Check my stories to find a fic based on the beginning of this chapter.

Chapter 13

"What?" Merlin was taken aback and staggered away from the man. He couldn't think when Gwaine was breathing on him like that.

"These past few days you've looked more afraid than I've ever seen you. I made you feel that way. Finally, we find ourselves alone and you throw yourself at me? Makes me think.."

Merlin's body went numb. "What?"

Gwaine hesitated. "..that it wouldn't be out of character for you to use your body to silence me, if it was to protect your destiny at Arthur's side."

"You think I would.." He paused. "You think I would prostitute myself to.." Merlin's voice trailed away. It was too awful to say out loud.

Gwaine rubbed his forehead.

"I love you." Gwaine's heartfelt words took Merlin by surprise and left him gaping. "You don't love me, that I know, and what is most important to you is protecting Arthur, that I know too. If I were to come between that destiny, you would dispose of me." Gwaine looked away at that final statement. Merlin saw that he really believed that to be true. Gwaine's face was distorted with the regret and the loss that were sure to follow this conversation. The man looked very unlike himself. Gwaine used to be so care free when he and Merlin met. What had happened? Merlin thought for a moment. I happened.

Merlin formed his thoughts into a question, just to make sure. "Do you honestly believe that?"

"Answer my question, then."

Merlin looked at the man's anguished face. It was obvious this wasn't the first time Gwaine had thought about asking the very same question. Merlin realized that behind his laughter Gwaine had a very soft core. Being with him meant feeding all the insecurities the man had. Merlin's life had been divided between his destiny and Gwaine ever since they had met. Maybe it would be better for all parties involved if they stopped their affair. Especially Gwaine. Being with the one you love is supposed to make you happy. Being with me has made you sad, so we must be doing something wrong. " His insides hurt as he pretended to chuckle. "I guess I was wrong to kiss you back then."

Gwaine, suddenly seeming more like himself, lightly punched him in the arm to ease the atmosphere. Breaking up was his specialty. "Well, we all make mistakes", he grinned, though still visibly upset.

They briefly discussed the terms of the dissolution of their relationship. They would still remain friends, but Merlin would go back to serving Arthur because it would be too hard for them to spend that much time together immediately after their parting. Though they were both upset, they eased into being the kind of friends they were before Gwaine had kissed him and walked back to their friends seeming normal again. Arthur came to greet them and patted them on their backs to show his satisfaction over their apparent reconciliation. Lancelot, Percival and Oliver all looked relieved that the tense atmosphere from before seemed all but gone. Gwaine and Merlin changed clothes for dry ones as the ones they had on were completely wet. It had started raining again just as Merlin and Gwaine had arrived, and the local people had told Arthur it was likely that the rain would come and go for a few days. Fearing that traveling in the midst of rain wouldn't be too healthy for Oliver as she was still recovering from her suicide attempt, Arthur told them that they would stay in the village for another day and wait for the weather to improve.

Things were still a little awkward between Merlin and Gwaine. Whenever they crossed each other's paths, they apologized and then stared at each other, not knowing what to do. Lancelot noticed this and took Merlin out for a walk while the others stayed to guard Oliver. Now that she was awake again, she was not to be trusted.

"So, how did it go? You seem better than before. At least a little."

"We are. We broke off the affair", Merlin replied staring straight ahead as they walked.

"What?" Lancelot stopped in his tracks. He then hurried to catch up to his friend. "Why?"

"He wasn't happy with me. Now that we're not together anymore, he should be able to become happy."

"Happiness, shmappiness. He loves you."

"Exactly. He wants more than I can give. My responsibilities lie with Arthur. There is no room for Gwaine, so it's better I cut him loose and let him find someone who can make him happy."

"And you?"

Merlin blinked. "I'll be fine." He didn't sound particularly convinced.

Meanwhile at the inn, Gwaine asked Arthur to come and talk to him a little further away from the wonder cousins.

Arthur walked up to Gwaine. "What is it?"

"Like you told us to, I made up with Merlin", Gwaine repeated the cover story he and Merlin had devised. "However, things are still a bit awkward between us."

"Well, considering how you were before, I suppose it makes sense", Arthur, smooth as ever, elbowed him in a feeble effort to comfort him.

"You are nasty to him all the time. How do you make up for it?" Gwaine's words were genuine, and that was exactly why Arthur was offended by them. "I am not nasty to him. I'm just teaching him to be a better servant."

Gwaine ignored him. "You think I should get him flowers?"

"Those are for women."

"A poem?"

"Girly again."

"A tankard of mead?"

"Now you're in the right category, but aim higher."

"What then? A book?"

"I think you backed up to poems again..but hey, you know, you might just be onto something. He is studying with Gaius, so he would probably appreciate a medical book." Arthur patted him on his shoulder as if to say 'go for it'.

Considering Arthur's plan to stay in this village for another day, Gwaine would have plenty of time to find a book. Now that he thought about it, Merlin would probably need a magic book instead of a medical book, as he seemed to have the healing part covered.

He made some inquiries, and found out that a few druids had been spotted. They had been on a holy walk to their most sacred places and were now returning to their homes. Gwaine briefly wondered how the innkeeper happened to know that, but he decided not to dwell on it. He informed Arthur about his side trip to avoid getting into trouble again (he of course left the part about the druids out) and then headed out. The air was humid but at least it wasn't raining at the moment.

Finding the druids turned out to be surprisingly easy. Gwaine approached them and kept his hands raised to show them he wasn't there to harm them. Unfortunately the group turned out to be the same group he, Merlin and Arthur had blackmailed to get the Cup of life. He winced. Maybe getting the book would turn out more difficult after all.

"You again." The druid used words in order no to frighten the knight who, despite coming in peace, was carrying a sword nonetheless.

"Yes. Listen, about the last time we met.."

"No need for apologies. Simply state why you are here."

Gwaine looked at him. He had a bad feeling the druid knew full well why he was there, but obliged nonetheless. "I have a friend and I'd like to get him a book."

"A book? Doesn't the royal library contain all the books your friend could ever need?"

Gwaine now knew for certain the druid could read his mind: otherwise the druid couldn't know he had been knighted or for whom the book was. "I mean a book of magic."

"Arthur's knight searching for a book of magic?"

"It's..for personal reasons." Gwaine really didn't appreciate the druid seeing into his mind right then and there. He tried to avoid thinking about Merlin, but failed. The druid smiled. He reached down to his bag and pulled a heavy book out. The book was obviously too big for the bag, so the book had to have been magically shrunk to fit in, Gwaine thought. The druid hesitated before handing the book over to him. The druid's cryptic smile unnerved Gwaine, but he accepted the book with a bow. "Thank you. How much do I owe you?"

"No need for payment. Friends of Emrys...are our friends."

"I don't know any Emrys. Was he the little boy from the last time?" Gwaine asked, fearing he had been confused with someone else and he would be forced to return the book. The druid smiled and the other druids started walking again. He nodded to Gwaine in goodbye and followed the others.

"Oh. Gwaine." His call made Gwaine turn back to face him. "Do not try to use the book yourself, or you might end up hurting yourself or others." Gwaine nodded and they parted ways. As he went, the druid shook his head. Humans.

Right outside the village, he decided to stop to eat something before trying to make up with Merlin. As he ate, he took a glance at the book. He was bored and the book seemed interesting enough to pass the time. I guess flipping through it couldn't hurt.

Famous last words.

He caressed the leathery cover. It wasn't of leather, but of some other very soft material that felt good to the touch. He then opened the book, half expecting a wyvern to jump from its pages.

He had learned to read as his mother had taught him, but as he flipped through the pages he understood none of it. The texts were filled with words that didn't make any sense to him. He realized he had finished eating, so he decided to continue later, hid the book and rode to the village. Arthur told them he had decided that a little rain wouldn't kill them, and as Oliver seemed to alright too, they finally left the village and headed for the Perilous Lands.

Soon, it was lunch time, and Lancelot and Gwaine had been instructed to watch Oliver so she wouldn't escape again while Arthur, Percival and Merlin went to hunt, fetch some water and gather some fire wood, respectively. Oliver and Lancelot yelled at each other for a half an hour about responsibilities and freedom and had finally settled to glare at each other. Gwaine saw this as his opportunity to browse through the druid's book, or as he now referred to it as, the Emrys book.

As Lancelot and Oliver had started talking again, Gwaine could whisper aloud whatever he wanted without the fear of being heard. He chose a page that esthetically appealed to him (as the words gave him nothing to go by), and began reading. Once he had finished everything that was on the page, he laughed because it seemed ridiculous. Then he noticed a faint glow that dropped from the edge of the book on the floor and started heading towards Oliver and Lancelot. Oh no. Gwaine got up abruptly and waved at Oliver and Lancelot. "Move, you are in danger!"

First, Oliver and Lancelot looked around them to find nothing even remotely threatening, then turned back to Gwaine. "I know you are bored, but don't make stuff up. That's just sad", Lancelot managed just before the light hit him and Oliver at the same time. Gwaine watched helplessly as the light swallowed the two of them. Gwaine knew Merlin was the only person that could help them. He directed his words at the giant cloud of light as he couldn't see Lancelot or Oliver anymore. "I will get help. Don't worry!"

Merlin had just managed to gather up as much fire wood as his arms could carry when he saw Gwaine charge at him with his horse. Merlin prepared for another uncomfortable conversation with the man, but Gwaine simply yanked him from the arm and lifted him on his horse, making Merlin drop everything he had been carrying. Merlin struggled not to fall from the horse right back to the ground. "What happened to us spending time apart? This is not what we agreed on!"

"Of that I'm sure, but we have bigger problem now."

Before Merlin could argue, Gwaine urged his horse to gallop and Merlin simply tried to hold on.

Once they had reached their resting place, Gwaine and Merlin jumped off the horse. "Alright, what is the big problem?" Merlin asked as he looked around him. "And where are Oliver and Lancelot?"

"I did something stupid." Gwaine was worried, now Merlin could tell. "I went to find some druids to get you a book."

Merlin was astonished. "Why?"

Suddenly, Gwaine voice became incredibly soft. "To make things better between us."

Merlin gave him a sympathetic look. "And you think a book would make me do that?"

"Well, Arthur seemed to think it was a good idea."

"Arthur suggested you go see some druids?"

"Well, actually he suggested a medical book, but as we both know, a book of magic would be more useful to you."

Merlin tried to get his head around what he was hearing. "You went to find the druids and asked them to give you a magic book for me?"

"Yes, I told them it was for a friend of mine. They gave me one, because apparently they think I know some guy called Emrys. I told them I had no idea who he was, but apparently they didn't care."

Merlin was about to burst. "And this book is now.."

"Here", Gwaine handed him the book. "I couldn't make heads or tails out of it, but I figure you'd have better luck with it. The druid told me not to use it myself, but I figured 'how could I use it? I don't have any magic in me'."

Merlin suddenly had a bad feeling about the whole affair. "Gwaine..did you read any of this out loud?"

His fears were confirmed when he saw the man wince. "Well, that's just it. I read one of the pages out loud just to see if it made more sense, but a light came and it enveloped Oliver and Lancelot. And now I don't know where they are any more."

Merlin covered his face with his hands. "Oh, Gwaine.."

"Are they dead?" Gwaine asked. Merlin looked at him and saw that the knight actually believed that to be a possibility. He felt some sympathy for the man. "I don't know yet. Show me the text you read."

Gwaine flipped through the book for a while. Once he found the page, he pointed at it energetically. "This one, I know it!"

Merlin read the text. Then he started laughing.

"They are most certainly not dead. Although when we find them, they might want to be." He closed the book and pulled Gwaine from his sleeve. "Go get my fire wood now. You made me drop all of it." He kept bursting out into little fits of laughter. It put Gwaine's mind at ease, but at the same time also picked his curiosity. He obeyed Merlin nonetheless, now that the boy was in a good mood for a change. Why not try and make it last?