Photographer's Log: Entry 550
This morning, Skywalker was nowhere to be found. NORMAL people would assume he was killed by "Order 66." Seriously, whose big idea was it anyway to program a secret code that gets clones to go on a murderous rampage? You'd think the Jedi would've bothered to make sure their troops were fool proof. Now I know you can defeat any Jedi armed with troops by calling out, "Order 66!" Or at least you could've, because the Jedi are going extinct. The last one I saw was the one running for dear life when I rescued Jet. Anyway, like I said, people think Anakin Skywalker is dead, but if you are one of the elite members of society as I am, you'd know that HE is behind the Jedi wipeout.
OK, since Anakin Skywalker has turned homicidal, Jet and I agreed that it would be safer if NO ONE followed him. We'll just stick with the sweet and motherly Padme Amidala and let him come to us. I wanted to check out the remains of the Jedi Temple, but no, Jet wouldn't go in there even it was the only bomb shelter during a nuclear war. She couldn't even sleep last night because she was thinking about her ordeal. Oh man, I hope she doesn't turn into those trauma victims who sit in mental hospital all day staring at walls and hear screaming in their brains. So we spent most of the day in Amidala's apartment. She didn't look as panicky as I thought she would be. Maybe she doesn't know Anakin just led the massacre on the ENTIRE Jedi Order. I don't want to be the one who spills THAT kind of news to her. Fortunately, that guy cam sometime in the afternoon.
Guess WHAT?! Obi-Wan Kenobi is alive! Padme looked really happy to see him alive, but her joy was short-lived because good ol' Obi-Wan spilled the beans. He told her EVERYTHING! He told her how Anakin's a bad guy and that he killed all the Jedi in the temple, even the children! Whoa, how can she trust him with THEIR child if he just killed hundreds of younglings? Then, he asked her where Anakin was and it turns out he's on Mustafar. Then he found out about the baby and left. Why is it that when someone mentions only a planet's name that they know EXACTLY where to go? I mean, all they know is the planet, and the last time I checked, planets are HUGE! How can he possibly go straight to him and not search the whole planet first? Whatever, maybe it's some Jedi skill or something.
Soon after Kenobi left, Jet and I headed for the next ship to Mustafar, and we prayed that we'd somehow find him on the HUGE planet. So after a two-hour trip, luck finally came our way! After walking down an ashy road not far from the ship station, we found Skywalker in the volcanoes. Isn't it a little dangerous to be near a volcano? Then again, Skywalker LOVES danger. It's like his mistress; whenever he's not with Amidala, he's on a date with danger. So as we walk up to the building he's in, a ship is landing! We would've been caught had we not jumped behind a giant rock. So there we are sitting behind a rock when AMIDALA runs out of the ship!
She looked as pregnant as ever and there she was in Skywalker's arms. I grabbed my camera, and snapped the best shots of my career! YES! THE PICS ARE MINE! Jet was taking pictures too, but then she stopped suddenly.
"What is it?" I asked her.
"Listen to them." She said holding her ear to the scandalous couple. I listened closely to our power couple.
"Obi-Wan's trying to turn you against me."
"He cares about us."
"Us?"
"He knows. He wants to help you!"
So they're arguing, and I decide to switch my camera to camcorder mode because THIS IS BETTER THAN GOLD! IT'S PLATINUM! No, DIAMOND! They went on fighting about how he wants to ruler the empire with her, but she doesn't want to, and basically everything women get out of their precious soap operas. Then, KENOBI jumps out from Amidala's ship, and Skywalker gets so mad, he CHOKES Amidala! Seriously, I couldn't believe I was getting this on tape. Next thing I know, she's on the ground, and Kenobi and Skywalker take part in a mighty duel. Their fight moved from the landing platform to a room that smelled like corpses. YUCK! So once the coast was clear, we came out from behind the rock. The first thing Jet does is rush out to Amidala. Luckily, she found a pulse, so we figured she'd wake up in a few minutes. For the meantime, a hard floor surrounded by active volcanoes is NO place for a pregnant woman. Especially one who's been under serious stress like her. We moved her to the safety of her ship before following Skywalker and Kenobi.
This duel went a little farther than I expected it to. The video I was making will get, like, 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 hits once I post it on the Holonet. They were fighting in rains of lava, and they were hopping from platform to platform. Finally, they came to a winner when Kenobi jumped onto solid ground, and then Anakin stared at him with piercing yellow eyes. WHOA! Where did those come from? Is that secret Sith power, changing eye color?! Anyway, when Skywalker tries to jump, Kenobi HACKS off three of his limbs! Seriously! And to think these guys were best friends about two days ago! So Skywalker slides down near the lava, and catches on fire! He's burning to a crisp before my very eyes. I'm going to go down in gossip history when the boss sees this video!
So Kenobi rushed back to help Amidala, and we snuck on the ship. Yeah, we snuck past a Jedi without getting caught. Of course, he obviously had too much to think about to worry about stowaways. I mean, in the course of a couple days, this guy has lost pretty much every friend he ever had. The Jedi are no more, and his ex-best friend is burnt to a crisp. Poor guy. Amidala isn't looking too well, either. She hasn't woken up during the trip, and she's paler than ever. Kenobi met up with Bail Organa and Yoda at some hospital. Yoda survived, too? So are Kenobi and Yoda the only Jedi left in the galaxy?!
Jet and I found some medical gear lying around, so we put it in and snuck into the ER. I know it's illegal, but so was trespassing, but that didn't stop us! So we find Amidala's room, and as it turns out, the stress has caused to her to go into premature labor! This is weird, though. The only privacy she gets is a plastic tube covering her abdomen and down, and there is a glass wall for all her friends to see.
"Dex, if I ever have a baby, remind me never to come to THIS hospital.' Jet told me as we watched her give birth. It was actually really short. You'll never believe this though, she has TWINS! Good force, forget an article, Jet and I will have to publish an entire BOOK on our story. Heck, maybe even a movie!
Then, suddenly, my heart dropped and I lost all thoughts on my photos. As Amidala said her last words to her friend, she…she died, The heart monitor went flat and her friends all sighed and looked away trying to hold back tears. I couldn't move. She was just…gone. Just like that. Jet pulled me out of the emergency room. She also looked like she was going to cry.
"Dex, we can't do this." She said. I knew what she was talking about, and I agreed. How could I have been such a heartless jerk? All I had cared about was my stupid photo when she was being strangled. All I could think about was all the recognition I'd get after posting the story while she was dying. I watched her die, and I watched her lover die. He was burning, screaming in pain, and I was laughing and capturing it on tape. What kind of sadistic psycho am I?
"You're right, Jet. No one needs to see this family suffer. The public shall never know Amidala died after her love strangled her. The last thing her friends want right now is evidence of such a chaotic affair released to the public right after she died. She should at least be mourned with respect. I could never taint the dead's honor." I said deleting clearing all the memory in my camera. As I did so, Jet looked at me with great shock, and then great admiration, and then she planted one on me. That's right, Jet and I actually kissed, and it wasn't bad either.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to go to my boss and ask for a more respectful position in the magazine, like the horoscopes. Then, I'll ask Jet if she wants to go to dinner or something.
THE END