Chapter Four

1990

Lupin got a fright when he heard the familiar burst from his fireplace that meant someone was contacting him via the Floo network. He got few communications, and most of them were from narrow-minded people who didn't like werewolves living within their midst. And it was the waning of the full moon, which always left him tired and irritable. "Tonks," he said when he saw her standing there. "You gave me a fright."

"Sorry," she said.

"It's fine." He took her in from head to foot. It had been a good six months since he had last seen her, and she was looking good. "You look good," he said admiringly. He had made a point to see as little as possible of her, but even so, every time he saw her, she looked better than the time before. His heart skipped a beat. She wasn't conventionally beautiful, but there was an aura about her, an energy that not many people had.

She blushed. "Thanks," she said.

They stood in awkward silence in what passed for his living room and he became increasingly aware of how shabby his home was compared to hers. "Did you want something?" he asked pointedly.

She blushed. She had hoped he would make this easier for her. She had hoped he would get the point when she had sent him an invitation for her seventeenth – her of-age – birthday months ago. An invitation he had accepted, then not shown up to. She hadn't known what to make of that. "I'm seventeen," she said in a small voice. "A few days ago."

Lupin ran his fingers through his hair, "Shit," he said, remembering the invitation that he had accepted. "Sorry, Tonks. I didn't check the calendar when I accepted. That time of the month and all."

She looked confused. "Guys don't – oh," she said, comprehending when Lupin waved vaguely at the window that mean the lunar cycle. She peered at him more closely. Come to think of it, she had never seen him in the days after a full moon – no doubt intentionally on his part. He looked tired and scruffy. "Is it hard?" she asked.

"Not hard exactly... tiring. I get increasingly restless in the few days leading up to it and it takes me a few days to come down from it as well. About ten days in the cycle all up."

"Oh," she said. She'd thought so much about this man in the last two years, and yet she hadn't had a clue about exactly what time and effort was involved with Lupin's cycle. "Well, um, I'm seventeen now, and..." she trailed off, willing Lupin to get the point.

It clicked after a few seconds of pregnant pause. "Shit, Tonks, I didn't think you'd actually take me up on it," he said.

She was confused. "I don't understand. You mean – you never had any intention of – of – you never wanted to be with me."

"I never intended on getting involved with you," Lupin amended, because he knew he wasn't a good enough liar to tell her he had never wanted to be with her. Every time he saw her – the frequency of which he had tried to minimise – he wanted to be with her. That time at the Weasley's it had been all he could do to stop himself launching himself across the table and snatching Tonks from Charlie.

"But – you said!"

"I said it so you wouldn't follow me around like the infatuated teenager that you were!" Lupin said. "Merlin's beard, Tonks, how can you possibly think something could work between us? You're a student. I'm a werewolf."

"So?"

"So – you need someone your own age. What happened to Charlie Weasley?"

"I didn't like him – that way – not the way I like you," she said, her voice getting slightly hysterical as it sank in that Lupin had had no intention of fulfilling his side of the deal he had made with her eighteen months ago. Recklessly, she threw herself into his arms, wrapping his arms around his neck, trying to kiss him. He pushed her away, scared of what would happen to his resolve if she succeeded in kissing him.

"You need to go home. Find a nice boy who can offer you a proper life," he said coldly.

"I – don't – want – a – nice – boy – or – a – proper – life," she cried hysterically. "I – want – you."

"Go home," he said, fighting every instinct to take her in his arms. Eighteen months had done nothing to extinguish his feelings for her. He cared for her more than anyone else living, and it was all he could do to watch her cry because he'd hurt her and not do anything about it.

Realising he had no intention of following through on a promise he'd made to fob off a fifteen-year-old, her eyes flashed angrily. She wasn't yet in full control of her metamorphing abilities, and her eyes went stormy green. "Fuck you!" she yelled at him.

"Tonks!" Lupin said. "Language!"

"Go to hell," she spat. "You don't want me, you cowardly, lying shit? Fine. I'll find someone who will. There are plenty of wizards who'll want me, even if you don't. I'll go to Knockturn Alley and spread my legs for the first wizard who'll have me! I'll – I'll go to the Burrow and let Charlie do whatever he wants to me. He's never stopped wanting me, you know that?" she taunted Lupin. "He's capable of being a man, even if you're not."

Lupin could have dealt with her empty threats about random wizards on Knockturn Alley, but he couldn't handle even the hollow taunt of her with Charlie. The thought of her in bed with him made him sick with jealousy – and possessiveness.

He launched himself at Tonks as she turned to the fireplace, pushing her against the wall and spinning her around so she was facing him, her body wedged between the wall and his body, which was surprisingly strong. She started to protest, but he slammed his mouth against hers and thrust his tongue into her mouth, aggressively searching for hers. All thoughts of protesting abandoned, Tonks flung her arms around him and kissed him back hungrily. She dug his nails in the back of his neck and he responded by wedging his hand between their bodies and grabbing her breast and, when she arched her back, moulding her body into his, he brought his hand to the top of her shirt, grabbed the material in his fist, and yanked it down with all the strength his werewolf physiology possessed, tearing it cleanly down the middle in a second. He slid his hand inside her bra, tweaking her nipples with a rough sensuality that had her bucking against him as best she could, which wasn't much, since she had very little room to move between his body and the wall. "This what you want, little girl?" he asked with rough, lusty condescension, part of him hoping his much older animal side might scare her off, even as he could feel his manhood swelling speedily inside his pants and his barely-contained animal side desperate to have his fill of her.

"Yes!" she almost screamed when he abandoned her mouth to kiss her face and neck. She dug her nails deeper into his neck. This was what she had wanted for two years, and although her sexual experienced had so far been limited to kissing Lupin and Charlie, she had always known it would be like this with him. "Remus, please... before I go crazy."

There was a hint of insane desperation in her voice already, which he recognised in himself. He picked her up with as much ease as if she were a ragdoll and carried her into his bedroom. It was practically the size of her private bathroom, but she didn't care. All that mattered was she was going to be with Remus.

He laid her on the bed with as much gentleness as he could muster in his state of lust and climbed on top of her a second later. He wedged his hand between her thighs, roughly, possessively, and she responded by wrapping her legs around his waist, pushing her pelvis against his, getting a thrill from the feel of his erection. "Remus," she said, loving the sound of his name of her tongue when she was wrapped tightly around him. She brought her hands around to the front of his shirt, unbuttoning it as quickly as she could manage – which wasn't that quick, given she was clumsy to begin with and desire wasn't helping her cause. Finally she managed it and frantically yanked the material off him.

There were old several scars peppering his back, chest and arms; Tonks made a mental note to ask him about those later. She ran her hands along his bare skin, relishing the feel of it under her fingers and the way he bucked and moaned against her touch, demonstrating that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him – and had done so for just as long.

Lupin slid his hands under her back to unclasp her bra, and tossed it on the floor along with his shirt. Next – her skirt, although this meant she had to unwrap her legs from around his waist to do so. For good measure, he yanked down her panties while he was at it so she was completely naked. For a few seconds, he lay on his side, her on her back next to him, drinking in her perfect, nubile body. Then he started kissing her, starting with her mouth, her face, her neck, her collarbone, her breasts, all the while, his hands starting at her stomach and moving downwards, stroking her thighs until she was quivering. "Please, Remus, please..." she begged, and he obliged by sliding his fingers inside her. The feel of her, warm, wet and slippery drove him even crazier, and he awkwardly struggled out of his pants as he used his fingers to bring her to orgasm, screaming his name, her nails raking his back, drawing blood.

The orgasm only served to increase her desire, which was good, because he couldn't remember ever being this hot for someone, not even when he had been a horny teenager desperate enough to accept Sirius's cast-offs. He climbed between her spread legs, his penis throbbing with desire. Every animal instinct in him straining at the leash of his human restraints, he wanted to go easy on her but wasn't sure if he could once he started. "Just do it," she whispered urgently, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

So he pushed himself inside her, burying his erection inside her tight, warm wetness. He had known without being told that she was a virgin, and he tried to be gentle with her, but it was never easy this time of the month when his animal side was only just waning, and on top of that was two years of repressed desire for her that made him want to pound her into the mattress and screw her brains out.

Underneath him, he could feel her tense up as he opened her up, broke her in, and knew he was hurting her. She had expected it to be like this – well, maybe not quite this bad – and she wanted to experience every second, every feeling. So when he started the incantation for a charm she knew was intended to dull the pain, she gripped his arms. "Please, don't, Remus," she begged him in a husky voice. "I want to feel all of it."

So he stopped the incantation and continued thrusting inside her. The pain lessened to discomfort and she started to get into it, especially when he brought his hand down between her legs and started stroking her. She bucked against him wildly, although she didn't get very far, so tightly was her body wedged between his and the mattress. Despite her inexperience, she found herself responding and instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, rubbing her legs up and down the side of his body, craving his touch. She moaned in abandonment as he became more frantic in his stroking, crying out his name with increasing wantonness until she spasmed wildly and climaxed in his arms. He thrust a few more times before he buried his face in her neck, ramming himself deep inside her and, with a drawn-out groan, spilt himself inside her.

She held him in her arms, perfectly still, until he lifted his head and kissed her deeply. "How was it?" he asked lazily, a smug smile on his face telling her that he knew damn well it had been good. "Did it hurt too much?"

She stroked his face. "Not as bad as I thought it would," she lied. "That was amazing. I'm glad it was with you."

He kissed her forehead in an oddly chaste way. "I've never been with a virgin before. I kind of like the idea that you're all mine," he admitted.

"I like the idea that I'm all yours, too," she said.

He got off her and she rolled onto her side so he could spoon her. As she did, she winced a little at the discomfort between her legs. "I thought you said it didn't hurt," he admonished her gently.

"I said it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would," she amended.

He stroked her hair. "I wish you'd've come over later in the month," he said, referring to his lunar cycle. "I'm not usually this rough."

She turned to face him. "I can handle rough," she said with a grin. "You don't have to ne so protective."

"I can't help it," he said. "I don't think you understand how special you are. I don't want to corrupt that."

"You care about me, don't you?" she asked.

"More than you know."

"Then I trust you. I know you better than you think, Remus. You think you're this monster but you're not. I wouldn't feel the way I do about you if you were. You're an amazing man and I'm crazy about you. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

He smiled at that and kissed her again. "You'll tell me if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable?" he asked. "Anything at all. I never want you to feel you have to do something to please me." She nodded, and he saw in her eyes love and affection and trust – three things he didn't often see in people, certainly not people who knew who he was. "Good girl," he said approvingly.

She giggled. "I think you can drop the 'girl', Remus."

He repositioned himself so he was on top of her and started kissing her face and neck. She ran her hands up and down his body. "What're these from?" she asked, tracing one of the scars on his arms.

"When I was younger, before Wolfsbane was created, it was difficult, the full moon. I bit and scratched myself a lot. I've tried removing them – werewolf injuries are particularly nasty."

"I'm sorry."

"You learn to live with it. I made a choice a long time ago to be upfront about what I am with anyone I get involved with – that tends to scare women off more than the scars."

"You must get lonely," she said sympathetically.

"I deal. Besides, I had a certain gorgeous young woman who was determined to go to bed with me," he pointed out. "Speaking of which," he said, grabbing her and effortlessly pulling her on top of him. "Touch me," he directed her, and she obliged, running her hands up and down his chest, over his arms, tracing her scars with his fingers, moving downwards, kissing, caressing him, loving the way his body moved under her touch, the way he whimpered at the sensation. "Tonks," he moaned, becoming more and more aroused the more she touched him and the further down she got. "Tonks, love – ahhh..." he cried out, arching his back as she got to his groin, stroking his manhood gently at first, then with increasing speed and pressure when it became clear how much he enjoyed it. "You don't have to – " he protested weakly when she lowered her head to take him in her mouth.

"I know – I want to," she said, taking his semi-erect penis in her mouth, feeling it swell inside her mouth, savouring the power of knowing she could turn him on. She soon got the hang of it and started sucking it, moving her mouth up and down his shaft, caressing his balls with her hand, feeling him thrash around on the bed with increasing freneticism.

"Tonks, love, I'm going to come," he cried out, giving her notice to pull away if she wanted. She didn't, and he arched his back again and poured himself into her mouth until he was empty – for the time being, at least. "Did I mention I get really horny this time of the month?" he asked with a grin when she crawled up the bed to cuddle up to him.

"No."

"Well, I do. I can go at least another two rounds."

She stretched out lazily in his arms. "I have to get home," she said."My parents don't like me being out late at night."

He stroked her hair. "You should get going then," he said regretfully. "They'll kill me if they know you're with me."

"Scared of my parents?" she teased.

"Of how they'll react when they find out their seventeen-year-old daughter is involved with a thirty-year-old werewolf?" he asked. "Damn straight I am. And you shouldn't be so blasé about it. They were really keen on you being with Charlie Weasley. They won't be happy that you're with me."

"But – I am with you, aren't I?" she asked.

"If you want. I think you'll be happier with someone your own age."

"I don't want anyone my own age, Remus. I only want you. How many times do I have to say that to you?"

Lupin knew that he should insist that she would be better off with someone her own age. But there was a part of him who was selfish and liked the way he felt when he was with her, and he didn't want to give that up. "Just, promise you'll be discreet, OK?" he begged. "If your parents find out, they'll be furious, and I can't say I'd blame them. Promise me," he insisted.

"I promise," she said in a small voice, stunned by the strength of his insistence. "I don't want you to get into trouble, Remus."

"Then start by going home before your parents wonder where you are," Lupin said. He saw her to the fireplace and impulsively, kissed her passionately goodbye. "I wish you could stay," he admitted huskily. "Little minx."

She laughed. "Beats 'good girl', I suppose." He watched her leave, thinking that he should let her go, but lacking the will to push away the best thing that had ever happened to him.