"Harder, Remus, harder," Tonks cried, digging her fingers into the mattress, willing Lupin to screw her harder than he already was. And he was definitely screwing her harder than usual. They had been meeting in secret for two months – that was two lunar cycles, and she understood now what he had meant when he said he got rougher around the full moon. His wolf side took over and he took her more than an animal than a human. And she didn't exactly mind it.
She had learnt that in the days before and after the full moon it was best to wear a skirt – and no panties. She had learnt this after the time she came through the fireplace to have Lupin waiting for her. Within seconds he had her on her hands and knees, tearing at her clothes, his fingers inside her, bringing her to a speedy orgasm in order to get her wet enough for him to penetrate her. This way, he could simply push her skirt over her waist. It was vulgar, and yet vulgar with Lupin felt ten times more respectful than Charlie's attempts to be the gentleman.
So here she was, on her hands and knees with him positioned behind her, thrusting madly, his erection sliding in and out of her ferociously, his balls banging against her ass. What was it about him that made her act so wantonly? What was it about him that made her act like such a slut where Charlie's touch left her cold?
"You're such a horny teenager," Lupin said when it was over and he was lying on his back, her face-down in his arms.
"It must be you," she said. "Charlie never made me feel this way."
Lupin scowled at the mention of Charlie's name. "I told you not to talk about him," he said.
It was in his wolf's nature, she knew, to be possessive. She tried not to let it bother her. After all, his being possessive was a sign that he wanted her all to himself. But it bugged her that she had been with no-one else and he had and you didn't see her making a big deal out of it.
They whiled away a few hours in bed until she had to go home. "I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked. Tomorrow was Sunday.
She shook her head regretfully. "I can't, I go back to school on Monday and my parents expect me to spend tomorrow with them."
He stirred restlessly at the reminder that Tonks still had a year of high school to go. In the idyll of summer holidays, seeing Tonks almost every day, he had managed to put that fact to the back of his mind. Now he was reminded of it. "I'm not going to see much of you now," he said, trying not to sound reproachful because it wasn't like he hadn't known this was coming.
"No," she agreed.
"Listen, Tonks – if something happens when you're at Hogwarts – if you meet someone – I won't blame you. I don't want you to feel deprived of a social life out of loyalty to me."
Tonks's first thought was that it was ludicrous for Lupin to say he wouldn't blame her when he was so possessive already. The next was that he was trying to get rid of her. "You want to break up with me?" she asked, the thought filling her with dread.
"Of course not. I just don't want you to feel tied down. You haven't exactly spent time with loads of people your age this summer. I don't want you to go back to Hogwarts and be attracted to someone your own age and feel bad for it. If you have the opportunity to be happy with someone else, I want you to take it."
She stared at him in shock at what he was suggesting. A boy her own age? How many times did she have to tell him that she didn't want anyone but him? "Or maybe you don't want to feel tied down," she suggested. "Maybe you've had your fun and you're looking for an excuse to get rid of me."
"Tonks! If I wanted to break up with you I'd just say so. I told you, I don't want you to feel tied down."
"I don't feel tied down," she said tearfully. "I don't – want – anyone – but you, Remus. Don't you think I've thought about this? That it sucks to feel the way I do about you when it would be so much more convenient to be with – a boy my own age. Do you think I didn't try my damndest to fall for Charlie because I knew how much easier it would be to be in love with him? Merlin's beard, Remus, do you really think I didn't think about what I was getting into? Do you think I wouldn't be crazy about someone else if I could?"
"Don't – talk – about – being with someone else," Lupin growled, insanely jealous at the thought.
"Then don't say crap about wanting me to be with someone else!" she retorted. "I love you and you keep pushing me away!"
"You – what?" he asked her incredulously.
"I – love – you – and you keep pushing me away. Don't touch me!" she cried out when he reached for her. "I don't want you – I don't – I don't!"
She was sobbing hysterically now, the dread of rejection at the forefront of her mind. He pinned her down easily – her usual human strength had nothing on his werewolf strength – and smothered her face with kisses. "My love," he said huskily. "I don't want anyone else to have you. I'm a selfish shit and you deserve someone young and whole but God help me, I don't want anyone else to have you."
At these words, she kissed him back hungrily, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. And then without either of them knowing exactly how, he was inside her, possessing her, declaring his love for her and she was clawing at his back, crying out his name, wanting to drive him further inside her than was humanly possible.
"I'll come over next Hogsmead weekend," he promised when it was over and they lay panting in each other's arms. "I can't wait until the holidays to see you again."
"I'd like that." A weekend in Hogsmead sounded perfect. They could be themselves, go out, not be stuck in this tiny, dingy place that he lived in.
"You'll need to change your appearance. You can't be seen with me."
"Don't remind me."
"Maybe when you're a little older, people won't care so much," he suggested.
"Really?" she asked, smiling at the thought of them being together long enough for her to get older and them still being together.
He grinned at her. "Love, if I'd known I could make you smile like that just by referring to a vague future, I'd've said it weeks ago. Why don't we start with Hogsmead and take it from there?"
Charlie watched Tonks stride through the cobbled streets of Hogsmead village, plagued by an unsettled feeling of where she was headed. He knew he had to keep sight of her, because once she disappeared from sight, even for a second, she could change into someone else and he'd never find her again.
Tonks knew Charlie was following her. He wasn't doing a very good job – but then, all the Weasleys were too honest and noble to be any good at deceptive behaviour. It was what she liked about him as a friend, although she wished he wasn't so hung up on her as an ex-girlfriend – and they hadn't even gone out for that long. She wondered if she had made him fall in love with her, and felt bad for the way she had used him when she had simply been killing time until she was seventeen.
But what was done was done, and the most important thing right now was to lose Charlie so she could change her appearance – once she had done that, he would never find her.
It was easy enough. She dived into a crowd and divested herself of her Hufflepuff robes. She was wearing nondescript jeans and a t-shirt underneath, a far cry from the eclectic outfits that she favoured. Once that was done, it was easy to shake her hair out into a common medium brown that would be enough to throw Charlie until she got to a mirror and could properly change her look.
She slipped into the Hogs Head pub where Lupin had taken a room, and went to the back where the toilets were. She changed quickly into the appearance of a woman around thirty – the perfect age for Lupin. For good measure, she changed into a second outfit, a plain dark-blue dress with black stockings and black boots. She gave herself the once-over in the cracked, dirty mirror and gave herself a nod of acceptance; no way would anyone think she was a flamboyant seventeen-year-old Hogwarts student.
She made her way through the pub to the upstairs section where the rooms were. She passed owner Albus Dumbledore, and was pleased she had had the foresight to at least change her hair before she entered the pub. Albus was the brother of her Headmaster and though the two brothers were estranged, she didn't want it getting back to Dumbledore that she had been seen in the Hogs Head to go to the room of Remus Lupin.
She knocked on the door and let herself in when she heard a 'come in'. "Tonks" he said, taking in her appearance.
"How did you know it was me?" she asked.
"I can always recognise you," he said. "And I wasn't expecting anyone else." He was sitting on the bed, and he got up. He only meant to kiss her hello, but his chemistry with her being what it was, and the fact he hadn't seen her in weeks, made him abandon that plan the second their lips met. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and pushed her against the wall. "I've missed you," he grunted.
"I missed you, too," she whispered.
He kissed her all over her face and neck, shuddering as he went, inhaling her smell, feeling her skin. In the two months they'd been together before she went back to school, he had gotten to know her body well and he didn't like the way she felt in this body. "Change back," he ordered her. "I feel like I'm cheating on you."
She shook her whole body for a second, returning to her natural appearance. "Good girl," he said before he could think about it. She gave him a pointed look. "Sorry."
"I'm old enough to share your bed, Remus, I think I'm old enough to not be called a girl," Tonks said. Lupin responded by kissing her harder. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed – he had taken her enough times against the wall, or on the floor to know he much preferred the bed. They quickly undressed each other and were soon thrashing around in bed, their bodies entwined as one. "I've missed you," Lupin said as they lay in bed afterwards. "I can't wait for this year to be over."
She snuggled into him. She liked it when he said things like that, references to their future. It had to get easy once she was finished at Hogwarts. People wouldn't be so quick to judge them once she had finished school.
"Let's go out," Lupin suggested. "We may as well enjoy it."
So she changed back, and they left the Hog's Head holding hands, her leaning into him and feeling on top of the world. It wasn't ideal, but she was still out in public with her boyfriend, browsing through the shops of Hogsmead. "I'm glad we did this," she said.
"Mmmm," Lupin agreed. He took her to the site of the Shrieking Shack and filled her in on the full moons he had spent there. And yet for all that his life had been miserable, cursed by his affliction, he was surprisingly un-bitter about it, more concerned for her security than his affliction. They were sitting on the ground near the fence that blocked off the Shack, her sitting between his legs, his arms wrapped around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder. "I'm really happy, love," he said. "You make me really happy."
She craned her neck so she was facing him. "I much prefer 'love' to 'good girl'," she said, and kissed him. Lupin twisted them around and pushed her onto the ground so he was on top of her. They were kissing like any couple in love, and while he didn't much like her new appearance, he loved being with her in public...
... Charlie watched them for a short way away. When he had lost sight of Tonks, he decided the best way to find her was to find Lupin. She had changed her appearance into something quite plain – he didn't like it at all. He had been driven by jealousy and a determination to learn once and for all that she was seeing him.
He had no doubt that it was her. It was too coincidental – the way they had looked at one another at his place, the way she had never really been into him, the way she had changed her appearance when she would have had no good reason to if she was up to something legitimate – that he was with someone other than her, no matter how she looked. He watched them enviously, knowing she had never kissed him like that, realising now from the frantic way she was touching him that her responses when he had touched her had been faked.
Jealously, he turned and walked away.
"You should get going," Lupin said half-heartedly between frantic kisses.
"I know," she said just as half-heartedly.
"I mean it. You should get going. Hardly anyone stays out all night. I don't want Dumbledore sending an owl to your parents. I'll see you next Hogsmead weekend."
Reluctantly, Tonks left to go back to Hogwarts with the promise of seeing him again next Hogwarts weekend.
She was making her way to the Great Hall when she felt someone grab her arm. "I saw you with him," Charlie said.
Icy fear gripped her. She knew he had been following her; had he worked out her disguise? "I've no idea what you're talking about," she said.
"Long dark hair. You looked about thirty. Really plain dress, not at all what you usually wear," Charlie recited.
"You were following me!" she said, deciding it was best to take the indignant route.
"I wanted to know if you were seeing him!" Charlie retorted. "God, what do you see in him?" he asked, the disgust in his tone obvious.
"I see the kindest, most gentle man who doesn't ask me to change my appearance for him," she said coolly.
"I never asked you to change your appearance for me!" Charlie said indignantly. "You did that because it was easier than returning my feelings. Besides," he taunted, "if he doesn't ask you to change your appearance, what exactly was what I saw?"
"That's different. I can't be recognised with him."
"My God, Tonks, did you hear what you just said? Did it ever occour to you that if you can't be seen with him as yourself maybe you shouldn't be seeing him at all?"
His words cut her deep precisely because there was some truth to it. She couldn't afford to be seen with him because people wouldn't understand. "People don't understand him," she said. She didn't dare tell him that part of why he was misunderstood was his werewolf status. If Charlie didn't understand what she saw in someone that much older than her, he'd never understand what she saw in a werewolf.
"You know what? I don't understand you. How can you stand to have him touch you? Do your parents know?" he asked shrewdly.
Her heart gripped with fear. "You wouldn't dare," she said. "And it won't make me stop seeing him, either. I'm seventeen, I'm of age. It will just get him into trouble."
Charlie looked into her eyes and knew she was serious. And he had no issue with Lupin beyond the fact Tonks was so infatuated with him. And the fact she had pointed out she was of age confirmed that she was sleeping with him. He felt sick with jealousy and impulsively, he leaned in and kissed her. He pushed her against the wall so she was wedged between him and the wall – if he would let Lupin kiss her like that, she could let him kiss her like that.
She pushed him away, shocked, and to add insult to injury, wiped her mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry I used you," she said quietly. "I never meant to hurt you. But I'm in love with him. I have been for a while."
Charlie's eyes flashed with hurt and rejection. "You'd rather be with him than me?" he asked. She nodded slightly, hating the look in his eyes and wishing she had never gotten involved with him. "Fine," he said. "I hope you're very happy together," he said, his voice telling her he doubted that very much.
"Love, what's the matter?" Lupin asked when he saw a highly distressed Tonks. She had taken a risk in coming here, using the Floo network from Hogwarts and running a high risk of having someone notice she was gone. "Whatever it is, you didn't cheat on me, and it can't be any worse than that."
She sniffled. "How do you know I didn't?" she asked. She could still taste Charlie's kiss on her lips, although she had brushed her teeth thoroughly and gone through half a bottle of mouthwash.
"Werewolves have a highly developed sense of smell. Though I'm picking up a strong smell of me so possibly you did and I can't tell." He was attempting to joke and it fell flat. "Hey, I wasn't serious." He embraced her and thought he picked up the smell of another man on her and for a brief moment wondered if she had been with someone else and felt a familiar surge of jealousy. "What happened?" he asked.
"It's Charlie," she sobbed. "He followed me and saw us together. I thought I'd lost him, so he just found you. Remus, he threatened to tell my parents."
"Do you think he was serious?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. I told him it wouldn't make me stop seeing you and I think he believed me. Oh, God, what am I going to do?"
Lupin was thinking quickly. "There's not much we can do love," he said. "Except hope for the best. It sounds like he still cares about you, maybe that will play in our favour. I know I was prepared to see you happy with him, maybe he'll feel the same way."
"He's not mature like you."
"You might be surprised. And you can't do anything about it. The worst that will happen is your parents will find out, and they can't do anything about it." Tonks nodded against his chest, not exactly reassured by his words – if he was really unconcerned about her parents being able to do anything about it, he would never insisted on discretion – but feeling calmer now that she was in his arms. "Love, you need to get back to school. If he realises you're gone, it might push him over the edge. Just stay calm, OK?" She nodded. "Good girl."
"I told you not to call me that."
"Well, you're my girl, and no-one's going to tell me otherwise."
"You're kidding me," Percy Weasley said when his older brother filled him in on what he'd seen that day. He'd never understood the appeal of Tonks, but he could kind of see why his two older brothers would like her. "He's, like, practically old enough to be my dad."
"That did occour to me, Perce," Charlie said irritably. "He's the same age as James Potter so he's certainly old enough to be Ron and Ginny's dad."
"Well, are you going to tell Dumbledore?" Percy asked.
"And say what, exactly? She's seventeen, it's perfectly legal... just gross. And besides, how d'you think I'll look? Like a jealous ex," he said, aware of the irony that he was behaving like a jealous ex.
"Fine, I'll tell him," Percy said, the would-be prefect in him coming forward at the thought of dobbing in someone whose behaviour was, if not illegal, then definitely unethical. Plus, he would get to strike a blow for his brother – even if he didn't think much of his taste in girlfriends.