Chapter Four

1989

"How's Tonks doing?" Lupin asked Andromeda, hoping he sounded casual when he'd thought far more than he should have about the kiss – OK, kisses – they had shared over Christmas. The more he thought about it, the bigger a heel he felt. She was almost half his age. Not to mention the penalties for getting involved with an underage wizard – or, for that matter, for getting involved with Andromeda Black-Tonks's only child.

"Good," Andromeda said proudly. "She's doing really well at Hogwarts, although she's as dead clumsy as ever. Failed her Apparition test twice. I think she'll just scrape through eventually. And she's thrown herself into everything on offer, she's getting so much out of it."

"Still being pursued by every boy in school?"

"I don't think so. She sees a lot of Charlie Weasley – Molly's second-oldest – and that seems to make a lot of people back off. They're a very popular couple," she added proudly.

Lupin didn't know how to take that. He had wanted Tonks to find someone her own age, but having done that, he felt jealous. What was wrong with him? It wasn't like he had anything to offer such an enchanting young woman. And she's not even a woman yet, he reminded himself. Nonetheless, he felt jealousy towards Charlie Weasley and wondered how far things had progressed between them. Certainly more than a few kisses in the kitchen at Christmas. "Good," he said, as sincerely as he could manage. "I was worried about her for a while."

"Me, too," Andromeda said. "I didn't want to say this to you at the time, but I was a bit worried about how much she looked up to you. It made it kind of hard for her to engage with people her own age when she had someone older and wiser to talk to."

"Sorry," Lupin said, sure that his guilt must be showing up on his face.

"Not your fault. She's always been like that, and I figured it was better for her to be spending time with you then wandering around Knockturn Alley trying to find someone to fill that void. Or worse, muggle London. She loves it there, but has no idea how to fit in. So I'm glad she's had you."

Lupin felt his cheeks burn again, sure Andromeda wouldn't be quite so glad if she knew the thoughts he had about her daughter. "You're distantly related to the Weasleys, aren't you?"he asked, grasping for something other than Tonks to talk about.

"Arthur's grandfather was a Black," Andromeda said. "I'm not sure what the exact connection was – he was burnt off the family tree long before I was born, so I never knew exactly what relation he was to me. But realistically, all the so-called pure-blood families are related to one another, though you'd never get Lucius Malfoy to admit he's related to me or Arthur."

"The same Lucius Malfoy who makes it clear what he thinks of werewolves, centaurs, giants and anyone else who's not one-hundred percent human?" Lupin asked with a sardonic smile. "I never would have guessed. What are they like? The Weasleys, I mean."

"They're lovely people. Not much money to go around – a consequence of trying to do the right thing." Merlin knew, the Malfoys and Blacks hadn't gotten wealthy by looking out for their brother wizard. "And they've got seven kids crammed in that house that looks like a muggle deck of cards. I think the whole thing stays up solely by magic. And Molly's the friendliest person I know, if you don't mind the fact she could talk your ear off. Speaking of which – I told her she could have some of Nymphodora's old clothes for her daughter Ginny. Poor thing, so much of their children's things are hand-me-downs, but she can't exactly give Ginny her brothers' old things, so I said she was welcome to Dora's. Told her I would have thrown them out anyway if she didn't take them so she was doing me a favour – such a proud woman. But I really don't have the time to sit there and have a gossip, so if you don't have anything pressing – " she looked at him hopefully.

"Of course," Lupin said. Actually, he had far better things to do than hang around with the family of Tonks's boyfriend, but he owed Andromeda and her friendship a lot, so he figured it was about time he returned the favour.

He gave Molly a start when he arrived in the Weasley home – called The Burrows – via the Floo network."I'm Remus Lupin," he said, flashing a charming smile – he could be charming when he wanted to be. "Andromeda's rushed off her feet, so I said I'd bring Tonks's old things."

"Tonks?" Molly asked.

Lupin laughed, remembering. "She doesn't like her Christian name," he explained.

Molly nodded in vague understanding. "Charlie said something about that," he said.

Lupin resisted the urge to scowl like a deprived schoolboy. Instead he said, "I'm not sure how Ginny will like these things. Tonks had a somewhat eclectic taste even when she was – what, seven, eight?"

"Seven," Molly said, giving Ginny's age. Of course, Lupin thought. Molly's second youngest, Ron, was the same age as Harry, so Ginny had to be at least a year younger.

"Seven. Tonks has always had a knack for taking the most garish muggle clothes she can find and making random combinations out of them, so I'm not sure if there's anything there Ginny will like."

"i happen to be an expert seamstress," Molly said. It was a consequence of money always being tight. Necessity, as they said, was the mother of invention. "Would you care to stay for dinner? It's nothing fancy but there's always plenty to go around. When you have seven kids and their friends coming and going you have to be prepared to feed five or fifteen at a moment's notice."

"I wouldn't know," Lupin said dryly, thinking about the likelihood of him ever having a longterm relationship, let alone a family, giving his disability. "But dinner sounds nice."

Charlie looked steadily at Tonks, her eyes closed, her long, pale blond hair fanned out across his pillow. He liked her as a blond, and he suspected it was the main reason she had taken to the look of late. Certainly, it was easier to give him the image he preferred than return the emotions he wanted.

She wasn't cold exactly, just... distant. They got on well as friends, but as a girlfriend, it felt like she was constantly holding him at arm's length. If she wasn't so open-minded when it came to everything else, with a disdain for convention that made his practical joker twin brothers Fred and George look like the super-straight-laced brother, Percy, he would have thought she was one of those girls who didn't believe in so much as a kiss before marriage. Certainly, she was a Black – or at least her mother was a black – even just a Black-in-exile, and the Blacks were known for being ultra-conservative. But Tonks was anything but, and didn't seem particularly inclined towards marriage, so that struck off that idea.

The only other thing that Charlie could think of was that she was interested in someone else. But in the five-plus years Charlie and Tonks had been going to Hogwarts together, she hadn't expressed an interest in anyone, and she didn't see many people other than her parents and friends outside of Hogwarts. Which left Charlie absolutely stumped as to why she wouldn't or couldn't return his affections.

"Tell me what you like," he said, stroking her jaw and then running her fingers down her neck. Tonks resisted the urge to tense up. The harder Charlie tried to turn her on, the more she wanted to yell at him to stop. She adored him as a friend, but his romantic touch left her cold. Dimly, she was aware that she was using him, but it was so convenient, the way none of the boys harassed her when she was Charlie Wesley's girlfriend.

But the truth was, Charlie's touch was too rough, too full-on. He didn't have that combination of strength and gentleness that Lupin did. Time didn't fly by with Charlie the way it had when she'd been with Lupin. Of course, Lupin had barely been around lately – at least, not when she was home. She knew he was avoiding her.

Well, she knew he was attracted to her, and once she turned seventeen, she was going to hash things out with him.

Charlie started kissing her face and neck, and she murmured obligingly. "That feels nice," she said, when in reality, she felt nothing. She let her mind wander, and she imagined that it was Lupin kissing her so that a few seconds later, her murmurings were real. Charlie was delighted...

"Charlie! Nymphodora! Dinner's ready!" Molly's voice came ringing through the house. Charlie had never worked out if she had some kind of magical voice magnifier on her person at all times, or if she could really yell that loudly. With a groan of disappointment – Tonks was finally getting into it, maybe he just needed to get her away from the prying eyes of Hogwarts, not that the prying eyes of home were much better – he shifted off the bed.

"C'mon," he said, grabbing her hand. "Mum's a good cook. She didn't have a house-elf growing up," he couldn't resist teasing.

"I'll have you know my dad didn't even know what a house-else was growing up," Tonks retorted. She hated the way everyone assumed that just because she was a Black she knew what it was to live a life on unparalleled luxury. Lupin had always gotten that; why couldn't Charlie?

"Sorry," Charlie said, sensing her annoyance immediately.

"It's fine," she said, her tone still irritated. "I'm just sick of being treated like I'm like the rest of the Blacks. My mum married a muggle-born, how popular d'you think that made her with them?"

"Sorry," he said again. Tonks didn't say anything more, so he hoped the subject was closed.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Lupin sitting at the family table, casually chatting to Arthur Weasley. He looked like he always did, too thin, too shabby, but with an aura of intelligence and wisdom that she'd never seen anyone else possess. Charlie paled in comparison. "Remus," she breathed.

He looked at her blankly for a few second before recognising her aura, her energy. "Tonks," he said, finally recognising her. Then his heart twisted painfully to see the way Charlie Weasley had his arm wrapped casually around her waist. It was what he wanted for her, but it was one thing to want her to be happy with someone else and another to see her with someone else. "What did you do to your hair?"

Tonks laughed, tossing her head back and returning it to its shorted, bright pink. "Charlie likes it blond," he said, her tone informing Lupin that she disagreed.

Lupin nodded slightly. No matter what Andromeda said, he thought Charlie Weasley was a jerk if he made Tonks cater her image to suit his tastes. I wouldn't make you do anything for me, he thought silently.

Tonks seemed to sense what he was thinking, because her head turned slightly but sharply to meet his eyes, and they shared an intense look. Charlie tightened his grip around her waist possessively, sensing something between Tonks and Remus Lupin.

"That's why you won't let me close?" Charlie demanded incredulously at Hogwarts the next day. "Him? He's twice our age!"

"He is not!" Tonks refuted heatedly. "He's twenty-nine. He'd have to be thirty-two to be twice our age."

Which only confirmed Charlie's suspicions that Remus Lupin was the cause of Tonks's disinterest, if she came so quickly to his defence over the significant age gap. "That's sick, Tonks. And against the law."

Tonks glowered at him. What would he know about what was healthy and what wasn't? Just because he was a silly boy – "Fine," she said shortly. "Go find someone who's not – sick."

He grabbed her arm as she walked away. "Hey, that's not what I meant," he said. "I really like you and I want you to like me back. D'you think this Remus guy is going to make you happy"

But he does make me happy, Tonks thought silently. He made her happy just being in the same room as her – which, admittedly, he hadn't been for a while. But seeing him last night had only served to remind her that she didn't feel so comfortable with anyone else – not even Charlie. "Look, Charlie," she said apologetically. "I like you – as a friend. But we don't work as a couple. I'm sorry," she said, and walked away.

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