A/N: Well, I'm back at school after my week-long vacation. Damn. … This sucks.

Fever for the Flava

Two.

"Here's a better question," L said, pushing his thumb to his lip, "how is it that Aizawa did not notice you behind a plant half your size?"

Mogi swallowed hard and shook his head.

Raito raised an eyebrow. "What… why… Jeez, I don't even know what to say."

As the two bound-together young men stared at Mogi in question, Aizawa's voice was heard through the open door further down the hallway. "Hey!" he shouted, "Aren't you two coming with me?"

Mogi shuddered, thinking of the consequences for if Aizawa found him here.

"One moment," L called.

"Fine! I'm going on without you two."

Then, Mogi relaxed. It seemed that they weren't going to rat on him, at least not yet. Perhaps there was a chance that Mogi could convince them to never speak of this incident again. But that wouldn't happen, at all. Raito was much too into gossip and L was much too curious as to people's actions. There was no visible way to get out of this. Mogi thought briefly of making a run for the door. He rose up from behind the plant.

"Care to explain yourself?" L asked and Mogi thought he saw a smirk of amusement play on his lips.

"There's no need for explanations," Raito interjected. "I know what this is all about."

"Oh, do you, Raito?"

"Yes. Finally it is clear. It's obvious that Mogi was… scoping out the competition."

"… What?" L deadpanned.

Raito smirked as if he were the most knowledgeable person in the room. "In cases such as this when there are minimal females in the environment; the males will often vie for them by trying to make themselves seem the best choice. This includes seeing what other males have to offer so they can form their game plan."

Both L and Mogi were silent.

"It's all very basic stuff," Raito explained eagerly.

"That is possibly the stupidest thing you've ever said, Raito."

"Hey!"

"It is obvious that Mogi was enjoying watching Aizawa shower."

Mogi turned beet-red. Enjoy? He wasn't enjoying – okay, maybe a little.

Raito wrinkled his nose. "Enjoy watching Aizawa shower? Ew. What for?"

"He has a crush."

Mogi felt faint. "I… I wouldn't say crush…" he interjected weakly.

Neither man paid him much attention.

Raito busted out into laughter. "A-A crush? On Aizawa? That's so… so weird! And they call you a first class detective. Mogi's not gay."

L coughed. "Unlike yourself."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. How could you know his sexual orientation? Have you asked him, Raito?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Have you ever seen him with a woman?"

"No-"

"Then at least accept the possibility."

"… Fine. I accept the possibility. But it's not true. Mogi's too big and manly."

"So are the men in prison."

Raito paused and then gave L a shrewd look. L just stared at him with his large, black eyes, unmoving. Then Raito sighed and looked over at Mogi who was sweating profusely and looked in need of a sedative. "Mogi," Raito said tentatively, "are you gay?"

Oh God. Here it is. The million-dollar question. Mogi looked around the room but it was really either look at Raito (intimidating) or L (VERY intimidating) and right then they were both staring at him like he was a suspect under interrogation. Was he? Was he really gay? Did he have a crush on Aizawa? Were there really such things as lemur monkeys? All these questions swirled in his head and after much deliberation…

"Yes," he gasped, exhausted. "Yes."

L smirked at Raito.

Raito blinked disbelievingly. "Wow… I can't believe it… You learn something new everyday, then. Well, there's nothing wrong with it… I guess…"

"Of course not," L said, biting his thumb. "Nor is there anything wrong with Aizawa."

Raito laughed. "But he has that silly afro."

"Well, obviously Mogi appreciates it."

"Are you trying to get with him?" Raito asked, smiling at Mogi.

Mogi blinked. What in the world did that mean? Get… with… Aizawa? They were already partners and – oh. That's what he meant. Mogi shook his head. "Uhh… no… I mean… he's married."

"That's right," Raito said, as if he had forgotten. "Aizawa's straight. Well, there's a tear-jerker."

"Yes," L said thoughtfully. He turned on his heel. "Raito, let us go get cake."

"Wait!" Mogi called out, even surprising himself as they were about to leave.

They looked back.

Mogi gulped. "Could you… could you help me? Get with Aizawa?"

Raito blinked. "… You really want our help?"

L looked at them both skeptically. "But Aizawa is straight, married, with two children."

"Well, anything can happen…" Raito looked thoughtful. "Yeah, like on Sayu's movie, Beauty and the Beast. Though that's not the same situation… Miracles happen everyday."

"There is Disney and then there is real life, Raito."

"But look at that sad face!" he exclaimed, pointing at Mogi who did indeed have a sad face. L didn't feel like pointing out that that was the only face Mogi ever had.

L sighed heavily. "You want to break up perfectly fine marriage all because of Mogi's crush, which may indeed be gone in a few weeks time, just so he can have happiness now? He's already stalking Aizawa, isn't that satisfying?"

"It may be satisfying but it's creepy."

"I don't understand the dilemma."

"That's 'cause you're creepy, L. I say we help him out. Just a few tweaks…" Raito's brown eyes scanned Mogi. "And Aizawa should fall in love with him, don't you think?"

"That is not how love works-"

"Oh, how would you know? You shut-in. Mogi, here boy," Raito called, patting the side of his thigh at Mogi. Mogi came over and Raito smiled at his obedience. "We're gonna make you pretty."

Mogi stared.

"Yeah and… you're going to have to start talking if you ever want to nab Aizawa. Nobody likes a big stiff who never says anything. Come on, let's go find a place to practice."

"We have work to do, Raito-"

"I'm not listening to you, L."

Soon, the three of them had invaded one of Misa's rooms on her floor. She protested not getting to spend any time with Raito and protested even more that her "boyfriend" wanted to be locked in a room alone with two men. The three of them heard her banging on the other side of the door but figured she would grow tired soon.

"Now," Raito said in the air of one who had a lot to do, "Mogi, you sit over there. I know you want help and for me to do that, I'm going to have to be painfully honest."

Mogi blinked.

"You really aren't all that good looking."

Mogi frowned.

L groaned, "Raito."

"What?" He shook his hair out of his eyes. "It's nothing I can't fix."

"I keep trying to tell you that relationships aren't one-sided. Mogi can be as handsome as anyone wanted but if Aizawa is straight then-"

"Fine!" Raito threw his arms into the air. "We'll just have to deal with him, too."

"Deal with him?"

"I can't be everywhere at once!" Raito was shouting, waving his arms at L. "You have to help too! Separate us for a bit and go interrogate Aizawa on his feelings for Mogi! I'll stay here and make Mogi half-descent!"

"Raito-"

"I'M ONLY ONE PERSON!" he sobbed.

From outside the door, Misa's voice, "It's okay, Raito! I'm here!"

L groaned and looked in the seat at Mogi's confused and slightly insulted face. He reached down into his jeans and pulled out a key on a looped string.

As he proceeded to take the cuffs off, Raito pointed to the key, "What was that looped around?"

"None of your damn business," L mumbled. He went for the door. "Mogi, you're in charge of Raito. If he acts like Kira in my absence, I wish to know about it. This includes evil laughter and satanic rituals." L left, fighting with Misa on the other side.

Raito turned back to Mogi with a satisfied smile. "Okay, now that that's taken care of… Mogi, let's work on your speech. If you are trying to bang someone, you have to be guile."

"… Bang?"

"Hey, you got a word out! Good for you. Now, aside from that…" Raito leaned on the armrest of Mogi's chair. He smirked. "I'm going to teach you how to flirt like a real man…"

Mogi blinked thoughtfully. What would Raito know about being a man? Real or otherwise?

L had tramped through the large building by himself which was a somewhat welcome difference than traveling everywhere with Raito attached to him. He wondered why in hell he let himself be dragged into these inane things when there was work to be done. But it really didn't matter now. He had already agreed to help. And anyway, Mogi did look rather pathetic and sad, sitting behind that palm tree.

Perhaps there was something they could do.

The door opened for L and he walked back into the main room, welcomed with the sight of his particularly lazy Task Force.

Matsuda blinked as L passed him. "Oh, L… where's Raito?"

"Left him cuffed to the bed?" Aiber asked under his breath.

L ignored them. He went straight for Aizawa who was sitting in front of one of the monitors. He sat down in the seat next to him, hands on his knees, big black eyes about three inches from Aizawa's face.

"… L, what did I say about my personal-bubble?"

"I must speak with you, Aizawa."

"Then speak with me and not on me." His eye twitched.

L leaned back a little. "Very well. Tell me, what do you think of Mogi?"

Aizawa blinked, caught off guard. "Mogi…? Well, he's a great person. Uh… efficient. Quiet, though."

"Would you prefer it if he spoke more?"

"Uh… I don't know. I guess."

L nodded. He pushed one of his thumbs to his bottom lip. "I see. And about your marriage, are you happy?"

Aizawa gaped. "Just what are you getting at, L?"

"I'm inquiring as to the state of your marriage." L thought quickly of a subtle way to continue. "And the state of your marriage bed. Do you never thirst for spicier meats?"

Aizawa stared, wide-eyed.

Matsuda was trying to listen in without seeming conspicuous.

"What're they saying?" Wedy whispered.

"Uhh… Mogi… and meat."

Wedy frowned. "That's informative."

Raito groaned, growing frustrated.

"I-I'm sorry," Mogi said stiffly, struggling to understand.

"All right, one more time… it's 'if you're bored, can I nail you?', not 'is your board nailed?'"

"And Mogi's a rather handsome man, wouldn't you say?"

"Hell, I don't know-"

"He looks a lot like you."

"He does not!"

"Are you insulted by that statement?"

"W… Well no-"

"So he is handsome."

"Ugh. Maybe!"

"So, what else did you do? Besides follow him into the bathroom."

"Well… I mean, just everyday, I tend to see where he's going… I follow him home. I watch him shower. Watch him tuck his children into bed. Do things with his wife. Watch him make breakfast. He likes pancakes and eggs. He likes cereal on weekdays though, because it's fast, I guess. He dislikes stepping on the girls' toys in the living room. He still has a cut on the bottom of his foot from last Wednesday. Uhh…" Mogi noticed Raito's widening brown eyes. "… Something wrong?"

"… You're creepy."

"What is UP with you, L?" Aizawa screeched, knocking his chair back as he scrambled to get away from the young man.

"And isn't it true that you sometimes wonder how you ever got your wife pregnant, not once but twice? Didn't you often think of sliding a hanger up her blouse? Confess!" L stood, his black eyes intense.

"I…" Aizawa was sweating. "I…"

"And when you walk, walk with purpose!" Raito prompted.

Mogi sighed and tried it again, walking across the room with a wiggle in his hips.

Raito nodded in time with the man's steps. "One, two, three, one, two… With feeling!"

"YES!" Aizawa sobbed, on his knees at L's feet. "Yes, it's true! Ah, God, I didn't want these damned kids! I was young! I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing! Oh, L…"

L nodded sympathetically.

Matsuda, Wedy and Aiber were watching from the couch, confused and wide-eyed.

"Things sure have been crazy today…" Matsuda commented.

Aiber shrugged. "Must be the heat."

"Ah, summer days," Wedy sighed.

Raito smiled, coming up to Mogi with a small box. "Now, about this… do you like Shimmering Coral or Fire-engine Red? For your nails. … Oh, Mogi, don't give me that look."

To be continued.

A/N: Ah, got it out. Finally! How about some thoughts?