A/N: Itachi and Kisame's turn. Thank you ALL for reading! And thank you SO MUCH for your kind reviews! And big thanks to the new C2 that added this story, Akatsuki Heaven!

New summary. Hopefully it's a little bit better.

I am so sorry for the late update! My AP US History class is eating up all of my free time...

I haven't forgotten about Deidara and Sasori or Zetsu and Tobi. Each Akatsuki pair has their adventure split into two parts. Once all of the first parts to their adventures are put up, then I will put up the second part.

Enjoy! XD

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Kisame was sitting at the breakfast table, slowly chewing on a mouthful of cereal. On his face he wore a very serious expression; a look of deep concentration, anticipation of discovery. He impatiently tapped his spoon against the tabletop as he uncrossed and recrossed his legs. His eyebrows were deeply furrowed and lips tightly pursed.

He was trying to solve the puzzle on the back of the cereal box. He studied the riddle with narrowed eyes, regarding it with sharp frustration. Letting out an exasperated grunt, the swordsmen reached out and grabbed the box, preparing to rip it in two.

A twelve letter word for a chemical that—

"Kisame. Let's go."

The blue-skinned man jumped, jostling the table. The cereal box went flying, sliding over the table top and landing with a dull thump upon the tiled floor. Milk sloshed out of the overflowing cereal bowl, splattering all over the table and Itachi, who was standing behind him looking rather unimpressed. Startled, Kisame turned and faced his partner. His cheeks were full of corn flakes.

"Fmfff—huh?" He swallowed without chewing and immediately burst into a fit coughing.

Itachi looked at him, his face stoic as usual. He slowly lifted one arm and wiped the milk and cornflakes from his hair, letting them slide off his shoulders and drop to the floor, forming a cereal mosaic over the linoleum.

"We're going to complete the leader's mission. Follow me."

The Mist-nin looked stricken. "But I haven't finished my cornflakes!"

Kisame instantly knew that he had just said the wrong thing. He was met with a severely displeased frown. Itachi crossed his arms, staring at the full cereal bowl with unveiled disdain.

"We're leaving. Right now." Itachi said softly. The tomoe in his eyes were slowly revolving in a hypnotic circle. The swordsman abruptly stood up, the chair legs scraping against linoleum tile. He winced at the screeching noise.

"All right," Kisame said quickly. He glanced longingly at the cereal box. "Just let me…put this…away." He gulped.

Itachi, as usual, was silent.

As Sasuke sparred with Kabuto, he found his thoughts wandering aimlessly, repeating like a broken record, whispering like hidden demons perched upon his shoulders. It was very disconcerting, to say the least. It was almost as though he was expecting someone, expecting something to happen.

But what could it be? the Uchiha pondered, feeling rather troubled. The connection was nagging at him, dancing just out of reach.

As he parried Kabuto's blow, a ghostly visage briefly flitted through his line of vision. He narrowed his eyes.

Itachi…

The Akatsuki pair was hidden among the thick foliage, standing upon a thick, knobby tree limb. Because the tree tops formed a curving canopy above, the entire forest was consumed with an unsettling darkness. Looking out from his hiding place, Kisame could faintly see a small, sunken building in a far off clearing. On its north face a pair of curving snakes were carved into the stone, touched by a pool of light—the only light entering the dense forest.

"Itachi, why are we at Orochimaru's hideout?"

For several moments, a heavy silence hung over them. Overhead, a sharp wind snaked through the treetops, causing the leaves to rustle quietly. Itachi put up one hand against his temple and pushed the hair away from his face.

The Uchiha spoke evenly. "We are going to abduct Orochimaru and question him for the leader."

Kisame nearly fell out of the tree. "Kidnap…Orochimaru?!" He stepped back cautiously. "One of the Sannin?"

"Yes," Itachi answered. "That is the very reason why we must pursue him. He has collected much information from his numerous human experiments and has piercings of his own. He will know." The Uchiha stared at Kisame unnervingly. "We will enter and subdue him with my Sharingan. Once he is incapacitated, we will move him to a concealed location and torture the information out of him."

The swordsman's mouth formed a small o.

"We're going to kidnap Orochimaru," Kisame said slowly, realizing how bizarre the whole plan sounded, "to ask him about piercings."

"I prefer to use the term 'abduct.' And we are going to torture him. " For a moment, Itachi looked almost proud.

Kisame blinked, wondering if his partner had finally lost it.

"Itachi…" he said, reluctantly. "Isn't this entire plan…not entirely necessary? It's Orochimaru we're dealing with…"

The Uchiha stared at him.

"No one ever questions an Uchiha's tactics."

Kisame took another step back.

A hint of anger crept into Itachi's typically emotionless face. "Orochimaru tried to exploit my body. No one tries to take my body without my explicit written consent." There was a furious glint in his eyes. "He will pay."

The swordsman cringed, thinking about Orochimaru and his odd obsessions. He felt a pang of pity for his partner, who had nearly ended up the next body for the snake Sannin. Kisame shivered. Orochimaru running around in Itachi's body…it was a very disturbing thought.

Itachi lowered his monotone voice. "It is possible to defeat him, with the Sharingan on our side. This time, he will not lose just a mere hand." Itachi'face was strangely contorted, his facial muscles struggling to maintain faint half smile. "This time, he will lose an elbow, or a scapula…"

At the thought of dismemberment and destruction at their hands, Kisame began to chuckle evilly.

"A scapula, eh?" the shinobi asked, grinning toothily. "I'm beginning to like this plan." Reaching over his shoulder, he grabbed the hilt of Samehada in one hand. "Maybe we can bring back a doggy bag for Zetsu."

Itachi quickly assumed his usual stoic expression.

"Hn."

Kisame readjusted the strap of Samehada's sheath. "Anything else, Itachi?"

The Uchiha said nothing, instead looking off into the distance. After several moments of silence, he spoke.

"We cannot separate. Terrible things always befall teams that split up."

Kisame held back a chuckle. They were from the Akatsuki; nothing could ever happen to them. They were far too skilled and powerful. Hell, they had taken down Amegakure and were S-class missing-nin. It would take someone freakishly powerful to so much as to injure them.

Neither of them fully would understand the importance of Itachi's statement until much later.

Sasuke sat on his bed in an almost statuesque manner, eyes closed in deep thought. He could feel two distinct chakra signatures nearby, creeping closer and closer. They were both painfully familiar, streaking his clear thoughts with red paint, ebbing and flowing in a endlessly until he had to suppress the urge to clutch at his head.

Itachi, thought Sasuke, opening his eyes to reveal crimson eyes, I know you're coming. He unconsciously touched his curse seal with one finger. It burned slightly under his touch, the warmth scurrying up his fingers.

I'm ready.

The hallway seemed to stretch infinitely. A ways down, it faded into the dark shadows, obscuring anything lying beyond it. From the wall, a solitary torch sputtered. It cast an eerie glow over the patterned stone floor, the light shifting unsteadily, endlessly overlapping and merging.

Their footsteps were light and quick, echoes lost in the utter silence of the corridor. It was in this gloomy silence that the Akatsuki members soon found their earlier warning disregarded and thrown to the wind.

Itachi suddenly stopped walking, holding up one hand. He spoke in a quiet, emotionless voice. "Kisame, I believe that Orochimaru's quarters are east from here, so we must…" his voice faded away. The Uchiha looked around, taking in his surroundings with impassive eyes.

"Kisame."

The Mist-nin was nowhere to be seen. Itachi rubbed his eyes, Kisame's earlier taunting ringing in his ears.

You need glasses.

No, Itachi thought indignantly, blinking a couple of times. Uchihas do not have problems with vision. Ever.

He called out again, rather irritated.

"Kisame? Kisame, this is no time for games."

The hallway was silent, his partner nowhere in sight.

The swordsman wandered aimlessly through the winding hallways. The darkness had proved distracting, leading him away from Itachi and leaving him confused within its many passages. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he realized that he could not deny it any longer.

He was lost.

"Damn it," Kisame hissed. "Where's Itachi?"

Further down, he could see a soft pinprick of light emanating from a slightly open door at the end of the corridor. Muttering under his breath, the Mist-nin began running towards the break in the shadows.

All of a sudden, he was hit with an overpowering aroma. Kisame stopped, sniffing the air cautiously. Is it poisonous gas? he thought, panicked. Perhaps he had inadvertently set a trap.

Frozen, he was unmoving, muscles tensing painfully. The scent was surrounding him, engulfing the hallway, trapping him in an unseen miasma of saccharine air.

It smelled too sweet to be a poisonous gas, Kisame decided after several moments. It lacked that bitter edge that signified the presence of such chemicals. He breathed deeply. It actually…smelled quite heavenly. He could hear the clanking of cooking pots from behind the door. Someone was preparing food.

Food! Kisame's stomach growled pitifully. The Mist-nin hadn't been able to finish his cornflakes this morning and was ravenous. He licked his lips.

Whatever was cooking behind this door was going to be his.

With a forceful blow, Kisame smashed open the door with Samehada. He stood there in the doorway, breathing heavily.

Inside there was a small kitchen. A gigantic metal cooking pot sat atop the range, filled halfway with a boiling broth. A silver-haired man was standing at a countertop with his back turned to Kisame, wielding a large cleaver. He was chopping something up, but Kisame could not see what it was.

The Mist-nin wiped the drool from his chin. "You!" he barked. "Step away from the stove and no one gets hurt!" He waved his sword around frantically. "I have a giant sword and I'm not afraid to use it!"

The man abruptly turned around. His glasses were spattered with blood and he was covered with some sort of slime. A spark of recognition flickered across Kisame's face. It was Sasori's former spy, Kabuto. Kisame faintly remembered meeting him once before, but the details were hazy.

"No!" the young man shouted. He spread out his arms, trying to shield the food from the Mist-nin's view. "This is for Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto was livid. "Get out of my kitchen! No one disturbs an artist at work!"

In that moment, Kisame remembered how much he hated that double-crossing, prematurely graying kid.

"Get out of my way, child!"

"NEEEVER!"

Kisame leapt forward, trying to push the young Sound nin out of the way. There was a flurry of loud scuffling and shouting as they fought. Kabuto grabbed a sizzling frying pan off the counter and swung at Kisame. Strips of bacon flew threw the air, scattering all around in a flurry of greasy confetti. The swordsman ducked; the force of Kabuto's swipe made him lose his balance. He staggered back, dropping the frying pan and grabbing the counter for support.

Samehada was coming at Kabuto, whistling through the air. Quickly, he dove out of the way. The massive sword was deeply lodged in the countertop, embedded nearly a foot into the wood.

"NOOO!" Kabuto howled. "I just finished remodeling this kitchen!" He turned and fiercely glared at Kisame, his eyes large and shiny. "You bastard!"

He grabbed the cleaver off the countertop and brandished it menacingly.

Kisame rolled his eyes.

"I don't time for this," he growled. He crouched down, planting his feet firmly on the ground.

"What are you—"

Kisame ran towards Kabuto at full speed, tackling the young shinobi and sending him toppling to the floor. He grabbed Kabuto by the collar and flung him into the open pantry closet. With a victorious shout, Kisame slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Take that!"

"Let me out! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!" Kabuto screamed, pounding against the door. With each passing second, his voice became increasingly shrill. "I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE! LET ME OUT OF HEEERE!"

Kisame ignored him and faced the countertop, licking his lips in anticipation. But something was dreadfully wrong. His eyes widened in horror as he realized what Kabuto had been preparing.

Mutilated piles of seafood were piled on the countertops. To the right, a teetering mound of fish heads stared at him with blank eyes, their tails dangling off at crooked angles. Amputated shark fins were strewn among the carnage. Kisame felt nauseous. He stumbled back, his mind threatening to shut off.

"You…you MONSTER!" he howled. He felt his knees buckling under him. As his thoughts grew hazy, he distantly wondered where Itachi was.

That would be the last thing he would remember before slipping into unconsciousness.

A dark mahogany door suddenly opened slightly. Cautiously, Itachi stepped forward, pushing on the wood.

An unexpected bright light made Itachi squint. Grabbing a kunai in one hand and shielding his eyes with the other, he assumed a defensive stance, ready to attack if necessary.

As his eyes adjusted to the light, Itachi realized that he was in a spacious room. As he slowly advanced, his right foot sank slightly into the ground. He jumped back.

Itachi warily scanned the floor, realizing that it was covered with thick pink shag carpeting.

Pink?

The bizarre color choice hardly fit in with the sinister aura of the Sannin's hideout, Itachi thought. Then again, he had to admit, Orochimaru did have strange taste. The garish purple rope bow was going much too far.

Itachi slowly turned in a circle, his eyes growing wider with each passing degree. He began rubbing at his eyes, wondering if it was merely his vision failing him once more.

Hmm…?

In the corner of the room lay a large bed, covered with a furry pink bedspread. Two puffy heart-shape pillows were neatly propped against the headboard, shining with a positively polyester sheen. Carefully folded blankets of varying shades of violet were smoothed over the mattress.

In another corner, a cluster of candy-colored bean bag chairs were meticulously arranged, hardly an indent in any of their seats. An oak dresser was positioned behind this gaudy sitting area, rows of perfume bottles completely situated upon its surface, its mirror clean and free of streaks.

In stark contrast with the rest of the room, one wall was mounted with various types of weaponry. Polished kunai and shuriken hung on small hooks, arranged in columns. Three katanas glinted from the middle of the peculiar collage, sleek and dangerous, displayed distinctly from the collection of projectiles surrounding them.

With faint interest, Itachi noticed that the center sword, proudly displayed among the collection, was covered in blood—a bloodstained trophy, sparkling pristinely in a spotless pink fluffy room.

A glossy poster suddenly caught his eye. Itachi quickly turned his head.

What the…?

His brother's face was printed across the paper. Sasuke stared at Itachi from his poster with a sulky, yet somehow attractive, scowl. The older Uchiha wildly looked around, noticing the assorted posters pasted upon the pastel pink walls, all of which were of his younger brother from different angles.

There were photographs of Sasuke eating, training, scowling…taking a shower. He strode forward, walking along each wall and examining every picture, his cold composure slowly being replaced with unwelcome uncertainty.

I must be in the room of some sort of unstable, obsessive-compulsive fangirl, Itachi thought incredulously.

The worst kind of enemy.

A certain image caught his attention. In horror, Itachi grabbed and examined a framed photograph of his brother sleeping with his mouth agape and a thin line of drool dribbling down his chin. It sat atop the dresser, partially hidden among the perfume bottles. It was propped up against small jar labeled "Sasuke" in fancy lettering. A…used…tissue sat inside.

"What is this place?" he wondered aloud.

"Sasuke-kun? Why are you in my room?"

Itachi wheeled around, drawing a kunai.

A bespectacled young woman with bright red hair stood in the doorway. A blush was spreading across her face.

"I'm not Sasuke," Itachi said lamely.

Coyly, the redhead raised her eyebrows. She quickly took off her glasses, grinning suggestively at him.

"Mmmm," she said, her voice low. She was rolling up her sleeves. "If that's the case, Sasuke can wait."

"Wha—"

There was a loud crash, then all was silent.

"Konan…"

The blue-haired woman looked up from her reading. She looked tired. She had been reading for hours.

"I'm researching medical jutsu. To cure your infection. What do you want?"

Pein looked at her with drooping eyes. His face was severely puffy, eyes and mouth mere slits.

"You can take them out."

Konan closed her book. "I thought you had an appearance to maintain. Isn't that what you said?"

The Akatsuki leader sighed. "Yes. But this…this isn't worth it. Please. Take them out. Let the piercings heal."

Konan looked at his face closely, running her fingers over the taut skin.

"I can't," she said finally. "Your face is so swollen, I can't reach them at all."

Her partner stared at her. "So the piercings are here to stay?"

"Yes. But I'll look up some more medical jutsu. Perhaps there is something to ease the pain."

Pein shook his head, leaning back in his chair. He glanced at the clock. "Where are they?"

Sasuke was running down the north corridor, his heart pounding wildly in his ear. He thought, no he knew, that Itachi was nearby. He could feel it in his scapula.

A sudden shout made him stop dead in his tracks. He froze, listening intently.

Something was going on at the end of the hallway.

The realization hit.

That's where Karin's room is.

Sasuke let out an exasperated hiss. He hated Karin's room. But if Itachi was there—

He heard another shrill cry, followed by a loud crashing noise. His eyes widened.

"Oh my god," Sasuke said aloud. "Itachi's raping Karin!"

He winced, the mental picture positively disturbing. "You sick fiend! Damn it, Itachi!"

And with that, he hurtled down the hallway.

Kisame woke up, his head pounding. Groaning, he placed a hand against his temple.

What happened?

He was sprawled over the kitchen floor, lying in a pile of bacon and miscellaneous food items. Something was jutting uncomfortably into his back. Kisame sat up and reached behind, grasping something rubbery in his hand. He brought the item close to his face.

"AAAAAAAAH!"

At the sight of the mutilated shark, Kisame promptly fell unconscious once again.

A few moments later, Orochimaru, clad in a fuzzy purple robe, shuffled in. He looked quite sick. The Sannin's nose was bright red and large bags were under his eyes. In one crooked arm, he was holding a floral-patterned tissue box.

"Kabuto-kun? Do you have my soup and seafood ready?" His voice was extremely nasally and congested.

He looked around the kitchen. The floor was littered with scarps of food and a large sword was embedded in the counter.

"Are you remodeling again, Kabuto-kun?"

His disciple was nowhere in sight. Orochimaru looked around, puzzled. He suddenly noticed a large lump on the ground.

"What's this?"

Orochimaru crouched down.

"A shark?" He squinted at Kisame, who was unconscious on the floor. Orochimaru's eyes were so puffy he could barely see anything. He frowned.

"Am I supposed to eat this…?"

Author's Note: Reviews would be much appreciated. :D

I feel that this was somewhat of a weak chapter. I feel like something's missing, or maybe it's too somber. Hmmm…What do you think?

Thank you for reading! You guys are the best! XD

Oh, and I also have two new crackfics up, if you would like to check them out. XD