Chapter Seventeen
"Right, we need to talk," Tonks said, blazing into the living room. She aimed her wand at Lupin and shot a restraining spell straight at his chest so he was forced back into the couch. "You've been avoiding me for days."
"I've had stuff to do," he said weakly. Thinking counted as 'stuff', didn't it?
"Bullshit. I asked Dumbledore. He knows of nothing, which means you're just trying to fob me off."
"I am not – " he protested, struggling against the restraining spell. Tonks reinforced it, and for a second he thought he recognised the grim determined flash of her eyes that people who had come up against Bellatrix LeStrange and lived to tell the tale were so familiar with. "The least you owe me is an honest answer," she snapped at him. "So how about we play a game of yes-or-no? Because I think I know what it is. You got cold feet yet again and yet again you were too much of a coward to tell me to my face so you figured yetagain that you would just slink off for my own good."
She was furious, he thought. And he couldn't exactly blame her. He hadn't exactly been upfront with her – and judging from her words, she had no idea of why he had been avoiding her the last few days, so Snape hadn't clued her in. "It's not what you think," he said.
"Shut...up!" she yelled at him. "I have been putting up with your bullshit for eight years and it's the same every single time. You push me away for my own good. You think I can do better. Well, fuck you, Remus Lupin. Fuck you. I'm not a child you can order around like I'm not old enough to make an informed decision. I don't take that crap from my mother, let alone from a man who's supposed to be my lover."
"You hit me with one more spell and I swear to Merlin, Tonks, I'll marry you just to stop you from using magic on me," Lupin growled when she started to aim another spell at him. Part of a marriage bond in the wizarding community was that it prevented husbands and wives from using magic on one another; once upon a time, the vast majority of cases at St. Mungo's were from spouses resorting to magic in a fight.
It had been intended as a glib comment, but at the word 'marriage' she lowered her wand. "What?" she asked.
Her concentration broken and her wand down, the restraining spell was immediately broken. "I didn't mean it like that," he said. "Though you didn't need to hit me with restraining spell, I would have listened to you."
"You haven't so far," she pointed out.
"Sit down." He scooted over on the couch to make room for her. She eyed him suspiciously, wondering if his sudden willingness to talk was a trick, and then sat down. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," he said contritely. "Snape gave me some news that turned my world upside down and I needed to think."
"The Wolfsbane potion doesn't work anymore?" she asked, immediately fearing the worst. "The contraceptive potion doesn't work?"
"You're on the right track, but it's actually the reverse. He's worked out how to tweak the potion so it only affects my wolf side. Look, it's all to do with muggle science so I don't really understand it, but basically all this time I've actually been taking two potions, one to stop the wolf part of me from procreating and the other to stop the human side. I can just take the wolf potion if I want and it will only make that part of me infertile."
"I don't understand," she said, although her mind was working quickly and she grasped the basics of it; she just wanted to hear Lupin said it.
"It means that I don't have to worry about impregnating you with wolf sperm," he said baldly.
He had said 'you', referring to Tonks, not 'a woman', referring to the general idea of having children. Her breath caught in her throat. Although they had talked about their future and having children, she had known deep down that he would never take the risk of bringing werewolf children into the world; knowing what kind of life it was, he would never risk doing that to a child. But now – but now –
She threw herself into his arms. "Remus, that's wonderful!" she cried. "Why couldn't you just say that in the first place?"
"Because I've spent almost thirty years knowing my life would go a certain way. It's not easy to be told something like that, even if everyone else thinks it's wonderful. So I've been doing a lot of thinking about me and you and us and our future. Tonks, settle down. I can't think when you're all over me." She was bouncing around on his lap, smothering his face with kisses, running her hands over his arms and chest. Obediently she stopped, although she didn't move from his lap. "I've been doing a lot of thinking," he repeated. "Love, you know the kind of lifestyle I can afford. And I know the kind of lifestyle you're used to. If you want to be with me, then you either have to lower your standards or make up the difference out of your own pocket."
"Remus, I knew that years ago," she said. "I don't need much. And our children won't, either," she added pointedly. "I mean – yeah – I like all the comforts that I grew up with, but I can live without them. I'd rather live without them then without you."
"There'll be a lot of people who won't approve."
She rolled her eyes. "Where have you been these last six months, Remus? Because it sure as Merlin isn't in this house, surrounded by people who love and respect you and have been placing bets on what we'd get together. I hear the twins have started putting money on when we get married," she giggled. "Yes, Remus, I know a lot of people won't approve. But a lot of people won't care, either. And I, for one, would love to see the look on Aunt Narcissa's face when she sees us together. Come to think of it, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to see the look on Umbridge's, either. Kingsley made a few hints that pretty much the whole team would forget how to do their jobs overnight if she tried to blackball me over it." Though there were exceptions, the Aurors had a history of being among the most open-minded of Department of Magic employees, and since they were so vital to the Department's success, not even Umbridge would dare make a fuss if they were determined to stand together.
"What about your parents?" he asked quietly.
"We're going to tell them what we should have told them six years ago. That we love each other and they can accept that or they can disown me."
"Could you live with that?"
"Yes, Remus, I could. I'm not this fifteen-year-old who's got the hots for you and hasn't given the consequences any thought. I've thought about everything I might lose for being with you, and you know what? It's not nearly worth as much as losing you. And that was before I thought we wouldn't have children," she added.
He looked into her eyes and, finally, saw that far from being the fifteen-year-old who had first kissed him all those years ago, she was a twenty-three-year-old who had thought through every consequence a life with him and made an informed choice that life with him was better than life without him. "In that case," he said slowly. "I have something for you." Awkwardly he fished around in his pants pocket and pulled out a small box. "This was my mother's," he said. "It's hardly in the same league as the Black family jewels but she said that any woman who was prepared to spend her life with me would rather have something that was handed down with love."
"She sounds like she was very wise."
"She was. You would have liked her. Most parents at the time would have drowned me." He picked up her left hand. "Marry me," he said quietly.
Even though her head had known what he was doing when he pulled out a box that was only big enough for a ring – and a ring that had belonged to his mother, no less – the two words still made her heart stop beating for a second. Time paused, and she stared at the ring, thinking that, for all its simplicity, there was a style there that none of the Black family jewels, in all their ostentatiousness, possessed. "Tonks?" Lupin asked nervously when she just stared at the ring for several seconds and a horrible thought entered his head that she would turn him down because he couldn't afford the kind of jewellery for his wife that her uncle Lucius could. "Love? This is the point where you give me an answer."
His nervous words penetrated her reverie, and she wanted to giggle when she realised that he was actually nervous about her answer. "Oh, God, yes, Remus, I thought that was a given," she gasped. She held out her hand for him to slip the ring on her finger, and admired the way the stone sparkled in the light. She was engaged. "Can we go now?' she asked excitedly.
"What, now now?" he asked incredulously
She nodded enthusiastically. "There are heaps of places that will marry us straight away," she said.
"I'm not sure what to make of it that you know that," he said. She wriggled around excitedly on his lap, and he could feel himself responding with an excitement of his own. "Ah, easy, love," he grunted. "I don't see why you're so keen on getting married right this very second. We can't even consummate it yet. Are you worried I'm going to change my mind?"
She shook her head, trusting, finally, that Lupin knew what he wanted and trusted her to know what she wanted. "No. And I don't care if we don't have a proper wedding night. I just want to be your wife. I've wanted to be your wife for six years, Remus. I don't care about having a big wedding and all that. Practically all I want to be there is already is this house. We could get a celebrant and have it in the living room!"
"Tonks! Love, I am not marrying you without at least giving your parents the opportunity to make nice," he said. "We'll all regret it if we don't at least give them a chance."
She went quiet for a few seconds, digesting Lupin's words and knowing deep down that he was right. "Fine," she said finally. "Can we at least go and do that now?"
"I believe you said you'd have nothing more to do with my daughter," Andromeda said as neutrally as she could manage. She had known this was coming – from what Moody had said, it had actually taken longer coming than he had thought – but she still didn't like the idea of Lupin and her daughter being together. Although she had to admit, she infinitely preferred it when they were twenty-three and thirty-six than seventeen and thirty.
"I should never have said that," Lupin said with quiet dignity. "I shouldn't have gotten involved with her so young, but I'm not sorry I'm involved with her now. I was a coward," he admitted. "I thought it was best that she be with her family than with me. I should have let her make up her own mind. I love her, Andromeda, and I know you think she could do better, but she could also do a hell of a lot worse. Just look at those two brother-in-laws of yours."
Andromeda clenched her fists, knowing that Lupin had a strong point. Hell, she had been extremely fond of him as a friend, but when it had come to him seeing Tonks, her deeply ingrained prejudices had come to the fore. "What if you hurt her?" she asked, terrified that one full moon he might lose control and take it out on the person in the closest proximity to him.
"Mum, he knows his limitations better than anyone else I know," Tonks protested. "He refuses to be around me when he turns, even though he's just a harmless wolf now. And – if you don't approve – you'll never see your grandchildren!" she threw in her mother's face. "I don't want them to have a bigot for a grandmother!"
"Love, that wasn't the way I wanted to tell her," Lupin admonished her gently.
"Sorry," Tonks said contritely. "I just get so bloody sick of people thinking I'm your monthly punching bag."
"Grandchildren?" Andromeda asked. For the first time she noticed that while Lupin and Tonks were holding hands, his was firmly over hers. Realising Andromeda was onto them, Lupin let go of her hand to reveal the small by tasteful ring. Her first thought was that while Narcissa might be able to brag about the large, expensive pieces of jewellery Lucius bought her, she could never claim to posses something so tastefully dignified.
"This isn't the way we wanted to tell you," Lupin admitted. "And I was hoping Ted would be here. But we're going to be married with or without your permission, but we'd like your approval."
"Grandchildren," Andromeda repeated, part wistfully, part horrified. So little was known about werewolf physiology – what kind of grandchildren would Tonks be giving her with Lupin as their father?
Tonks flared at the obvious horror on her mother's face, and knew exactly what she was thinking. "For your information," she said, "he's reformulated his potion so it will only repress the wolf side. He took this revolting stuff all the time we were together so he wouldn't expose me to that side of him, And now he won't ever sleep with me until he's been taking it for a full cycle – "
"Tonks!" Lupin hissed at her, mortified.
"I don't care! My own mother made this huge deal about marrying someone everyone thought was beneath her but she spouts the same bigoted crap as everyone else when it comes to me doing the same thing. Remus has done the right thing by me every step of the way," Tonks said, glaring at her mother, challenging Andromeda to argue with her. "Except when he was listening to bigoted people telling me that the right thing was to leave me. Well, I'm sick of it. We love each other and we're going to be married and have children and if you don't approve then you won't see me – or them – ever again!"
She sank back into the chair. Lupin slid his hand across her chest. "I've never seen her that worked up," he told Andromeda. "Her heart's going faster then mine. Don't do that again for at least another month," he whispered in Tonks's ear. "It's the biggest turn-on when you defend us like that. In fact, why don't you go put on a pot of tea, love?" he directed her.
So Tonks went to the kitchen, leaving Andromeda alone with her future son-in-law. "It's no use trying to appeal to my better nature, Dromeda," Lupin said wearily. "I've heard it from you, Dumbledore, Molly – she is my better nature. I'm sorry I got involved with her when she was so young. I should have given her the chance to be involved with boys her own age without constantly comparing them to me. There's a lot I would do over if I had the chance – but she's well and truly old enough to make an informed choice now and I won't stay away for her own good. I'm her own good. I make her happy. When was the last time you saw her that happy?"
"Since before she left Hogwarts," Andromeda admitted.
"Exactly. When we were together."
"And what if I cut her off?"
"Then you'll be no better than your own mother," Lupin said, knowing he had hit a nerve when it came to her own mother's treatment of her. "And you'll never see your grand-children. They'll face enough bigotry as it is, I don't want them getting it from their family."
"And you really can suppress your wolf side? That isn't something you told her to make her happy?"
"Oh, give me credit," Lupin said, the aggravation in his voice obvious. "I planned to never have children for that reason. I would never have thought of marrying her if children were off the table, and I would never have thought of having children if I wasn't assured they would be human. I've spent more than twenty years being exposed to people's ideas about werewolves – not to mention it's fucking painful to change every month. I would not bring a child into the world if there was even the smallest possibility that they might be afflicted." He took a deep breath and let the silence sit between them for a few seconds as Andromeda digested the information. "I don't want to force her to choose between us," he said. "I want – we want – you and Ted in our lives, in our children's lives. We want you at our wedding and we want you to be our children's grandparents. Please?"
He watched as Andromeda closed her eyes, witnessing her mental struggle as she was pulled between her desire to see her only child married to someone who wasn't an outcast and her desire to see her only child as happy as she was with Lupin – and only Lupin. And she knew, and he knew she knew, that she could not deny her daughter this love for a man who, society be damned, loved her with his heart and soul and was the best thing that ever happened to her.