Author's Note: I can't believe it took me three months to update! I am SO sorry. I kept on opening this document up and try to write something, but I kept on getting stuck. I will try to update more frequently from now on, promise.

After this chapter, we will be entering part two of all of the Akatsuki pairs' adventures.

Stronger language in this chapter, due to Hidan's colorful vocabulary.

Konan, who had been cleaning Pein's inflamed face with a washcloth, suddenly froze. She could hear something downstairs. Shouting?

"I'll be right back," she said, dropping the damp cloth. It landed upon a messy stack of newspapers. "Don't. Move."

"Hrnghm," Pein mumbled incoherently.

On her way out, Konan picked up a kunai from the bedside table. She carefully tucked it into her sleeve.

Konan quietly made her way down the stairs, wincing as one of the steps let out a shrill creak. She could hear the noise getting louder. It's coming from the living room, she thought to herself.

At the bottom of the staircase, Konan cautiously peered from behind the wall. She could hear…laughter?

Konan stepped out from the shadows. As the scene before her unfolded, she gasped and instantly dropped the kunai. It skittered across the wooden floorboards.

"And what do you two think you're doing?"

Hidan lazily looked up at the furious kunoichi.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he snapped, irritated. "I'm watching cartoons."

The immortal was sprawled out over the couch, clad in black pajama bottoms. Konan disdainfully noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt. On the television, a brown cartoon mouse was attacking a gray cat with a frying pan. Hidan was gleeful.

"Take that, you fucking heathen!" he crowed triumphantly, throwing one fist in the air.

Kakuzu, who was sitting at a small wooden table, glanced at Hidan with disdain. A pair of reading glasses was precariously perched on his nose.

"Be quiet, Hidan," he said, exasperated. "I'm trying to do our taxes."

Hidan stuck his tongue out.

"Go to hell!"

Kakuzu looked bored. "Seems like I'm already there."

Hidan gaped at him with wide eyes. "Get on your knees right now and ask Jashin for forgiveness, you ungrateful son of a bitch!"

"Silence."

Instantly, Hidan and Kakuzu turned and faced Konan. She was furious.

"You have a mission to do," she hissed. "Get up right now and complete it. Do you understand?"

Hidan rolled his eyes. Kakuzu set down his calculator.

"Go. NOW."

With that, she turned on her heel and disappeared into the stairwell.

"Bitch," Hidan breathed.

Kakuzu turned back to his accounting.

The immortal man reluctantly turned off the television. "Hey. Tentacles. So where do you want to go?"

"Hmph." His partner set down his pen and fixed him with a weary look. "I have business to attend to in Sunagakure right now."

Hidan raised one eyebrow. "So you're saying we should ditch the mission and go to Suna?"

"Basically."

Hidan grinned. "I'll go get my scythe."

The two men found themselves trudging through the endless span of the desert. Harsh winds cut through the dust, blowing sand into their faces. The sun was a driving force, sinking into their shoulders in malice.

"I have man I have to meet," Kakuzu said, tipping his conical hat farther down his forehead. "He works for the Suna council and has been quietly diverting funds into Akatsuki's bank account. I need to pick up a report from him."

"Shit," Hidan remarked. "That's pretty hardcore."

Kakuzu looked thoughtful. "I guess we could ask him for information about the leader's problem. He's been around a lot. Kill two birds with one stone."

"So how do we get into the council building to meet him? The village's locked up as tight as fuck."

Kakuzu stopped walking. "We need to impersonate officials and get into the building."

"Are you serious?" Hidan asked dubiously. He gestured wildly. "Look at us! You have fucking tentacles growing out of you, idiot! We're going to stand out!"

His partner was offended, but he tried not to show it. "And what about you, Hidan? How do you stand out?"

Hidan stared at him as though it was obvious.

Kakuzu sighed. "You still think you're the most gorgeous man on earth, don't you?"

Hidan looked away and scowled.

"…Maybe."

They could see the great entrance to Sunagakure in the far distance. A single guard sat there in the heat, looking bored out of his skull.

"So what should we do?" Hidan asked. "Rush in and fuck him up?"

"Very subtle," Kakuzu said, unimpressed. "Why don't we just announce that we're going to declare war on their village?"

"Hey, I'm just listing possibilities," countered Hidan. "You come up with something then, dumbass."

Kakuzu froze. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

"Get down."

With that, Kakuzu pushed Hidan to the ground. Sand went flying as the two men went rolling down the face of the dune.

"What the fuck?!" Hidan sputtered. He batted away Kakuzu's tentacles. "I don't want to do that with you! Get your tentacles off me, heathen!"

Kakuzu glared at him. "Shut up, Hidan. Someone's coming."

The two missing-nin crouched behind the protruding sand dune, tentatively peering around its side. In the distance, two men were wading through the sand. Hidan's eyes narrowed.

"Iwagakure nin."

"How can you tell?" Kakuzu asked.

"Believe me. I know an Iwa nin when I see him. Heathens, all of them." Hidan shook his head. "Especially Deidara, the asshole."

Kakuzu's eyes glowed a brilliant green. "Hidan. Who do you think those two Iwagakure nin are?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?"

"Take a guess."

"I don't know…Diplomats?"

"Exactly." Kakuzu glanced at the slowly advancing men. "See all of those papers they're carrying with them? They're definitely diplomats."

A grin slowly spread across Hidan's face. "Let's get 'em."

"Remember. Subtlety."

Hidan snorted. "Screw that. Let's move."

With that, the two Akatsuki members crept out and made their way across the sand.

A few minutes later, after the unsuspecting Iwagakure shinobi had found themselves trussed like turkeys, and Hidan and Kakuzu had stolen everything off of them, the two missing-nin began to set out for Sunagakure's grand entrance.

"This is really uncomfortable," the first Iwa diplomat complained.

"I'm going to get sunburned!" the second diplomat wailed. Most of their clothing had been taken from them.

"Oh, shut up," the first said crossly. "I don't care about your problems."

"You always say that!" the second complained. He scrunched up his nose. "You're mean!"

"My wife says that all the time and it never bothered me," the first said smugly.

The second diplomat paused, thinking that over.

"You don't have a wife."

The first diplomat was silent for several moments.

"Well…I used to." He frowned. "…I think."

"Hey. You. Wake up, dumb fuck."

The Sunagakure guard found himself being jostled violently.

"Wh-wh-huh?"

His eyelids flew open. Two men dressed in muted garb stood before him. His eyes widened as he noticed the Iwagakure symbol upon their hitai-ates.

"Finally," the second of the two Iwa shinobi grumbled. "Lazy bastard."

"Hey, what's going on here?"

A second guard came walking into the scene. "I leave for one minute to get a sandwich and…" He noticed the two Iwagakure shinobi cornering his companion. "Er, hello…?"

"Our papers," the first ninja said curtly, thrusting an official-looking paper in his face. "We're diplomats. From Iwagakure."

"Oh!" the Suna guard exclaimed. "Well then…welcome!"

"Yeah, yeah," one of the shinobi said dismissively. "Just show us to the council building."

The second Sunagakure guard pushed his companion forward. "Lead them there!"

"Okay, okay!" the other guard said hastily, stumbling forward. He gestured for the diplomats to follow him. "Come with me."

They soon disappeared around the street corner in a flurry of dust.

The new Kazekage looked up from his paperwork as the door clicked open. His older sister hesitantly poked her head in.

"Gaara? Have you got a minute?"

"Yes. Come in."

Temari stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She noticed a strange structure next to her brother's desk.

"Gaara. What's that?"

Her brother stared at her. Wasn't it obvious? "A sandbox."

Temari was confused, but decided to ignore it. Gaara was a very complex person, after all. If he wanted to install a sandbox in his room, then gosh darn it, he deserved to do just that.

"So, the Iwagakure diplomats have arrived," Temari said, settling into a seat facing the Kazekage. "Why exactly did you ask for them? Haven't they been on bad terms with Konoha?"

"Yes, in the past," Gaara said, flipping through his papers. "But they're in a good location. We are going to ask them to ally themselves with Suna and Konoha. It will be great for the economy. They have quite a lot of resources."

Temari was unsure. "Be careful with those guys, Gaara. I just spoke with one of the guards. They seem pretty sketchy."

"I am the Kazekage. I'm always careful."

"Well, those guys are pretty strange," Temari frowned. "Apparently one of them called our guard a…dumb fuck?"

Gaara set down his pen. "They may be crude, but this is a deal that must be taken care of."

"All right then," Temari slid off the chair. "See you later, Gaara."

She was heading out the door, when Gaara suddenly spoke. "Temari."

"Yes?"

"You asked about my sandbox."

"Yes," Temari said, puzzled. Her brother didn't usually divulge information like this.

Gaara looked pleased. "It's my special sandbox."

Temari bit her lip. Special sandbox?

"The sand," Gaara said patiently. "It was my first friend. I've saved it since I was a young child."

"Er, that's okay, Gaara," Temari said awkwardly. "I have to leave now."

"I had this sandbox put in yesterday, to keep it with me at all times. It's our anniversary today. Do you like it, Temari?"

Temari froze. Apparently her brother was still in a very delicate state of mind. The stress of just having become Kazekage was clearly affecting his mind.

"Yes, Gaara," she said slowly. "It's very pretty."

Her brother nodded his head approvingly.

"It's my mother."

Temari gave him an awkward nod and slowly sidled out the door.

Maybe the insomnia was finally taking a toll on his mentality?

Then again, her brother had always been somewhat unstable.

Temari sighed. It was probably Kankuro's doing. She was going to have a little chat with her dear brother when she got home.

Kakuzu and Hidan were in the council building's lobby. It was completely empty.

"Must be lunch time." Hidan looked at Kakuzu. "So, where do we find your bastard?"

Kakuzu whipped out a rolled up map. "His office is on the fourth floor."

The two men only took a few steps forward when a young blonde woman entered the room from the corridor ahead.

"Oh, you must be the diplomats from Iwagakure," she said. "The Kazekage's expecting you."

Hidan nudged Kakuzu. "Looks like your plan's fucked, buddy."

The girl frowned. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Kakuzu said quickly. "Uh, yes, we're the diplomats." He began to walk away. "We should go to the Kazekage immediately. Important business and whatnot."

"I can lead you guys to his office," the girl said. "I was just there a few minutes ago."

"Uh, we're going to have to pass on that, blondie," Hidan said. "We have to…find a bathroom. My associate here has stomach problems." He elbowed Kakuzu hard in the ribs. "Nasty stuff, seriously."

Kakuzu scowled.

The young woman fixed him with a suspicious stare.

"I can lead you guys to a bathroom too, you know," she said, crossing her arms. "I know this place pretty well."

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. This girl was messing up their plans.

"All right," he said, resignedly. "Show us to his office, then."

She gave them a slight smile. "Follow me."

As she led them to a winding staircase, the girl turned around.

"Don't think I'm not keeping my eye on you two," she said.

Hidan grinned. "Wouldn't want to have it any other way, blondie."

Behind him, Kakuzu was desperately trying to restrain himself from strangling the lot of them with his bare tentacles.

"So what are your names?"

Hidan and Kakuzu stopped in their tracks.

"What?"

"Your names," the blond girl repeated. She turned and faced them. "What are your names?"

Hidan glanced at Kakuzu. His partner was grinding his teeth beneath his face covering.

"That's Rei," Kakuzu said quickly, before Hidan could open his mouth. "I'm…Nao."

"That's ironic," the girl muttered.

All of a sudden, a harried looking man hurtled down the hallway.

"Hello Temari," he said hurriedly to the girl. He glanced over at Kakuzu and Hidan. "And hello…?"

His pale eyes grew wide as he recognized Kakuzu's face. He grabbed the missing-nin's wrist.

"You!" the man said. "Come by my office as soon as possible. I'm leaving Suna in two hours." He winked.

The man gave Temari a curt nod and was gone in an instant.

"What was that about?" Temari asked. "What was up with the winking?"

"Business," replied Kakuzu. "Just business."

Temari raised her eyebrows.

"I'm warning you," she said, "I don't want any kinky stuff going around here. This is a professional place."

"What are you—?"

Temari stared at him. "You know what I'm talking about. The winking. The business. The implied intimacy."

"But—"

The blonde woman began walking again, ignoring Kakuzu's protests.

"Okay, here's the Kazekage's office."

Temari ushered Hidan and Kakuzu into a very well-furnished room. The office had a very stunning view of the entire village. Looking around the room, Hidan noticed an odd structure protruding from the ground.

Temari saw him gazing at the construction. "Whatever you do, don't touch that. The Kazekage's in a very…delicate state of mind right now, and it'd be best if you leave his important items alone."

"Where is he?" Kakuzu asked gruffly. He glanced at the clock. He needed to get his money and leave. Now.

"Probably on a lunch break," answered Temari. She made for the exit. "Just sit here and wait. He'll be back soon."

With that, the kunoichi left. The door clicked shut behind her.

Kakuzu slumped in a chair. "Damn it!"

"That blond chick really fucked up your plans, didn't she?" Hidan chuckled gleefully. "And she thinks you're trying to buy up one of the council members for some sort of night fling. This is too rich, seriously."

Kakuzu shot him a very nasty glare. "I want my money now. I have no time to play diplomat to Sunagakure."

Hidan shrugged. "We'll tell that Gaara kid that we need to reschedule and find that guy. Lighten up."

A half hour passed. Kakuzu was impatiently tapping his foot while Hidan wandered around the office. He passed by the strange construction on the ground. It instantly caught his eye.

"Heh, what's this?"

Hidan walked up to a small circular pit in the floor. It was filled with sand.

"Looks like a sandbox."

Kakuzu glanced over. "Don't touch it."

Hidan scoffed. "Why? Is it going to kill me?"

"No. But that girl said it was really important. You might damage it and we'd have to pay."

"Why would the Kazekage have a sandbox in his office?" Hidan ignored his partner's words and crouched down, inspecting its contents. "Messed up kid."

The sand glittered gold and yellow. It was calling to him. Hidan slowly extended his arm, ready to touch it.

"Hidan! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm touching the sand, dumbass."

"No, put that down—"

"For the love of Jashin, Kakuzu. Calm down. Seriously."

"Hidan!"

Hidan laughed, weighing the sand in his palms. "What the hell are you so worked up about? It's not like the sand's going to rip out my organs or anything."

"But it can do just that."

Hidan whirled around. The Kazekage, Gaara, stood in the doorway, followed by an entourage of council members. His face was eerily calm.

"You just violated my special sand."

"Special sand?" Hidan repeated incredulously. "What kind of fuckery is that?"

The council members were silent, staring at him with wide eyes. They began to back away.

"Just what exactly does the Tsuchikage think he's doing, sending two diplomats who dare to violate my most prize possession?"

"Er…" Kakuzu ground his teeth. Damn it, Hidan. "We apologize…?"

"No!" Gaara roared, throwing all of his calm composure out the window. "NOBODY touches my special sand. This is an act of war!"

Hidan began to hastily brush the sand off his hands. "There! It's off, it's off!" The sand sank into the carpet. "Oh, shit…"

"NO!" the Kazekage hissed. "That sand was my first friend! You TAINTED it!" His eyes were growing wild. "Tainted it!"

Gaara's eyes bulged as he thrust an arm forwards and grabbed Hidan by the collar.

"Get your hands off me, heathen!" Hidan choked out. "Guh…Jashin will smite your ass!"

Kakuzu could see his plans crumbling before him. He felt nauseous.

"Iwagakure has declared war on our village!" Gaara said hoarsely, his eyes hard. "Sunagakure is now at war!"

Kakuzu hid his face in his hands.

And just how were they supposed to explain this one to the leader?

Author's Note: I feel Kakuzu was rather out of character. What do you guys think?

And as for their fake names…Rei means 'polite' and Nao means 'honest.'

The next chapter will be coming out very soon. I promise!