Unknown
Once again, Jackson was unsure of where he was. Jackson looked about hi and all was a vast emptiness.
"Hello!" he called out, but his shout was swallowed by the darkness. "Where am I!" he yelled even louder.
"We are in your mind, Daniel Jackson," a voice nearby said.
Jackson turned around to see who had spoken, but could see no one. "Who said that?"
"I did," the voice replied, and before his eyes the most unwelcome sight of the Be'nox leader appeared.
"What's going on?" Jackson asked, not at all liking the way things were going.
"As I have said, we are in your mind, Dr. Jackson, and although I won't admit it, it is a remarkable place," the leader said gazing around him as though he could see things Jackson couldn't. "We could spend an eternity here, discussing the events of your life, and we can, for any time spent here would have a negligible effect on the elapse of time in the outside world."
Wearily, Jackson said, "I'm not quite sure I understand what's going on here."
The leader smiled. "You will, but I believe we haven't been properly acquainted."
Jackson was quiet for a moment. "Your name is Sor Jakk," he said, the name had just popped into his head.
"You are quick, for a human, Dr. Jackson," Sor Jakk said. "The other humans had a hard time grasping the realm in which we now stand, much less perceive my name in the way you have."
Still looking around, Jackson said, "I'm still not sure I've grasped were I am either."
"Humans, you are so blunt, even when it doesn't serve your best interests," observed Sor Jakk. "And though I would love to spend an eternity here discussing human habits, I'm a little more interested in you, Dr. Jackson."
At that moment the darkness around them gave way to the bustling, uptown sprawl of New York City. Jackson stared in amazement at the surroundings. It was if they had been plopped right down in city itself. He saw the slow moving cars on the streets near him, could see the pedestrians crowding the sidewalks, all of diverging backgrounds and ethnics. Jackson could hear the noise of the cars, the idling engines in the traffic jams, the angry bleating horns from irritated drivers, and the loud murmur of countless conversations. Jackson was fascinated by it all. "It's as if it were real," he said in wonderment.
"It is taken from your memories, Dr. Jackson."
Jackson then noticed the building in front of him, and realized just what memory Sor Jakk had chosen. His stomach filled with dread, for it was one he replayed countless times. Before him was the museum in which his parents had worked when they were alive. Sor Jakk smiled evilly, and the next moment they were standing inside the museum, near the Egyptian exhibit. In front of them the room was blocked off due to construction, and some crewmen were working to move some stone pillars into place. At the center of the work were his mother and father. Jackson just stood and watched, motionless, knowing that to intervene was pointless, having been subjected to watch his parents' deaths countless times before. Everything looked as though it were moving along smoothly but then, without warning, a line snapped, and the pillars fell over, crushing the Jacksons to the death. Jackson couldn't help but grimace and feel the same crushing feeling of devastation that he felt before as a child. If his parents had used cheap, hallow, synthetic pillars, they would have come out of the accident fine, but they had insisted that everything in the exhibit be authentic, and so died as a result. The memory soon froze, as if Sor Jakk had hit the pause button on the remote he was using to manipulate Jacksons' mind.
"This was a defining moment for you, wasn't Dr. Jackson?" Sor Jakk asked, although Jackson had the feeling that he knew the answers to his own questions.
"Yes," he mumbled, desperately wishing he could do something, to fight back, but he was powerless. Sor Jakk was in complete control.
"Your feelings are very strong in this memory, almost more so than any other, and we'll visit those other memories in due time, Dr. Jackson."
The memory around them changed, this time to the family cemetery in Minnesota, in the small town where his parents had met and wished to be buried for all eternity, together. The small cemetery was located on the outer edges of the town, next to a farm field and had a single oak in its center, the leaves budding from the branches at the coming of spring. Jackson could hear the chirping of birds nearby, and felt the soft breeze flow gently through the rows of tombstones, and oddly felt at peace. He saw a small crowd of people standing near the edge of the cemetery. They left either one at a time or in small groups until there were only two left, an elderly women and a small boy. Jackson knew that the small boy was him, and the woman was his grandmother, who cared for him until he left for college. The young Jackson was holding a bouquet of flowers, and walked toward to freshly filled graves. He placed half the flowers on one grave, and the other half on the other, then knelt down and began to cry. Jackson was momentarily overwhelmed by the memory and felt his eyes tear up..
"How lonely you felt then," Sor Jakk said. "There you were, a young boy who had just lost his parents forever, never to create any more memories with them, never to grow under their care, bereft of those who gave you everything you had."
Jackson didn't say anything, afraid that his voice would give way. Sor Jakk continued, "Your life to this point had been destroyed, knocked down by forces beyond your control. However, like all humans, you moved on, you rebuilt, and this memory became the foundation of the man who you now are. All humans have such a memory, and to understand the person, you must understand the foundation on which they are built. From this I believe I have a good understanding of you, Dr. Jackson, although I believe you do not."
Jackson looked at his emotionless face and felt nothing but utter contempt for the creature subjecting him to relive his past. "And who do you think I am?" Jackson asked bitterly.
Sor Jakk took no notice of this. "I believe you are a man obsessed with helping others, even at the expense of your own personal safety." Jackson thought this over, and realized that Sor Jakk was absolutely correct. Looking back at everything he had done, he had done it to help others. He had never realized it, not until now. "Before joining Stargate Command," Sor Jakk went on. "You accomplished this with your intelligence, your greatest asset. Surprisingly, you continued your parents work in the field of archeology, particularly that of the ancient Egyptian culture. You unconsciously wished to help others by advancing their knowledge of ancient civilizations. You focused all of your drive and concentration into your work, sometimes forgetting everything else, including those close to you…"
The cemetery and the sobbing boy faded away and in its place was Jacksons' work place. The side walls were lined with books, and the late evening sun was filtering into the windows, the deep orange light a subtle warning that the day was ending. A long work table sat in the center of the room, cluttered with opened books and journals. Sitting at the table was Jackson, in his twenties. With his left hand he was observing an artifact, while with his right was scribing notes into his journal, totally absorbed into his work. Jackson looked around, not entirely familiar with this memory, but he quickly placed it when the door opened quickly, and in entered Sarah. Jackson soon grimaced, knowing what was in store. Sarah stormed up to the table and leaned on it. It took Jackson a second to realize she was there, but when he did, he looked up in surprise.
"Hey, check this out." He pushed his journal over to her so that she could read his work. "I was able to translate the first part of the text, and it reveals some interesting facts about the god Osiris. I think…" his voice trailed off when he saw that Sarah was not looking at the book, but rather at him.
"Daniel," she said, her voice barely hiding her irritation. "Do you know what time it is?"
He looked down at his watch. "8:30," he replied, mystified by where the conversation was headed.
"And do you know what day it is?"
He looked at her for a moment, then the gravity of his error dawned on him. He hit himself on the forehead and said, "Shoot! I'm so sorry." He stood up and made to grab his coat. "I got so caught up in… There's still time. We…" She cut him off.
"There is no more time, Daniel."
Daniel looked puzzled. "Sure there is, Sarah. We could catch a cab and we'd be able to.."
"That's not what I mean," Sarah said tiredly. "There is no time with you Daniel. There's never time. You're always so caught up in your work that we hardly ever spend any time together."
"Well, sure we do," Daniel said quickly. "We work together all the time and do so well."
"But that's it Daniel. Work, always work. It's the only thing we ever do. We never get to spend any personal time together." Sarah spoke slowly, choosing her words with care. "I can't live that way, Daniel. I'm sorry."
She turned and began to walk out of the room. Daniel just looked at her for a moment, stunned by what was occurring. "Wait, Sarah!"
Sarah just kept on walking, opened the door and walked out of Daniels' life forever. The young Jackson looked after her and sighed. The memory froze just like the ones before.
Jackson felt emotionally drained and couldn't bring himself to care much about what he saw. A moments' silence occurred, and Sor Jakk continued his narration of Jacksons' life. "So caught up were you in your work, you forgot all others, including the ones you loved. That's one of your life's' biggest regrets, isn't it?"
Jackson looked at Sor Jakk. "Who are you?" Jackson asked desolately. "The ghost of Christmas past?"
Sor Jakk laughed at that, but it was a cold, empty laugh. "You have a remarkable sense of humor, Dr. Jackson. You will need that humor, for we are not through yet."
This memory faded away, and the light from the new memory was so bright that Jackson was temporarily blinded. When he regained his sight, Jackson knew instantly that he was on Abados, once his temporary home for some years. They were standing in the desert, just outside the village where the native people dwelt. Jackson looked ahead and smiled, pleased that Sor Jakk had chosen a good memory for once. The Abadosian people were gathered Jackson, and a young woman. Jackson remembered this memory well, for it was his wedding to Chira. Finishing the rituals of marriage, the leader threw his hands in the air, and Jackson and Chira kissed. The Abadosians erupted into thunderous applause, cheers and shouts. Scara came running up to them and hugged each. Overcome by the moment, Jackson picked up his jubilant wife, and carried her back into the village, where there would be more celebrations for several days to come. Jackson watched as the crowd entered the village, then turned and looked at Sor Jakk inquisitively. "Why did you pick this memory?"
Sor Jakk didn't answer his question, at least not right away. "They were not celebrating your wedding solely. As you know, they had just been freed, with your help, from the bondage of the Go'ald called Ra. How indebted to you they must have felt, their savor. And for the first time in your life, you felt like you really made a difference. You had saved an entire people from the clutches of an evil being. Little did you know, however, that this was only the beginning of a lifetime of such servitude, and that not everything would turn out all right in the end."
The memory changed once more, this time to a battlefield on Abados. SG-1 was fighting the Jaffa warriors of Apophasis. Jackson saw himself run towards a tent, remembered the memory and what followed, and quickly sprinting after himself. Entering the tent he found himself confronting Chira, but it was Chira no longer. She had been taken by a Go'ald, the queen of Apophasis. Watching the events unfold, Jackson saw that he was unwilling to shoot Chira, but the queen had no qualms with hurting him. She extended her hand and started to control Jacksons' mind. Jackson now realized that the queen had nearly killed him, but at the moment Teal'c entered the tent, and without hesitation, shot Chira and killed her. The memory froze just as Chiras' lifeless body hit the sandy ground, forever lost. Having watched Sor Jakks' latest choice for viewing, he knew why he had chosen for them to watch his wedding.
"How you had wanted to save her," Sor Jakk said unemotionally. "You had never given up on her, from the moment you heard she had been captured, to the time you learned she was a Go'ald, until this moment, when you knew she couldn't be saved."
Jackson felt that same overwhelming sadness boil up inside him, just as it had when he watched his parents die, but also felt the stabs of anger rise within. He cursed the creature before him for subjecting him to this agony.
"You were devastated by her loss, more so than you were with your parents. You even blamed Teal'c, the one who had saved your life and Chiras', but you see that now. Or do you?" Sor Jakk let the question hang in the air for a moment. "You doubted your ability to help others, but in time you recovered and continued with your work of changing others lives. You were wiser than before, but also more willing to take bigger sacrifices, even at the cost of your own life."
The tent faded away and was replaced with the Gate Room back at the SGC. The Stargate was active and through the gate and down the ramp stormed Jackson. He had his hands held high in the air, making his way to the medical ward as quickly as possible. The other members of SG-1 were close behind him, making sure that nobody touched him. He was contaminated. Jackson had been on a planet where the native scientists were trying to create a Naquadria bomb, but there was an accident and the bomb was close to exploding, which would have killed many people. Jackson had entered the room filled with high levels of radiation, and deactivated the bomb. With a flash the memory changed to that of Jackson laying on a bed, wrapped in bandages to cover the radiation burns, his friends standing at his side. They tried to comfort him, though everyone was well aware that he wouldn't make it. Carter was all teary, and was comforted by her father. Hammond, O'Neill, Teal'c, Bratak, and Dr. Fraser stood by, having done everything that could be done for him. Then, the silence was broken by the heart monitors' shrill alarm, indicating that Jackson had died. The memory froze there, and Jackson looked at Sor Jakk, who looked somewhat puzzled by this.
His face soon returned to neutral, and began to narrate once more. "Since that moment when your parents were killed in the accident, you had lived your life in the service of others, always looking out for the interests of those who couldn't defend it. However, you never took pride in any of this, for you felt that it was never enough. So you continued to help others, even when it caused you to make the greatest sacrifice of all."
Jackson now had a better understanding of who he was, but was still mystified as to why Sor Jakk was doing this. What did he gain by going through and examining Jacksons' memories? "Why are you doing this?" he asked. "What's the point?"
"The Be'nox are like the Go'ald, Dr. Jackson. Like them we require hosts in order to express our true selves. I am looking for the perfect host, one who would be able to…." But he never finished. Sor Jakks' body began to shake, a little at first, then his body went into uncontrolled convulsions. As if tied to Sor Jakk, the memory around them began to shake as well, looking like it would break apart at any second. Sor Jakks' face became twisted with pain, and he let out the loudest shriek, forcing Jackson to cover his ears. Jacksons' head began to throb, and he was afraid that it would burst at any second. He closed his eyes, and bent over, clutching his head in agony. Sor Jakks' scream rose in pitch until the memory completely shattered around them, and once more, Jackson lost consciousness.