Photographer's Log: Entry 548
When I got up this morning, I picked up my camera and I reviewed my photos as I always do. I got excited when I remembered I finally got the kiss shot of Skywalkidala, but then I remembered I can't turn them in until I get a shot that puts Anakin as the front runner as the father of Amidala's child. Jet couldn't be any happier. Seriously, what is it with women and babies? What are they even going to do with the kid? Well, that part is not my business, but getting a picture of him is. The thing is I've never gotten a baby picture before. I was hoping to get a picture of an Alderaanian prince or princess, but the poor Queen miscarried…twice. Ouch. Imagine fate toying with you, and giving false hope, twice! It only happened once when I fell off the building and broke the other camera.
So, Jet and I tried a new strategy today. We each decided to follow one person. We had to play rock-paper-scissors to see who got Amidala. I choose scissors, and she chose rock. Damn her rock to hell where it should smashed into a million pieces and stepped on by Satan himself! Now, I have to follow Skywalker. Do you know what happened last time I had to follow a Jedi?! I had to follow him into the sewers and I got bit by a bunch of giant sewer rats! I had to get a rabies vaccination soon afterwards, but I'll never feel completely clean again. Anyways, I spent the morning following Skywalker throughout the temple. It didn't work as well as it should have. I was in the temple for about an hour, but then another Jedi asked what I was doing here. I tried to tell him I was the janitor, but apparently it didn't work. He did the little hand-thingy and said I would leave immediately. What do you know? Five minutes later, I was standing outside the building. Stupid Jedi mind trick. Well, I probably wouldn't have found anything interesting in there anyway. It's not like he going to do anything stupid like shop for baby clothes on the internet in the library or something. I had a better chance of getting something suspicious outside the temple.
I bet Jet was having a great time! After going to ONE boring council meeting, she probably gets to follow Amidala around the mall. Man, that woman is a shopper. She got
#1 on Weekly Galaxy's Best Spenders. Most of the time, after she wears a dress, she gives it to her handmaiden or some little girl she found on the street. My mom bought one of her dresses at a charity auction.
So this afternoon, Jet and I met up when Skywalker snuck out of the temple at night. We knew better than to sneak into the apartment when we could get a perfectly good photo from outside the veranda and be spared from the lawsuit of trespassing. I got my old hovercar out of the shed where it had been forever. I hate to say it, but the plan was to drive the car around the apartment all night until we got a shot. I know it's tedious, but I can't think of a better plan. It would look too suspicious if there's a car just hovering in the middle of traffic in front of her apartment all night! We didn't have much luck during the first couple hours, but soon we saw Skywalker walking onto the veranda in his PJs with Amidala walking in her big blue nightgown a few minutes later, looking heavily pregnant. Cha-ching! I could hear the hallelujah bells now!
FATE HATES ME!!! Just as I was about to get the shot, my STUPID HUNK OF JUNK RAN OUT OF GAS!!! Jet wouldn't stop giving me sithspit when the car started falling down to the ground. Screaming, I clutched onto the seat and my precious camera. I WON'T go back into a coma! I REFUSE! Jet was screaming too as we plummeted into the ground. Good thing there is almost no traffic at midnight, or else we might've hit another hovercar. Jet wouldn't let me hear the end of it all the way home. She was even yelling at me for not refilling the gas tank while I was in the shower. Hey, I can't afford enough gas to keep the thing running forever! Especially with the recent prices! I would get a lunar-powered car, but those things are only available in, like, Hapes. I hate those snooty car salesmen there, too. The chicks are hot, but I feel like I'm in some exclusive country club. I really don't feel comfortable there. Oh well, I shall not give up! Dexter Snipley NEVER gives up!