off the car, a little snowflake fell on her head. Then another one and another one. It was starting to snow. In other circumstances she would have loved snow.
She looked up in the sky and whispered, annoyed: "Seriously?"
Eleven years of marriage were about to be destroyed. You can't destroy the memories, she thought. There are other things you can destroy, though. Other things that will never happen. Kids, for example. Or growing old together. She shook her head, trying to send those thoughts away.
When her lawyer, Rebecca Johnson Parker, passed Addison the divorce papers, she couldn't help but cry a little. Sparkling tears streamed down her cheeks. Her hands were trembling.
"I… I'm sorry" she started "I guessed it would have been easier" Addison carefully wiped away the tears from her eyes. Luckily she was wearing waterproof mascara but she didn't want to ruin it anyway.
"It's never easy, Montgomery" her lawyer stated.
"You're not helping me, Parker" Addison hissed.
"Oh come on, you're gonna be fine!" Rebecca said, softer this time.
"It's easy for you to say" Addison continued, brushing aside a wisp of glossy red hair. "You're a divorce lawyer!"
Rebecca burst out laughing. "I do this for a living, Mongtomery."
"You… you have a perfect life, for God's sake! A husband who loves you so much and would never give up on you, two awesome little girls and your marriage couldn't be any stronger!"
"Whoa, Montgomery" Rebecca stood up and walked to Addison, hugging her. Addison tried to push her away but she also needed some comfort, so she hugged Rebecca back. "You're Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery. You're the most determined, strong, brilliant person I've ever met. I'm sure you'll get through this, no matter what. And if you need a shoulder to cry on, you know where I live." She whispered to Addison's right ear, then placed a little kiss on her cheek and let her go. "You should go now."
"I'm sorry, Parker… I shouldn't…"
"Don't." Rebecca smiled at her. "Just take your divorce papers and get your damn hot ass out of here!"
For the first time in two days, Addison smiled.
"Thank you" she said lovingly. She took the divorce papers, put them in her bag and left Rebecca's office.
Rebecca and Addison had known each other since they were newborns. They used to be neighbors and they attended all schools together. They were just like sisters. Their lives separated when Addison was admitted to Med School and Rebecca to Law School; they had never lost contact though and Rebecca was still one of Addison's closest friends.
Outside, the weather was chilly. It was snowing a lot more than before and all Addison wanted was to stop at Tipsy Parson and have a Hot Buttered Rum. She loved that cocktail and it was her favorite way to get warm. It was only twenty minutes from Rebecca's office, so she jumped in the car and started driving.
Derek left the boutique with his new clothes already on. He put the old ones in the car and jumped in it; the airport was his destination. He hadn't booked the ticket to Seattle yet but he couldn't care less; once in the airport, he would have bought the ticket for the first flight to Seattle. First class, preferably.
It was snowing. He loved snow. She loved snow. A young happy Shepherd couple popped up to his mind: it was Christmas Eve, it was snowing so much and they were outside in their garden, playing in the snow like kids. Her red hair was even brighter in the snow, his eyes glowing as he saw her dancing like a perfect ballerina in the snow. Derek closed his eyes, allowing himself to remember how happy they used to be just for one second, then he opened his eyes and started driving.
Addison's bag was still under the passenger' seat. Derek forgot to give it to his wife last night. He gave it a second look and then he remembered: he gave it to her as a present for her birthday two years ago. She wanted that Balenciaga bag so much and he bought it for her. Hot, passionate sex was her way to thank him. Her warm lips on his, her hands touching every centimeter of his skin…
You have to stop this, Derek. He ordered himself to stop thinking about her. You need to focus on the street, he thought. Derek couldn't drive fast due to snow but he couldn't wait to take that damn plane and leave for good, leaving his old life behind.
While driving to the airport, Derek saw that Italian restaurant they loved. Everything tasted delicious there; she loved pasta, he loved lasagna. She loved pizza, he loved spaghetti and meatballs. It had been a year since the last time they had dinner there. Not that she didn't want to go but he didn't have enough time to dedicate to his wife. She asked, he said no. She organized, he cancelled.
Derek was extremely sad and anxious. He was starting to realize why Addison fell in Mark's arms. She was right, he was wrong. She didn't want to be alone and he left her alone.
Once again, he quickly closed and opened his eyes to send away those thoughts from his mind. He didn't realize he was crying until a salty tear hit the corner of his lips. Without stopping driving, he grabbed his wedding ring from his pocket and put it on the passenger' seat.
As Derek touched the cold gold of the ring, he flashed to the day he asked Addison to marry him. It was summer, they were having dinner in the balcony and he just spilled it out. She screamed in joy, jumped like a little girl and, most of all, she said yes. Her eyes were shining in the same way precious stones do.
He shook his head but his wedding day came to his mind. Her red hair loose on her shoulders, her blue-green eyes so bright and shiny, a big smile on her face: she couldn't have looked more beautiful. He said yes, she said yes. They kissed. They promised to love each other always and forever.
Then he saw it. Addison's car outside Tipsy Parson. Derek pretended not see it but he was quite surprise to see it there. He didn't know that Addison had the day off and he didn't know that she had already seen her lawyer. He kept driving, a bit faster this time.
The airport wasn't far now but something caught his attention: on the left of the street there was a big yellow and blue placard with Los Angeles pictures. It showed economic prices for flights directed to the land where the sun always shines. The girl on the placard had a big smile on her face, her green eyes looked so happy and peaceful.
His mind travelled to the summer he and Addison flew to Los Angeles on vacation. He didn't like the heat and the warm weather but she did. He wanted to go to Chicago but she wanted to go to Los Angeles so badly that he let her win. They spent ten beautiful days. On the beach, she looked stunning in her blue bathing suit, her hair was a little longer and the sun made it a little lighter. All that sun even gave her some little freckles on her nose, which disappeared as soon as they were back in New York. The engagement ring, a pure diamond, and her wedding ring shined on her ring-finger. "I love you" she said, kissing him on his lips "I love you too" he replied and, holding hands, they walked on the sand toward the beautiful blue ocean.
Derek couldn't handle it anymore. He knew he couldn't leave his wife, not like that. He turned his black car and drove as fast as he could to the Tipsy Parson. Addison's car was still there, so she must have been in that little cute bar. He opened the door but he didn't see her. There were only ten people in the big warm room and Addison wasn't among them. He went to the bartender.
"Excuse me" he started, politely. "Have you seen a redhead woman? Tall, thin, blue-green eyes…"
"Good morning, Sir" the young bartender replied "Yes, I've seen her. Do you want me to call her for you?"
"No, not exactly. Just tell me where she is, I need to talk to her"
"She doesn't want to be bothered. I'm sorry Sir"
"I'm her husband!" Derek said, louder. He was losing his patient.
"Oh well, in that case…" the bartender replied, annoyed. "She's in the private room, over there."
Derek didn't thank the bartender, he just quickly walked to the private room. He opened the door and there she was, sitting all alone with a white ceramic cup in her hands. She looks beautiful, he thought.
Addison saw the door opening and the man walking in was her husband. She didn't want to see him, she wanted to be left alone now, alone with her favorite winter cocktail. He looks handsome in his black suit and his light blue shirt, she thought.
"Addison…" Derek started.
"What, Derek? Why are you here?" she said, unable to look at him.
"I… I need to talk to you" he continued.
"Seriously, Derek?" she hissed, sipping her cocktail.
"Look at me, please" he was begging her. "Addie, please…"
"Don't Addie me!" she yelled at him.
Derek took some steps in order to get closer to Addison and smelled the rum's aroma.
"Is that rum?" he answered her, pointing at the white ceramic cup in her hands.
"So what? Do you have a problem with that, Derek?" she asked him, raising her right eyebrow.
"Are you serious, Addison?" he was getting pissed "It's not even midday and you're already drinking! It's not healthy, you know it!"
"You don't get to lecture me, Derek!" she yelled at him and stood up to face her husband. "You lost that right when you walked away on me, on us! You're the one who left me in the middle of the night! I was drunk, Derek! Anything could have happened to me and you walked away! You gave up, for God's Sake!"
Her words hit him like thousands of bullets. He knew he hurt her when he left her but he couldn't imagine that he hurt her that much. He never saw her angry and broken like that. He was about to talk but she talked first. He saw her grabbing something from her bag.
"Here you are!" she hissed, giving him the divorce papers "Sign them and you'll be free. Free to go!"
Derek took the divorce papers and put them on the table.
"I'm sorry, Addison. I'm sorry for what I've done to you. Everything." he started, looking at her straight in the eyes. "I've left you alone when you needed me the most, I've ignored you when you asked me what was wrong. You and Mark… I should have seen it coming. He's my best friend but so he's yours and he's always been there for you, since the day I introduced him to you. It's my fault, Addison…"
She started to cry. All her efforts to repress the tears were useless. "Derek… don't do this…"
"I love you, Addison" his blue eyes were full of tears. He took something from his pocket. It was his wedding ring. Addison looked at him while he was putting it on his ring-finger. "I'm your husband, Addison. I love you and I could never love another woman. You're my life. Please…"
"It's late, Derek…" she wiped away the tears "Just sign the papers and we'll be fine. We can keep in touch if you want… We can.. " she was literally sobbing.
"Don't do this to me, Addison… I don't blame you, it's all my fault. I forgive you for what happened with Mark and one day I'll even forgive him but please, just let me in…"
Derek pushed Addison against the wall and gave her a passionate kiss. She didn't want to talk and he couldn't tell her how he felt in any other way. He kissed her lips, played with her hair.
"I love you so much, Addison…" he whispered, silent tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry I've hurt you, Derek…" she sighed. In his arms all the pain she had felt in those two days just faded away. She felt home in his arms, she felt safe and protected, loved. "I love you, I love you Derek…"
He hugged her tighter. They hadn't shared a hug like that in a time as long as eternity.
"I've missed you, Derek…"
"I've missed you too, Addison. I've been an ass lately…"
"I have my faults too. Let's start fresh, ok?"she said, letting him go and taking her bag, in order to put her wedding ring onto her ring-finger again.
"Yes, honey, yes. We're Derek and Addison and we'll get through this."
"You can bet" she smiled at him. "Oh God, I love you so much!"
This time Addison pushed Derek against the wall and kissed him. Her tongue sneaked in his mouth and started dancing with his one, her hands caressing his chest and his hair. Derek's erection hit her thigh, making her feel horny and eager to have sex with her husband.
"Let's go home and try to forget all of this, ok?" she suggested, smiling.
"Sure thing" he replied, excited "I want you, Addie"
She laughed naughtily and so did he. She grabbed her bag and they left the bar headed home.
They took Derek's car, they would have come back to get Addison's one later. Driving home, all the tension, the pain, the suffering were gone. They were together again and that was all that mattered. It wasn't all perfect, that was for sure. There were things they still needed to fix but as long as they were together, they would have made it. They would have survived this. Because they were, and they would have always been, Addison and Derek and nobody could ever change that.