Playing Stupid

Chapter Four

Invasion of the Bodysnatchers

The scene that greeted him made Quatre bristle. His entire bed heaved and rolled with a mass of invertebrates he'd much rather see squashed under his expensive shoes than riling in his bed. When he turned to the taller pilot, hands on hips, the other just shrugged.

"What?"

"You get to clean it up, Duo."

The other looked incredulously. "I have no idea how eight pounds of cockroaches found their way into your bed."

Quatre eyed him suspiciously, eyes narrowing to aquamarine slits. That was the second time... "Oh really? What's that phrase you always say? 'I run, I hide, but I never lie'?" The other just gave him a vacant look. "You're not Duo, are you?"

The smile that split his comrade's face could have melted the polar ice caps, a hand reaching out to set firmly on the young Arabian's shoulder. "Our little secret, Kat?"

Foolishly, Quatre opened his mind as a habit when he was caught off guard. A milky white expanse opened up to him effortlessly and a figure he guessed was the real Duo Maxwell looked up, startled violet eyes over a mouth flopping for words. "Quatre!" He shuffled to his feet, panicked. "Get out of …"

The milky white expanse grayed suddenly and a figure Quatre guessed must have been the fake Duo appeared beside the real one, a head taller, brilliant green eyes and touting bat wings that nearly swept the floor.

Quatre gasped and tried to pull out of Duo's mind, turning only to nearly plow into a wall of stone that suddenly sprouted, spanning both to the left and to the right as far as he could see.

"Don't hurt him," he heard Duo whisper. "Please."

"He'll be fine," the other answered. "I wouldn't dream of hurting this one. He's my target after all."

Quatre spun and backed himself against the wall seconds before the bat-winged figure closed in on him, pinning him to the wall and giving him a lecherous look. "Our little secret?" the other repeated, running a finger along the Arabian's cheek. A wicked smile cracked his face when Quatre paled and nodded eagerly, the small blonde beginning to shake. "Good boy."

A flying tackle brought Duo streaking across his vision as the other figure was hit with a well aimed Clothes Line, Duo yanking Quatre from the wall and all but throwing him behind. "It's an OZ psychic, Quatre!"

The other purred something neither couldn't understand, the bat wings unfurling and whipping once, sending a stiff gale their way. "I won't have either of your blow my cover."

Duo felt Quatre tense behind him and figured the blonde was readying a mental assault. Unfortunately, the OZ psychic guessed the same thing.

Sensing the coming retaliation, the figure chuckled darkly and waggled a finger at both pilots. "Try it and I'll get very, very displeased with the both of you."

Considering he had Quatre to defend as well, Duo resigned himself to idle threats. Against a psychic in his own mind, he would hardly be a threat, but he wasn't about to keel over and play dead. "Screw this! Even if I have to spend the next month in the hospital, give me back my body. This is where I draw the line!"

The bat winged figure threw his head back and laughed uproariously, his voice booming so loud that Duo cringed and hunkered down. "You!? Think you can order around ME!? NO ONE orders me! I am a GOD!"

Duo's blood began to run cold, but he held his ground. "No you're not. And once I figure out what you've done with the real Shinigami, I'll sit back enjoying a bag of popcorn while said god kicks your sorry ass. This is my body," he said slowly. "My mind."

"Not anymore."

The other readied an attack from what Duo could guess. He fell back on the image of the old, skinny naked man and built up his defenses. And he was just about to launch the wrinkly old fart at the thread when a head of platinum blonde hair appeared before him, aquamarine eyes set in an emotion he had not seen from the smaller pilot.

"Duo! Go!"

A sharp shove impacted his chest, knocking the wind from his lungs. Duo sailed effortlessly through the environment, punching a hole through the rock wall, rocketing backwards, the figures of Quatre and the OZ mindfreak quickly shrinking. He tried to reach out, tried to grab onto anything that would stop his flight. "Quatre!!" he screamed.

The milky white environment flashed to black and Duo crashed into something hard with a dull thump. Rolling a few times, he clamored into a wall, head rebounding in a nasty crunch. Snow blind eyes struggled for light and focus as he immediately grabbed his battered skull, fighting a case of the little yellow birdies he was certain were circling his head.

His eyes found movement across the room. A plain bed was riling with what had to be half the world's population of creepy crawlies of all makes and models. Not too keen on bugs, Duo scrambled to his feet and made two horrific realizations.

One, he was dressed in pastels and cashmere, not of his own free will.

And two, his body appeared to be attempting to pull its own head off across the room from him.

The bedroom door was kicked open, the dusty oak door nearly hitting him as it made way for three heavily armed Gundam pilots.

Heero was first into the room, diving for the frantic figure of Duo Maxwell, Trowa and Wu Fei in close pursuit, one brandishing a kitchen skillet, the other, a heavy amount of bailing twine from the abandoned livestock stalls out back.

In a carefully orchestrated coup, the body was hauled to the floor by Heero, clunked upside the head by Wu Fei's frying pan, and furiously bound hand to foot by Trowa.

Duo took a shaky step back, watching slack jawed as all three pilots began to make a human mummy of the body with the rope. "What the hell is going on here?"

Trowa was first to his feet, sailing across the room to take Duo by the shoulders, shaking him gently. From his vantage point, Duo noted that Trowa was suddenly a foot taller than him; the two were nearly equal height last time he checked. The acrobat hadn't taken to wearing women's stiletto's had he?

"Quatre!" Trowa began, almost frantically. "Are you ok? Did he hurt you?"

"Quatre!" Duo exclaimed, managing to nearly throw Trowa out of the way as he leapt across the room. Wu Fei was pulled back by his pony tail amid many curses and rhetoric in Chinese before Duo sank to his knees beside his body. "Quatre!" he yelled, reaching out to shake the bound and unconscious body.

The distinct click of a gun safety echoed into the room, Duo turning slowly to see Heero level his gun at his forehead. Two more clicks resounded and Wu Fei and Trowa soon followed suit.

Reality caught up to Duo and he began to pat himself down. Pink cashmere cardigan, green pants, shoes worth more than his entire wardrobe. Hands flew to his head and his eyes went wide when he came back without a braid. "Oh no. He didn't."

"Who are you?" Heero began, cocking the gun.

Duo lowered his hands slowly, wide eyes volleying between his friends. "Guys. We've got big trouble." When he didn't receive a reply he swallowed hard. "It's me. Duo."

Trowa hissed and his gun was soon pressed into the other's temple. "Where's Quatre?"

Duo looked slowly to his bound body on the floor. "In there…"

… to be continued

Ooh, a twist I bet you didn't exactly expect, eh?

Please R&R!